I can totally relate to this. You take it for granted when you have it only to pine for it when you don’t.Never regretted having kids but I sometimes wish I had made a bit more of my kid free time. Used to moan about being bored etc but now ide love a bit of free time for all the books/films/places/hobbies I want.
That sounds really tough and I'm thinking of youI can totally relate to this. You take it for granted when you have it only to pine for it when you don’t.
I love my children and am so grateful to have them, even though the reality of motherhood for me has been miles apart from what I’d ever imagined. I never thought for a second that I’d have children with additional needs, it just never entered my mind, though I suppose that’s not something you can foresee.
I think it was harder as my son regressed and went into his own little bubble. One minute it felt like he was just your average child developing typically and the next he had all these struggles and then words were being thrown around that I didn’t understand much about at the time, and me being pregnant again right in the middle of it all didn’t help. I have to admit, since then and the birth of my second child (who I also suspect has addditonal needs) my confidence has taken a nosedive and I’m riddled with anxiety. I have had to sacrifice my job (which I loved) to be there for them at all times.
I have often felt regret about having my second child (usually during times of great stress) and immediately felt awful for even thinking it because the truth is I’d be utterly bereft if anything happened to him, he’s such a beautiful wee soul. They both are.
I had so many people inundating me with offers to babysit when I was pregnant with my first. I never see any of these people now since we discovered he was autistic, and not once has anyone offered to take second child since he was born. Not once. I didn’t even have many visitors after he was born. We don’t really have a support system either as family live too far away to take them. I have just accepted it now and don’t rely on anyone but my husband. My children are very clingy to me and I think that’s why, they’re used to me being around all the time. It’s very isolating, but it is what it is.
I think it was my post ... I know exactly how you feel. My son said yesterday I get to see daddy on my birthday and xmas day. And it literally breaks my heart as I hate the rules which I have to follow for my son because of someone who literally drained the life out of me.My daughters father was abusive and although I see my child as her own person, I share the regret that someone else said about being tied to a person like that for life. I read about other women who aborted because their partners were just kinda shitty and I wonder why I didn’t. It has made mentally moving on from the abuse harder
I understand to a degree. My daughter is still so young that I don’t have half the issues you’ve experienced (yet) but I worry about the future. The part about having to follow rules because of someone who drained the life out of you really hit home - I do think that abusers use children against their victims and find joy in still having some sense of control. I wish there were better protections for your son. I’ve seen in the news that parental alienation may soon be regarded as a form of abuse so that might be some hope?I think it was my post ... I know exactly how you feel. My son said yesterday I get to see daddy on my birthday and xmas day. And it literally breaks my heart as I hate the rules which I have to follow for my son because of someone who literally drained the life out of me.
It scares me that my son will one day turn his back on me or no longer love me because of things his 'dad' says to him.
He come back the last time he had a visit and said to me daddy said you punched him in the face.
Its things like this that scare me as I never did that and the fact that his telling a 6 year old this is wrong. I cant hide from my little boy what happened as he knows his dad hurt me as he witnessed it he even told my mum at the age of 2 daddy hurt mummy.
But I went to counselling to try and help and will always be honest with my son.
I will always worry about him as any mother does a child and this also doesn't help when I have no contact with his dad and only get information about what my son did through my son while he has him.
My son struggled with everything he witnessed etc and used to say things like he hated himself and used to try and hurt me.
My exs parents told him daddy was good so he used to copy his actions.
I can understand your worry... does your ex have contact atall?I understand to a degree. My daughter is still so young that I don’t have half the issues you’ve experienced (yet) but I worry about the future. The part about having to follow rules because of someone who
My daughter hasn’t yet noticed that she doesn’t have/is supposed to have a dad or that our situation is different to her friends. I’m not sure how I’m going to explain anything to her in an age appropriate way when the questions do inevitably come. The facts just seem too much for a child to make sense of, even watered down. How can I tell her that her dad continued abusing me throughout pregnancy and even in front of her when she was a newborn? How can I explain that
He has limited supervised contact, once every couple of months (he moved away and doesn’t like to ‘waste’ money visiting her).I can understand your worry... does your ex have contact atall?
I didnt find the courage to press charges against my ex until a while after as he was that controlling and emotionally abusive.
It is a shame that the law of coercive behaviour come in after. But its not until your out of an abusive relationship you see everything so clearly and wonder why you didnt stand up for yourself earlier.
Because my little boy witnessed quite alot of violence he has had therapy and support.
I have wrote him letters for when his older and I also write a blog to explain how I was feeling etc.
I have been honest with my son and said what daddy did was wrong etc. Children need to understand this and I have explained in an age appropriate way.
I would try and get yourself and your daughter some support I know when I did with my son I was fobbed off until he was school age.
Well done for findinng the courage to leave, things will get better, you did the hardest bit remember your survivor and not a victim.
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