Dealing with Death

[Tinkerbell cat]

couldn't find a more specific thread to post this in as it's not human death related, so hope this is ok. Does/has anyone struggle coping with the death of animals? We lost our family dog of 14 years last Easter which was incredibly traumatic as we were in the middle of the pandemic - we weren't able to say goodbye to him, only drop him off at the vets and watch them take him away whilst not being allowed to leave the car. Recently, more noticeably after Christmas time, I have been really effected by the death of any animal that I see or hear of, to the point where I will lose sleep thinking of how much they must have been in pain or their families etc, to the point where I get very upset if I even see of animals going missing. I'm wondering if this could be related to the death of my dog, but was wondering if anyone else finds it extremely hard to cope with the death of animals, even though they aren't yours?

I feel the same. My little cat is only just over a year old but when I imagine one day her not being here it literally fills me with dread! I have started thinking back to my child hood and the two dogs I had then as pets and miss them more than ever. If I see anything related to animals on social media like a missing dog/cat or something to do with animal abuse I just want to cry. My partner told me something the other day about a woman who had a lot of mental health problems and was on medication. She hadn't been taking her medication properly and told her brother that her dog was going to do something to her. Her brother found her dead the next day with an injury to the neck caused by the dog, the dog was cowering in the corner... obviously the dog had to get put to sleep but I found myself thinking maybe the woman provoked the dog and the poor wee thing was scared and upset in the corner. I then thought I must be an awful person because a woman has lost her life and I am more upset about the dog! I think I am just too soft when it comes to animals and love them so much.

Sorry to hear about your family dog, they really do become part of the family and I can't imagine that was easy, not saying goodbye properly. xo

 

[grumpycat]

Oh gosh I’m the same. My two cats are my world and I think I’d rather die then have them die before me. I can’t imagine when it happens but I know my heart will break. Animals are sometimes closer than humans, they are so unconditional, so pure and you are their world. The only thing that gives me joy is knowing I give them the best lives (and long i hope!!) ever.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I still haven’t grieved properly.

I lost my twin sister just over 2 years ago after a failed bone marrow transplant for leukaemia. She was first diagnosed at 6 and had every treatment under the sun but we thought this might work because I was a perfect match for her. I had someone the other day call me by her name and I was a mess. I went a little (a lot) off the rails when she first died and that’s how I ended up 16 with a baby but I don’t do very well with talking about what happened.

I have a lost a sister to cancer so in some ways I understand how you feel but in so many ways I truly don't, I can't imagine how it must feel for you losing your twin sister. I have a little brother and sister who are twins and I see the bond they have so I can only but imagine how close you pair were. x

Oh gosh I’m the same. My two cats are my world and I think I’d rather die then have them die before me. I can’t imagine when it happens but I know my heart will break. Animals are sometimes closer than humans, they are so unconditional, so pure and you are their world. The only thing that gives me joy is knowing I give them the best lives (and long i hope!!) ever.

I always worry if something were to happen to me and I didn't go home to my cat would she get sad thinking I just left her. I know for alot of people they are just animals but it honestly makes me really upset to think about it.

 

[Grigiogirls]

I feel the same. My little cat is only just over a year old but when I imagine one day her not being here it literally fills me with dread! I have started thinking back to my child hood and the two dogs I had then as pets and miss them more than ever. If I see anything related to animals on social media like a missing dog/cat or something to do with animal abuse I just want to cry. My partner told me something the other day about a woman who had a lot of mental health problems and was on medication. She hadn't been taking her medication properly and told her brother that her dog was going to do something to her. Her brother found her dead the next day with an injury to the neck caused by the dog, the dog was cowering in the corner... obviously the dog had to get put to sleep but I found myself thinking maybe the woman provoked the dog and the poor wee thing was scared and upset in the corner. I then thought I must be an awful person because a woman has lost her life and I am more upset about the dog! I think I am just too soft when it comes to animals and love them so much.

Sorry to hear about your family dog, they really do become part of the family and I can't imagine that was easy, not saying goodbye properly. xo

Thank you for your reply! I moved in with my partner around a year ago and we got a kitten who turns one this month, I definitely think I’ve became a lot more sensitive towards animals after having my own cat. She’s a house cat and the thought of her escaping/any harm coming to her at all is enough to make me feel physically sick I did try to block out keywords on Facebook to prevent seeing stories about animal abuse etc but can’t seem to do it, if anything I see even more which has actually caused me to deactivate!

 

[unnecessary]

There is a really good podcast called "Death and all the Rest" .. two girls talk about the loss of their parents to cancer. They speak to a few guests who have also lost various family members and they just talk in quite a bit of depth about it all. Really really interesting, and I can imagine it would be quite helpful for people xx

 

[Lolaslife]

I lost my dad to Covid on the 5th of February this year. I am beyond devastated. It's only hitting me now that he is never coming back. I can't believe il never see him again. He fought for 5 weeks in the hospital but unfortunately covid won. He had no underlying conditions

 

[thunderfook]

I lost my dad to Covid on the 5th of February this year. I am beyond devastated. It's only hitting me now that he is never coming back. I can't believe il never see him again. He fought for 5 weeks in the hospital but unfortunately covid won. He had no underlying conditions

I’m joining this post to say I also lost my dad to a horrific and extremely rare blood disorder and have just been to lay flowers at his memorial. I still miss him everyday and wish I could tell him just one more time, how loved his is.

 

[PumpkinKing]

Currently sat crying reading this thread. I've lost all grandparents, various other family members and several friends who all died before 18, but none come close to losing my younger sister to suicide 18 months ago. She had just turned 24 and the last time I saw her was my birthday 3 weeks earlier, she was so happy and we danced till the early hours. Part of me died with her, im not the same person. There's so many emotions including anger which then makes me feel awful but I'm having therapy now which is helping a tiny bit but I'm still in denial. I just hope she's at peace now.
Sending love to everyone

 

[thunderfook]

Currently sat crying reading this thread. I've lost all grandparents, various other family members and several friends who all died before 18, but none come close to losing my younger sister to suicide 18 months ago. She had just turned 24 and the last time I saw her was my birthday 3 weeks earlier, she was so happy and we danced till the early hours. Part of me died with her, im not the same person. There's so many emotions including anger which then makes me feel awful but I'm having therapy now which is helping a tiny bit but I'm still in denial. I just hope she's at peace now.
Sending love to everyone

That’s absolutely heartbreaking. 24 years old is just so young. My nephew is almost that age and I can’t even contemplate the pain. Keep going to therapy (it really does help) and be kind to yourself, taking each day as it comes. I doubt it will ever make sense to you and you will always feel a range of emotions that you can’t even understand, but I guarantee her pain is over now and she’d want you to live the way she clearly couldn’t. My heart breaks for you. Sending big love too

 

[PumpkinKing]

That’s absolutely heartbreaking. 24 years old is just so young. My nephew is almost that age and I can’t even contemplate the pain. Keep going to therapy (it really does help) and be kind to yourself, taking each day as it comes. I doubt it will ever make sense to you and you will always feel a range of emotions that you can’t even understand, but I guarantee her pain is over now and she’d want you to live the way she clearly couldn’t. My heart breaks for you. Sending big love too

Thank you, that really means a lot. Being kind to myself is something I've always struggled with but I am trying.

 

[tagliatelle]

Currently sat crying reading this thread. I've lost all grandparents, various other family members and several friends who all died before 18, but none come close to losing my younger sister to suicide 18 months ago. She had just turned 24 and the last time I saw her was my birthday 3 weeks earlier, she was so happy and we danced till the early hours. Part of me died with her, im not the same person. There's so many emotions including anger which then makes me feel awful but I'm having therapy now which is helping a tiny bit but I'm still in denial. I just hope she's at peace now.
Sending love to everyone

My sister was 22. She, too, was “happy” and seemingly making plans for the future. I feel angry, too, sometimes because of the way it’s changed our family dynamics - including my relationship with my parents. I always hope she didn’t feel too much pain.

 

[chorizorice]

I hadn’t experienced any death until September 2020 when a close friend of mine died from an overdose. I can’t even write his name because it would make me cry more... he was 23 and we had been friends since we were 15. I don’t have many friends from school that I stayed close to after it ended. 4 weeks after he died to the day another close friend died from again an accidental overdose. He was my best friends boyfriend. Before he died the last message he sent me was ‘I hope everything is making sense in your life’.
I’m so messed up and they died so close together in time that the last however many months are just a blur. I am terrified for anyone else close to me to die. This thread has made me cry and cry

 

[thunderfook]

My sister was 22. She, too, was “happy” and seemingly making plans for the future. I feel angry, too, sometimes because of the way it’s changed our family dynamics - including my relationship with my parents. I always hope she didn’t feel too much pain.

I have absolutely no relationship with my siblings since our father died and although it upsets me, it’s just i dicative of how

I hadn’t experienced any death until September 2020 when a close friend of mine died from an overdose. I can’t even write his name because it would make me cry more... he was 23 and we had been friends since we were 15. I don’t have many friends from school that I stayed close to after it ended. 4 weeks after he died to the day another close friend died from again an accidental overdose. He was my best friends boyfriend. Before he died the last message he sent me was ‘I hope everything is making sense in your life’.
I’m so messed up and they died so close together in time that the last however many months are just a blur. I am terrified for anyone else close to me to die. This thread has made me cry and cry

Absolutely tragic. There is nothing that makes you realise how precious life is than loosing people so young. Reach out to your GP and see if you can have some grief counselling. Don’t try and cope on your own. You can always talk to us on here too. Sending love .

My sister was 22. She, too, was “happy” and seemingly making plans for the future. I feel angry, too, sometimes because of the way it’s changed our family dynamics - including my relationship with my parents. I always hope she didn’t feel too much pain.

Sorry, I keep writing posts when my phone is on low battery and posting them before I’ve finished!

It is extremely rare that a person who commits suicide gives any warning. Most pretend to be fine, happy, moving forward etc. It is these people that don’t want you to know and don’t want to be stopped. Please don’t torture yourself over this. The important thing is she is at peace now and wouldn’t want you to be sad. The pain at the end I suspect is a relief - the ending of the pain that they just can’t live with anymore.

Are you close to your parents? Are you the youngest, eldest? Can you talk to them about it? I sound like a broken record, but talking about your grief when you are ready is really important. And we are here too. My heart breaks for you. Such young and beautiful lives lost really are a tragedy.

 

[IsabellaT]

I have a lost a sister to cancer so in some ways I understand how you feel but in so many ways I truly don't, I can't imagine how it must feel for you losing your twin sister. I have a little brother and sister who are twins and I see the bond they have so I can only but imagine how close you pair were. x

I feel like part of myself is missing 99% of the time and then that 1% of time when I don’t feel like that I end up feeling guilty for not feeling that. We were always together, even when she was sick, we still found ways to be together. I should have been able to save her and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for not.

 

[tagliatelle]

Sorry, I keep writing posts when my phone is on low battery and posting them before I’ve finished!

It is extremely rare that a person who commits suicide gives any warning. Most pretend to be fine, happy, moving forward etc. It is these people that don’t want you to know and don’t want to be stopped. Please don’t torture yourself over this. The important thing is she is at peace now and wouldn’t want you to be sad. The pain at the end I suspect is a relief - the ending of the pain that they just can’t live with anymore.

Are you close to your parents? Are you the youngest, eldest? Can you talk to them about it? I sound like a broken record, but talking about your grief when you are ready is really important. And we are here too. My heart breaks for you. Such young and beautiful lives lost really are a tragedy.

Rationally I know you’re right, but irrationally I worry everyone else will also die by suicide. This is also why I find “suicide prevention” campaigns... weird. My family is quite well-known locally because of the circumstances surrounding my sister’s death and my parents have done a few informational videos and I always think we’re the wrong people to ask. Our family member died, we “failed”. Don’t ask us about how to help people!

I’m the eldest. My Dad can’t talk about it (PTSD) and my Mum just sobs, and I can’t deal with her grief as well as my own. I try and talk about her, but the rest of my eider family have basically beatified her since death - we’re not allowed to mention any of her flaws, and I find it hard.

 

[thunderfook]

Rationally I know you’re right, but irrationally I worry everyone else will also die by suicide. This is also why I find “suicide prevention” campaigns... weird. My family is quite well-known locally because of the circumstances surrounding my sister’s death and my parents have done a few informational videos and I always think we’re the wrong people to ask. Our family member died, we “failed”. Don’t ask us about how to help people!

I’m the eldest. My Dad can’t talk about it (PTSD) and my Mum just sobs, and I can’t deal with her grief as well as my own. I try and talk about her, but the rest of my eider family have basically beatified her since death - we’re not allowed to mention any of her flaws, and I find it hard.

You absolutely DID NOT fail. Please don’t look at it that way. Like I said earlier, she clearly wanted to do this. As hard as that is to comprehend, you can’t talk or coax someone out of something if they are determined to make it happen. You might succeed once, but that won’t stop them trying again. So, your family are absolutely not the right people for you to talk to. Even more reason that you need to try and get some counselling, where you can talk open and honestly about your fears, regrets, anger and sadness to a person who has no vested interest other than your welfare. The ‘fallen angel’ narrative is so frustrating I know. I adored my father and he was a good man, but by God did he also have faults, like we all do. It’s important that you remember all sides of a person, so that you don’t continue to see everyone as a suicide risk. We are all infallible and can only do so much to support others, but you need some self love right now and to focus on getting some support for you. You could very well have PTSD yourself. It’s a lot more common than people realise. Let your family get on with it for now. You need to focus on you. No one can help others if they are struggling themselves.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I feel like part of myself is missing 99% of the time and then that 1% of time when I don’t feel like that I end up feeling guilty for not feeling that. We were always together, even when she was sick, we still found ways to be together. I should have been able to save her and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for not.

It’s so hard but try not to feel like that. Your sister wouldn’t want you to be feeling that way. You need to live your life in honour of her because it’s what she want. No words will stop your pain though, I remember when I lost my sister and people would say it’ll get better in time but the pains there, you just adjust and I try to live my life knowing it’s what she would want. Sending you lots of hugs xo

 

[IsabellaT]

It’s so hard but try not to feel like that. Your sister wouldn’t want you to be feeling that way. You need to live your life in honour of her because it’s what she want. No words will stop your pain though, I remember when I lost my sister and people would say it’ll get better in time but the pains there, you just adjust and I try to live my life knowing it’s what she would want. Sending you lots of hugs xo

Thank you x

 

[MaryX82]

I have linked helpful YouTube video if anyone wants to listen for Grief & Healing.I have found it useful sending

 

[PumpkinKing]

My sister was 22. She, too, was “happy” and seemingly making plans for the future. I feel angry, too, sometimes because of the way it’s changed our family dynamics - including my relationship with my parents. I always hope she didn’t feel too much pain.

So sorry for your loss too. I totally understand, my dads a broken man and it's so hard to see x