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Reading everyone’s experiences I can relate so much. I am so scared of death. I am incredibly blessed to have all of my grandparents still, and most weekends I try to see them all with my son so I make the most of having them here but I still worry so much about losing anyone in my life. Sometimes I wonder why even bother having life when death is so painful even tho I know life is absolutely worth having for all the brilliant bits of you know what I mean? It’s a weird feeling.
We lost my husbands mother last year. She was like a second mother to me, and we live hundreds of miles away so we couldn’t be around as much as we wanted. She had cancer, and she deteriorated so quickly. I wish we’d have been able to spend so much more time with her because I miss her so much.
My husband is the type to not show his emotions very well but I’m such an open book
I cry all the time at anything and after we lost her I was so broken. It sounds so weird because she wasn’t my mum, but I spoke to her most days about our son, and she absolutely adored him. I’m so sad for everything she’s missed so far since she’s been gone and it hurts me so much.
It’s my first dealing with death so it really hit me hard and started my worry of loosing anyone again.
I find it comes in waves, some times I feel like it’s a hole we have somehow comfortably managed to live with and sometimes it feels like a sinkhole and I just feel so upset and angry. I know this is normal and I just let myself feel it until it passes. The only thing I’ve taken away from it is to live in the moment as much as we can (hard in a pandemic tho eh!) and to show everyone as much love because we never know what might happen.
We lost my husbands mother last year. She was like a second mother to me, and we live hundreds of miles away so we couldn’t be around as much as we wanted. She had cancer, and she deteriorated so quickly. I wish we’d have been able to spend so much more time with her because I miss her so much.
My husband is the type to not show his emotions very well but I’m such an open book
I cry all the time at anything and after we lost her I was so broken. It sounds so weird because she wasn’t my mum, but I spoke to her most days about our son, and she absolutely adored him. I’m so sad for everything she’s missed so far since she’s been gone and it hurts me so much. It’s my first dealing with death so it really hit me hard and started my worry of loosing anyone again.
I find it comes in waves, some times I feel like it’s a hole we have somehow comfortably managed to live with and sometimes it feels like a sinkhole and I just feel so upset and angry. I know this is normal and I just let myself feel it until it passes. The only thing I’ve taken away from it is to live in the moment as much as we can (hard in a pandemic tho eh!) and to show everyone as much love because we never know what might happen.
MrsDoyle’sScones
New member
To anyone who’s going through a difficult time because of grief, have a think about doing this: write a letter to your lost loved one, just one, and when it’s done, burn it (or dispose in a safe way).
It’s a hard task, but there’s something cathartic about putting your feelings on paper - you begin to make sense of them. Emotions will run high while writing, so evaluate whether you think it’d be useful to have someone else in the room with you. You might want to include how you felt when your loved one passed away, unsaid words, memories or what you hope for in the future. If writing isn’t fitting for you, maybe think about creating art to represent your message.
When you’re finished, dispose of the letter by burning it if this is feasible. It represents a finality, or a stepping stone to the next part of dealing with your grief. It’s not a quick or magic fix by any means, but it can help in the long-term. Make sure you self-care afterwards with the things that make you happy.
If anyone out there is struggling, you can get advice or counselling from dedicated charities for bereavement, like Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/.
It’s a hard task, but there’s something cathartic about putting your feelings on paper - you begin to make sense of them. Emotions will run high while writing, so evaluate whether you think it’d be useful to have someone else in the room with you. You might want to include how you felt when your loved one passed away, unsaid words, memories or what you hope for in the future. If writing isn’t fitting for you, maybe think about creating art to represent your message.
When you’re finished, dispose of the letter by burning it if this is feasible. It represents a finality, or a stepping stone to the next part of dealing with your grief. It’s not a quick or magic fix by any means, but it can help in the long-term. Make sure you self-care afterwards with the things that make you happy.
If anyone out there is struggling, you can get advice or counselling from dedicated charities for bereavement, like Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/.
My grandad died in 2013 and it broke my heart. I had to have counselling because I was halfway through university and I had stopped functioning. I have photos of him and often talk to him and think of him. It sounds odd but it’s comforting because I believe he’s still there. Last year was tough with various family issues. My mother in law died after a 3 year battle with cancer and I was there when she died. Grief is a strange journey and at times I have felt angry, I have felt extreme sadness and yet at other times, I felt relief. I often wish I could go back to better times and live in those moments but life marches on and you have to move with it for your own sake and those around you. I feel for some of you on here because I understand some of the pain you share- sending love to you all.
Bobbleowl90
VIP Member
My mum died when I was in my late teens. It was 6 weeks from going to the GP with onset of symptoms to the day she died. It’s been 12 years now and I don’t think you ever get over a loved one dying. I have learnt to deal with it in some ways but then some days my grief really does come in waves and I miss her a ridiculous amount. She never met my husband, never saw me get married, have children, never even saw my graduate or get a job. I envy people who have their mums and have a close relationship. I don’t get on with my mother in law either so have nobody in my life like that, which I do miss especially when it comes to children and help. It’s something you never expect, losing your mum so young.
Jelly Bean
VIP Member
I read a quote by Rumi recently which I find comforting. 'If all around you is darkness and you cannot see any light, look again, you may be the light'.
Just that sometimes when we feel sad and hopeless we may be providing comfort to our loved ones without realising it.
Just that sometimes when we feel sad and hopeless we may be providing comfort to our loved ones without realising it.
Bingewatcher92
Well-known member
I can’t stop crying 
My partner who’s 30 lost his dad 11 months ago. we sat with his dad for 72 hours at the hospital up until about 4 hours before he passed. We had the call to say he’d gone at 3am and we’re back at the hospital 40 mins later to sit with him in peace. It was the worst 72 hours I’ve ever experienced and it’s made me so afraid of losing my parents. I was a child and a teenager when I lost all 4 of my grandparents. Seeing my partner broken after realising his dad was never coming home hurt so much. My partner is my rock and he’s tough and doesn’t show feelings. Watching him cry And the tears falling on his dads bed and knowing there was nothing I could do to ease his pain was so hard. Watching someone die and struggling to breath was horrific and will stay with me forever and it’s made me so scared of dying myself knowing that’s what will happen when my time comes. 11 months on my partner is doing well, he talks about his dad quite a bit and I know that when he’s missing him he doesn’t say as much but we will go for a drive and end up going passed where he used to live or his old place of work etc. One other thing after going through this is it’s made me love my partner more than I’ve ever thought possible because I saw a different side to him and going through it as a couple made us so much closer and stronger than ever. I think when you lose someone so close to you and you witness that death it definitely changes you as a person for ever. Sending lots of love to everyone whose posted on this thread xx
HinchythetwattyGrinchy
Well-known member
I’m so glad I’ve found this thread - I’ve recently been debating going to a therapist to help me deal with the loss of my grandad.
He was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2016 and had an operation to remove the cancer and was then given the all clear.... a few months later in early 2017 he started complaining of back pain and he just became very weak, we all told him to go to the doctors, which he said he had (we later found out he lied) he self diagnosed himself with ‘sciatica’. Anyway, one day my cousin went up to see him and he was literally yellow and so weak, he took him to the hospital and I went up to visit him and I bursted out crying there and then. I just knew it was cancer. A few days later the diagnosis was confirmed and it was bone cancer. Nothing could be done obviously and grandad didn’t care. In all honesty, I think he just wanted to be with my Nan who had passed away two years prior to breast cancer - he had never, ever gotten over her death.
Anyway, November 2017 was when he passed and I was going through some other personal things in my relationship. My ex was abusive, manipulative and I was going through a miscarriage and the only person I wanted to have a cuddle and cry with was my grandad, he was my best friend from day one and the only person who’d make things feel right in an instant. Because of all these additional things I was going through, I pushed his death to the side and didn’t start grieving until around April 2018 when I finally plucked up the courage to leave my ex. Sometimes I still feel as if he is literally here physically, I’ll have a funny story to tell and think “oh, I’ll ring up grandad and tell him that!” Then reality kicks in and it hurts. I miss him millions and I don’t think I’ll ever experience another loss like it.
He was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2016 and had an operation to remove the cancer and was then given the all clear.... a few months later in early 2017 he started complaining of back pain and he just became very weak, we all told him to go to the doctors, which he said he had (we later found out he lied) he self diagnosed himself with ‘sciatica’. Anyway, one day my cousin went up to see him and he was literally yellow and so weak, he took him to the hospital and I went up to visit him and I bursted out crying there and then. I just knew it was cancer. A few days later the diagnosis was confirmed and it was bone cancer. Nothing could be done obviously and grandad didn’t care. In all honesty, I think he just wanted to be with my Nan who had passed away two years prior to breast cancer - he had never, ever gotten over her death.
Anyway, November 2017 was when he passed and I was going through some other personal things in my relationship. My ex was abusive, manipulative and I was going through a miscarriage and the only person I wanted to have a cuddle and cry with was my grandad, he was my best friend from day one and the only person who’d make things feel right in an instant. Because of all these additional things I was going through, I pushed his death to the side and didn’t start grieving until around April 2018 when I finally plucked up the courage to leave my ex. Sometimes I still feel as if he is literally here physically, I’ll have a funny story to tell and think “oh, I’ll ring up grandad and tell him that!” Then reality kicks in and it hurts. I miss him millions and I don’t think I’ll ever experience another loss like it.
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Lonewolf
VIP Member
I'm so sorry for your loss!
My own opinion is I think grief is harder when you don't get that chance to come to terms with when it's sudden, especially when you don't get the chance to say your goodbyes
I've been through both circumstances, I also believe grief is something that never goes away or can be overcome, you just learn how to live & deal with it! Its a very personal emotion 
My own opinion is I think grief is harder when you don't get that chance to come to terms with when it's sudden, especially when you don't get the chance to say your goodbyes
I've been through both circumstances, I also believe grief is something that never goes away or can be overcome, you just learn how to live & deal with it! Its a very personal emotion 
Rxt156
VIP Member
Thank you everyone for your touching stories. There is some slight comfort in knowing that we’re not the only ones dealing with it.
I have taken part in sport since a young age and my coach passed away recently. It may sound silly but he has been such a big part of my life for 15+ years, I saw him multiple times a week and he was such a nice man and had an incredible impact on my life since I was so young. He had a sudden illness and it was such a shock that I still haven’t really come to terms with it. I can’t believe he’s not here after everything he’s taught me and everything he’s done for me. He was more than just a sports coach. I’d call him a friend and I miss him every day.
I have taken part in sport since a young age and my coach passed away recently. It may sound silly but he has been such a big part of my life for 15+ years, I saw him multiple times a week and he was such a nice man and had an incredible impact on my life since I was so young. He had a sudden illness and it was such a shock that I still haven’t really come to terms with it. I can’t believe he’s not here after everything he’s taught me and everything he’s done for me. He was more than just a sports coach. I’d call him a friend and I miss him every day.
Be creative
Active member
I lost my uncle who I was very close to 6 years ago suddenly in a house fire and my dad suddenly two years later from a heart attack on the day of my sister-in-law’s mothers funeral. Both were unexpected and both were horrific.
My dad took care of everything for my uncles death but me and my brother obviously dealt with my dads (mum and dad are divorced but remained good friends). I registered his death, cleared his house out, organised his funeral and headstone and dealt with his estate through my work, so a lot of the work following his death was dealt with by me alone. I managed, what I thought, reasonably well at the time, all things considered. However about 9 months later, I took a seizure in the middle of a shopping centre. Doctors couldn’t find any cause for it and mum swears to this day it was pent up emotions I had pushed down when dealing with everything. I don’t know, but I agree the grief of my dads death on top of my uncles, and the circumstances of both, overwhelmed me without me knowing it and not properly dealing with those emotions and feelings probably contributed to the seizure.
their deaths changed me as a person and as some have said, a little bit of me went with them when they left. I was always quite a strong heart of stone kind of person, nothing really made me cry. Now I cry at a choir singing on tv sometimes. It’s definitely altered my personality tenfold.
I think there are pros and cons to someone going quickly, over an expected death as it were. Likewise the other way about. Neither are nice or the better of the two
My dad took care of everything for my uncles death but me and my brother obviously dealt with my dads (mum and dad are divorced but remained good friends). I registered his death, cleared his house out, organised his funeral and headstone and dealt with his estate through my work, so a lot of the work following his death was dealt with by me alone. I managed, what I thought, reasonably well at the time, all things considered. However about 9 months later, I took a seizure in the middle of a shopping centre. Doctors couldn’t find any cause for it and mum swears to this day it was pent up emotions I had pushed down when dealing with everything. I don’t know, but I agree the grief of my dads death on top of my uncles, and the circumstances of both, overwhelmed me without me knowing it and not properly dealing with those emotions and feelings probably contributed to the seizure.
their deaths changed me as a person and as some have said, a little bit of me went with them when they left. I was always quite a strong heart of stone kind of person, nothing really made me cry. Now I cry at a choir singing on tv sometimes. It’s definitely altered my personality tenfold.
I think there are pros and cons to someone going quickly, over an expected death as it were. Likewise the other way about. Neither are nice or the better of the two
@Abongo I totally get what you mean about ‘grieving rights’, my ex fiancée died two months ago and I feel so sad, devastated in a way because of the unfairness.
He was only 36.
Do I even have a right to feel sad?
Me and him haven’t spoken for years (he got into heroin) but I’ve cried so many tears these past few months.
I always thought I’d have more time to talk to him/ talk over feelings, things that happened etc.
I want to ask his parents what happened/ the exact date it happened etc but it seems wrong to do so, I just sent my sincere condolences.
He was only 36.
Do I even have a right to feel sad?
Me and him haven’t spoken for years (he got into heroin) but I’ve cried so many tears these past few months.
I always thought I’d have more time to talk to him/ talk over feelings, things that happened etc.
I want to ask his parents what happened/ the exact date it happened etc but it seems wrong to do so, I just sent my sincere condolences.
Rodneytrotter
Chatty Member
I know how you feel. My mum died very quickly after a cancer diagnosis and my dad replaced her within months so I dont feel I grieved properly.
I used to be scared to go to sleep in case I didnt wake up again but im fine with that now. These days I just worry that either myself or someone else will die.
I think once you've experience death of a loved one you realise how quickly things can change and so you're always on guard.
I used to be scared to go to sleep in case I didnt wake up again but im fine with that now. These days I just worry that either myself or someone else will die.
I think once you've experience death of a loved one you realise how quickly things can change and so you're always on guard.
LennyBriscoe
VIP Member
Yesterday was the anniversary of my mum’s death. It’s a long time since she passed but I miss her and need her now more than ever. Sending you love @lozzapaloozzaI don’t know why I’m saying this here but I just really miss my mumJust wanted anyone that might be feeling the same way to see this and know they aren’t alone Xxx
Tinkerbell cat
VIP Member
I have never dealt with death well but then who does. I have never gotten over those that I have lost and I am in a constant state of anxiety worrying about one day losing my mum, dad, siblings, nephews, niece, partner, partners fam, even my cat. It really eats at me. Sorry if I go into a bit of a rant with this.
I lost my sister when I was 16 years old. I was at that awkward, brat age and I just wish I had been a nicer person back then. She found out she had cancer at 29 yrs of age.. a week later she was admitted to intensive care and she never woke up. I just wish we had so many more years together. I just know now we would have been the best of friends just like I am with my other siblings. The week before she died I remember her and I texting, she was telling me she would be ok and I was telling her how much I Loved her. She told me she would never leave me, she was determined to see me grow up, to do well in my exams etc but alas she didn't. I was in denial for a long time and told everyone she would come back because she had promised not to leave me. I really went off the rails when reality started to kick in. I am 31 now and I wonder where she is, is she watching over me.. I still remember her smile and her laugh, her smell.. I struggle sometimes and wonder did she really exist then the anger consumes me for only getting 16 years with her and no more than that.
I lost my best friend when I was 19. She took her own life at the age of 20. I was with her the night before and it will haunt me forever wondering if there is something else I could have done. I never quite understood it until a few years ago when I hit a very low place and tried to take my life. I didn't want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop.. and it wasn't until that point that I understood what kind of place she may have been in. I am still very close with her mum, her mum made a little memorial page for her and she always writes on it still to this day on the first day of every month. She was honestly the funniest, happiest person but clearly deep inside things weren't as they appeared and I will miss her forever.
Also age 19 my stepmum passed away from Ovarian Cancer. She was one of the strongest loveliest ladies. Part of her will always be with me because she gave me a little brother and sister who I will always love and protect.
I then lost my nanny who became very frail with Alzheimer's but I was so glad she was finally at peace because it was awful seeing her go through that. It was really hard losing her but it was equally as hard watching her cry wanting her mum. horrible disease.
2019 My grandad died, my first best friend in life and the most amazing person, at the grand old age of 89. Just a few months shy of his 90th birthday. I really struggled in the weeks after his death knowing I wouldn't see his smile again or listen to his stories. I can still hear his voice in my head but I worry one day I will forget the sound of his voice.
The reason I have mentioned all of the lose I have experience is because each one hit me differently. Course I miss and love them all but with each one, I was affected differently for example I was glad my nan was at peace as hard as it was.
You never get over the lose of a loved one but you learn to live your life - something they don't have the privilege of doing. You think of them often. Some days are easier than others. Some days the smallest thing makes you remember them. But memories are amazing.
I can't even remember what I did in the days or weeks followed but all I know is I got through it. Somehow.
Love to you all.
I lost my sister when I was 16 years old. I was at that awkward, brat age and I just wish I had been a nicer person back then. She found out she had cancer at 29 yrs of age.. a week later she was admitted to intensive care and she never woke up. I just wish we had so many more years together. I just know now we would have been the best of friends just like I am with my other siblings. The week before she died I remember her and I texting, she was telling me she would be ok and I was telling her how much I Loved her. She told me she would never leave me, she was determined to see me grow up, to do well in my exams etc but alas she didn't. I was in denial for a long time and told everyone she would come back because she had promised not to leave me. I really went off the rails when reality started to kick in. I am 31 now and I wonder where she is, is she watching over me.. I still remember her smile and her laugh, her smell.. I struggle sometimes and wonder did she really exist then the anger consumes me for only getting 16 years with her and no more than that.
I lost my best friend when I was 19. She took her own life at the age of 20. I was with her the night before and it will haunt me forever wondering if there is something else I could have done. I never quite understood it until a few years ago when I hit a very low place and tried to take my life. I didn't want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop.. and it wasn't until that point that I understood what kind of place she may have been in. I am still very close with her mum, her mum made a little memorial page for her and she always writes on it still to this day on the first day of every month. She was honestly the funniest, happiest person but clearly deep inside things weren't as they appeared and I will miss her forever.
Also age 19 my stepmum passed away from Ovarian Cancer. She was one of the strongest loveliest ladies. Part of her will always be with me because she gave me a little brother and sister who I will always love and protect.
I then lost my nanny who became very frail with Alzheimer's but I was so glad she was finally at peace because it was awful seeing her go through that. It was really hard losing her but it was equally as hard watching her cry wanting her mum. horrible disease.
2019 My grandad died, my first best friend in life and the most amazing person, at the grand old age of 89. Just a few months shy of his 90th birthday. I really struggled in the weeks after his death knowing I wouldn't see his smile again or listen to his stories. I can still hear his voice in my head but I worry one day I will forget the sound of his voice.
The reason I have mentioned all of the lose I have experience is because each one hit me differently. Course I miss and love them all but with each one, I was affected differently for example I was glad my nan was at peace as hard as it was.
You never get over the lose of a loved one but you learn to live your life - something they don't have the privilege of doing. You think of them often. Some days are easier than others. Some days the smallest thing makes you remember them. But memories are amazing.
I can't even remember what I did in the days or weeks followed but all I know is I got through it. Somehow.
Love to you all.
noseybirdxo
VIP Member
Sending all my love and strength to all of you 
SummerLeaves2004
Well-known member
Sending massive hugs to everyone who has posted here. I have both my parents, which I am thankful for- however I lost someone incredibly close to me three weeks ago. I have lost a number of close relatives in my 31 years. The most recent has hit me hard. It is hard. Very hard. And I sympathise with every single one of you. Stay strong and remember the lovely times, It's the only thing you can do.
HalloweenJack74
Active member
I find death so strange, it's like a song just prematurely ending. It's the greatest tragedy of being born - the fact we have to die someday.
I've lost loved ones, and even pets. And it's upsetting for a short while, but y'know? I just find it so incomprehensible, it fucks with me a bit.
I've lost loved ones, and even pets. And it's upsetting for a short while, but y'know? I just find it so incomprehensible, it fucks with me a bit.
One of my Grandads passed away when I was one and unfortunately I never got to meet my other Grandad as he died when my Dad was a baby.
My Nans passed in 1999 and 2002. I was the youngest Grandchild on my mums side and was gutted that my nans never made my wedding (2004). All my other cousins had children that my Nan's met but unfortunately they never met my 3. Not a day goes by where I don't think about them.
I do have a big family, many Aunties and Uncles so we do go through the mourning process alot.
My kids only have 1 set of Grandparents (my side) so its hard for them. We show them pictures and remind them that their Grandparents would be very proud of them if they were here today.
I always hoped RIP meant Return If Possible. If i could have just 5 minutes with them it would make me happy.
My Nans passed in 1999 and 2002. I was the youngest Grandchild on my mums side and was gutted that my nans never made my wedding (2004). All my other cousins had children that my Nan's met but unfortunately they never met my 3. Not a day goes by where I don't think about them.
I do have a big family, many Aunties and Uncles so we do go through the mourning process alot.
My kids only have 1 set of Grandparents (my side) so its hard for them. We show them pictures and remind them that their Grandparents would be very proud of them if they were here today.
I always hoped RIP meant Return If Possible. If i could have just 5 minutes with them it would make me happy.