I agree with you so much …And I definitely get the jealousy bit …So many people just don’t understand how it feelsI was very nearly 35 when my mum died in 2017, she had just turned 65. I know I was very lucky to have a lovely mum, and have her for so long in my life - she was at my wedding and met both my children and I will always be grateful for that. BUT, it still sucks. It still makes me angry. She should have had another 20 or so years. My daughters were 5 and 2 when she died, they should have had their Nan for a lot longer. It’s been over 5 years and I still feel jealous when I see women my age with their mums or kids with their grandparents. Life can be very unfair. My husband and one of my closest friends have all their parents and a set of grandparents each, we’re in our 40s now, it honestly blows my mind. I was 22 when I lost my last grandparent.
My heart goes out to everyone in this thread as we all muddle through our grief, which is a really hard thing to do while you try to get on with life and not make a fuss. I had some grief counselling a year or so after mum died and I remember telling her that a lot of my friends made me feel like I should be over it, like I was making a mountain out of a molehill, and she spent a lot of time reassuring me that I was perfectly within my rights to grieve. I think because none of them have experienced it, they just don’t know. Like I didn’t, but now I do. And it really does change you.
Quoting myself because I was clearly distracted earlier…my dad was 67 and I was 21, not 32!Deepest sympathies to everyone on this thread.
I’m a club member too. I lost both my parents by the time I was 29 - my dad died when I was 32 and he was 67, my mum died when I was 29 and she was also 67. My dad’s death was totally unexpected and I lived with him. No brothers or sisters. My mum essentially killed herself through alcohol misuse and self-neglect.
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Gosh, I just remembered going to a wedding and bumping into someone who knew my mum. “How’s your mum?” she said, and I had to explain she was dead. “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that…how is your dad?” And I had to say he was dead too. In front of a big group of cheery, well-meaning people. I felt worse for them than I did myself and just didn’t know how to make it less awkward.
I worry that I’m forgetting my dad’s face, smell and voice. It’s been so long and I have so few pictures and tangible tokens of memory.
I love this as a way of keeping your dad close to you. He sounds wonderfulAs I can't ask him anymore, I try to think of what he'd say - and most of the time I know deep down. I like those moments because it's like he's still guiding me
I had a similar thing happen when I was out shopping with my dad after my mum died, we bumped into a lady we knew vaguely and chatted with her for ages. As we were about to part, she said, “And your wife’s keeping all right, is she?” My poor dad burst into tears. I had to say that she was no longer with us, the lady felt terrible and was very apologetic. It shows how careful you need to be when you haven’t seen people in a while and you don’t know everything going on in their lives. It is very awkward. There’s no nice way to say people are no longer here, is there? I have found it‘s easier for me to use the phrase “passed away”, I don’t know why, it feels less blunt to say I think.Gosh, I just remembered going to a wedding and bumping into someone who knew my mum. “How’s your mum?” she said, and I had to explain she was dead. “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that…how is your dad?” And I had to say he was dead too. In front of a big group of cheery, well-meaning people. I felt worse for them than I did myself and just didn’t know how to make it less awkward.
I much prefer 'passed away', it sounds more like they left comfortably and peacefully.I had a similar thing happen when I was out shopping with my dad after my mum died, we bumped into a lady we knew vaguely and chatted with her for ages. As we were about to part, she said, “And your wife’s keeping all right, is she?” My poor dad burst into tears. I had to say that she was no longer with us, the lady felt terrible and was very apologetic. It shows how careful you need to be when you haven’t seen people in a while and you don’t know everything going on in their lives. It is very awkward. There’s no nice way to say people are no longer here, is there? I have found it‘s easier for me to use the phrase “passed away”, I don’t know why, it feels less blunt to say I think.
I’m so sorry for you. It’s very painful when things go unsaid. I hope you have a little treat for yourself to make you feel better today.Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death. I know it's not for people to remember except for me but my husband forgot too or he at least hasn't said anything
Those memories of them being poorly are hard to deal with especially when it's on a birthday or special occasion.It'll soon be Dad's first birthday since he died. He was so poorly on his last birthday with us, and he'd been admitted to a hospice the day before. He was so sad and confused, in a lot of pain and we didn't get him any gifts as he didn't want any fuss. I think that's what I'm sad about remembering.
I'm sorry @BearOnChair - it's a sad milestone, and even worse when people don't remember.
Yes I get that too. Especially when they moan about the silly little things their parents do. It makes me feel so bitter but I try not to let it show as I know they don’t mean to hurt me and I’d probably be the same if I hadn’t gone through everything that I have.Does anyone else feel jealous of their friends who have there parents still? I hate feeling this way but I can't switch my feels off and I can't tell anyone I feel this way as I know it's wrong
It's knowing they all still both parents and i don't have either of mine...It just doesn't feel fair.
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