I lost my dad to cancer back in 2008, he was just 58. My mum passed away nearly 2 years ago as well to cancer. Both died within 6 months of being diagnosed. I feel so differently now that I've lost both parents, when my dad passed away I still had my mum. I think my mum was the glue that held us together and now, the dynamics between myself and my siblings has changed so much. My tolerance levels are so different now I just can't deal with them the same way. It definitely does change you.
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Dad 13y ago next week (cancer) and Mum April 2020 (dementia and Covid).
Even at almost 50 it hurts and I am still waiting for a grown up to come along and make it all better.
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Dad 13y ago next week (cancer) and Mum April 2020 (dementia and Covid).
Even at almost 50 it hurts and I am still waiting for a grown up to come along and make it all better.
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I completely get that about losing her twice. Same with my mum and Alzheimer’s. I grieved her loss as my mother way before she actually died.
I have to confess I get very jealous of the young family that live opposite me. About once a month her parents come and stay for a weekend or a week. They just look so happy (and healthy) and I think, why can’t that be me 
Sending love to everyone on here.
I lost my mum in 2007 to cancer when I was 18, she was 48. My dad was never in the picture so it was a massive loss. It was incredibly quick from diagnosis to death and I still feel a bit shell shocked from it all to be honest. My heart aches that she never saw me grow up let alone meet my children. Every happy occasion in my life since then has been tinged with sadness too and trying to navigate being a mother without her has been hard to say the least.
I don’t dream about her anymore and I feel like I can’t remember her voice at times. And then something that she used to say to me as a child will come tumbling out of my mouth and I can hear it clear as day.
I turn 35 soon and I’m dreading turning 36 as that marks the time where I will have lived more of my life without her than with her. I also get hung up on the fact that I could only have 13 years left or if I think about my children having 13 years left with me. Sorry for the long rambling post, I never really speak about this as none of my friends can really relate.
I lost my mum in 2007 to cancer when I was 18, she was 48. My dad was never in the picture so it was a massive loss. It was incredibly quick from diagnosis to death and I still feel a bit shell shocked from it all to be honest. My heart aches that she never saw me grow up let alone meet my children. Every happy occasion in my life since then has been tinged with sadness too and trying to navigate being a mother without her has been hard to say the least.
I don’t dream about her anymore and I feel like I can’t remember her voice at times. And then something that she used to say to me as a child will come tumbling out of my mouth and I can hear it clear as day.
I turn 35 soon and I’m dreading turning 36 as that marks the time where I will have lived more of my life without her than with her. I also get hung up on the fact that I could only have 13 years left or if I think about my children having 13 years left with me. Sorry for the long rambling post, I never really speak about this as none of my friends can really relate.
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I feel like this too.I have to confess I get very jealous of the young family that live opposite me. About once a month her parents come and stay for a weekend or a week. They just look so happy (and healthy) and I think, why can’t that be me
my mum died 4 weeks after I had my first baby when I was 30. This was 5 years ago and I am just always so envious of my friends and their partners who have still have both sets of parents to spoil their little ones with attention. I always feel like my 2 are missing out on having a grandma in their life who dotes on them. My mum would have been over the moon with 2 little granddaughters to obsess over, it’s so cruel the fact that she only got to hold my oldest girl once before she died.The more the years go by and the older my kids get I realise more and more that not only are we missing my mum, but also all of the stuff that she knew about me and brother when we were little. My dad would never remember things like, when we took our first steps, what we were like on our first day at school etc. All of those memories gone forever, the things I never thought to ask her about until I had kids of my own. I feel like we kind of lost access to our childhood memories when she died, because she’s not here to remind us.
Lots of love to everyone in this thread.
My dad died a few weeks after I had my youngest. I wonder if he'd been holding on until the baby arrived ( he was terminally ill).I feel like this too.
The more the years go by and the older my kids get I realise more and more that not only are we missing my mum, but also all of the stuff that she knew about me and brother when we were little. My dad would never remember things like, when we took our first steps, what we were like on our first day at school etc. All of those memories gone forever, the things I never thought to ask her about until I had kids of my own. I feel like we kind of lost access to our childhood memories when she died, because she’s not here to remind us.
Lots of love to everyone in this thread.
Not having my parents around as grandparents for my young children is much harder than I thought it would be . Their absence is so noticeable.
I don't have children so don't want to be insensitive but the fact that so many people in this thread are also grieving for what their own children have lost in not having grandparents is testament to the love your own parents have given you.
I'm angry today. I've been preoccupied with trying to imagine what my mum would look/sound like 10 years after her death and I'm struggling. And then I think 'of course you're struggling, because it's such a long time and people change'. I'm angry that she hasn't had the chance to be here for those 10 years, and the many more decades she should have had.
I'm so sorry to all of you Losing a parent is a horrible and lonely road. I grew up without my Dad as he died in a car accident 2 months before I was born. I spent my entire life hearing stories about the wonderful man I never got to meet. I lost my Mam 8 weeks ago today after a two year cancer battle. In that time the hospital told us she was miraculously cured and they couldn't explain it only to tell us two months later they made a mistake.
For the entirety of my Mams cancer I was praying for a miracle and I genuinely believed we got one. Having that snatched away was beyond cruel. I watched my poor wonderful Mam fade away. She was under 4 stone by the time she passed away. Nothing can prepare you for having to pick out clothes for your loved one that has passed away or picking their coffin or writing a eulogy. I miss my Mam every second of every day and I hate that so many of us have to go through this and there is no way that anyone on earth can make the pain better. You just have to keep going. Sending love to all
Losing a parent is a horrible and lonely road. I grew up without my Dad as he died in a car accident 2 months before I was born. I spent my entire life hearing stories about the wonderful man I never got to meet. I lost my Mam 8 weeks ago today after a two year cancer battle. In that time the hospital told us she was miraculously cured and they couldn't explain it only to tell us two months later they made a mistake.For the entirety of my Mams cancer I was praying for a miracle and I genuinely believed we got one. Having that snatched away was beyond cruel. I watched my poor wonderful Mam fade away. She was under 4 stone by the time she passed away. Nothing can prepare you for having to pick out clothes for your loved one that has passed away or picking their coffin or writing a eulogy. I miss my Mam every second of every day and I hate that so many of us have to go through this and there is no way that anyone on earth can make the pain better. You just have to keep going. Sending love to all
It must still be so raw for you. It does get easier, it really does. My grief had no mercy when I first lost my mum but you do learn to cope with it. Much loveI'm so sorry to all of you
For the entirety of my Mams cancer I was praying for a miracle and I genuinely believed we got one. Having that snatched away was beyond cruel. I watched my poor wonderful Mam fade away. She was under 4 stone by the time she passed away. Nothing can prepare you for having to pick out clothes for your loved one that has passed away or picking their coffin or writing a eulogy. I miss my Mam every second of every day and I hate that so many of us have to go through this and there is no way that anyone on earth can make the pain better. You just have to keep going. Sending love to all
My dad died 3 and a half years ago, he was my best friend, me and my son lived with him so he was a huge part of both our lives. I miss him every day, I don’t cry so much partly because he hated it when I cried and I always think this isn’t what he’d want. I’m not the same person, he protected me from so much that I had to grow up very quickly. My mum is still alive but an extremely abusive person with drug addictions and really a criminal, to save us having to ever discuss this in the open both my brother and I say she’s dead. We’ve had to have restraining orders against her so it’s not a case of ever having her in our lives. We always say life took the wrong parent from us.
lost my Mum twice. Once when she got dementia and lost the ability to speak, and again when she died 3 days before her 80th birthday in 2018.
She was in hospital for a week before her death. My Dad was distraught that they took her off all her medication. I had to explain to him that there was no point as it was just prolonging the inevitable and she had no quality of life. He was still talking about looking for a care home for her.
Two days before she died, she rallied round a bit (as is often the case) and she looked clear eyed and was making happy noises when she saw family. She held my Dads face in her hands and cooed at him. That night she slipped in to a coma and died two days later.
I miss her
She was in hospital for a week before her death. My Dad was distraught that they took her off all her medication. I had to explain to him that there was no point as it was just prolonging the inevitable and she had no quality of life. He was still talking about looking for a care home for her.
Two days before she died, she rallied round a bit (as is often the case) and she looked clear eyed and was making happy noises when she saw family. She held my Dads face in her hands and cooed at him. That night she slipped in to a coma and died two days later.
I miss her
I do have some voice recordings of my mum and I actually cannot listen to them very often as it breaks me out so harshly. Just for those of you that would like to have more recorded memories, I'd say it's a double-edged sword to be handled carefully 
I also have many videos and voice notes of my dad. Without thinking I listened to one a few months ago and it broke me. I hope in time I can listen and watch fondly.I do have some voice recordings of my mum and I actually cannot listen to them very often as it breaks me out so harshly. Just for those of you that would like to have more recorded memories, I'd say it's a double-edged sword to be handled carefully
I also agree with another poster who said they look at men around the father's age or older and wonder why their own father isn't around. I do this a lot too. I live in the comfort my dad passed young, healthy and quick. My mum does mention a lot he would say to her he does not want to face old age and everything that comes with it. So as much as it is really horrible what has happened, I am glad he got his wish.
I lost my Dad in January this year, he was felled brutally in 5 months by liver cancer and sadly his diagnosis came after months of what I'd label medical neglect due to his age. He may have been 82 but he was a very fit, active and fully independent 82 - he got Covid in June which made him horribly unwell and he just didn't pick up from it. GP was getting quite nasty that I kept taking him back, as he had memory loss/confusion as well as having lost a horrific amount of weight but they kept insisting it was long Covid. Salvation only came from a locum GP in September who I burst into tears to on the phone, and he ordered blood tests which of course then kicked them into action but it was too late... he had 3 metastatic tumours by then and the "long Covid" was actually hepatic encephalopathy from his failing liver
Between dealing with my sister who I don't get on with at the best of times and whose coping method was complete denial; failings in the care system and Dad suffering a horrible horrible death, I'm still reeling. I can't look at photos without breaking down, and I fell into a complete hole when I found a voicemail from him on our home phone. He was my go-to parent (my Mum lives in my sisters' pocket) and god I miss him.
Between dealing with my sister who I don't get on with at the best of times and whose coping method was complete denial; failings in the care system and Dad suffering a horrible horrible death, I'm still reeling. I can't look at photos without breaking down, and I fell into a complete hole when I found a voicemail from him on our home phone. He was my go-to parent (my Mum lives in my sisters' pocket) and god I miss him.
I lost both my parents within 6 months of each other last year to cancer, both in their 50s.
I'm not going to be the same person again.
I have young kids and I'm really struggling with them not knowing them and only knowing my in laws as grandparents. They are very different from my parents. MIL ìs a narc who said a couple of inappropriate things to me at my dad's funeral that I can't forgive.
I know that sounds awful but I don't seem to be able to change how I feel.
The loss of my support system that's been their since birth has given me a good kicking.
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I'm not going to be the same person again.
I have young kids and I'm really struggling with them not knowing them and only knowing my in laws as grandparents. They are very different from my parents. MIL ìs a narc who said a couple of inappropriate things to me at my dad's funeral that I can't forgive.
I know that sounds awful but I don't seem to be able to change how I feel.
The loss of my support system that's been their since birth has given me a good kicking.
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That's really tough, hope you're ok xx
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Thank you xx
Sorry for your recent loss. It will still be so raw.
I completely relate to the horrible reality that is the loss of support system when we lose our parents. It's hard when the few people that will 100% be there for you are gone. It's tough not having someone you completely trust to turn to.
Re your mil, I hope your husband is supportive. x
Thank you.
He is for the most part as he knows what she is like, but we don't have the best relationship. He's not very good at being emotionally supportive, it was the same when I had the kids. I'm trying not to make any rash decisions about our relationship because I know I'm not in the best place to make big life decisions.
Oh to have my mum to talk to!
i joined this club a few months ago when my mum died only 2 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer 
i feel so naive because i had only ever thought about my parents dying in an abstract way, i thought i had another 25+ years with her. i feel cheated and it’s shaken me to my core. my mum was the centre of our whole wider extended family, she was so vibrant and wise (we joked that she was like rafiki lol) and was always there for everyone. a previous poster said something about their mum being the glue and i can totally identify with that.
she was a poet and i’ve never liked poetry but since she died i’ve been quite obsessed with her poems. some of them are like she’s holding my hand through my grief, it’s quite weird how fitting they are actually.
i also feel like i have a clock ticking above my head because she was only in her 50s and i just have a terrible feeling now that i’m going to die young too
it’s such a weird feeling not having my mum around anymore, i feel homeless or something as weird as that sounds
i’m sure others here will understand what i mean or have a better way that they describe it.
i love to hear and read others stories of their parents who’ve passed so will keep up to date with this thread. i’m so sorry for everyones loss
i feel so naive because i had only ever thought about my parents dying in an abstract way, i thought i had another 25+ years with her. i feel cheated and it’s shaken me to my core. my mum was the centre of our whole wider extended family, she was so vibrant and wise (we joked that she was like rafiki lol) and was always there for everyone. a previous poster said something about their mum being the glue and i can totally identify with that.she was a poet and i’ve never liked poetry but since she died i’ve been quite obsessed with her poems. some of them are like she’s holding my hand through my grief, it’s quite weird how fitting they are actually.
i also feel like i have a clock ticking above my head because she was only in her 50s and i just have a terrible feeling now that i’m going to die young too
it’s such a weird feeling not having my mum around anymore, i feel homeless or something as weird as that sounds
i’m sure others here will understand what i mean or have a better way that they describe it.i love to hear and read others stories of their parents who’ve passed so will keep up to date with this thread. i’m so sorry for everyones loss
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I'm so sorry for your loss, its such a painful experience loosing your mum xxi also feel like i have a clock ticking above my head because she was only in her 50s and i just have a terrible feeling now that i’m going to die young too
This is how I feel, in fact I've just accepted I'll get cancer at some point so it won't be a shock.
But what I have done is had a chat with my gp who referred me to a family history clinic and after a review I'm eligible for early screening and preventative treatment for 2 types of cancer. So this might be worth you doing when you're ready because I feel that at least I've done something.
I'm glad your mum's poems are helping you xx
I saw a bereavement counseller in the hospice where my Dad spent some time, and she very cleverly likened losing a parent to having your foundations blown up underneath you. Makes the ground that you stand on feel unsafe.