Dead Parent Club

[ElChanguito]

Just wondering if anyone else is in the Club?

I lost my mum ten years ago this month and my dad last year.

I hate being an orphan and being known as the “girl with dead parents” !

I dream about my parents quite often, sometimes it’s a do-over of the past, and they are ill again, or it’s a new situation and they try to tell me something. I have to say, I love my dreams when I get to see them, for me it’s absolutely real.

 

[ThatGeebag]

I am in this club with you. My mam died this month 9 years ago. I was told by one of her sisters "when you lose your mam, there's a hole in your heart that will never be filled" and it is so true even all these years later.

I dream of her often too and it brings me comfort on those nights!

 

[Probablylurking66]

Me too. I lost my mum in 2012 when I was 19, the anniversary was recent as well. I also have dreams about her quite often, sometimes we're hugging and doing things together, and other times we might be arguing, which makes me regret any times when I was a total brat as a kid! We rarely argued though and were really close, so that hole in my life will always be there and always hurt - sometimes it hurts more than others. I don't think it's something you ever truly 'get over'. Sometimes the dreams do feel very real, so when I wake up I'm like "Oh..."

So sorry for your losses (both to previous posters and anyone reading who can also relate).

 

[BoogleC]

It was 10 years last month since I lost my dad. Having spent the much of my adult life without him now I’m sad that I can’t remember how he sounds, we were never a family for taking many pictures either so I feel like I’m forgetting more and more about him.
Sending much love to you all going through it too

 

[princessmaire80]

My dad passed away 3.5 years ago.

I’ve never forgiven myself that I couldn’t be there when he passed. He was terminally ill but he passed very suddenly in hospital. It was five days after my wedding and we were on honeymoon, fortunately in the UK. I was a daddy’s girl, I was very close to him and literally the last thing he did for me was get up out of his wheelchair and walk me down the aisle.

I know he’s around me. I can feel his presence and I talk to him a lot. I’ve never dreamed about my dad but I’ve seen shadows and stuff. He did give me one last gift though- an incredible family connection on his paternal side that none of us had any idea about previously. I cherish that as I truly believe it was the last gift my dad gave me.

Sending lots of love to you all xx

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I lost my mum to dementia in 2015. It was sort of like losing her twice, watching her decline then when she passed 10 years later.
I dream about my mum at least once a month, it used to be weekly but kind of tapered off.
I still read or hear something and think I'll call her to have a laugh then I realise she's not here.

 

[Kim Mild]

I lost both of my parents during my 30s . They both had cancer , although my dad was 80 when he died so it's not unusual for people to die at that age.

It has changed me since they died. There's a sort of naivety or innocence I had before I went through that experience. I feel a lot of solidarity with people who have been through the same .

 

[Boredofthegram]

I lost my dad 11 years ago when I was 29. I’ve only dreamt of him a couple of times since and I’ve forgotten what his voice sounds like which really upsets me. I miss him so much and hate that he never met my son. We talk about him a lot and look at photos though to keep the memory alive.

 

[PurpleRox]

I lost my dad April this year and it just sucks. I'm dreading Christmas as it was always his favourite time of year and he'd cook wonderful dishes.
I still text his mobile and ring his phone to hear his voicemail.

 

[yankydoo]

Lost my dad last year very suddenly and horribly (accident). He was only 64 and healthy and both his parents are still alive, which just makes it worse. I completely understand the poster above saying you lose that innocence when it happens.

I still have my mum and that gives me comfort as it makes it feel like my dad is still around in a way as she talks about him a lot. I dread the day that changes.

I still can't believe it's real sometimes. He should have been around for a good while longer :-(

 

[sleepingsatellite]

I lost my dad to cancer 13 years ago and my mum to illness in 2020. It's changed me immeasurably, focusing on what really matters to me and it's a struggle to be forgiving of other people's bad behaviour. I agree with @Kim Mild - when my mum died it felt like a door had closed, I just can't let people off the hook so easily anymore so my world has got that much smaller but I feel safer and happier for it.

 

[ElChanguito]

My mum died within three weeks of diagnosis (metastatic cancer), my dad had COPD and only got diagnosed when he was late stage, he lived about a year after that. Having his oxygen equipment taken away after he died really bothered me. I worry about forgetting their voices, and what it was like to be in a room with them.

 

[ThirdWorldGlam]

I have also lost both my parents being fairly young, thinking that in some near future my children will not have their grandparents alive gives me a bit of ick.

All I can say is that I am sending virtual hugs to all of you, it takes a lot of strength to go trough this grieving process.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

My mum died on my brother's birthday, poor dude. What are the odds, giving birth then dying 49 years later to the day.

I don't think we ever stop grieving our parents, we get better at coping but it's always there.

 

[xxAprilxx]

I lost my dad when I was 22 and my mum at 28. Both from cancer. It was hard losing both parents at that age, and reactions from people didn't make it any easier, especially when asked something like "so where do your parents live?" They'd get all awkward when I told them.
I'm now 39 and going through cancer myself and it's a strange and unsettling feeling that I could possibly face death at a young age too.

 

[quietbatperson]

I lost my dad when I was 22 and my mum at 28. Both from cancer. It was hard losing both parents at that age, and reactions from people didn't make it any easier, especially when asked something like "so where do your parents live?" They'd get all awkward when I told them.
I'm now 39 and going through cancer myself and it's a strange and unsettling feeling that I could possibly face death at a young age too.

BIB. I identify with this so much. A few weeks after my mum died (years ago now), I went for a meal with work. A colleague asked me this and I couldn't speak.

It's her birthday today

Sending you lots of love x

 

[mee43]

I’m so sorry to all of you and for anyone who has gone through this.
I lost my Dad two years ago and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person. I don’t cry every day anymore but I still feel a constant emptiness.
And I still have moments when it hits me like a hammer blow and I just can’t stop sobbing.
I dream of him occasionally but I never hear his voice in the dreams and I long to hear his voice again

 

[Loppylou89]

I lost my dad just over 6 years ago. He died suddenly the day before his 70th birthday. We were so close, I lived with him and he didn't tell anyone he was ill to protect us. I don't know if I prefer that way or not. I had to sort everything, like the funeral, moving out of our house all on my own as I didn't have anyone local to help me except my then boyfriend who was too busy accusing me of cheating 3 days after my dad died. I moved out of the house two weeks after the funeral and I haven't cried since that day. Losing a parent/s definitely changes you

 

[New-Yark]

Firstly sending huge hugs to everyone here. Such a difficult thread to read but comforting to feel some solidarity in it too. A few of the posts I couldn’t have written myself.

I lost my dad suddenly this year at 69. I suspect he knew he was unwell but didn’t want to tell us to protect us, or maybe to not deal with it himself either. I guess we will never know. Funny enough the first thing I realised in the days after his death is that we have no videos with his voice. Lots of videos but for some reason none of his voice. And his voicemail is white noise / his own pocket dial. I’d honestly give ANYTHING to spend five more minutes with him and tell him everything for one last time. I’ve re-read all of our text messages, birthday cards he’d kept etc over the last few weeks and I have no doubt he knew how deeply I love him but what I’d give for one more chance to tell him.

I’m in my 30s so had three decades with him and I’m so grateful for it and I know people have less, but I still find myself starting at men his age or older on the street and thinking “you should be here” (to the lyrics of Cole Swindels song if anyone else is a country music fan).

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I've noticed there are lots of us missing our parents voices.
I was lucky enough to have a recording of my mum talking on a regional ABC (Australia) radio show about her childhood in Québec.
I'd still give anything for her advice or a big hug though.