Dating in Lockdown #2 The audacity of men

[Tinkerbell cat]

Loving seeing some of the screenshots on here from convo's, guilty pleasure

I remember using POF years & years ago and got talking to one person who seemed quite keen, but anytime I would go on, just to have a browse out of boredom like I was scrolling through ASOS, he would always be online.
We met the first time for a coffee. After that he wanted to meet but always at his house so it was pretty clear he was after one thing and one thing only with no intention of us going out on an actual date. I made excuses every time as why I couldn't go round to his house which he shared with 2/3 other men. He reluctantly asked did I want to go for some food, we did and as soon as we got there he said did I want to come back to his after. I hadn't even been handed a menu yet. My friend messaged me as I was meeting her later that evening and he said he could come along and we could go back to his for a threesome I asked him was he joking and he said it depended on what my friend looked like...but when he saw it wasn't going to happen he backtracked a little.
It was just very, very weird. He didn't seem to care that we had met twice, and knew each other about 3 weeks. He loved himself but I don't know why because he looked like Henry the 8th looking back.
I just laughed it off, I wasn't that keen on him then and didn't see us ever meeting again but he was persistent and would message regularly.
He messaged a few days later which was a Saturday to see what i was at and I told him I was going to a concert that night (pretty sure we discussed this when we went for food a few days previous so he clearly wasn't listening)
he said he was going to a quiz night in his local, we should meet after and he would text later as he wouldn't be able to use his phone during the quiz as its obviously against rules. I had no intention of really meeting him, but at the time it was nice just having someone to text I guess? Anyway,
He forgot I was on his Facebook and went on a date with a girl that evening who tagged that they were in certain bars in town
He was still keeping up this pretence that he was at a quiz, he sent a couple of messages throughout the evening basically saying he was at the toilet, quiz was going well and his team were winning. Then it all went quiet for bit. By this stage I was home in bed, I think he must have messaged or called me at about 1am, clearly the date was over and he wanted to see what I was up to.
I just sent him a screenshot of his fb.
It was the outright lies that bothered me and obviously the fact he was a creepy sex pest

Saw him just before the first lockdown when I was in a local bar with my boyfriend. He tried to add me on insta later that evening, no shame at all

 

[sleepflowers]

I need some advice... Potential trigger warning (I don't think so, but some may be sensitive) for assault

Spoiler: TW

Basically, when I was at school throughout my teenage years I was abused by a boyfriend - I'll let you leave that up to your imagination and the details aren't relevant.

As a result, I lost a lot of confidence etc. But anyway I moved on since then, and I am moving forwards...

The advice here is, when do I open up to someone about this? I find that with my ex's as soon as I told them, they treated me differently, like I was suddenly this fragile person who'd break. Almost like a punishment. Yeah I get they were being nice, but it held me back a lot.

Part of me is like just tell them early so then I know how they will respond before I get attached, but likewise, I don't want to just tell anyone this tit because it's hard for me to find the courage to just say it.

Hmm personally I'd wait a while until you say it. I think if you end up telling the wrong person too early they may take advantage of your vulnerabilities around it. Or maybe just tell them very briefly, with few details.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

It’s me hahaha

Lmao I thought it was

You're my fave on this thread, always so bang on with what you say

Aww.. Thank you

 

[Noahfence]

I need some advice... Potential trigger warning (I don't think so, but some may be sensitive) for assault

Spoiler: TW

Basically, when I was at school throughout my teenage years I was abused by a boyfriend - I'll let you leave that up to your imagination and the details aren't relevant.

As a result, I lost a lot of confidence etc. But anyway I moved on since then, and I am moving forwards...

The advice here is, when do I open up to someone about this? I find that with my ex's as soon as I told them, they treated me differently, like I was suddenly this fragile person who'd break. Almost like a punishment. Yeah I get they were being nice, but it held me back a lot.

Part of me is like just tell them early so then I know how they will respond before I get attached, but likewise, I don't want to just tell anyone this tit because it's hard for me to find the courage to just say it.

I've been through something similar, and I generally leave it until it comes up in conversation - which eventually it always does. I guess to me I don't want to be treated differently but obviously its still something significant that happened to me, so rather than making a big deal about it and making a point of addressing it, i just wait for it to be relevant just as I'd bring up anything else. Sometimes its been a few months before its come up, and sometimes literally on the first date, but at the end of the day its part of my history so i feel content that if its not a problem for me, it shouldnt be for them or else they're not the right person.

But I feel you though because it is always in the back of your head until they know about it - so i guess it depends how heavily it weighs on you

 

[alwayslurkin]

Thank you @sleepflowers and @Noahfence I'm going to just keep it to myself unless it comes up in conversation/if he ever asks if there is something he doesn't know about me, as it doesn't affect me these days, other than the fact it feels like a secret!

 

[twinkleunicorn]

I'm considering taking a break. Sick of dry conversations. I just want to click with someone.

A head from previous months got back into contact and couldn't even think of a decent excuse/apology for lying to me, using me for sex and stealing from me needless to say, he's not getting a second chance

I’d love to meet someone the conventional way, does that still Happen?

 

[MerchantOfTea]

I am long long out of the dating scene, which I am very thankful for.
Looking at this thread, you would wonder would the human race die out if they turned off Instagram and Tinder !

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I’ve just joined the gym to occupy some of my free time, I want a gym arse

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I couldn’t not post... add this to the list of immediate unmatch criteria along with “So how long u been single then lol” and the emoji in general.

 

[anonesk223]

Another first date, yet another “I had a great time but I don’t see it going anywhere”.
I know it’s obviously not going to work for everyone, but I can’t help but take it personally every time like what was it that puts them off?

 

[BekkaBoo]

Another first date, yet another “I had a great time but I don’t see it going anywhere”.
I know it’s obviously not going to work for everyone, but I can’t help but take it personally every time like what was it that puts them off?

It's so hard! Like I want to know how it is possible that they don't want to spend the rest of their lives with a cracker like me! But at the same time, if they actually told me why, I doubt I'd handle it too well

 

[Gloria Rostron]

Do you talk to guys who don't send face pics? I find a few guys are reluctant to send them.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Do you talk to guys who don't send face pics? I find a few guys are reluctant to send them.

I find when a lads interested they constantly send selfies. I’d be wary and probably not respond if they didn’t send one or two.

 

[Gloria Rostron]

I find when a lads interested they constantly send selfies.

The lads I talk to send pictures, but not of their face , don't get me wrong I love non-face pics too. I just sometimes feel curious to see what they look like.

 

[leapricot]

This was a first message... I’m glad he is as interested in knowing me as he is in himself.
POF is really not good is it?

 

[Gloria Rostron]

View attachment 569675
This was a first message... I’m glad he is as interested in knowing me as he is in himself.
POF is really not good is it?

Send him my way if no good for you, I can give him the attention he craves. X

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

View attachment 569675
This was a first message... I’m glad he is as interested in knowing me as he is in himself.
POF is really not good is it?

Looks like a generic message he sends to everyone!!

 

[aimz_yeah]

Joined POF. I was last on it about 13/14 years ago and it looks very different. But it seems like I have to pay to be able to do most things, worth it?

Accidentally put that I was a lesbian.. off to a good start (although the way its going with men, maybe I should switch).

 

[roobs21]

Oooh I’ve found the perfect thread
I’ve got a good story. It’s a long one so bear with me…

So in January a guy who had been following me on insta for about a year and lives locally hit me up in the DM’s and asked me on a date. Fully fed up with lockdown life by this point and him being a beautiful specimen of a man, I said yes. Except we’re in lockdown so we can’t go anywhere except stay in the house so he comes to mine. We drink red wine, we watch tv, we drink more wine and we have sex. The man is hung like a horse and fire in bed; couldn’t believe my luck. Later on he shows me something on his phone and a message pops up at the same time from a girl. She’s got a double barrelled name and she happens to be best mates with my neighbour so I know who she is. He says they’ve been mates for years, I think nothing much more of it.

We end up speaking every day and seeing each other about twice a week for the next 6 weeks. During this time he keeps talking about how desperate he is to be a dad. I’ve already told him at this point how much I struggled when my daughter was a baby so I was in the ‘never say never but certainly not going out of my way to try’ camp. I tell him to chill and just enjoy it for what it is.

The following week my period is late and I tit a brick because his communication has started to slow down and I haven’t seen him for a week. Period arrives (phew!) and I try to arrange a catch up for the following weekend. I get no response. I wait a few days and nothing. I have no interest in mind games so I send him a message wishing him well. He apologises, says his head has been in the shed but we agree to go our separate ways because he can’t get past the fact I don’t want more kids (not quite what I told him but hey ho).

A few days later I log onto Facebook only to see a post from him announcing he is having a baby with miss double-barrel! Scan photo and everything. 3 months pregnant

I then found out recently through a friend that he was also seeing someone else at the same time who he also went quiet on then found out about the baby on Facebook. I don’t know how he found the time!

 

[Inforapenny]

View attachment 569675
This was a first message... I’m glad he is as interested in knowing me as he is in himself.
POF is really not good is it?

Oh god the 'i love travel'....Hun we all love a holiday doesn't make you more interesting

I also hate with a passion when blokes say 'apparently that's a thing'....is it? How do you know?

I also hate the guys who say they're one of the 'good ones' which translates as a bitter incel who hasn't left their bedroom in 2 weeks cos they're playing fornight.

Oooh I’ve found the perfect thread
I’ve got a good story. It’s a long one so bear with me…

So in January a guy who had been following me on insta for about a year and lives locally hit me up in the DM’s and asked me on a date. Fully fed up with lockdown life by this point and him being a beautiful specimen of a man, I said yes. Except we’re in lockdown so we can’t go anywhere except stay in the house so he comes to mine. We drink red wine, we watch tv, we drink more wine and we have sex. The man is hung like a horse and fire in bed; couldn’t believe my luck. Later on he shows me something on his phone and a message pops up at the same time from a girl. She’s got a double barrelled name and she happens to be best mates with my neighbour so I know who she is. He says they’ve been mates for years, I think nothing much more of it.

We end up speaking every day and seeing each other about twice a week for the next 6 weeks. During this time he keeps talking about how desperate he is to be a dad. I’ve already told him at this point how much I struggled when my daughter was a baby so I was in the ‘never say never but certainly not going out of my way to try’ camp. I tell him to chill and just enjoy it for what it is.

The following week my period is late and I tit a brick because his communication has started to slow down and I haven’t seen him for a week. Period arrives (phew!) and I try to arrange a catch up for the following weekend. I get no response. I wait a few days and nothing. I have no interest in mind games so I send him a message wishing him well. He apologises, says his head has been in the shed but we agree to go our separate ways because he can’t get past the fact I don’t want more kids (not quite what I told him but hey ho).

A few days later I log onto Facebook only to see a post from him announcing he is having a baby with miss double-barrel! Scan photo and everything. 3 months pregnant

I then found out recently through a friend that he was also seeing someone else at the same time who he also went quiet on then found out about the baby on Facebook. I don’t know how he found the time!

What a dog!!!!!