Dating after Lockdown

[princess279]

I’ll second this

It’s hard out there at the moment. Over the last few weeks, I’ve started conversations with guys that I’d 100% be going on dates with in the “normal world” but my mood (and I think this is the same for a lot of people) shifts so dramatically from one day to the next and the “normal world” feels so far away, that I’ve just been letting conversations die.

Men have been matching me that I’d normally want to start messaging, but I’m not even starting conversations because I know how it will end and I don’t want to waste my own time or theirs at the moment. I’m bored, fat and disengaged and as @bobthedragqueen rightly said, there’s very little to actually talk about at the moment. A lot of my friends who are on apps (male and female) have said the same too. I haven’t stepped foot into a gym since last year, I feel repulsive and I think that would be written all over me even if I did meet someone for a walk or whatever.

I didn’t mean to make this post all about me, sorry My point was, don’t let it knock you. I think it’s a general trend with a lot of people at the moment and is not a reflection on you in any way

Completely agree with this! I've been speaking to one guy since before Christmas, we've been on one walk date and think I'll be seeing him again this weekend. I've not been speaking to anyone else, not because I'm 'putting all my eggs into one basket' but because I don't have the energy to speak to someone new when I have nothing to say and can't be bothered with the mundane 'how's lockdown treating' you shite.

 

[sleepflowers]

Profiles like that make me wonder what on Earth these men are hoping to attract. The whole point of the Q&A is surely to give you some conversation starters / see if you have something in common / give you an idea of their personality.

Big Craig there might as well open his bio with “I’m dull as fuck and have nothing to offer you except this pair of white jeans should you ever need to borrow them”

This is what puts me off so much of online dating. Do they really think they'll attract anyone? They just throw shit at the wall and hope it sticks. Man after man, all of them mediocre, boring, offering absolutely nothing and not even being attractive...

 

[under the ivy]

I matched with a guy this weekend, I was excited we matched he was my type, nice looking, good job etc. This was Bumble so I messaged first, he sent me a one sentence reply back to my first message which took 2 days, I tried again and after 5 hours he sent another one sentence reply, I sent something funny back and it took him until the next day to send me back another one sentence reply. So this time I replied "it's been lovely chatting to you, but it's clear I'm not getting anywhere here, I wish you lots of luck in finding what you're looking for" he then replied after 1 minute "what did you want me to say?" hahaha - - > UNMATCH. Just don't reply mate if you don't want to talk to me, it's much easier!

Men are trash I’m sorry I’ve lost my faith in men/dating for the foreseeable. It will take an amazing man to convince me otherwise.

 

[sleepflowers]

I’ve had some absolute monsters liking me on hinge the last few days.

Absolute monsters is the right way to describe some of the likes I've had I'm not under the impression that I'm perfect but I do look at some of them and think 'YOU??? Want to match with ME?!'. Some of them I just don't understand how they think we have anything in common at all.

 

[NMK]

It's kind of my own fault getting in too deep too soon!

oh hunny!!! I feel every inch of what you’re saying I met a guy off hinge we spoke everyday for weeks, FaceTime,voicenote, what’s app, we went on a few dates and I felt like it was ACTUALLY GOING SOMEWHERE. Low and behold, he vanished off the face of the Earth I sent a message Basically wishing him happiness and why didn’t he just say if he didn’t want to meet.. nothing fast forward months and months Christmas Day I had to drink, one too many zoom quizzes later I went on hinge and the first person who popped up was him. Merry frecking Christmas sounds like nothing to some but it hit me slightly because he didn’t disappear for someone else..I still feel like I’m not ‘good enough’ I won’t be dating again, anyway! He also doesn’t have any social media which is bloody annoying but was so handsome but you will find someone when it’s meant to be my darling 🤍

 

[misscl4]

Went on a date in mid March with a guy. We got on well and arranged a second date. He postponed as he got ill but continued the convo for a few days. He then went quiet and I messaged him asking if he was feeling better. He read my WhatsApp and did not reply. I messaged him the next day asking if he is ok and same again.

I deleted him and moved on.

Last night I got a message from him saying his pet (I don't want to say the pet just in case it he reads this somehow ) has fallen ill and is due to be put down this week.

It's very sad but I did not reply. Just think it was rude to ignore me completely for all this time. Maybe I am being harsh but I feel the moment has completely passed now

Nope not harsh at all, he could’ve told you at the time and said I need some space

 

[yankydoo]

I started speaking to a guy on Hinge a few days ago and have migrated over to Whatsapp. It’s very anonymous which makes me suspicious immediately. He doesn’t have a picture on there and his name is just his first initial, not his full name. Immediately makes me think it’s a second phone

I am sure I have been on at least two dates with married men. One told me he had a work mobile and then a personal one. I was given his work number first then he added me on WhatsApp on his personal number. He dumped me after two dates and I could tell he blocked me on both numbers. I later found him on Instagram and he had photos with his daughter who he failed to mention.

The second guy - we arranged the date on Hinge. It was such a nice date too and ended up being quite expensive. He paid for it! It was after the date we exchanged numbers. I sent him a WhatsApp (he had no photo or name) and he replied. I then sent him something else and he had blocked me.

I'm so cautious now although who truly knows.. anyone can hide anything.

I'm inclined to agree your guy is dodgy!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

@ThreeSteaksPam i totally relate to your post. I do not feel my best atm. Feel like a bloated slug, got nothing to talk about. Eyebrows are a mess... I wouldn’t be the best version of myself. Then on the other hand, I kind of think, let them see me at my worst!!
I keep letting matches expire on bumble and feel a tiny bit awful but I’m in the “what’s the point” mindset? And who is to say they would even reply if I sent the first message. I’m actually whatsapping someone atm off bumble since Sunday night. It’s hard work getting any convo out of him! Even though he asked for my number!!

 

[yankydoo]

What's everyone's views on dating more than one person at a time (obviously we can't at the moment). When I first started all of this I would date numerous guys on the go. Then I got sick of it and focused on one guy at a time. It all ultimately led to the same outcome and looking back I regret letting a couple of people go.

My view now is until both of you have had the talk and decided to be exclusive then to keep dating others. I also listened to a Ted Talk once which suggested to do this as it takes your focus off one person and you automatically become more chilled out as all your eggs aren't in one basket so to speak.

 

[bobthedragqueen]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading this thread silently since day 1 and I would really like some advice on my own situation...

I met a guy through Hinge beginning of August. The conversation pre-first date was just great. Long messages, I could feel he was interesting, funny and intelligent. So first date went super well, we kissed at the end, he told me he felt that there was a connection and that we would see each other again.
The thing to know about him is that he has a full time job that he does from home in Birmingham (Monday to Friday) and started a food business where he has a pop up thingy in London every single weekend so he basically doesn't have time off.
The only times we can see each other is between Sunday night and Wednesday night.

So after the first date, everything was perfect, the texts, the following dates. We connect on every single level and it feels amazing to feel liked and not ghosted. I was in France beginning of September and, as soon as I came back, he came to my place and told me how excited he was to see me.

You are going to tell me: Then what are you complaining about?

Well, for the past 3 weeks, he has been EXTREMELY busy with both of his jobs. He barely can make time to see me. As he said, the only free time he gets, he's giving it me. He told me how worried he was that we got serious so quickly (we didn't make things official so we are not technically bf and gf but we are exclusive) because he is just scared that he can't make time for me. He told me that his situation when we met was so different (he had a lot more time) to his current one and he didn't expect his food business to be so popular. He also said that as much as he likes me he is wondering whether to just be single as he can't handle everything. But then when we said goodbye, he just told me that we will see how things go so either he is a coward or he doesn't want it to end.
For the past week or 2, his texts have been very scarce and not as passionate. (fyi, I am not the annoying texter type, I won't double text or what but last week, I haven't had a text for 3 days...). He hasn't really asked to see me nor asked much about me, how's my week or day been. I am not trying to find him excuses but I think he's just struggling to find time for all the things happening in his life. And I don't want to become a burden to him.

So what do you all think of the situation? Should I just wait and not worry too much? I told him that we really don't need to rush things as we have all the time in the world. His work situation will eventually become better because he will either only keep one job or Corona will force his food business to close for a bit (seeing the direction restrictions are taking...).
I don't want to be spending my life waiting for him but I feel like because we connect so much, it would be such a shame to just give it all up. The fact that we also only see each other on weekdays is very limiting in terms of having days out together and build something etc but once again, it will probably work itself out in a few months.

Sorry for the novel but I really want to have some outside POV on this.

Thanks for those who have read that far

Never apologise for a novel... I enjoyed that with a nice cup of tea!

To be honest, I have been burnt by a very similar situation before so am very much of the opinion that if someone likes you as much as they say/act then they will make as much effort as possible to see you or speak to you, even if it's a really quick text to see how your day is going or to apologise for not being very present. I was making every excuse under the sun for him when my pals were asking which looking back was silly on my part. I only say this having experienced it and having come through the other side, at the time I was much like you and I was second guessing everything.

If I was you, I would carry on with your life whilst still continuing to see/speak to him. Carry on dating, talking to people, meeting people etc. A relationship is a balance between two people and from how I have perceived your post, it sounds like at the moment the balance is very much in his favour and focused on his needs. You obviously really like him and have a great time together so I hope that things change in the next few months but for now, you don't need to be waiting around for him.

I hope that makes sense and wish you the best of luck x

P.s. I am no expert and actually a pretty useless human being. Do what makes you happy always!

 

[NMK]

it's his loss not yours he doesnt know how amazing and special you are

The guy i was talking to i messaged him first as his bio was.. i don't message first i add to the pile..
Then we chatted basically all hours of the day for a week then but there is a few red flags which im sure everyone on here will be saying glad he has done a runner. He used to ask for pictures all the time so i have a alot of banter so i was sending like pictures of me as a baby not actual "pictures he wanted" he always wanted to know why i was still active on there etc he has 2 jobs he is a busy man he wanted to meet before after work, told me he liked me.. i didnt meet up with him or have a phone call just his attitude changed maybe he got in too deep aswell but he hasnt reached out since Tuesday morning and I've contacted him since nothing.. so i deleted his number conversations pictures everything i know all his social media so blocked all of it to.

Basically it sounds like ive had a lucky escape

Thank you so so much! You have had a lucky escape!!

LOVE this thread I fully give up with online dating hahaha. Had my fair share of awful men. Finally met one on hinge recently who was so up my street, so keen, we FaceTimed and did voice notes, and we seemed to have an AMAZING first date. Said what an amazing time he had and arranged a second date. Fast forward a few days and I’m suddenly ghosted, he falls off the face of the earth and then suddenly I’m blocked...

I was baffled and really upset and it’s so worrying how common ghosting is these days. Surely one day we will find decent men



erm... this is EXACTLY what happened to me down to the ft/voice notes and sudden ghosting (post above) and he didn’t have social media either.... could it be?!

COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE this must be their second jobs seriously how do they play this game so well! Scary...
I am not cut out for this dating world I can’t talk to more than one person at a time because I forget what I’ve said to the other also anyone else feel like you’re on a job interview I get asked the same boring questions over and over again 🥱

 

[coconochanel]

update its going quite well we have been messaging each other.

 

[holliebollie]

Has anyone seen this?! I met a few people before the last lockdown, then got with someone anyway and still have one guy who will not bugger off! I’ve said I’m now with someone and we are in lockdown anyway, even if I was single. Code for: piss off.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I mean... honesty is the best policy, I suppose.

 

[Glamourelle]

can men last longer than 5 minutes anyway

I’ve had a few who pride themselves on taking ages to fire their cannons! It does my head in! Do they not know I have things to do!?

 

[Prinstress]

So I went on a date with a guy on Saturday, very boozy and ended up back at his. Went for breakfast and took my dog for a walk the next morning, was very nice. Whilst at his I saw a text on his phone from 'Jess Tinder'. He said he was talking to her but he hadn't seen her and had no intentions to see her. Went for dinner with him last night and he said again that he wasn't going to see her but he felt bad letting her down. Just had a text from him saying that he hadn't been honest, he saw her on Monday for a drink and she asked to see him again on Sunday and he said yes. I know it has only been 2 dates with me and him, due to see him on Saturday, but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed that he would see me (and sleep with me) on Sunday and then see her the next day and feel ok with that. Am I being unreasonable?

I would honestly put him in the bin for this... fair enough if he’d been honest but the fact he lied then backtracked is a big fat red flag.... he’s keeping his options wide open by the sounds of it.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’ve got a like on hinge and one of his photos is just of his daughter who looks about 5.
It feels a bit wrong. I understand you want women to know that you have a child, but there are weirdos out there and you’re putting a photo of your child on the internet?!

Maybe I’m overthinking it

 

[yankydoo]

Met someone lovely - through a friend and not via an app. I'm usually super confident in myself. But a couple of years of dating and meeting weirdos has made me so pessimistic and also anxious. He has not done anything weird or annoying - yet! But I find myself so anxious he is going to break it off any minute now. It doesn't help that usually I would date others too but I'm so so fed up of that, like him too much, and am restricted because of lockdown.

I have not said anything to him about how I feel, and have tried to be cool and calm. I have tried to be logical in my thinking and also I have been through so much that if it does go wrong, I know I will be fine eventually.

It's soooo hard though. I'm not even looking for advice. Just need to vent.

 

[LittleBird]

I give up

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Like you are in pain, then?