Thank you all for your lovely advice- Just out of curiosity- how do you all handle staying over at someone’s house, and then waiting to hear off them the next day, do you get very upset if they don’t text? Xx
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For me personally by the time we've got to staying over at each others houses the foundations are pretty set with regards to the friendship / relationship so there isn't all the uncertainty and I know where I stand with them.
This whole texting first thing never sits well with me, i personally try not to play games. If I want to text first second fifth last I just do it ! I think sometimes we become slaves to them constantly having to reassure us all is well when actually we are more than capable of texting to say " bloody hell last night was amazing, how are you today?" etc!
I don’t understand this worry to be honest. Why wouldn’t they text you? Or you text them!
Good men will text you straight away.. Every time I have seen a lad they’ve text me within 15-30 minutes. Men that say nothing are not people you should be seeing.
I always get cute ones saying I looked gorgeous, telling me he can still smell my perfume or he hates leaving me
I think you must be very lucky haha! I’ve ne we had thatI don’t understand this worry to be honest. Why wouldn’t they text you? Or you text them!
Good men will text you straight away.. Every time I have seen a lad they’ve text me within 15-30 minutes. Men that say nothing are not people you should be seeing.
I always get cute ones saying I looked gorgeous, telling me he can still smell my perfume or he hates leaving me
It’s just happened so often I’ve been on my way home after driving over and spending the night with them and coming home, looking at my phone and nada...and never wanting to turn psycho and ask why they haven’t text I just file it deep inside me and a little bit more of me closes off. When I say often I don’t mean I’ve stayed at peoples houses often I mean in the times I have it’s happen more often than not xx
But the fact you have reached the stage of staying over in their homes, for me that is a massive step tbh and I've only done it with men I'm comfortable with and after a period of time, so I'm confused as to why there isn't communication after with them and all the uncertainty you seem to experience when these are men you have known for a while??I think you must be very lucky haha! I’ve ne we had that
It’s just happened so often I’ve been on my way home after driving over and spending the night with them and coming home, looking at my phone and nada...and never wanting to turn psycho and ask why they haven’t text I just file it deep inside me and a little bit more of me closes off. When I say often I don’t mean I’ve stayed at peoples houses often I mean in the times I have it’s happen more often than not xx
But did you text them??
I didn’t text them when I left as I didn’t want to come over as clingy, I’ve always thought the fact I’ve driven 40+ miles in most cases to stay with them would warrant at least a text to see if I got home ok...i mean aside from my ex I haven’t stayed at anyone’s house for about 3 years but the anxiety of it all massively puts me off going through it again. I used to think maybe they woke up and looked at me and got the ick, that was a mistake etc...as some other posters have said now isn’t the time for me to date so I won’t put myself up for it again, but it definitely is something I’m not looking forward to in the future xx
Definitely comes with confidence, I haven’t ever slept with or been on a date with a guy and left wondering whether I’ll hear from them again. I’ve had bad dates/bad sex where I have not wanted to continue seeing them after it, and I feel like you would normally get the vibe from that being in their company. Take some of the power back too! Don’t let it always be the mans choice whether the relationship continues. I have seen your situation with G, and I feel like although you weren’t so bothered about him, in your mind he completely called the shots. You’re so strong to write what you do on here, I love reading your progress xx
Thank you! I don’t date often and I either completely screw it up or I fall head over heels and they end up not feeling the same....I don’t know where I can go with this in the future maybe it’s not written in the stars for me to be with a man...one thing i struggle with when it has been successful in dating is one week you’re everything they want the next there’s no chemistry they don’t fancy you etc...I know we are all dealing with these things so it feels so good to share xxx
I’d be very wary of men who make claims like “You’re everything I want” or “I’ve found what I’m looking for” early on. In my experience, it’s one of two things. Either deliberate love bombing
to hook you in, or they have the kind of personality that gets very intense very quickly and then fizzles out equally as quickly leaving you stood in its wake wondering what the duck happened. It’s usually the first one and they know exactly what they’re doing. Either way, in the early stages of dating it’s completely disingenuous when you barely know each other. Take it with a kilo of salt 
Maybe it's how you word things in your head too ? Why is calling to say I had an amazing time clingy ? You come across here as a lovely person and someone who deserves the best but I also think its about being in control of your own thoughts too, how we speak to ourselves is soo important...be kinder to you! You are a beautiful woman with a good heart! Own it Mrs !!
Pam this!!!I’d be very wary of men who make claims like “You’re everything I want” or “I’ve found what I’m looking for” early on. In my experience, it’s one of two things. Either deliberate love bombing
@Bettyboo2021 I totally understand how you feel about staying over. I also feel like this and its happened me before where he never texted me again and I took it to heart. I think it's a deep fear of rejection really. But know you're not alone in feeling this, I struggle with this all the time 
Thank you, it’s really nice to know I’m not the only one xxx@Bettyboo2021 I totally understand how you feel about staying over. I also feel like this and its happened me before where he never texted me again and I took it to heart. I think it's a deep fear of rejection really. But know you're not alone in feeling this, I struggle with this all the time
Babe, he’s a bleep. I’d go to the festival with you but from the sounds of it we‘re at opposite sides of the country. Your being very brave about this darling.Hey! So I've just seen this thread and need to rantso i was drunk (where it all starts ae
) and i organised with a group of people who i knew would cancel to go to a day festival kinda event. Anyways when they did cancel my "dateee" offered to go with me. As the weeks have gone on hes always been like are u still wanting to go to that? Is is still happening? And when he asked me the other night i was like yeah i defo want to go am excited! And he was like yeah its ur birthday ill do what ever makes u happy so ok cool!! Litterally 30 seconds later he was like if its raining do u still wanna go? So i was abit like ur ruining ma excitement for this. Anyways fast forward to today!! Meant to go shopping for wellies n what not
Litterally ma birthday.... No other plans made cos all my friends are working
Yes, I get absolutely bleeping gutted
I don’t think it’s all down to luck. I just wouldn’t give a man a second of my time if he was giving me the bare minimum.I think you must be very lucky haha! I’ve ne we had that
You seem to want the man to do 100% of the graft while putting very little in yourself. Like when you text one saying he was quiet.. that isn’t how it works. Instead of being irritated by them you pop up, say hello, ask about their day and make effort too. With you it’s always ‘WHY HAVEN’T THEY DONE THIS!?’ Well why aren’t you doing it either… I hope doesn’t across bad but we have to make as much effort as them or you’ll get nowhere.
Agree with this - I thought @Bettyboo2021 wasn’t putting the effort in with Gareth because she wasn’t bothered about him, but then seemed like she was so it was confusing.
If you come across as cold or uninterested - even without meaning to - then the other person will just walk away. It’s no fun texting and asking questions to get very little back. It shouldn’t always be the man who has to make a first move/send a first text.
Why did I give my ex another chance? Someone smack me over the head.
We had a great date and it was like old times. A few days later we said we missed each other, it was good to see each other etc and that we should try again.
I knew we weren't going to meet this weekend as we both have other plans we can't get out of... Yesterday I sent a text saying a miss him and was just being cute to be honest, and he's left me on read
I know it doesn't sound like much, but I've always felt I was into him more than he was into me, and this confirms it as he's done this to me before. I'm also always the one chasing, checking in if he's okay when he's down, and I only get it back if I initiate.
When he eventually replies I'm going to ignore it and see if he chases purely out of interest. I've given up.
I want a man who is as into me as I am to them, and this is a lesson for me not to accept any less.
We had a great date and it was like old times. A few days later we said we missed each other, it was good to see each other etc and that we should try again.
I knew we weren't going to meet this weekend as we both have other plans we can't get out of... Yesterday I sent a text saying a miss him and was just being cute to be honest, and he's left me on read
I know it doesn't sound like much, but I've always felt I was into him more than he was into me, and this confirms it as he's done this to me before. I'm also always the one chasing, checking in if he's okay when he's down, and I only get it back if I initiate.
When he eventually replies I'm going to ignore it and see if he chases purely out of interest. I've given up.
I want a man who is as into me as I am to them, and this is a lesson for me not to accept any less.
Thing is I do put the effort in regards seeing them- none of these guys I have dated live anywhere near me (I don’t ask them to come to where I live for safety reasons- very small place)...I’m tired of getting dressed up and spending ages on the motorway, to get so little back. If you can let a woman drove home at nearly midnight by herself (or any time if it’s a long distance) And not ask her if she got home ok, as a courtesy then that’s just not good manners xx
I guess I’m just old fashioned, I want them to sweep me off my feet, I can’t be the only one that wants this? By nature men are way more predatory than women.
I did like Garethuntil he kissed me with zero invitation then didn’t text me to see if u got home ok...those things aren’t right xx
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Is there nowhere closer to home you could go, to make the first meeting in a more neutral environment? Not sure how rural your location is but I’d never make a big journey for a first date. My counsellor said the way you conduct yourself in regards to the first impression with a guy sets the precedent going forward. Maybe if you’re always the one to put yourself out of the way and go to them, they expect you to pander to them through message too? It’s a tricky one! But once you’ve established your boundaries and self esteem in your mind you should be in a better position to date. It should never leave you feeling confused or upset.
I met the guy I’m currently dating in person, when he swam up to me in a spa in London and asked me out, he’s a little bit younger than me but we’ve really hit it off and I haven’t once felt insecure or confused about anything like I had done with other men. We’re not official because it’s early days but the level of comfort between us is really nice.
I thought the guys were not making an effort to come your way to see you, but it's actually because you don't want them to come to where you live? I think if you're actively saying to them that you want to go to where they live, you can't really expect them to be forever thankful for it, because it's what you want. Everyone gets dressed up for dates etc too, again I don't think they're ungrateful if they don't acknowledge that, as they have probably made the effort as well.
I get that it's nice to receive a text asking if you got home okay...I do that with dates even if there is little interest as it is just polite. But from the screenshot you posted before it suggested that you told him you were home. Was that a couple of hours after the date or was it soon after you arrived home?
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