Dating after lockdown #4 The bar for men is so low it's in hell

[thunderfook]

It’s the last thing you should be worried about, a decent man wouldn’t dump you over money.

Only men really care about financial stability (hence why the rich guys can chase and catch the tweenies all the time). It’s what thry conpete with their mates about and what makes them feel a proper man (you can see why they’re such douche bags already).

think that as a single mum, you live the way a person would expect you to and shouldn’t feel bad about that. There are a hell of a lot of men who lie about their financial status and a hell of a lot of men in debt, supporting families, whilst trying to live themselves, so please don’t take anything at face value.

The only ones you would expect to be well off are single, have never married and have no kids and work in super high powered jobs like hedge fund management. Even an ex of mine in his 30s, who was a solicitor was only earning 30k. If money is their primary motive, I doubt very much you would be interested in them anyway.

Be proud of who you are, that your bringing up a child who you love and nurture and provide everything he/she needs and that you pay your bills, put food on the table and provide a nice roof over your heads. Honestly after Covid, a lot of people have absolutely nothing, so flaunting that you have excess money to fritter away is actually just crass and off putting (in my eyes anyway)!

I agree. If people want to reply they will.

And if they don’t, BYE BYE!

 

[HelloStereo]

I went on a date with a guy a few days ago and it was alright but honestly the chat afterwards is so boring that sometimes I read and don't reply because he just texts so much. If I don't respond in an hour he sends another text to ask how my day is going etc.

It is sort of putting me off now because it feels like we have nothing to talk about and I don't know how to tell him I don't like texting so often.

This morning he text me asking what my plans were and I told him and asked him about his plans. We text a little back and forth and then he said something that didn't invite a response so I left it on read thinking I would reply later when I have something to say. An hour goes by and he texts again to ask what I'm up to today and it feels like he's texting for the sake of it as I'd already told him my plans barely an hour ago? I was probably rude in my reply as I just said "we talked about that just an hour ago? Didn't you read what I said in my message ". I don't know if he's just trying to be nice and make conversation but he keeps asking me the same things I've told him on dates or through text and it's almost as if he's not interested in what I have to say...

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I went on a date with a guy a few days ago and it was alright but honestly the chat afterwards is so boring that sometimes I read and don't reply because he just texts so much. If I don't respond in an hour he sends another text to ask how my day is going etc.

It is sort of putting me off now because it feels like we have nothing to talk about and I don't know how to tell him I don't like texting so often.

This morning he text me asking what my plans were and I told him and asked him about his plans. We text a little back and forth and then he said something that didn't invite a response so I left it on read thinking I would reply later when I have something to say. An hour goes by and he texts again to ask what I'm up to today and it feels like he's texting for the sake of it as I'd already told him my plans barely an hour ago? I was probably rude in my reply as I just said "we talked about that just an hour ago? Didn't you read what I said in my message ". I don't know if he's just trying to be nice and make conversation but he keeps asking me the same things I've told him on dates or through text and it's almost as if he's not interested in what I have to say...

This is how men are when they like you I always do the “I’m off out with my friends.. Enjoy your day” trick if I cba.

 

[HelloStereo]

This is how men are when they like you I always do the “I’m off out with my friends.. Enjoy your day” trick if I cba.

I love that trick too but then he's texting me in the evening asking how it's going and I just want to be left chatting to my friends rather than answering my phone . On the date I thought we had nothing in common and zero chemistry and he keeps asking me the same things we talked about on the date which always makes me think he's not interested in me but rather the thought of a relationship if that makes sense?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Literally today I’ve been active on here way more than I’ve even looked at match which tells me the power of sharing experiences as women is way stronger than the need for a man

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I love that trick too but then he's texting me in the evening asking how it's going and I just want to be left chatting to my friends rather than answering my phone . On the date I thought we had nothing in common and zero chemistry and he keeps asking me the same things we talked about on the date which always makes me think he's not interested in me but rather the thought of a relationship if that makes sense?

Just ignore him and reply when you want to, not when you feel like you have to.

Although you don’t sound interested and the irritation has set in so I would probably be doing my second trick of ‘It was good to meet you but I’m not feeling it.. I hope you find what you’re looking for.’

 

[thunderfook]

I love that trick too but then he's texting me in the evening asking how it's going and I just want to be left chatting to my friends rather than answering my phone . On the date I thought we had nothing in common and zero chemistry and he keeps asking me the same things we talked about on the date which always makes me think he's not interested in me but rather the thought of a relationship if that makes sense?

Sounds like you’re not really into him anyway. If you were, you’d be happy he at least tries. I always do the ‘have a good day’ trick if I want a conversation to end, but of course expect them to text me in the evening or next day again. I think you need to just tell him you’re not feeling it and don’t want to waste his time because he seems like a nice guy. Which he clearly is. I don’t think he’s not interested in what you have to say btw, I think far from it - he just wants an excuse to message you, but doesn’t know what to say. If you are interested in him, be honest and say you’re not much of a texter - I doubt he’d be happy if he thought he was annoying you!

 

[HelloStereo]

Just ignore him and reply when you want to, not when you feel like you have to.

Although you don’t sound interested and the irritation has set in so I would probably be doing my second trick of ‘It was good to meet you but I’m not feeling it.. I hope you find what you’re looking for.’

I know I know. I always feel the need to respond straight away to messages and you're right, I shouldn't have to.

To be honest, I didn't think either of us were interested in each other as conversation seemed quite forced on the date and we weren't flirty with each other or anything. I thought I'd go on a second date to see if there was more of a spark as he was attractive and a nice guy (I know on first dates sometimes people get nervous), but the chat in between has just been quite dull . You're right as well I am just getting irritated with being asked the same thing over and over as I usually just text if I have something to say or to joke around / share memes.

Sounds like you’re not really into him anyway. If you were, you’d be happy he at least tries. I always do the ‘have a good day’ trick if I want a conversation to end, but of course expect them to text me in the evening or next day again. I think you need to just tell him you’re not feeling it and don’t want to waste his time because he seems like a nice guy. Which he clearly is. I don’t think he’s not interested in what you have to say btw, I think far from it - he just wants an excuse to message you, but doesn’t know what to say. If you are interested in him, be honest and say you’re not much of a texter - I doubt he’d be happy if he thought he was annoying you!

Yeah, he responded with "sorry, my memory has been so bad today". But my response was just a few messages up.

I didn't get the impression on our date that he was that much into me. He stood quite far away from me and wasn't very flirty and then left not long after as he was tired. He also said "sorry if I smell of beer by the way, I had a few drinks with friends before meeting you" . He's an attractive guy and he is nice, I wanted to go on another date to see if it was a bit better before making a decision either way but the messaging in between is just not it. I'm not much of a texter in terms of just having banal back-and-forth where you're asking someone how their day is going every couple of hours.

You're right it probably was just an excuse to chat. But that he only repeats what he's asked again rather than finding something more meaningful to say surely says a lot about how you connect with someone? I contact him when I 2have something to share with him but at the moment it just feels a bit like forced conversation if that makes sense and it's really the conversation that's put me off more than anything .

 

[thunderfook]

Literally today I’ve been active on here way more than I’ve even looked at match which tells me the power of sharing experiences as women is way stronger than the need for a man

This is so true. I think most of us would value making new friendships more than meeting a new man. This site is such a tonic for at least having somewhere where you feel you are in the same boat and not alone.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

The feeling you get when you see someone’s name flash up on your phone or if you go on Whatsapp and see typing… under their name is the dead giveaway for how you feel about them. If your immediate response is “Oh bleeping hell, you again ” then it’s dead in the water.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

@HelloStereo Have you tried leading the conversation?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

This is so true. I think most of us would value making new friendships more than meeting a new man. This site is such a tonic for at least having somewhere where you feel you are in the same boat and not alone.

Yes, a lot of my friends don’t get it, as they’re either not actively dating or have settled down, this is so refreshing and way better than any therapist and if we can all help each other through the bumps in the road that’s a wonderful thing

 

[LaurieLaurie]

The feeling you get when you see someone’s name flash up on your phone or if you go on Whatsapp and see typing… under their name is the dead giveaway for how you feel about them. If your immediate response is “Oh bleeping hell, you again ” then it’s dead in the water.

%
I light up like a Christmas tree with I see mine pop up

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Same girl, same I’m seeing one at the moment who could literally text me the traffic report from the M60 ring road southbound and I’d still be like “Oh heyyyy ”

 

[Woolmercardington]

Came across this on a blog. Didn't save the author's name but it's basically about the whole texting/WhatsApp issue.

When you meet a new guy, either in person or online, you’ve got to imagine a tennis court with two people on either side and a ball going back and forth.

Back and forth is the only way. You serve, he returns your ball. You send it back to him, he sends it back to you, and so it goes on. If he does not return the ball to your court, you do not serve again. There is only one ball in this game. If that ball doesn’t come back to you, you wait. Still not coming? He’s on another court. Move on. Don’t ask him where the court is or what he’s doing on it – he doesn’t want to play with you, and that’s all you need to know.

And yet all the time I see the women sending that ball over, then sending another and then another, and then asking, why doesn’t he answer? Was it something I said? What’s his problem? And then taking their communication apart word for word in an attempt to decipher its hidden message.

There’s no hidden message – he doesn’t want to play ball with you. It’s much simpler than we believe.

We sit there over-analysing, picking things apart, second-guessing: what is he doing? Why is he online and not answering me? Who else is he talking to? When none of this matters. It’s irrelevant. Despite all this technology which (for better or for worse) keeps us connected 24/7 some things have stayed the same: if the boy likes the girl he will go and get her. And that’s the long and the short of it.

 

[HelloStereo]

@HelloStereo Have you tried leading the conversation?

Yeah he went somewhere cool a few days ago and I text him in the evening asking if he was looking forward to it and then the next day (yesterday) asking how it was with a few funny memes associated with the activity . He's just always logged into Whatsapp and feels the need to talk to you constantly which means after a while there is barely anything to say if that makes sense?

 

[thunderfook]

Came across this on a blog. Didn't save the author's name but it's basically about the whole texting/WhatsApp issue.

When you meet a new guy, either in person or online, you’ve got to imagine a tennis court with two people on either side and a ball going back and forth.

Back and forth is the only way. You serve, he returns your ball. You send it back to him, he sends it back to you, and so it goes on. If he does not return the ball to your court, you do not serve again. There is only one ball in this game. If that ball doesn’t come back to you, you wait. Still not coming? He’s on another court. Move on. Don’t ask him where the court is or what he’s doing on it – he doesn’t want to play with you, and that’s all you need to know.

And yet all the time I see the women sending that ball over, then sending another and then another, and then asking, why doesn’t he answer? Was it something I said? What’s his problem? And then taking their communication apart word for word in an attempt to decipher its hidden message.

There’s no hidden message – he doesn’t want to play ball with you. It’s much simpler than we believe.

We sit there over-analysing, picking things apart, second-guessing: what is he doing? Why is he online and not answering me? Who else is he talking to? When none of this matters. It’s irrelevant. Despite all this technology which (for better or for worse) keeps us connected 24/7 some things have stayed the same: if the boy likes the girl he will go and get her. And that’s the long and the short of it.

Absolutely and you know when you ask yourself ‘why do men move on so quickly’ please remember this analogy!

 

[Woolmercardington]

God, Tinder does my nut in the way it keeps sneaking in profiles I actually would swipe right on only to discover they are 256 miles away or 382 miles away!!

I have my settings set to 25 miles. The vast majority of profiles are abysmal. I don't need to be taunted by these attractive profiles hundreds of effing miles away!!

 

[GeorgeP123]

Nobody goes a day without sorting a new phone. You can’t make excuses for why someone has vanished, they just don’t want to talk to you to put it bluntly.
I could be last seen on WhatsApp three days ago but all over my Snapchat, Instagram and iMessage.

Yeah that's true but it's still only 1 tick so hasn't been delivered so it is strange. I couldn't go nearly 1 week without going on WhatsApp. Plus not blocked either on Tinder. So it's so odd.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Same girl, same I’m seeing one at the moment who could literally text me the traffic report from the M60 ring road southbound and I’d still be like “Oh heyyyy ”

Aww yay