Dating after lockdown #4 The bar for men is so low it's in hell

[Bettyboo2021]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice! Soo, I was dating a guy before Christmas I met through a mutual friend. I was warned he came with a reputation as a player and cheated on his ex wife, but I figured people can change. We really hit it off so much so things moved really fast and within 2 weeks I had practically moved in (he was in my bubble and lives quite far away so it made sense). First week in jan he rings me up and ends it abruptly, no warning no nothing just a harsh “this isn’t working for me”. I was absolutely gutted, and it took me a while to get over how cold he was towards me. I suspect someone else had caught his eye but no real info on that so I just accepted what he said and was amicable. Anyway, I joined match.com a couple months ago, which he is on too (he’s viewed my profile several times) and I’ve had a couple of dates (1 liked, 1 I didn’t) but as you know it’s slim pickings on there over 40 (I’m 42) . He’s constantly on there and I’m so tempted to like his profile and see what response I get...stupid I know but there isn’t honestly anyone else on there that seems ok!
Not sure what to do

 

[Mooordgirl]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice! Soo, I was dating a guy before Christmas I met through a mutual friend. I was warned he came with a reputation as a player and cheated on his ex wife, but I figured people can change. We really hit it off so much so things moved really fast and within 2 weeks I had practically moved in (he was in my bubble and lives quite far away so it made sense). First week in jan he rings me up and ends it abruptly, no warning no nothing just a harsh “this isn’t working for me”. I was absolutely gutted, and it took me a while to get over how cold he was towards me. I suspect someone else had caught his eye but no real info on that so I just accepted what he said and was amicable. Anyway, I joined match.com a couple months ago, which he is on too (he’s viewed my profile several times) and I’ve had a couple of dates (1 liked, 1 I didn’t) but as you know it’s slim pickings on there over 40 (I’m 42) . He’s constantly on there and I’m so tempted to like his profile and see what response I get...stupid I know but there isn’t honestly anyone else on there that seems ok!
Not sure what to do

Ignore him!!

 

[Clementine]

I wouldn’t. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me comes to mind.

I’m 41 btw so know what it’s like out there!

 

[Alexaj]

Resist the urge!!!

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I wouldn’t. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me comes to mind.

I’m 41 btw so know what it’s like!

Thank you!! Yes my gut is telling me not too

I wouldn’t. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me comes to mind.

I’m 41 btw so know what it’s like out there!

Is bloody hard isn’t it yesterday a man who was about 20 stone who’s profile name was “ramrod” sent me a message if that makes you feel any better

 

[Clementine]

He sounds delightful.

Meh, I don’t take it seriously anymore. I’m talking to a 29 year old

 

[Bettyboo2021]

He sounds delightful.

Meh, I don’t take it seriously anymore.

Do you know what I’ve found? Men get WORSE as they get older I think if they’ve been there done that (marriage,kids etc) they seem to have developed some kind of playboy mentality, or they aren’t over their ex...you’re right it’s best to to take it to heart

 

[Woolmercardington]

I’ve been told (by men) I’m too old for casual relationships/I should be settled down countless times.. I’m 31 but I’ve heard it since late 20s

I was with my ex for 13 years, I wanted to enjoy being single.

Did these men happen to be characters from a Jane Austen novel?

 

[Mr Sparkle]

Hey y'all.

Dipped out of this thread for a bit as I'd hit it off with a friend-of-a-friend, thought I'd found a proper catch. Ticks so many boxes, super lovely and lots of shared interests, we moved pretty quickly in a month and a half.

Then come to find that he admires some pretty right-wing commentators and the one issue I could get his opinion on, is anti-women... Facepalm, that's a deal-breaker for me. Had the breakup convo yesterday, feeling pretty fine about it today!

Kinda stoked to be single again though lol. Part of me's like "will I ever not find a fault with someone, am I gonna be single forever" but the other part's like... Chill out, I'm 28, I got time.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice! Soo, I was dating a guy before Christmas I met through a mutual friend. I was warned he came with a reputation as a player and cheated on his ex wife, but I figured people can change. We really hit it off so much so things moved really fast and within 2 weeks I had practically moved in (he was in my bubble and lives quite far away so it made sense). First week in jan he rings me up and ends it abruptly, no warning no nothing just a harsh “this isn’t working for me”. I was absolutely gutted, and it took me a while to get over how cold he was towards me. I suspect someone else had caught his eye but no real info on that so I just accepted what he said and was amicable. Anyway, I joined match.com a couple months ago, which he is on too (he’s viewed my profile several times) and I’ve had a couple of dates (1 liked, 1 I didn’t) but as you know it’s slim pickings on there over 40 (I’m 42) . He’s constantly on there and I’m so tempted to like his profile and see what response I get...stupid I know but there isn’t honestly anyone else on there that seems ok!
Not sure what to do

Nope. Nope. No!

 

[f0xmulder]

hello again!!

i have a small small update~ i spent last weekend with the Guitarist again. i feel like we have mad chemistry but it seems to take both of us a minute to build up to anything physical. i told him that i wasn't enjoying going on other dates so i'm not going to anymore, and he told me that he hadn't been on any other dates at all. so we both know where we stand on that which i'm really glad about. i saw a very close friend for dinner on monday and showed her my texts with the Guitarist and she laughed and said that i'm basically now seeing someone who texts exactly like i do - which is to say very dry.

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice! Soo, I was dating a guy before Christmas I met through a mutual friend. I was warned he came with a reputation as a player and cheated on his ex wife, but I figured people can change. We really hit it off so much so things moved really fast and within 2 weeks I had practically moved in (he was in my bubble and lives quite far away so it made sense). First week in jan he rings me up and ends it abruptly, no warning no nothing just a harsh “this isn’t working for me”. I was absolutely gutted, and it took me a while to get over how cold he was towards me. I suspect someone else had caught his eye but no real info on that so I just accepted what he said and was amicable. Anyway, I joined match.com a couple months ago, which he is on too (he’s viewed my profile several times) and I’ve had a couple of dates (1 liked, 1 I didn’t) but as you know it’s slim pickings on there over 40 (I’m 42) . He’s constantly on there and I’m so tempted to like his profile and see what response I get...stupid I know but there isn’t honestly anyone else on there that seems ok!
Not sure what to do

don't do it!!! he sounds like exactly the kind of person who thrives on attention, so the best thing you can do is starve him of it. also, why waste your energy on someone who treated you in a really rude way?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

hello again!!

i have a small small update~ i spent last weekend with the Guitarist again. i feel like we have mad chemistry but it seems to take both of us a minute to build up to anything physical. i told him that i wasn't enjoying going on other dates so i'm not going to anymore, and he told me that he hadn't been on any other dates at all. so we both know where we stand on that which i'm really glad about. i saw a very close friend for dinner on monday and showed her my texts with the Guitarist and she laughed and said that i'm basically now seeing someone who texts exactly like i do - which is to say very dry.



don't do it!!! he sounds like exactly the kind of person who thrives on attention, so the best thing you can do is starve him of it. also, why waste your energy on someone who treated you in a really rude way?

Thank you for your reply, yes he’s a total narc, he pursued me relentlessly, presents etc 4 weeks later I was something he scraped off his shoe xx

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Thank you for your reply, yes he’s a total narc, he pursued me relentlessly, presents etc 4 weeks later I was something he scraped off his shoe xx

Some men love just the chase. I’ve just had someone irritating the life out of me with his ‘I love a challenge’ and ‘I like competition’ comments. I blew up at him in the end

 

[Clementine]

@Bettyboo2021

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I plan on being silent. Our plan was to see each other on Friday cause I wanted to do the arcade/crazy golf. I’ll be silent and just try and wait it out. I don’t know how I’d behave if he returns. If he texts today and apologises/gives an explanation I’d consider continuing idk. Also we haven’t even kissed yet! He seemed more of a gentleman than the usual dicks. We Held hands, arms around each other when walking and sitting etc which was more than enough for me.

It is SO hard though as I feel like I’m constantly in some bullshit with men and I’m the common denominator in this. Therefore I always take it personally and wonder where I went or did something wrong.

I personally try not to play games and act as I would like the man to act.

For example - the guy I am currently dating (met on Bumble) stopped messaging me for about two weeks. A couple of days before going silent his messages were delayed and short.
I still answered relatively soon and cheerful - told him what I was up to and asked a question.

After the two weeks silence he came back and apologised and we started sending messages more frequently again, until we spoke on the phone and then eventually met up.
His mother had recently died, sadly, and he had a lot of stuff to sort out and felt low, therefore the silence. I think it is understandable.

The last time we saw each other was on Sunday evening. After he left to drive home I hadn't heard anything and on Monday early evening I messaged him saying that he hadn't been in touch to tell me he arrived safely etc. He then responded.
I think it didn't occur to him to message me in the evening, but I would have liked to have a message so next time I see him I will talk to him about it.


In your case I would respond when he texts you again, but would ask him about what had happened and why he hadn't read your messages.
Then I would tell him that this put a bit of a stop to the momentum and you didn't appreciate the silence.
If you are sure then why not tell him that you don't like to be treated this way so don't want to meet him again.

I think this is what I would do.

Also: better he acts in this way now than after months of dating. Although I understand how hurtful it is.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

@Bettyboo2021

Haha yes..that’s gonna end in tears too

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice! Soo, I was dating a guy before Christmas I met through a mutual friend. I was warned he came with a reputation as a player and cheated on his ex wife, but I figured people can change. We really hit it off so much so things moved really fast and within 2 weeks I had practically moved in (he was in my bubble and lives quite far away so it made sense). First week in jan he rings me up and ends it abruptly, no warning no nothing just a harsh “this isn’t working for me”. I was absolutely gutted, and it took me a while to get over how cold he was towards me. I suspect someone else had caught his eye but no real info on that so I just accepted what he said and was amicable. Anyway, I joined match.com a couple months ago, which he is on too (he’s viewed my profile several times) and I’ve had a couple of dates (1 liked, 1 I didn’t) but as you know it’s slim pickings on there over 40 (I’m 42) . He’s constantly on there and I’m so tempted to like his profile and see what response I get...stupid I know but there isn’t honestly anyone else on there that seems ok!
Not sure what to do

Don't do it.
He wasn't very nice to you in the end so firstly he doesn't deserve your attention, secondly most likely would hurt you again and finally: you are worth so much more and can do better than that

 

[HitchhikingGhost]

Been thinking about when to have the, are we in a relationship now talk? Seeing the same guy for a month now and we have previously said we aren't seeing /speaking to other people and we have both got rid of the app (in our own time) . We have increased how much we see each other and started going on day trips/spending whole weekends together.

Is a month an acceptable time to bring it up or do people wait longer these days? Been out the game so long!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Been thinking about when to have the, are we in a relationship now talk? Seeing the same guy for a month now and we have previously said we aren't seeing /speaking to other people and we have both got rid of the app (in our own time) . We have increased how much we see each other and started going on day trips/spending whole weekends together.

Is a month an acceptable time to bring it up or do people wait longer these days? Been out the game so long!

Its not something you can put a time on, if it feels right then go for it.

 

[newtoyou]

Then come to find that he admires some pretty right-wing commentators and the one issue I could get his opinion on, is anti-women... Facepalm, that's a deal-breaker for me. Had the breakup convo yesterday, feeling pretty fine about it today!

Kinda stoked to be single again though lol. Part of me's like "will I ever not find a fault with someone, am I gonna be single forever"

To be fair, being anti-women is a pretty legit fault to find with a man Good for you