I think it's all that pent up frustration after lockdownBack again!
I think the apps are majorly busy right now. Every time I empty my Bumble queue it fills up to 50+ within an hour (not boasting or anything!! I do live in London too so lots of people)...but are any of them interesting? What do you think
The last person I dated exclusively we dated for about a month (3 dates a week on average) before agreeing..I thought it meant he was my boyfriendquick update for you all on this lovely new thread! i went over to the Guitarist's place on tuesday night, had chinese takeout and watched a goodfellas - he's obsessed with all the gangster movies, but we take turns on picking movies and next time it's my turn. which leads me to... we've agreed to do another movie thing on sunday (and i will take my overnight things). i feel like i'm on a train going off the tracks a bit but also i love it? he was the last person to message and i left it on read for all of yesterday, and i'll probably reply later today with a random tiktok about gangster movies.
also the Italian messaged me last night and voice noted me (boring) and i swapped numbers with a teacher but the chat is deadddd. i'm trying not to go all eggs in one basket with the Guitarist buttttt he's the most interesting? it's hard to focus on a boring person just as a distraction from the interesting person you're trying not to get caught up in.
how do you manage multiple dating scenarios? when, if ever, do you want to make things exclusive? i'm thinking of asking the Guitarist on sunday if he's had other overnight guests just from a health perspective, not necessarily an exclusivity perspective.
I would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested inhow do you manage multiple dating scenarios?
I wouldn’t worry about him seeing you on Tinder. He would have to be on there himself to see youI would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested in
The guy I'm currently speaking to and going on dates with, he's the only one I am doing that with as I deleted Tinder at the beginning of the year.. I do wish I hadn't as I hate the idea of putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I think having other options would make me feel less scared haha.
If things don't work out I will probably redownload Tinder but I'm going to leave it for now as I wouldn't want him to see me pop up on Tinder all of the sudden - as I know I'd be a bit put off if it was other way around (maybe I'm over thinking it).
ooh that's interesting! tbh i have a more avoidant attachment style so even right now i'm like flipflopping about the Guitarist. i'm a very hot and cold person but i try not to show it externally bc it's just my useless rat brain running on a wheel.The last person I dated exclusively we dated for about a month (3 dates a week on average) before agreeing..I thought it meant he was my boyfriend.
I think it's hard to remain enthusiastic about other people when you've found someone you like more.
this is extremely fair and tbh my logical mind agrees with you - but i don't want to get hurt and i feel like having a few others as potentials is a bit of a safety net if things with the Guitarist go off the rails.I realised it was no good for me having multiple options just because I could. I’ve tried it and it never ends well for the ones that are 2nd/3rd etc because I was always putting one first and never making time for the others who ended up getting hurt.
I’d rather remove the ones I wasn’t feeling and focus on the one I did like.
i'm exactly the same!! except i have backups rn bc i am so not up for a summer of pining over someone's son. re: tinder, i agree with laurielaurie, if someone sees you on tinder, they also have to be on tinder so...... all's fair etc. although, tbh... Guitarist was a back up for the pathological liar initially, so people can move up down in terms of how much you like them!I would love to be able to date multiple men, but I always find myself having a "favourite" and putting most of my time and effort into them, and the other men are "backups" which is pretty mean. I just find it difficult to get to know multiple people, when there is that one that I know I'm mostly interested in
The guy I'm currently speaking to and going on dates with, he's the only one I am doing that with as I deleted Tinder at the beginning of the year.. I do wish I hadn't as I hate the idea of putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I think having other options would make me feel less scared haha.
If things don't work out I will probably redownload Tinder but I'm going to leave it for now as I wouldn't want him to see me pop up on Tinder all of the sudden - as I know I'd be a bit put off if it was other way around (maybe I'm over thinking it).
i'm normally (or, previously) a one basket type person, but i think because no-one really does that anymore it makes more sense to date around. bc of the apps and especially with post-lockdown madness, i feel like most people my age are seeing multiple people partly to prevent getting too deep into something, partly for a fun activity, and partly just because it's possible?I disagree with this whole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" it's just bullshit to me
If you only have time/mental capacity/interest in one person, then just go for it. If it doesn't work out, put yourself out there again and find someone else.
I think it stems from people being wary about getting too serious, too quickly, which I understand, but there is nothing wrong with only dating one person even early days
I think it’s ok as long as you keep things cool with the back ups.this is extremely fair and tbh my logical mind agrees with you - but i don't want to get hurt and i feel like having a few others as potentials is a bit of a safety net if things with the Guitarist go off the rails.
that's so interesting! without getting into too much personal details, the Guitarist is from London, same as me, but his ex lived abroad and he was in a LDR that only ended in april, where my LDR ended in march and my ex lived about 200 miles away. i feel like in my experience guys don't really catch feelings that quickly, maybe you just have the secret sauce to make them fall for you!I think it’s ok as long as you keep things cool with the back ups.
Maybe it’s just me but the lads in Newcastle are soft as shit and get attached/catch feelings quickly so I’m wary not to drag other people along when I’m not 100% feeling it.
i think for me is just figuring out what a ~normal timeline with all of this is! i haven't really dated before and i have no idea what my own feelings are doing or what the general norm for things isI think initially it's fine to date multiple people. But there does come a point where it definitely becomes unfair and also you do end up liking one more.
In my experience anyway, usually within a few weeks most have run their course and I end up down to one. What I would do is to stop arranging new dates if I had a few coming up, focus on those, maybe get down to one, see them for a bit, that ends and then start again.
As we have been going on dates recently, I wouldn't want him to think I've started looking elsewhere because I am not enjoying his company or something like thatI wouldn’t worry about him seeing you on Tinder. He would have to be on there himself to see you
I think my worry about "putting all of my eggs in one basket" is there because matching on a dating app, it's only natural that the other person is speaking to/dating other people, and I hate the idea of me focusing on one person, who might be focusing on multiple people.I disagree with this whole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" it's just bullshit to me
If you only have time/mental capacity/interest in one person, then just go for it. If it doesn't work out, put yourself out there again and find someone else.
I think it stems from people being wary about getting too serious, too quickly, which I understand, but there is nothing wrong with only dating one person even early days
I wasn’t implying that he was, just that it’s a pointless worry. He couldn’t think anything of you being on there if he was on it himself if you know what I mean.As we have been going on dates recently, I wouldn't want him to think I've started looking elsewhere because I am not enjoying his company or something like thatbut yes for all I know he could still be on Tinder and looking elsewhere
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