Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

With more context I can understand why he wouldn't want her texting those sorts of things if his son can see.

Although I don't understand why he streams from his phone to the TV if he is that worried.

I think calling men who aren't your dad "daddy" is an ick but also why would she be using that term in a nonsexual context? It doesn't make sense to me. Is she saying things like "want me to pick up some semi skimmed milk on the way home daddy?"

Yeah she kind of kept that quiet - I'm on both sides now; I can understand his point of view but I haven't asked for details (not my buisness but here I am writing about it on tattle) - apparentley the last one she sent said just said goodnight baby and he said 'stop, my son saw that'. She sent an apology early in the morning hoping only he would see it but hes been silent since.

I would suggest taking her out and getting drunk but she doesnt even drink!

 

[IGiveUp22]

Yeah she kind of kept that quiet - I'm on both sides now; I can understand his point of view but I haven't asked for details (not my buisness but here I am writing about it on tattle) - apparentley the last one she sent said just said goodnight baby and he said 'stop, my son saw that'. She sent an apology early in the morning hoping only he would see it but hes been silent since.

I would suggest taking her out and getting drunk but she doesnt even drink!

The daddy ones and the nailing one, I can’t understand. But this one…I sort of feel like that isn’t that bad.

Has he not told his son about her? And how old is the kid?

If he’s that stressed out over it, maybe he needs to mute her chat when his kid is around - this doesn’t stop their communication but would allow him control over the messages being seen. However, I am pretty skeptical of the situation as a whole…why link his phone up with a risk of messages coming through/being seen?

Is this a short term thing if they’re newly dating or is there a reason he doesn’t want his child knowing he’s dating someone? Is it deffo because of his kid and not someone else in his life? There are a lot of questions here and I’d would just bow out because it sounds like a lot of hassle/rules in something that’s meant to be fun/enjoyable

 

[D2them]

The daddy ones and the nailing one, I can’t understand. But this one…I sort of feel like that isn’t that bad.

Has he not told his son about her? And how old is the kid?

If he’s that stressed out over it, maybe he needs to mute her chat when his kid is around - this doesn’t stop their communication but would allow him control over the messages being seen. However, I am pretty skeptical of the situation as a whole…why link his phone up with a risk of messages coming through/being seen?

Is this a short term thing if they’re newly dating or is there a reason he doesn’t want his child knowing he’s dating someone? Is it deffo because of his kid and not someone else in his life? There are a lot of questions here and I’d would just bow out because it sounds like a lot of hassle/rules in something that’s meant to be fun/enjoyable

It's the silent treatment bit for me

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

The daddy ones and the nailing one, I can’t understand. But this one…I sort of feel like that isn’t that bad.

Has he not told his son about her? And how old is the kid?

If he’s that stressed out over it, maybe he needs to mute her chat when his kid is around - this doesn’t stop their communication but would allow him control over the messages being seen. However, I am pretty skeptical of the situation as a whole…why link his phone up with a risk of messages coming through/being seen?

Is this a short term thing if they’re newly dating or is there a reason he doesn’t want his child knowing he’s dating someone? Is it deffo because of his kid and not someone else in his life? There are a lot of questions here and I’d would just bow out because it sounds like a lot of hassle/rules in something that’s meant to be fun/enjoyable

I have no idea if the son has been told; theyve known each other for 18 months and have been on and off from what I can gather its very much on his terms, shes shown me some texts as Im getting quite worried about the situation now. He seems to really actually like her but had lots of personal problems. I think the kid is about 12 or 13, Im actually not sure as she is claiming up about it now

 

[LittleLen]

Yeah she kind of kept that quiet - I'm on both sides now; I can understand his point of view but I haven't asked for details (not my buisness but here I am writing about it on tattle) - apparentley the last one she sent said just said goodnight baby and he said 'stop, my son saw that'. She sent an apology early in the morning hoping only he would see it but hes been silent since.

I would suggest taking her out and getting drunk but she doesnt even drink!

I'm confused why he doesn't have his notifications silenced or on preview only where you can only see So and so - 2 messages. Or have the chat muted?

There's a million and one ways he can not have his notifications just popping up all over the place where his son can read them.

Reminds me of a time a man gave me the silent treatment and got angry at me for merely texting "I miss you". Anyways, turns out he had a wife and was scared she'd see it...

 

[BWGossip]

I have no idea if the son has been told; theyve known each other for 18 months and have been on and off from what I can gather its very much on his terms

Why is she dating him, what does she get out of it? Because, from the sound of it, she is his free sex doll, who can't even send a 'goodnight baby' text. Sounds like a fun and fullfilling 'relationship'. I'm gonna bet he is dating someone else (or trying to) and keeping your friend as a back up.

 

[Blueblue123]

My friend has been dating someone on and off for 1 year. Hes not talking to her because sometimes when she texts him, he is streaming something from his phone to his TV and his son sees her texts. From what I here, there mostly innocent and not complete filth.

She says never has any way of knowing if hes doing this (unless he tells her not to text), or knowing if his son is holding his phone but somehow its her fault he reads them and despite apoligising, she is in the doghouse and he hasnt spoken to her for most of this week.

Is it me being unreasonable and not appreciating his perspective and getting riled on her behave on this or is it utterly batshit?

I don't think it matters how explicit her texts are, it's on him to control what his child sees.

All texts have the potential to be personal, streaming them on the TV makes no sense. And like you said, she doesn't know when it's happening.

They're adults and should be able to have private, adult conversations without worrying about his child seeing it.

To give her the silent treatment when she doesn't know she's done anything wrong and didn't do anything intentionally is not okay.

 

[IGiveUp22]

@Archduchess of Luxembourg i do hope you and your friend are okay. I think your spidey scenes were obviously tingling about what she’d told you and I imagine our responses have probs only opened up a bigger can of worms to think about/consider.

Deep down she probably knows the situation isn’t quite right or how he’s treating her isn’t fair or kind, sometimes that’s hard to swallow from someone else and you get on the defensive. Just be there for her and hopefully she’ll continue to open up/get your support or advice

 

[Sandor]

I would say other side you do have to think about what situation the people you’re texting are in.

I got a surprise tattoo near my breast a few weeks ago and was excited to show the person I’m with. But I sent it with a big DONT OPEN AROUND OTHER PEOPLE straight after so that he knew it was definitely a his eyes only situation.

But I still think she can’t walk on eggshells like this. The expected norm is that phones are private and like other people have said most of us are sensible enough to turn previews off. He can have boundaries but it’s on him to set them.

 

[misunderstood]

If you are on WhatsApp there is a option to send pictures where the receiver can only view it once and can’t be screenshot

 

[Blueblue123]

I would say other side you do have to think about what situation the people you’re texting are in.

I got a surprise tattoo near my breast a few weeks ago and was excited to show the person I’m with. But I sent it with a big DONT OPEN AROUND OTHER PEOPLE straight after so that he knew it was definitely a his eyes only situation.

But I still think she can’t walk on eggshells like this. The expected norm is that phones are private and like other people have said most of us are sensible enough to turn previews off. He can have boundaries but it’s on him to set them.

That makes sense as it's a photo that can be seen over someone's shoulder or something without even trying. It takes a little more effort to see someone's text.

I think the onus falls on him and it's up to him to set the standard. Just like we've all at one point answered a call and immediately said "I'm with my mum" or "you're on loudspeaker".

Pet names like babe and daddy can be part of an otherwise non sexual message so maybe she's giving it less thought than sending an intimate photo. Especially if it's fine one minute, then a massive problem the next. I'm sure he's okay with those messages any other time.

Either way, him getting arsey with her is a red flag imo. If he's so bothered, he could just tell her when her texts will be on the TV and avoid the argument.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Seen an attractive guy on my walk home, asked if he was single & he was so I asked for his number & he gave it to me!

 

[monepierce]

Seen an attractive guy on my walk home, asked if he was single & he was so I asked for his number & he gave it to me!

I wish I had the confidence to do this, being asked out as a joke as a teenager has scarred me

 

[calabazarock]

I have no idea if the son has been told; theyve known each other for 18 months and have been on and off from what I can gather its very much on his terms, shes shown me some texts as Im getting quite worried about the situation now. He seems to really actually like her but had lots of personal problems. I think the kid is about 12 or 13, Im actually not sure as she is claiming up about it now

To me it's a huge red flag. Why won't he be a decent parent a buy a freaking roku or something to stream content to the tv instead of using his cellphone if he is so "worried"? Also after 18 months it sounds strange a 12-13 year old cannot know his dad has a gf?

 

[grannypants]

Seen an attractive guy on my walk home, asked if he was single & he was so I asked for his number & he gave it to me!

Love this! I find it so encouraging when I hear about people approaching others in public.

I feel like more and more people are moving away from the apps now. I deleted hinge this week and I’m feeling so much lighter for it!

 

[Thank(space)you]

I wish I had the confidence to do this, being asked out as a joke as a teenager has scarred me

It's very unlike me but I've seen him before & said if I saw him again I'd just go for it. He's messaged as well so that's a good sign. Just need to not be delulu and convince myself he's my soul mate haha

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

To me it's a huge red flag. Why won't he be a decent parent a buy a freaking roku or something to stream content to the tv instead of using his cellphone if he is so "worried"? Also after 18 months it sounds strange a 12-13 year old cannot know his dad has a gf?

I don't know. I'm sad for her. She seems invested.

 

[w8g]

Seen an attractive guy on my walk home, asked if he was single & he was so I asked for his number & he gave it to me!

Can I ask for a step by step tutorial please?
What was your thought process and what were the exact words you used?
Have you locked eyes before you went up to him?

I need this for myself

 

[Thank(space)you]

Can I ask for a step by step tutorial please?
What was your thought process and what were the exact words you used?
Have you locked eyes before you went up to him?

I need this for myself

I'd seem him a couple of times in passing around town and told myself if I see him again I'm gonna speak to him
We did lock eyes and we smiled at each other so I walked over and introduced myself, asked his name. He said he had noticed me around so I asked if he was single & when he said yes I asked for his number. I'm never normally this brave haha.
Sadly he messaged me a couple of times yesterday and then nothing since even though my last message was asking him a question.

Just feel like if he wasn't interested he could have just said he's not or lied and said he had a girlfriend or was gay or pretended he doesn't speak English or something

 

[Blueblue123]

Either way, good on you @Thank(space)you for having the guts and being bold!