Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[timtams]

I've seen the guy I posted about last weekend 5 times now (we met 2 weeks ago) and he just seems so nice and normal, and we get along so well. We still haven't kissed though I've slept with guys quicker than this! 3 of the times have just been walks in his lunch break when he's WFH and I have the day off, because we both have a kid and different schedules with them.

When we saw each other last night we had a bit of a cuddle but he's had a bad cold and was still quite congested/sore throat, and then the same today when we went for a walk. I can only assume that's why because he shows a lot of interest in other ways. I hope so anyway because I really like him. We've planned another evening date for next week so hopefully it'll happen then haha. Imagine if he was just a horrendous kisser 🫤

 

[Rayne]

First date, sushi place, his suggestion.

The bill comes, he looks at me and says “what do you want to do? Go halves?”

Well of course now I can only say “of course”.

I am mortified when the waiter returns and is informed the bill is being split.

What I would expect: if he suggests the date, he pays for the date. I would pay for the next one. If there isn’t a next one, then that’s just the price you pay for dating.

I paid for the last first date I was on. Because it was my suggestion. It’s nothing to do with gender roles. It’s just etiquette I think.

During the date he made clear that he doesn’t have any financial concerns so it’s not like it is a budget issue. He was otherwise lovely but I’m now worried he’s a scabby bastard.

Thoughts?!

Into the bin he goes

 

[al255]

I think you are correct as the place was his suggestion, he should of paid.

Otherwise how did it go? Did he mention a second date?

But yea it would kind of give me the ick

Every first date I've been on, they've asked to take me out and I've never paid a penny! I offer to pay. I don't "expect" them to pay as such but I think if they're asking you out they should be paying! Other way round and I'd pay.

Even my current partner, he refuses to let me pay for meals out, he's letting me pay for lunch this weekend which is a first even though I always offer..!! He just says he's the man and that's that

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I've seen the guy I posted about last weekend 5 times now (we met 2 weeks ago) and he just seems so nice and normal, and we get along so well. We still haven't kissed though I've slept with guys quicker than this! 3 of the times have just been walks in his lunch break when he's WFH and I have the day off, because we both have a kid and different schedules with them.

When we saw each other last night we had a bit of a cuddle but he's had a bad cold and was still quite congested/sore throat, and then the same today when we went for a walk. I can only assume that's why because he shows a lot of interest in other ways. I hope so anyway because I really like him. We've planned another evening date for next week so hopefully it'll happen then haha. Imagine if he was just a horrendous kisser 🫤

I expect that - aside from his cold - he is afraid to overstep the mark and would not do anything that you would not appreciate/enjoy.

My suggestion would be to wait until his cold is gone and then take the first step.

If he is not a good kisser then maybe you can teach him

 

[misunderstood]

I only split the bill if I know that I would be seeing them again even on 1st dates .
Although some men don’t know how to act like a reasonable being when it comes to going on dates

 

[Olgivy]

*Waves*

Yes, I’m alive. But I am in a season of decentering men, and I’m enjoying it so much. Who knew this witch could be so productive. But here we are. It would take someone *literally* out of this world to break me out of this zone. Will never join a dating site again. Simply not interested in the shenanigans. The cost vs reward is a non argument at this point.

With that said, I’ll pay for precisely zero for the first few dates at least. But I’ll secretly think they should pay for longer than that if they want a chance of winning me over. The stance I have is that, sitting across from me at the table is a privilege. They are there to win me over, not the other way round. If they have no money, why are they even dating? They need to sort their tit out, rather than look for a woman who has dropped her standards because she is afraid to be alone. I will not be their Mummy. Especially not for a below average man who claims to believe in masculine identity roles, but can’t pay for a carbonara. Get the duck out of here.

A man with bad money management skills is the ultimate ick for me.

 

[harveydean]

*Waves*

Yes, I’m alive. But I am in a season of decentering men, and I’m enjoying it so much. Who knew this witch could be so productive. But here we are. It would take someone *literally* out of this world to break me out of this zone. Will never join a dating site again. Simply not interested in the shenanigans. The cost vs reward is a non argument at this point.

With that said, I’ll pay for precisely zero for the first few dates at least. But I’ll secretly think they should pay for longer than that if they want a chance of winning me over. The stance I have is that, sitting across from me at the table is a privilege. They are there to win me over, not the other way round. If they have no money, why are they even dating? They need to sort their tit out, rather than look for a woman who has dropped her standards because she is afraid to be alone. I will not be their Mummy. Especially not for a below average man who claims to believe in masculine identity roles, but can’t pay for a carbonara. Get the duck out of here.

A man with bad money management skills is the ultimate ick for me.

I could’ve written this myself. I’m off the apps - the summer is here and I’m going to have fun!

I wouldn’t even offer to pay. If you can’t pick up a meal, what else can’t you provide for?

 

[ChipButties]

Yeah I've had enough too.
This is very much a drunk post but I am so content with myself at the moment (at last, yet again!) - I have no need to even think about men.. Yes, I have been single for all of my life, and at times I have felt quite lonely and unlovable etc., but that is because no-one ever fulfills my criteria. Never settle ladies, better single then with someone who's tit. It's not a you problem!!!
I am attractive, I am funny, I am clever, unfortunately I have never met anyone who reciprocates my feelings AND fulfills all my criteria. I am the best they would ever have, if only they could have me. Not my issue, goodbye and good riddance to all honestly. I am done!
I believe that most things happen for a reason so we shall see how this year pans out. Lots of love to anyone reading, stay strong and actually learn to love yourself (if you don't already).. that is the most important kind of love

 

[Thank(space)you]

Feel like this is the vibe of the thread atm

 

[holliebollie]

Does anyone else sometimes think they might be… not asexual, but something similar? Or is it purely that there are barely any fanciable, hot men?!

I have had hetero relationships all my life, bar one with a woman. I can’t think of even many relationships or dates where I’ve really. 100% FANCIED the man. I look back (or even in the relationship!) and think, ‘I never found him that attractive’ I did with the woman, but even when I change Hinge to women only, I don’t find anyone attractive. I see men I think are gorgeous online but never in real life/apps. What’s going on? Am I A: actually the world’s fussiest woman B: just not really attracted to anyone deep down or C: is it lack of hotties?!

 

[Rayne]

Does anyone else sometimes think they might be… not asexual, but something similar? Or is it purely that there are barely any fanciable, hot men?!

I have had hetero relationships all my life, bar one with a woman. I can’t think of even many relationships or dates where I’ve really. 100% FANCIED the man. I look back (or even in the relationship!) and think, ‘I never found him that attractive’ I did with the woman, but even when I change Hinge to women only, I don’t find anyone attractive. I see men I think are gorgeous online but never in real life/apps. What’s going on? Am I A: actually the world’s fussiest woman B: just not really attracted to anyone deep down or C: is it lack of hotties?!

I think it’s lack of hotties. I went through a phase of a few years like this until my ex popped up and I just fancied him instantly. I sadly haven’t found any comparable in fanciability in over a year since him . I hold out hope though that one day I will stumble across someone where I instantly know once again

 

[holliebollie]

@Rayne your post gives me hope AND despair Maybe it is just lack of hotties and I don’t meet anyone good looking enough to fancy?! I saw everyone in a 20 mile radius in less than an hour and even the matches I have are the ones I’ve thought, ‘Mm he might be better in person‘ I don’t know whether to just accept I’m probably going to be single for a few years and have to get with someone ugly out of desperation once I’m over 40 (won’t be long)

 

[Rayne]

@Rayne your post gives me hope AND despair Maybe it is just lack of hotties and I don’t meet anyone good looking enough to fancy?! I saw everyone in a 20 mile radius in less than an hour and even the matches I have are the ones I’ve thought, ‘Mm he might be better in person‘ I don’t know whether to just accept I’m probably going to be single for a few years and have to get with someone ugly out of desperation once I’m over 40 (won’t be long)

My post also gives me hope and despair . Seriously though I did really question myself about maybe I had became asexual or had I actually become a lesbian and hadn’t realised yet. I just found no man attractive for years, I’m sort of going through it again after a year of no luck on the apps but I’m not as bad as the first time around when I had zero interest.

 

[harveydean]

Definite lack of hotties! Also it’s hard to feel attraction through a screen.

 

[Blueblue123]

Does anyone else sometimes think they might be… not asexual, but something similar? Or is it purely that there are barely any fanciable, hot men?!

I have had hetero relationships all my life, bar one with a woman. I can’t think of even many relationships or dates where I’ve really. 100% FANCIED the man. I look back (or even in the relationship!) and think, ‘I never found him that attractive’ I did with the woman, but even when I change Hinge to women only, I don’t find anyone attractive. I see men I think are gorgeous online but never in real life/apps. What’s going on? Am I A: actually the world’s fussiest woman B: just not really attracted to anyone deep down or C: is it lack of hotties?!

Lack of hotties and maybe being demisexual?

Sometimes you need that emotional connection first to feel attracted to someone.

 

[LaBlonde]

Does anyone else sometimes think they might be… not asexual, but something similar? Or is it purely that there are barely any fanciable, hot men?!

I have had hetero relationships all my life, bar one with a woman. I can’t think of even many relationships or dates where I’ve really. 100% FANCIED the man. I look back (or even in the relationship!) and think, ‘I never found him that attractive’ I did with the woman, but even when I change Hinge to women only, I don’t find anyone attractive. I see men I think are gorgeous online but never in real life/apps. What’s going on? Am I A: actually the world’s fussiest woman B: just not really attracted to anyone deep down or C: is it lack of hotties?!

as someone solidly on the asexual scale (or who identifies pretty heavily as demisexual) it isn’t always as simple as “lack of hotties”. you could show me 100 hotties and i’d see the potential that i could be into maybe two of them after at least seven dates and a special narrative i have created for us i will, quite literally, never find a man willing to go at the glacial pace i need.

 

[unidentified]

I think what’s even worse is you swipe left and think they’re really unattractive (both physically and with what they say in their profile) and it tells you you’ve missed a potential match. I think to myself do they think we’re in the same league, is this what my life is.
I think there is a combination of the lack of attractive people and a lack of the ‘hotter’ ones being after no emotional connection.
I would say I was demisexual although I can find people attractive but it doesn’t mean I’m going to be remotely physical with them. I absolutely need to have my mind stimulated before they even attempt to stimulate anything else.

 

[holliebollie]

Interesting! Maybe I am somewhere between demi-sexual and living in a desert of men? I have lots of imaginary scenarios with the few men I do think are hot, and I do like the sex side of relationships but do I actually fancy anyone massively?! Not really. @LaBlonde I feel you!! I just don’t find ANYONE attractive nowadays.
Totally agree about lack of attraction on screen though. Sometimes even just a guy smelling insanely good makes you think they’re more attractive! Maybe I need to give the apps and rest (after a whole one week ) and think of some real life places. Gym???

 

[monepierce]

Interesting! Maybe I am somewhere between demi-sexual and living in a desert of men? I have lots of imaginary scenarios with the few men I do think are hot, and I do like the sex side of relationships but do I actually fancy anyone massively?! Not really. @LaBlonde I feel you!! I just don’t find ANYONE attractive nowadays.
Totally agree about lack of attraction on screen though. Sometimes even just a guy smelling insanely good makes you think they’re more attractive! Maybe I need to give the apps and rest (after a whole one week ) and think of some real life places. Gym???

I’ve never related to a post more. I came to the realisation that I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum 3-4 years ago and I identify as demisexual. It takes a lot for me to be attracted to a man physically and I also have to factor in his personality and if I feel comfortable with him. It’s slightly concerning that so many people on here feel this way as well. I’m from Ireland and the pool of hot men is very worrying. men just aren’t giving, I’m not attracted to them at all, I’m only attracted to alternative looking guys and they’re nowhere to be found. I’ve boycotted dating apps over a year ago after terrible experiences and severe burnout from them and if anyone has any tips on meeting people in the wild without apps that are my type I’d greatly appreciate it

 

[unidentified]

I’ve never related to a post more. I came to the realisation that I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum 3-4 years ago and I identify as demisexual. It takes a lot for me to be attracted to a man physically and I also have to factor in his personality and if I feel comfortable with him. It’s slightly concerning that so many people on here feel this way as well. I’m from Ireland and the pool of hot men is very worrying. men just aren’t giving, I’m not attracted to them at all, I’m only attracted to alternative looking guys and they’re nowhere to be found. I’ve boycotted dating apps over a year ago after terrible experiences and severe burnout from them and if anyone has any tips on meeting people in the wild without apps that are my type I’d greatly appreciate it

Ahh I wish I had advice but I’ve no clue. Feel everything you’ve said