General tips on how to be more assertive with people (not just him) gratefully received
xxNo assertion needed. Block, delete and move on.General tips on how to be more assertive with people (not just him) gratefully received
i mean, this is a dating advice thread so it’s normal that people are going to focus on him in particular, especially based on what you’ve said before.General tips on how to be more assertive with people (not just him) gratefully received
www.healthline.com
www.scienceofpeople.com
@LaBlonde again puts it so well. I can relate a lot to what you’re saying. I avoid confrontation as best I can and worry about what they’ll think about me if I do confront someone over how they’re treating me. I don’t normally have an issue with blocking people, but I did have an issue with doing it to someone I had an on-off thing with. I really overthought it before I did it - I think it was triggering my fears (grew up around someone who’s first response to everything was anger, triggering me to become a people pleaser and pacifier) and I overthought his reaction to me blocking him - and I knew I was being stupid. There is nothing to think about when there is a plethora of evidence of bad behaviour smacking you in the face. They really do just keep coming back to disturb your peace until you do this. It’s not childish. It’s not confrontational. It’s not mean. It’s called self-preservation. It’s called standing up for yourself. You don’t owe him anything after all of his bad behaviour. Please, please block him now. Also, stop calling him a friend. This is not how friends behave. He’s not even an acquaintance - he’s a totally f*%#ed up user. It’s not your job to counsel him through tit going on in his life.Thank youTo be honest it had given me the ick anyway so I’m not so bothered by him, it’s more that lately I think I feel really taken advantage of by more than one of my friends for being too passive and kind…problem is when you’ve spent your life being this way how do you assert yourself without sound agressive?!
so many people in my life right now, I want to tell to take their pity party and go inflict it on someone else…but it’s like the words stick in my throat as I also can’t do confrontation
i would go even further than that to say it’s obviously some kind of defence mechanism to turn the whole thing into a joke.
This is the motto.
hits home so hard for me. i was in a year long situationshit because of this. (tl;dr he told me he was single, i caught feelings, we would hook up, he was hot and cold with me for a whole year but i kept the door open because of said feelings and i was dickmatised. turns out he had a gf the entire time) trauma
and love lalalaletmeexplain) .i need to do this. good for youI love this thread, it’s so empowering. I’ve commented a few times previously. My 20’s were spent getting pushed over by men and pandering to them. Ive had some really crap relationships. I turned 30 a couple of months ago and my whole attitude has changed (but maybe it’s cause I read this most days
Went on two dates with a guy, he got quieter after the second and left me on read (we had solid communication for 3 weeks) and I called him out on it 5 days later. He basically said he doesn’t know how I feels about me… I sent him a message back and told him my time is too valuable to be a don’t know. I feel a bit mean this morning, but it’s the truth. He also give me the ick slightly as he wore the same top on both dates, I know that’s ridiculous but still
also yes very icky that he wore the same top twice!I want to give @EddyDarling a virtual hug. As much as you make me laugh with your straight shooting and attitude, I also sense a lot of buried hurt, masked by playing it cool and just going after sex with this guy. Because you’ve been let down and your expectations have landed on the floor. We can all totally empathise with how the dating game can do that. But you, like all of us here, want to be loved. We want to be seen for who we are and to simply be accepted by the “right” man. If you want more with anyone, you have to stop selling yourself short and assume that you’re only going to get casual out of men. It starts with us. It starts with us searching into our souls for what we want and always putting those needs to the forefront of our minds, no matter what these dickheads put us through. If you want a relationship with someone, hold out for it. Don’t let the bastards grind you down. You are worthy. Never, ever think you’re not enough or can’t have what you truly want.
It is the first time I’ve ever stood up for myself and it feels so good! Even told my mum and she’s like good for you. It’s really not in my nature and I always want to look after people, but I also need to look after myself.i need to do this. good for you
belle you’re always so kind and it’s lovely to see you back
how are you?Valid ick. You're not a cartoon. Change your clothes.
I LOVE that you did this!!! Good on you!!! And don’t feel mean - this is the truth, your time is too valuable to be a don’t know.I love this thread, it’s so empowering. I’ve commented a few times previously. My 20’s were spent getting pushed over by men and pandering to them. Ive had some really crap relationships. I turned 30 a couple of months ago and my whole attitude has changed (but maybe it’s cause I read this most days
Went on two dates with a guy, he got quieter after the second and left me on read (we had solid communication for 3 weeks) and I called him out on it 5 days later. He basically said he doesn’t know how I feels about me… I sent him a message back and told him my time is too valuable to be a don’t know. I feel a bit mean this morning, but it’s the truth. He also give me the ick slightly as he wore the same top on both dates, I know that’s ridiculous but still
minimal effort, dodged a bullet tbhAww thank you. Work has been mental lately, so that’s taken up a lot of my time. It’s eased a little now. I hope all is good with you, lovelybelle you’re always so kind and it’s lovely to see you back
This is such an irritating and baffling situation, and why we don't let our guards down in the early stages. What I will say is any man who uses his mum falling as a made up excuse for not texting or not being interested is the lowest of the low. Just be honest ffs.Aww thank you. Work has been mental lately, so that’s taken up a lot of my time. It’s eased a little now. I hope all is good with you, lovely
I had a date on Sunday afternoon, after chatting for over a month. It went really well, he hugged me goodbye, said about meeting again and he’d text me later. By later that night, I hadn’t heard anything so decided to cut to the chase and message him, saying I’d had a nice time and maybe we could do it again sometime. He said he was sorry he hadn’t messaged me, his mum had fallen and needed to go to hospital, and he’d been a bit upset. He said he’d had a great time too but made no comment in response to me saying about doing it again. I believed him about his mum (and took the lack of response to another date being due to all he had on his mind), but equally worried I was being bullshitted after the date. Isn’t it terrible the scars dating leaves behind, so much so that I’d question if this man’s mother falling is genuine?!
However, he’s not been in touch since. So I’m left feeling slightly irritated, and a combination of feeling bad I’m questioning the truth but equally feeling that men will say utter tit before they have the balls to say that they simply didn’t think we were the right fit and, you know, I don’t want to see you again, contrary to what I said to your face. I think I’ll drop him a line later and see the reaction. I’ll soon have an answer, one way or another. What a palaver!
