I feel like this meme is apt today!
Dating after lockdown #32 IM GOOD BEING PURE DRY (on a big jeep yatch)
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So he’s been in contact today, to tell me he had a panic attack on Friday and has been in a state since.
He had spoken about his mental health previously (but in a historical way) but I can see why his anxiety has recently spiked - work issues. He’s going back to therapy and has started medication today. He seems really heartfelt with his apologies and wants to be accountable. We’re going to talk in a few days.
I feel better for having some contact, but I was with a man last year who had a poor handle (didn’t take medication or go to therapy) on his mental health and I ended up being the one to talk him through his panic attacks etc. Don’t want to do that again but this one is being proactive. Who knows though. Thought it best to update you lovely lot though!
He had spoken about his mental health previously (but in a historical way) but I can see why his anxiety has recently spiked - work issues. He’s going back to therapy and has started medication today. He seems really heartfelt with his apologies and wants to be accountable. We’re going to talk in a few days.
I feel better for having some contact, but I was with a man last year who had a poor handle (didn’t take medication or go to therapy) on his mental health and I ended up being the one to talk him through his panic attacks etc. Don’t want to do that again but this one is being proactive. Who knows though. Thought it best to update you lovely lot though!
how do you feel about this? it would be hypocritical of me to say that i truly believe it when i’ve been always cynical of similar situations on these threads before - did he say that he had a panic attack or just that he panicked? what does that mean if this happens again in future? does his love-bomby language get influenced by this too?So he’s been in contact today, to tell me he had a panic attack on Friday and has been in a state since. View attachment 2380053
He had spoken about his mental health previously (but in a historical way) but I can see why his anxiety has recently spiked - work issues. He’s going back to therapy and has started medication today. He seems really heartfelt with his apologies and wants to be accountable. We’re going to talk in a few days.
I feel better for having some contact, but I was with a man last year who had a poor handle (didn’t take medication or go to therapy) on his mental health and I ended up being the one to talk him through his panic attacks etc. Don’t want to do that again but this one is being proactive. Who knows though. Thought it best to update you lovely lot though!
i’m raising an eyebrow, i’m sorry. i don’t want you taking on the role of (a) supporter and (b) the one who gets hurt when he panics and lashes out. it’s up to you how comfortable you are with that (having done it before) but i can’t say that i like it much for you.
Lurker here, but I thought I would jump into the thread to give you all a little tip that helped me with managing expectations. Apologies if it's been mentioned before.
In the early stages, ask the person how long they've been single. Anyone who got out of a relationship less than six months ago may not be emotionally ready for anything serious, especially if it was a long term relationship. There are exceptions, of course - as well as many other nuances to consider, but it helps to settle the mindset.
In the early stages, ask the person how long they've been single. Anyone who got out of a relationship less than six months ago may not be emotionally ready for anything serious, especially if it was a long term relationship. There are exceptions, of course - as well as many other nuances to consider, but it helps to settle the mindset.
Hey lads! Anyone have any thoughts on how to restart a FWB that you ended (and he attempted to renew and you rebutted)? I’ve given it a lot of thought, the vulnerability of admitting I still want it and I was wrong does scare me. But I’m determined to be uncomfy and go for it! I’m just a bit stuck for ideas to get back in contact that aren’t super serious or boring, as he’s already got a moderately big ego so I don’t want to go in being like I want your 🪠
I don’t have social media so it’s either text or smoke signal at this point, I’ll take any text suggestions please?!! I can only think of jokey ones or administrative sounding ones?!!! E.G. we are contacting you in regards to your car insurance policy, please confirm
I don’t have social media so it’s either text or smoke signal at this point, I’ll take any text suggestions please?!! I can only think of jokey ones or administrative sounding ones?!!! E.G. we are contacting you in regards to your car insurance policy, please confirm
No. A full on panic attack - first one in a year apparently. So he then panicked as he was meant to be coming over. This would be what we speak about I suppose. He knows he fucked up, but being the person I am (an overly empathetic sap) I wasn’t going to harangue him about it today.
I’m ultra cautious. I don’t want my nature to be taken advantage of but I’m also aware as humans we all have our own tit going on. It’s about recognising who is worth it. Anyway. I’m taking some space to get my head round it
hello i would like to renew our FWB arrangement, which i previously allowed to expire. please confirm your acceptanceHey lads! Anyone have any thoughts on how to restart a FWB that you ended (and he attempted to renew and you rebutted)? I’ve given it a lot of thought, the vulnerability of admitting I still want it and I was wrong does scare me. But I’m determined to be uncomfy and go for it! I’m just a bit stuck for ideas to get back in contact that aren’t super serious or boring, as he’s already got a moderately big ego so I don’t want to go in being like I want your 🪠
I don’t have social media so it’s either text or smoke signal at this point, I’ll take any text suggestions please?!! I can only think of jokey ones or administrative sounding ones?!!! E.G. we are contacting you in regards to your car insurance policy, please confirm
i mean i would just say what you said there: you’ve been thinking about it, and were wrong when you ended it previously and now want to know if you can pick up where you left off? i would keep it very casual if you don’t want to stroke his ego
Sorry, lurker here. But just to play devils advocate, I used to suffer from random panic attacks and they would literally wipe me out for days, to the point I wouldnt want to leave the house! So totally get if that was the true reason why, still not great to just block you though.No. A full on panic attack - first one in a year apparently. So he then panicked as he was meant to be coming over. This would be what we speak about I suppose. He knows he fucked up, but being the person I am (an overly empathetic sap) I wasn’t going to harangue him about it today.
I’m ultra cautious. I don’t want my nature to be taken advantage of but I’m also aware as humans we all have our own tit going on. It’s about recognising who is worth it. Anyway. I’m taking some space to get my head round it
everyone has their own tit, i agree. but it’s also important to think about your boundaries and what you’re prepared to accept. what this man has shown is that, in periods of low mood, he lashes out. during this, he ignored your messages and blocked you. in doing that, he hurt you. he has done this after (i think) two dates. it is also, in that vein, a lot to put on a person you haven’t been seeing for very long. to me, that’s important on both sides of the relationship as it’s him showing self-sabotage tendencies but also you showing him what your limits are.No. A full on panic attack - first one in a year apparently. So he then panicked as he was meant to be coming over. This would be what we speak about I suppose. He knows he fucked up, but being the person I am (an overly empathetic sap) I wasn’t going to harangue him about it today.
I’m ultra cautious. I don’t want my nature to be taken advantage of but I’m also aware as humans we all have our own tit going on. It’s about recognising who is worth it. Anyway. I’m taking some space to get my head round it
i get panic attacks, with increasingly regularity if my ocd is particularly bad at the time. i’ve never blocked someone during one. is this behaviour usual for him? what triggered the attack if it was the first one in a year, on a night when you had plans?
i feel like your nature would be taken advantage of tbh and i don’t care for it. space will be a good thing but don’t get blinded by all the borderline lovebombing stuff he said to you in the run up to this. don’t try and cling on or give second chances because of what you want the situation to be.
Oh I know! I’m not doubting what’s happened and how he feels. It’s why I’m going to wait to have a talk with him when he’s in a better place.
That’s what I’m going to talk about with him @LaBlonde. I thought his struggles had been in the past. He’d gone back to a role after 6 weeks off which is quite a combative role (not physically) and there’s a lot of tension involved. I mean maybe being involved with me has caused some stuff too, but I know work has been tough mentally. I don’t know what his usual behaviour is when he’s feeling like this as it’s the first time I’ve experienced it. I’m not prepared to put up with that though and I shall make it clear to him. I’m understanding but I’m also not going to put myself through that again.
That’s what I’m going to talk about with him @LaBlonde. I thought his struggles had been in the past. He’d gone back to a role after 6 weeks off which is quite a combative role (not physically) and there’s a lot of tension involved. I mean maybe being involved with me has caused some stuff too, but I know work has been tough mentally. I don’t know what his usual behaviour is when he’s feeling like this as it’s the first time I’ve experienced it. I’m not prepared to put up with that though and I shall make it clear to him. I’m understanding but I’m also not going to put myself through that again.
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"Wanna duck"Hey lads! Anyone have any thoughts on how to restart a FWB that you ended (and he attempted to renew and you rebutted)? I’ve given it a lot of thought, the vulnerability of admitting I still want it and I was wrong does scare me. But I’m determined to be uncomfy and go for it! I’m just a bit stuck for ideas to get back in contact that aren’t super serious or boring, as he’s already got a moderately big ego so I don’t want to go in being like I want your 🪠
I don’t have social media so it’s either text or smoke signal at this point, I’ll take any text suggestions please?!! I can only think of jokey ones or administrative sounding ones?!!! E.G. we are contacting you in regards to your car insurance policy, please confirm
Usually works for me
@Clementine I called this on the last thread: I think clingy then ghosting is a sign of wider volatile behaviour generally. @Clementine my concern is this guy will come back with, "See I was so worried I'd mess up, and I did."
I say this as a person who has panic attacks, leave well alone. A) what if you'd had a panic attack, triggered by his disappearance? B) what if you'd blocked him the way he blocked, you'd be none the wiser C) you've mentioned helping people through things before, with respect help yourself this time.
I say this as a person who has panic attacks, leave well alone. A) what if you'd had a panic attack, triggered by his disappearance? B) what if you'd blocked him the way he blocked, you'd be none the wiser C) you've mentioned helping people through things before, with respect help yourself this time.
@Clementine i think having space to think is really healthy here.
How did he approach this? Did he unblock you or reply to your voicemail (you did send one, right?)
If this happened to me so early on, I’d be running for the hills. Alongside the full on nature of your conversations, I just feel it’s a recipe for heartbreak.
As an outsider, it sounds like he needs to sort his head out before embarking on a relationship. That’s not healthy behaviour at all, and like you said, it’s not your job to “help” him.
If this had happened a few years into a relationship, sure stick together and work through it…but you barely know the guy…
How did he approach this? Did he unblock you or reply to your voicemail (you did send one, right?)
If this happened to me so early on, I’d be running for the hills. Alongside the full on nature of your conversations, I just feel it’s a recipe for heartbreak.
As an outsider, it sounds like he needs to sort his head out before embarking on a relationship. That’s not healthy behaviour at all, and like you said, it’s not your job to “help” him.
If this had happened a few years into a relationship, sure stick together and work through it…but you barely know the guy…
@Clementine its a real tricky one because the empath in me is shouting “give him the benefit of the doubt” but then the other part of me that’s been with a manipulative narc is shouting “don’t fall for it”.
You obviously know the guy more than we do, we’ve only had a snippet but all I will say is protect yourself. You’ve said you’ve dealt with something like this before and you know you don’t want to go through that again so I hope you do stay firm with your boundaries.
There is no harm in having that conversation but I don’t think he’s in a right place to be dating, especially if this is how he copes when his mental health deteriorates. Yes it’s good that he’s getting help/therapy but also, you don’t really know him well enough/long enough to be going through all this too. Dating should be fun and yes, life does get in the way I understand that, but this is a lot and his behaviour was very cruel. This is where the manipulative thing is pulling in my gut
You obviously know the guy more than we do, we’ve only had a snippet but all I will say is protect yourself. You’ve said you’ve dealt with something like this before and you know you don’t want to go through that again so I hope you do stay firm with your boundaries.
There is no harm in having that conversation but I don’t think he’s in a right place to be dating, especially if this is how he copes when his mental health deteriorates. Yes it’s good that he’s getting help/therapy but also, you don’t really know him well enough/long enough to be going through all this too. Dating should be fun and yes, life does get in the way I understand that, but this is a lot and his behaviour was very cruel. This is where the manipulative thing is pulling in my gut
@Clementine I agree with this and the other advice you've been given here. Over the weekend your hurt was palpable through your messages and I'd hate to see you go through that again with him. I'm not prone to panic attacks so I can't comment on that behaviour, but I don't think it was fair of him to completely cut you off and I think you have to think about yourself and how that made you feel as well. How would you feel if it happened again and he gave no explanation, and you didn't know if it was a panic attack or whether you were never going to hear from him again?
I think it's a good move to chat things over and then you have to decide whether you're willing to risk your feelings if it happens again. If you do decide to pursue things I hope you will tell him that he needs to communicate better how he's feeling and not just cut you off.
@Clementine I had a date with this guy last year and honestly, our connection was amazing. We hit it off straight away. I fancied him. Talked for hours. Lots of how amazing our connection was. He had a breakdown and ghosted me. Came back a few months later to do the same thing. I then found out the true extent of his mental health and tried to help him. He again ghosted me. You can’t help these people. They need to sort their tit out before dating. Don’t be fooled and don’t be dragged into it
@Clementine I'd say what stands out to me is how quickly his feelings were directed towards you.
You could argue that it was simply the timing of him being meant to visit you, but the emotional burden of being someone's support is a whole other thing to being the one they also lash out on.
You could argue that it was simply the timing of him being meant to visit you, but the emotional burden of being someone's support is a whole other thing to being the one they also lash out on.
Thank you everyone 🥹 I appreciate all of your words and insight. I’m really resolute I’m not going to sign myself up for that kind of behaviour. Been there, done that and have the emotional scars to testify!
I will talk to him and let him know how I felt. It’s clear his mental health isn’t what I thought it was, not sure if he downplayed it/thought I’d judge. I’m sitting with it for a while though before I make any decision. I WILL NOT though, put myself through the wringer for a man. I saw this meme the other day which sums it up
I will talk to him and let him know how I felt. It’s clear his mental health isn’t what I thought it was, not sure if he downplayed it/thought I’d judge. I’m sitting with it for a while though before I make any decision. I WILL NOT though, put myself through the wringer for a man. I saw this meme the other day which sums it up
Welp after having a really lovely day of flirting before my dick appointment tomorrow with a guy who obviously thinks I'm great, I've unpaused my tinder, matched and messaged on bumble and reinstalled Hinge after panicking that I like him too much already, he's very good looking he must have much more beautiful women than me who are less annoying desperate to date him and have possibly pissed him off by asking him about his life.
Why can't I just let myself enjoy things
Why can't I just let myself enjoy things
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