Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[Agent Cooper]

Girls I’m here wearing jeans and a (very nice) top. I was late. He wasn’t. But he is shy AF and I’m here doing all the legwork keeping the conversation going. He is paying though so might as well get tipsy haha!

Okay, so we snogged and he really wasn’t bad at all. He might get another chance…

 

[Rayne]

This made me laugh way more than it should

 

[Rayne]

That old chestnut

 

[triesherbest]

sorry this is a lot

the date went really well. we sat at the rooftop bar for 2 hours, he bought me drinks, heavy eye contact and flirting because well, i'm a flirt. talked about everything we hadn't talked about over text like family, education, travelling etc. tons in common. he was telling me about a museum he thought i'd like and i said 'will you take me' as a joke and he said yes lmao. but this was just joking.

because we are both PC nerds i joked asking if he'd show me his PC (obvious hint) and he was like of course. then he took my vape and i was like 'ha it's like we're kissing' and he was like 'maybe we will later who knows'.

go back to his (he very smoothly said 'well should i show you that PC') and drink some wine, he gives me a tour around his flat. his corgi sits on my lap, absolutely loves me, won't leave me alone. then we started kissing and things get a bit heated and i stop the kissing to tell him i haven't dated much this year, and the one time i did i got ghosted and it messed me up, so i'm not here to be messed around and i don't want to give the wrong impression. he said 'i like you, i think we have a lot in common and want to see you again. i can't promise a relationship, we've only met once, but i promise i won't ghost you' and shook on it with me. lol.

then around 10:30pm we started doing stuff............... we went to sleep at 3am. i know. i won't go into detail but we are quite obviously very sexually compatible and attracted to each other. lots of spooning and cuddling (sorry i hate that word too) afterwards. woke up early this morning and he starts cuddling me again and we had sex AGAIN. it was really good ugh (I've slept for 3 hours).

i got ready for work and we kissed and he said 'well have a good day and i'll speak to you later' and i said 'will u though' lmao and he said yes like smiling. at this point i don't care if i come off as too paranoid or suspicious, i want him to know i won't be surprised if he doesn't continue to see me. i am a jaded woman atp

so it was a really good date. but today i am in a shit mood, it's my own fault for doing so much with him despite the fact that i enjoyed it - all that's replaying in my head is 'i can't promise a relationship'. he told me he's a relationship guy and has only ever been in them until a year ago, and in the last year he's had a 'slut phase' - he told me it's been around 8 girls which is fine. but he did have makeup remover for me which i found suspicious. i'm just really apprehensive and scared, because i can picture dating him and keep thinking about the potential - when we've met ONCE.

i didn't get pictures of the corgi sorry
Sorry if I'm slow with replies I'll get around to it- just need to sit with my thoughts a bit. Or maybe I shouldn't do that

 

[Clementine]

Go on your own, @Lalla! You’ll be surrounded by like minded people. I’ve bought a ticket for Ben Howard and am going on my own, I love music too much to miss out on not seeing an artist just because I’d be on my own. Don’t deny yourself a pleasure

 

[LaBlonde]

But did you literally never hear from him again? What was the last conversation? Sorry you dont have to dredge it up again, I'm just speechless at how people can do this. Its deranged. The fact that you made plans for Christmas too... I'm so sorry someone did that to you🩷

he ghosted for eight weeks and then sent a message saying that he saw me more as a friend i was like “kinda got the message given that you have ignored my existence for two months”.

i hate the person i became when i realised it was happening too. i was out here deleting and reinstalling my whatsapp because i was convinced it had glitched, checking my archived messages in case something had gone there, setting and resetting my notifications just in case… embarrassing. that person is still in me too, and i know that if i ever get into a serious thing again i am going to be paranoid af. i’d convinced myself that the three month mark was some magic point where he obviously must really like me but, nope.

i’ve heard horror stories online though from men just up and walking out weeks before weddings etc and never mentioning it again. it is the most insane form of cowardice.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

How does anyone get into a relationship nowadays?? Is it humanly possible?? I'm not convinced

(actually my younger sister got a bf a few months ago. She's younger than me and has now got a bf before me that was fun for the ole self confidence)

I know it's bizarre. When I talk to my relatives who are all marrie/coupled up and they chat about various friends etc, all I hear is so & so broke up but they're now with someone else, living together, got married again and I'm thinking how, wtf!
---
*married

 

[triesherbest]

So he texted me yesterday throughout the day a bit, I said something TMI and he said "something to remember me by until next time" then asked what my plans were for the evening (I said watching love island then go to bed, he doesn't need to know I went on another date..) he said he went out for a drink with his friend, and messaged that he's going to bed now etc. Obviously this is the day after our date so of course he probably feels he has to text a bit. We'll see if this momentum stays & if he asks me out again but I'm feeling a bit more chill about him.

OMG though.. last night's date with the guy who's "not my type". He was so tall, dark and handsome in person- his pictures didn't do him justice at all. Super deep and sexy voice, he's Greek so big brown eyes with longer eyelashes than mine, dark hair, cute smile.. He was such a gentleman as well. Was wearing a suit as he'd just come from work, he works in Westminster for the Labour party so is very into his politics which I quite like ha. Soon as he saw me he was like "oh my gosh you have beautiful eyes" "you're so cute" lots of that through the whole evening. Lots of eye contact and leaning in close to speak to each other. He said he's looking for a long term relationship. We went to the rooftop bar first then this hotel bar around the corner, he paid for everything, we held hands walking around. He checked when I was home. He did say he's super busy for the next week and a half but apparently wants to see me again so will just see. It was just a really good typical first date and I'm actually really glad I went! Oh ya and we kissed a lot

Ultimately I feel a bit more for cute blonde from Monday, but if they both arrange to meet again I'll just see both cause its all unserious rn. They could both still slow fade me at this point

Anyway I'm all dated out so I'm gonna have a couple weeks off before I even think about meeting a new guy. It takes a lot of energy.

@Agent Cooper yeah im trying to be chill about it now because he does seem genuine. I'll keep you posted if we meet again. I've been reading all of your posts and I really think you should give that guy you like a shot despite the body count thing- I wouldn't read too much into the "great friends" comment either. I probably would reach out to try and reschedule though, because he did ask you out and might be thinking the ball is in your court now?

 

[shadowcat5]

I think that's why I'm really shit at lots of social skills as well!
I got bullied throughout my childhood and even as a young adult a lot of people judged me,socially excluded me and made my life really difficult so now I'm just a complete mess when it comes to anything to do with social skills 🥲
Good for you for doing something about it

I feel you same thing for me.

To be honest, what has really helped me is releasing that I am made this way for a reason. Like yes I might babble, spew out random facts, have the concentration of a fruit fly, be a bit strange (i have been told that ), be socially awkward and overthink so much I could use that energy to power my house but those things make up me. if I can live my life thinking “id want to be around me” then there’s no reason why others wouldn’t want to. I’m not perfect obviously, I have shit I need to work on but the only person who I am forced to spend the rest of my life with is me so I might as well like me
I really try to be a good person with a good heart (i don’t always succeed, especially when in control of vehicle although in my defence, other drivers are often wankers) and I think that’s what matters. I know it’s cliche but if someone doesn’t want to be around you, it really is their loss as long as you know who you are at heart

 

[Sunflower16]

Wow he did move fast!
---


This sounds exciting! Hope you're enjoying it

I have a date this afternoon with a guy I matched with 3 weeks ago and have been talking to consistently since every day bar 1 day I had a wedding. We actually spoke on the phone for 1.5 hours last night, we'll have nothing left to talk about today!

Ladies and gents I was actually so upset last night. I got into conversation with Mr. Just out of a Relationship, the one who I ended up giving advice to last week about the ex. I know, I know I should have left that to die. But I couldn't help myself. However I am 100% done with him. He basically insinuated that I've been sleeping around to mask my pain because I've been with 4 men in the past year. Said most men don't want to be with someone "who everyone has been with" Yet he was fully initiating trying to meet me for that reason?!? I actually got upset and angry. I ended up trying to justify myself, God knows why. I'd said I was happy for the first time in a long time, enjoying my life and I'm always careful and that I'd actually been seeing 1 of those men for 3 months too. I admitted that I'd liked him and had pulled back when I knew he wasn't long out of a relationship and that sleeping with him might make me want more which I know he didn't want. I also said to him that his comments hurt and upset me and how is it acceptable for a man to do that but not a woman. I told him thanks and I was showing my emotional and sensitive side by sitting there crying on a Friday night over what an essential stranger said to me. He tried to make out he hadn't insinuated anything and now he felt bad and its none of his business anyway and "you do you" This all started because he asked me had I any dates lined up and I said I had, today.

I don't think I'm overreacting here by getting upset. Not that it matters but my body count isn't even that high! He really pissed me off and it just proved we're on completely different pages so he can absolutely do one now. No man makes me cry again.

Sorry for long post all. Hope you have a fabulous weekend

 

[Kimmylookatme]

he ghosted for eight weeks and then sent a message saying that he saw me more as a friend i was like “kinda got the message given that you have ignored my existence for two months”.

i hate the person i became when i realised it was happening too. i was out here deleting and reinstalling my whatsapp because i was convinced it had glitched, checking my archived messages in case something had gone there, setting and resetting my notifications just in case… embarrassing. that person is still in me too, and i know that if i ever get into a serious thing again i am going to be paranoid af. i’d convinced myself that the three month mark was some magic point where he obviously must really like me but, nope.

i’ve heard horror stories online though from men just up and walking out weeks before weddings etc and never mentioning it again. it is the most insane form of cowardice.

someone from my school texted everyone on the morning of the wedding to say it was cancelled, three months later he had a baby with another woman :/ bastards

 

[SpindleWhorl]

When you find him attractive but the conversation doesn’t flow naturally

Worst still is when you don't find them attractive but they have a great personality and the chat is great so you give them a chance and they still fuck you over! Maybe boring good looking guys are where it's at??

 

[shadowcat5]

Anyone else who is on the apps as a single parent, do you advertise the fact you have a child? I don’t have it on my profile and try and slip it into conversation with someone once we’ve hit it off a bit but there have been a few who’ve said “sorry that’s not what I’m looking for” which then just makes me irrationally angry because I am so much more than just a ‘single parent’

This is just my two cents:

I was talking to a man (i am female) who hadn’t mentioned his child on his profile and told me after a little while of talking that he had a child. Honestly I felt like I’d been kind of lied to. I had no issues with him having a child but I’d rather have known upfront instead of after we’d got along and started something. It felt like he hadn’t told me because he wanted to win me around first before he dropped that on me and truthfully I felt kind of manipulated.
Being a parent is a huge part of someone’s life. He had his kid every weekend which imo is something that should have been mentioned in the early stages. If we chose to go further, his child would play a role in my life and is someone I would have to think about.
for example, I don’t know if I want to settle in this area forever or move to somewhere else. If he and I were to work long term, that would put an end to that plan as he has a child here and can’t just up sticks and move with me. We couldn’t just go on holiday together doing our own thing cause he has a child to consider.
you are absolutely more than just a parent but it’s not really as simple as that if the end goal is long term for either of you.

them being not interested is not because they just see you as a parent, it’s because there needs to be more consideration and thought on their end when a child is involved

 

[Agent Cooper]

I have 7 date proposals but I’m not feeling most of them. Why are men so pathetic at conversation? Me constantly interviewing them is like drawing blood from a stone. I’m usually very talkative and find it easy to find something to talk about out of, but even I am out of questions already Anybody else feels the same?

Well, I've deleted bumble again, had about 5 matches but none of them were interesting and if I'm truly honest I don't think I'm ready. I'm too scared to meet anyone because they will judge me for how I look and I can't do that at the moment. Feeling vulnerable about my weight gain and have lost all definition and muscle because of my depression and just lying around not moving. I need to get back to myself again first.

I’m so sorry you feel this way! Please don’t feel pressured to do anything about your looks unless you want to. You are so much more than your looks and I’m sure you are beautiful anyway I agree with @MsCurly, the right person will appreciate you no matter what weight.

I have just swapped numbers with a Dave Grohl lookalike, quite cute, we shall see how this goes....

That actually sounds fun! Love me a celeb lookalike!

I'm finding that guys look alot older than me too, these other 30+ year old guys are looking like they are in their 40s and 50s which isn't even old but you can tell life hit them where it hurts. Maybe I just look really young though I do have the being asked for I.D thing when I buy stuff.

I have encountered this problem too so I’ve updated my filters and am now exclusively matching with guys under 27 In fact, 90% of my current matches are 1-3 years younger than me. I’d rather go bar hopping with them than listen to some 30-year-old IT guy with a bald spot trying to mansplain crypto to me (I’m not saying all thirtysomethings are like this but hopefully you get what I mean).

 

[Agent Cooper]

Thank you @HelloStereo @Rayne @Usagisakura90 I’m postponing the talk until tomorrow, I told him I was going out tonight and he’s already asked whether I would be out for a long time…I mean, that’s a bit possessive, no? Surely he is not supposed to care? Just “Have fun” would have been enough. Weird.

In other news, had 5 guys text me tonight. Most of them were bad at replying throughout the week, and now they are bored and/or drunk so obviously expecting me to drop everything and run to meet them. Why men…

Guys I need someones advice ASAP

I went on a date last night, I thought it went really well. We kissed a few times and had planned a second date for the weekend. Skip to tonight he’s just sent me a text not meant for me, it was for another girl. He basically said something along the lines of meeting a girl from London to come and see these ‘so called chebs’ of hers..

what do I do? Bin it off? I know it’s not serious yet but it’s just a bit of a kick in the teeth. Why am I never enough

I also said ‘huh’ to the text and he said it was someone else that sent it as a joke.. obviously bullshit

This is nasty and I hope you are not too upset He is an idiot and needs to grow up.

 

[triesherbest]

I'm convinced that straight men have NO idea how to make a profile that appeals to women. No effort in their bio, and not to mention the amount of scraggly neckbeards I've seen!!!

Scraggly neckbeards
Sunglasses in every pic so you have no idea what they look like
"Not political"
Photos of landscape with them in shot but facing away
Bad spelling/grammatical errors

I GIVE UP!!!!!!!

 

[LaBlonde]

Hoping everyone is doing ok I’m feeling a little better, it’s not the no messages that bother me (I think his life is spiralling and I’m no longer useful) it’s the relief that so far I haven’t had a nasty text saying he doesn’t want to see me, purely because I’ve got a big weekend coming up and I could do without any upset..I know I know I could block him, but I feel if I do it looks like I’m bothered rather than as some of you have said just carrying on with life which I intend to do! Here’s hoping for continued silence

the way you’ve worded this strongly implies that you were expecting a “nasty text” which has its own issues, has he done that before? you also imply that you don’t want “any upset” - has he done that before? you mentioned in another post that he has been aggressive with you previously.

i’m going to be really blunt here, and paraphrase clickbait’s earlier reply to you, i think you’re not blocking him because deep down you’re hoping that one day he will “wake up” and see that he wants to be with you. he has given you no indication this will be the case. the only way to guarantee continued silence is to block him.

the way you describe his behaviour towards you, the way he speaks about other women and your anticipation of him kicking off if you stand up for yourself is deeply deeply worrying. i feel like you cannot see this because you obviously have such strong feelings about him. only you can truly want to block him. but i personally deeply feel that you should. i’m probably going to get called out for being judgemental again but i’ll take it on this one. block him.

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

Okay so, date update from last night. It felt very surreal as I was getting ready, and I was really like I can’t believe this is happening to me/this is my life and that I am having to date again after 4 years. Also because it’s literally been less than a week, it felt a bit like cheating. But I went.

He was reallly great. 6’4, great job, own home, family guy. The conversation flowed, there wasn’t a single awkward moment. He complimented me and said I was gorgeous and it made me realise I can’t remember the last time my ex had said I looked nice. He said a few times how easy I am to get along with. We were last in the pub and got kicked out as it was closing. Had a quick kiss and he did ask me back to his (to play a board game we spoke about), I’m not sure if that was sincere but there hasn’t been any sex chat yet at all so I think it was a genuine offer. I declined anyway because I was tired. He messaged me when he got home so all seems good.

As people said, I did compare slightly to my ex. Example being films, I mentioned I was looking forward to seeing the new Wes Anderson film (me and ex very into Wes!). Date didn’t have a clue who he was. My initial reaction (to myself) was like urgh really. But now I’m like, come on, not an issue!

 

[Agent Cooper]

Girls I’m here wearing jeans and a (very nice) top. I was late. He wasn’t. But he is shy AF and I’m here doing all the legwork keeping the conversation going. He is paying though so might as well get tipsy haha!

 

[Lalla]

I feel you same thing for me.

To be honest, what has really helped me is releasing that I am made this way for a reason. Like yes I might babble, spew out random facts, have the concentration of a fruit fly, be a bit strange (i have been told that ), be socially awkward and overthink so much I could use that energy to power my house but those things make up me. if I can live my life thinking “id want to be around me” then there’s no reason why others wouldn’t want to. I’m not perfect obviously, I have shit I need to work on but the only person who I am forced to spend the rest of my life with is me so I might as well like me
I really try to be a good person with a good heart (i don’t always succeed, especially when in control of vehicle although in my defence, other drivers are often wankers) and I think that’s what matters. I know it’s cliche but if someone doesn’t want to be around you, it really is their loss as long as you know who you are at heart

I love this! That's such a great way to view yourself. And I think you sound lovely

I've spent a lot of time dimming my light in the past...being told I was too loud, too talkative, that I dressed 'wrong'. I never had the career trajectory I should have had because I didn't play the game properly. I know lots of people, men in particular, find me too much.

But sod them. I like me, I think I'm clever, and funny and good to be around. And yes I know my inability to sit still, non linear conversations and other little idiosyncracies are not everyone's cup of tea but they will be someone's.