Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[Usagisakura90]

I know what you mean, especially when you're not expecting to see them on there. I know when I saw my ex on it, even though I was on it too, I felt my heart pound. Its kind of like the final nail in the coffin. Sounds like you've a good family support there and plenty to keep you busy too. You've got this!

Yeh it felt like someone was squeezing and twisting my heart.
I hope whoever he ends up with puts up with him the way I did, he will be hard pressed to find someone who does to be honest.

Thanks, I hope that I do find someone one day who supports me the way they are supposed to.

 

[triesherbest]

Hi all! Me again!! The idiot with the special friend hope you are all well!! Ok so I went on holiday on my own last week( was booked with my ex, none of my friends could make it) and whilst I was away, said friend was messaging every day, really sweet things, anyway, I was feeling alone and a little sorry for myself so I kind of told him how I felt…he said he felt that same (!!!) and would come see me when I got back. Literally within 5 hours of being home he was round with beautiful flowers a massive hug and telling me how glad he was I was back etc…we watched tv and drank tea then he went home- he has left his teenage son having a house party. I was so happy anc pleased he came over and when he got back ge texted saying he missed me…since then…how many messages would you guess he has sent? prize for the winner of the lowest answer

wait wait i'm confused, how many days ago was his last text? and the last text was saying he missed you?

 

[Clementine]

D-Mannose is a great supplement to take re UTIs.

 

[rubyred66]

Can I ask your opinions on something. I met up with a relative at the weekend, she has a new boyfriend and we all met up. He’s a football fan and that’s all he talked about, the jokes were all along the sexist tones of anything that wasn’t football was women’s stuff. He attends away games too and just seemed so dull. Would that be a red flag for you girls while dating? Or am I being a judgemental snob?

 

[Tangent Tiger]

"Hi xxx, would you like to come around for a coffee?"

And be your very finest!

 

[LaBlonde]

Sorry everyone, I went into summer hibernation for a few days and it's a bit too late for a recap now, but thank you for mentioning it

I have news from the Alex Jones fanboy.... View attachment 2253036

aw, you’ll have to do a double recap next time

i love that you have an american flag by his name how are you feeling about that message?

 

[shadowcat5]

"Ghosting, simmering and icing are colloquial terms which describe the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate"

Basically just up and disappearing on someone

okay so is it ghosting if the conversation just fizzles out and you’ve got nothing else to say?

I ask cause someone legit replied “haha x” to me the other day and nothing else so I just didn’t reply. Is that ghosting?

 

[melisnusty]

They are 100% cheating on wives/partners.
That is the only genuine reason to keep a current face pic off of a dating website; it's because they are being dodgy and don't want their other (and much better) or a friend catching them out.
---

"LOOK AT ME! I HUNTED AND GATHERED AND AM MANLY! GRRRR!"

They probably touch maggots in every sense of the word so it’s a no from me.

 

[Sunflower16]

I’m so pleased you have met soneone lovely!!!! You absolutely deserve it and try not to worry about anything going wrong, as you say you’ve been through worse I keeping everything crossed for you xx

Thank you so much my dear

 

[freezelouise43]

tbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at all

I get that but it looks like I’m bothered, which i always like to show the world I’m not…as @Clickbait said, would I get angry at a platonic friend for not responding? Probably not…yes I am extremely hurt considering we have gotten so close but I also would prefer him never to know that, then he doesn’t affect my life xx

 

[Morleybbz]

Leaving people on read is blatantly ignoring them and shows you don’t care and talk whenever you want to talk instead of mutual interest. Sometimes it drives me crazy. Ok if it's just a random message that doesn't require an immediate response. However, something of importance like emotions/feelings, that can be devastating and hurtful and won't waste any more time if they can't be bothered.

Don't dwell on it or give it too much thought. Just move on and enjoy your life and don't let him know that it's getting to you.. Sometimes not saying anything is best.

Thank you for replying
This where I'm conflicted cause I wanna call him out on that being a shit quality to show him I'm not gonna be a doormat leaving the door open but then I don't wanna be a psycho

We are messaging on snapchat so if I was gonna message again I'd wanna do it whilst the other message would still be on the screen....

I know a lot of the advice on here is usually to not message again, but I would send that message just saying a reply would be nice. Otherwise you will constantly be thinking about sending it.. if he doesn't reply to that, block delete and move on.

Based on his past behaviour it sounds like this is unusual for him so I think he will reply, but also we know past behaviour from guys can mean nothing cause they can flip like a switch.

Sorry you're going through this

Thank you for replying
That's the other side of my conflicting, he's usually been good at replying and says he wants honesty but then I feel like if he takes ages to reply to my first message I shouldn't be humouring it


Ive done a post in notes explaining more about the friend (quite theraputic before work tbh) but I'll put it as a spoiler as its quite long

Spoiler: Long post about the Friend

When we were friends back 7/8 years ago I was in a casual relationship with another of our friends - in fact it was us 3 constantly hanging around with each other - the guy I was seeing ended moved away in that time and my friend told me when we were talking recently that he wanted to put a move on me but he didn't know what my situation was with my friend...

I also ended up moving away for a year, but I moved back to the area rather than the town my friends in. Looking back at messages he was trying it on with me when my ex moved away and when I moved back home, same MO as this time but this time it worked

Since I moved back he was in a long term relationship of several years which broke up in January. He's been grafting me since at least April but I'm shit at replying (can feel invasive when I'm at home but that's another story) so it wasn't until the end of May that we were talking properly, and I felt comfortable messaging when I was at home etc

He'd been away 5 nights with friends, had to drive home for hours but still wanted to come to me that night. He made the effort and continued messaging me after he left too. It just seemed to be whenever it came to meeting again he would go quiet despite saying he wanted to

I'm not looking for a relationship per say, I want someone I can have fun with in the bedroom but also when just chilling. I need my own space, i realised that when I lived with an ex. It's also made me realise how important personality is and you just don't see that on the apps.
When he came to my house he said honesty is important. He said he wanted a bit of fun and we already know each other which means we are already past that first step.

I'm a 30 minute drive or 15 minute train ride away (I don't drive) and we said I would go to him next time. I feel like the 'distance' may be an issue but surely that's better as it would keep it casual like we would want. But maybe I'm not at his beck and call by not being close by

He also told me he had only slept with me and one other girl since breaking up with his ex. She's definitely someone he's had on the bench for years, he said he'd slept with her previously and when he slept with her this year she asked him 'what are we?' And he said they're nothing...

So I refuse to be a doormat like that other girl is (think they've known each other since school) cause I think she does just leave the door open for them to come back or doesn't put them in their place

 

[voice of reason]

I blame the injections my husbands nurse said just a small prick.I said you know him so well.Its baffled me how well she knew him so well, she should have tried spending lockdown with him.

 

[freezelouise43]

Thank you so much my dear

No thank you for sharing your story, it’s helped xx

 

[Sunflower16]

Dating 31: More ghosts than a cemetery

That's a winner!

 

[EndofInfluencers]

Bumble is the worst

 

[Sunflower16]

Thank you!! I just saw this you’re right! I think it’s hit harder as the attempts I made to date (Darren and Birkenstock ) we’re disasterous! He’s an incredibly damaged man and he’s just causing more hurt. My ex friend will sleep within him whenever because she’s equally damaged but also couldn’t care less about him so it’s a transaction. I’ve been out at lunch and got a new outfit for tomorrow- I’m trying I swear xx
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Omg what a creep I think when the flame goes it’s gone for good! One of my exes did something once that was borderline illegal, and before then I was totally hung up on him- the minute I saw it I walked out and never went back xx

Isn't it crazy that's what it took @Belle123 and she probably wished for years he'd contact her. So glad she saw the light too.
@freezelouise43 They sound like super little pick me ups you've done there Treat Yoself!

 

[Tangent Tiger]

I think I’m a wrong ‘un because I read their shitty bios and just think oh do fuck off.
I don’t know what I’m looking for so it’s not their fault.

It's not you at all, you're allowed to 'filter' and you're not used to it. It's taking tentative steps.

Sorry I should have said I was taking the Puss out of myself a bit as new bloke is in a different country (but nearby) and it's silly I was expecting a response within a time frame

 

[blueblue]

Thank you, and you’re right of course- I’ve gone backwards and forwards on how I feel. At the start of our (one sided) friendship yes I truly was in awe, in love and believing that he would see me the way I see him…I know that he’s not a man for sticking around and I accepted and was grateful for any attention he gave me…I’m not ashamed to admit that if he rang me at 3am I probably would of jumped in my car and driven there. Over time he was very honest with me about the stuff he’s going through but even as the glitter wore off I fell for the “real” him- flaws and all.
it started As hooking up, but the more time we spent I naivelythought we had built a friendship that it wasn’t easy to just discard…part of my distress currently is doubting myself- did I do or say something to put him off? CouldI of prevented this? I know it sounds irrational :/ I’m incredibly hard on myself and I don’t go on dates or anything presisely because if I like then and it doesn’t work out I blame myself…so I stay single as it feels “safer” and I guess it was easier to put everything into him rather than the unknown?

Given all you've said about yourself, do you think it's possible you picked him because you knew on some level it would come to this and in a way you've oddly protected yourself, ie you say you don't date and this isn't dating?

 

[capriallie]

This is just my two cents:

I was talking to a man (i am female) who hadn’t mentioned his child on his profile and told me after a little while of talking that he had a child. Honestly I felt like I’d been kind of lied to. I had no issues with him having a child but I’d rather have known upfront instead of after we’d got along and started something. It felt like he hadn’t told me because he wanted to win me around first before he dropped that on me and truthfully I felt kind of manipulated.
Being a parent is a huge part of someone’s life. He had his kid every weekend which imo is something that should have been mentioned in the early stages. If we chose to go further, his child would play a role in my life and is someone I would have to think about.
for example, I don’t know if I want to settle in this area forever or move to somewhere else. If he and I were to work long term, that would put an end to that plan as he has a child here and can’t just up sticks and move with me. We couldn’t just go on holiday together doing our own thing cause he has a child to consider.
you are absolutely more than just a parent but it’s not really as simple as that if the end goal is long term for either of you.

them being not interested is not because they just see you as a parent, it’s because there needs to be more consideration and thought on their end when a child is involved

Thank you. It is helpful hearing it from the other side as well!

 

[triesherbest]

Hinge, I've learned, is fucking whack

my normal stack is all trash guys and my *exact* type is in the rose section. how convenient..