Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[Clickbait]

Spotted this and thought of this group:

 

[Okgolightly]

Much like dating sites, we don’t reveal all on a forum so whilst I have shared that online dating is a brand new experience for me, the amateur analysing on here - crack on everyone but just remember you aren’t trained therapists and while you might think you’re ‘helping’ what are you actually doing? Seeking validation on a forum and trying to look, what? Like you have a wealth of experience maybe? I don’t know. You can share your experiences without trying to pull me and my choices - and they are my choices- apart. You can’t teach someone not to make mistakes based on your mistakes.
You do you, ta-ra.

Maybe this thread isn’t for you? Everyone on here, from what I’ve seen, has been kind and empathetic, only ever looking out for each other and sharing their experiences. It feels like a very safe space of the internet tbh, but unfortunately it doesn’t appear to be what you’re looking for.

 

[Lalla]

I don't think @LaBlondes response was judgy at all - thinking about what YOU want from any interaction is really important, especially after coming out of a long relationship.

Do you want to just cut loose, have some casual sex? That would be perfectly understandable and there are plenty of men online who are looking for this, mostly on a one off basis because they can't sustain anything however lowkey over a period of time, but there will be others who are seeking a casual ongoing arrangement, maybe even that elusive FWB setup that everyone talks about (but personally I never found). What I would say from experience is that most of those men are the 2 pumps and done kind, they will be in it to get their rocks off and won't even think about your enjoyment - so it may not end up being that fulfilling even in a scratching an itch way.

Or do you want more of a relationship, or a slow burn which might lead to a relationship? In which case I'd say that any kind of sexy chat early on is an immediate red flag that the bloke is just looking for a bunk up.

I know lots of people have met and had relationships which started from a ONS, but that's from meeting in the pub or at a party, in a real world scenario. The world of dating apps is very different and men who start off being all about sex on the apps, well that is all they're about.

 

[Rayne]

These types of bios always make me laugh, so many ways to sell yourself and get the only thing they have going for themselves is they don’t believe a virus exists

 

[sleepflowers]

Dating 31: More ghosts than a cemetery

 

[Rayne]

Even worse than men who want a holiday partner… men who want a plus one for a wedding
I’m always seeing “Plus one needed for a wedding in September”


Like mate, I didn’t even want to go to my own wedding when I was engaged, I certainly don’t want to go to one of your mates weddings when I haven’t even swiped right on you yet

Do they think all women love going to random weddings? I might match one day and ask one of them

 

[LaBlonde]

Happy Tuesday everyone I hope you are well, ever thankful for you all on here…I don’t say it enough…still no reply from my friend…I think I’m probdbly reading alot more into out friendship than he does. Ive been thinking and I think he sees me as an escapism from his life (money worries, ongoing divorce) and then when he leaves he goes back to whatever he’s dealing with and I fade into the background…its odd because it’s always been me who keeps the convo going but him that makes the plans (probably when he’s feeling fed up)…still not upset over it, slightly hurt because it’s rude not to text back, but it is what it is? I would call him out on it but he’s quite abrasive and agressive when he wants to be and honestly I could do without the drama I’m so busy with work etc…

i can only repeat from before - block and go no contact with this man. he is not interested or invested in your friendship, as is proven by how he treats you. you said in your post yesterday that you’d told him how you feel and he claimed
to feel the same but has apparently done nothing about this? you say he’s rude and aggressive?!

you have to stop keeping the conversation going. he only contacts you when he thinks you may be pulling away (ie recently when you say he messaged you daily on your solo holiday). this is controlling af.

friendship is two sided, and this ain’t it. he knows you have deeper feelings about him and is purely manipulating these. if he wanted more, or wanted to maintain the connection with you, he would be. he isn’t. you’re not there to be escapism from his “real” life.

 

[melisnusty]

Is it too much to ask that a man is funny, kind and wants to bang me like a barn door?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Had a date last night with my neighbour who I'd posted about before and it was actually loads of fun.

 

[LaBlonde]

so the hot guy i used for rebound sex and cocktails the other night has messaged asking what i've been up to, and wants to see me again. he asked when i'm free this week, i told him all week except thursday and friday, he said 'that works, i can do tomorrow or wednesday? also i have the house to myself for 2 weeks ' (he lives with his mate).

like. there was just no chemistry with him but i'm lonely af right now, just been ghosted by someone i actually like.. the one night stand with him helped but i'm not sure if i keep fucking this guy it'll make me feel better or worse. i get the impression he just wants sex too but idk. why is it always the ones i don't actually want that message me lol. i'm probably overthinking it and should just have a bit more fun with him

do not fuck someone just because you’re feeling lonely. it won’t be fun if you force yourself to have “fun” or “this should be fun” - that’s never how it works.

in the nicest possible way, you need to be giving yourself more time to emotionally heal here. he’s obviously leading up to two weeks of casual shagging, which is great if that’s what you want, but you’re still fragile from what’s happened with the other guy and you also say you have no chemistry with him. take a break. you will feel better for it.

 

[Usagisakura90]

I saw a profile on tinder where a guy had literally labelled every red flag he hated some of them weren't even red flags, some of them were ones like "You and your child wear crocs"

Me and my child have multiple pairs mate soz I must be a walking red flag
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A friend of mine was in a room about to undergo IVF treatment for the first time when her then parter got up and walked out without saying a word. My friend ran after him to see if he was ok and all he said was, ‘if I stay with you, I’ll never have children’ and just left her there without saying another thing- no apology, nothing.

Men are beyond cruel at times.

Part of the reason my ex left me was because I was very unwell for 6 months and he didn't want to have to care for me if I continued to be unwell...we didn't even live together or anything lol

My childs dad abandoned me when I was about to have an emergency csection because "he wanted to go home to his mum"

My friends husband cheated on her when she had a mastectomy. And my mums husband was awful to her when she had surgery too

Men are disgusting.

 

[Hamble22]

Hello. Never posted on here before. I found this post last night. I stupidly joined Tinder after a few glasses of prosecco.
I've been single nearly 8 years (had a couple of flings. Tried online dating) I like being single, but went to party in the park thing at the weekend and saw loads of couples and felt a bit meh, like, why can't I have a nice husband.
Woke up to quite a few messages, after just swiping loads of times.
Realised this morning I like the idea but not in reality. I'll get another cat. Less hassle

 

[Clementine]

Inspired by one of my favourite feminist icons…

 

[Universal]

I’m just getting ready for my date today. He’s booked a table so we are going for lunch.

 

[Usagisakura90]

It always makes me wonder when a guy says "niece in the picture" "those are my nephews with me in the photos"

Do they have permission for the children to be on a dating app? What do they think we are going to think if we see them?

Tbh its just as bad if they post their own child, like if my childs father was online dating and put a photo of our daughter up I'd be furious. Children don't belong on tinder etc just say you don't have children if it's family or you have kids if they are your own.

 

[Clementine]

the more dating has moved online, the crueller and more dismissive people have become about it all imo. treating human beings like shopping transactions, or “oh i actually i don’t really want that anymore, i’ll leave it on the shelf on my way to the till”, and just the constant game playing is a depressing state of affairs.

You’re so right, @LaBlonde. A guy I matched with once told me he didn’t really see the apps like real life. Therefore, we’re not really people just Sims characters. I think even the technical design of apps like Tinder for example, make them like a computer game and the hit of dopamine when you match is like catching a fucking Pokémon. It’s actually quite scary when you think about it, our brains have actually been rewired using these things and thus our emotions too. Mental

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

One evening on a dating site has cemented what I thought, that dating isn't for me at the moment. One lovely man was irritated with me because I hadn't replied to his first message within two minutes. Nope!

I encountered the ubiquitous 'man holding fish', a dodgy Darren and several references to wanking in the profile sections. What a night, what a journey .

 

[Clementine]

Good sex is absolutely not worth the peace in your mind and heart you’ll feel when you’re rid of this clown and the scales have dropped from your eyes

 

[Universal]

WHY do I bother? 6 lovely dates, chatting everyday. Had sex at the end of last week and both away for the weekend (separately). Talk of lasting longer ‘next time’ Didn’t ask when I was free next but yesterday answered ‘Yes I should be free x’ when I suggested meeting today. I now feel like an absolute knob. He told me he had talked to his mum and friends about me and said they might meet me soon?! Maybe I need to up my game in bed I felt like crying when I read it!
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Just catching up with this thread after being off social media and wanted to say what an absolute dickhead this manboy is. You deserved the truth upfront. Don’t let him occupy your thoughts.

Please don’t be upset. He’s not worth your tears lovely xx
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How about this one for strange, a young woman I volunteered with moved to Worcester with her partner of 3 years (at that time). He still shares a house with his ex-wife as she won’t move out and they can’t afford divorce solicitors. During a phone call yesterday she told me that she sees him every Saturday between the hours of 3pm and 7pm. They have had that time slot for the past year with no deviation. I don’t know how anyone can live like that.

This is the kind of shit that does us all a disservice. More fool her.
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Ugh I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I met on Bumble and I cancelled because I felt red flags and burnt out from even just texting him. He was way too eager, and trying to get him to just go for a coffee was some negotiation. He wanted to go get food, go the cinema, maybe a hike etc. Mentioned he wanted to pick me up instead of me getting the bus. That's just too much energy for me and ultimately gave me the ick.

I'm pretty new to dating, I was in a four year relationship and I broken up with in a really cruel way last August and I'm not 100% sure now that I'm over my ex. And this whole mess with texting someone new and feeling overwhelmed.. AGH. I guess I'm just for some advice or validation lol. Is it okay to go with my gut if I'm not feeling great about going on a date? I feel like a fuck up now.

Do it all on your terms. You only need 5 mins to know if he’s your type! He doesn’t respect your boundaries so he doesn’t deserve your time.
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So I thought I’d persevere with ‘lol’ guy that gave me the ick because our date on Sunday was really great. I messaged today and asked if work had picked up yet and he just said ‘no lol’. I carried on the conversation and he then asked if I wanted to come over tonight to play a board game. Maybe my standards are high but on a second date I want more than a board game. My ex took me to London for dinner on our second date (and we live an hour away)! Even just a walk/coffee I’d say yes to but a board game at his? Nah I’m okay.

I need to maintain my standards. I like nice things. I’m not expecting anyone to pay for me, I have a great career but I need someone to match the lifestyle I enjoy. A second date should be showcasing the best of you (I believe) and he feels very low effort.

Yes to all of this. I own my home outright and have a rewarding career. I’m not looking for a man who lives in his mums box room.

 

[Usagisakura90]

Yeah definitely I wouldn’t expect him to settle down after one date but I’m just not sure how to reply if I’m honest..

im meant to be seeing him tomorrow and im just not feeling it anymore after that, of course I know all boys talk to other girls in the ‘talking stage’ but I’ve never had this happen before I like to be oblivious

also can I add we live HOURS away from london so I’m just so confused?

Guys won't do the most basic things for us yet will go hours to London to see boobies wow

Bin him