Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[EndofInfluencers]

And I’m happy for you all, keep going everyone.
I’m not comfortable in this thread anymore though, everyone is welcome to think of me what they will. If everyone is allowed their opinion, then I can say I think their opinion is judgy and everyone can pile on disagreeing with me.
What is that actually achieving?

Enough with the drama and the attention-seeking.

This isn’t an airport, so no need to announce your departure.

ETA- This thread is very welcoming, so it’s a shame to see what you’ve attempted to do.

 

[Rayne]

Also just remember not all relationships are happy relationships. A lot of them would honestly be better off splitting up and being on their own than together, so a lot of the time being in a relationship “isn’t all that”

 

[Rayne]

The country is obviously the United Republic of All Men

 

[LaBlonde]

I can't lie guys and gals I'm having a very successful time on Tinder and Bumble
Spent a weekend talking to someone about F1 and HE HASNT BEEN CONDESCENDING OR PATRONISING ONCE

(….. i joke )

 

[LaBlonde]

Yes he’s agressive when cornered. Hes very articulate. He has 3 moods- love bombing, promises he can’t keep, dismissive or agressive. When he ended our initial relationship he spent 15 mins on the phone explaining why he didn’t want me or had any feelings for me…he said “you take care now” and hung up. That was during covid I was totally alone and it took a long time to build myself back up. But (and I’ll be really honest here, because I feel you all put so much effort into your advice) he’s like a drug. The sex is so intensely good I was left craving it after he left. Of course I did move on, but nothing felt like that, ever again. So when I bumped into him again, and he started showing me attention I was hooked. I hated that my friend (who didn’t even want him) was sleeping with him and I felt so pleased he was back I. My life.
so, it could of been just a few hook ups here and there..but over the last fewmonths I felt we had built a consistent friendship, we would laugh and Connect on so many levels. It was always him that asked to meet up, never me. Last time he was here he said he’d like to meet my mom which of course I’m notgoing to let him do as he’s not in a relationship withme. So to go now to crickets…this isn’t his usual style xx

freeze, these are not red flags. this is a pile of red flags masquerading as a human man. break down what you’re saying here. his three moods are ALL deeply manipulative.

i get that you have a very strong connection to him, that you describe as being like a drug. but, you have to go cold turkey. the withdrawal will be hard but, gosh, he has been awful to you. he is causing you nothing but upset. he knows how you feel about him and is using this completely to his advantage. it’s cruel, it’s controlling, it’s dismissive. crickets may not be his usual style but it sounds like his “usual style” isn’t that considerate either.

as long as you keep leaving that door open, he will keep walking through it.

 

[EndofInfluencers]

someone from my school texted everyone on the morning of the wedding to say it was cancelled, three months later he had a baby with another woman :/ bastards

A friend of mine was in a room about to undergo IVF treatment for the first time when her then parter got up and walked out without saying a word. My friend ran after him to see if he was ok and all he said was, ‘if I stay with you, I’ll never have children’ and just left her there without saying another thing- no apology, nothing.

Men are beyond cruel at times.

 

[unapologeticbxtch_]

new to this thread as i didn’t know it existed until now, i say this every time but honestly i’m done with dating

went back on tinder in february, matched with a guy, we spoke for a month before meeting, we got on amazing, met in person, hit it off well and went on another two dates, since then he’s cancelled on me every other date that’s been organised due to being unwell and couldn’t even give me a call due to being unwell, i made a comment if he was that unwell he should go to the hospital but he brushed it off and said that he couldn’t go due to how unwell he was, so that started giving me red flags

continued to talk to him giving him the benefit of the doubt, said he was going to make it up to me for not seeing me for so long then messaged during the week asking if i could help him out with rent since he had been off sick, i don’t like to see anyone struggle so sent him the £150 he asked for, messaged me again friday asking for another £30, i said i couldn’t as i have my own bills to pay etc and i’m 99% sure he’s now ghosted me, not heard from him since friday, none of my messagings are sending to him, calls aren’t connecting etc

why are people like this?!

 

[Universal]

I have a date this afternoon with a guy I matched with 3 weeks ago and have been talking to consistently since every day bar 1 day I had a wedding. We actually spoke on the phone for 1.5 hours last night, we'll have nothing left to talk about today!

Ladies and gents I was actually so upset last night. I got into conversation with Mr. Just out of a Relationship, the one who I ended up giving advice to last week about the ex. I know, I know I should have left that to die. But I couldn't help myself. However I am 100% done with him. He basically insinuated that I've been sleeping around to mask my pain because I've been with 4 men in the past year. Said most men don't want to be with someone "who everyone has been with" Yet he was fully initiating trying to meet me for that reason?!? I actually got upset and angry. I ended up trying to justify myself, God knows why. I'd said I was happy for the first time in a long time, enjoying my life and I'm always careful and that I'd actually been seeing 1 of those men for 3 months too. I admitted that I'd liked him and had pulled back when I knew he wasn't long out of a relationship and that sleeping with him might make me want more which I know he didn't want. I also said to him that his comments hurt and upset me and how is it acceptable for a man to do that but not a woman. I told him thanks and I was showing my emotional and sensitive side by sitting there crying on a Friday night over what an essential stranger said to me. He tried to make out he hadn't insinuated anything and now he felt bad and its none of his business anyway and "you do you" This all started because he asked me had I any dates lined up and I said I had, today.

I don't think I'm overreacting here by getting upset. Not that it matters but my body count isn't even that high! He really pissed me off and it just proved we're on completely different pages so he can absolutely do one now. No man makes me cry again.

Sorry for long post all. Hope you have a fabulous weekend

He liked you, you rejected him and now he’s trying to demonise you. Nothing to do with you just his fragile ego.

Good luck on the date xx

 

[EddyDarling]

I can't lie guys and gals I'm having a very successful time on Tinder and Bumble
Spent a weekend talking to someone about F1 and HE HASNT BEEN CONDESCENDING OR PATRONISING ONCE

 

[rubyred66]

My first husband was an exciting man. Very confident and had a lot of charisma. He had narcissistic personality disorder and the excitement and romance turned into a life of misery that got worse after two kids.

I once dated a pilot who I thought would be exciting and he was the most boring man I think I ever met. He postponed a date because he arranged a trip to Oxford Street in London as he wanted to buy a new pair of slippers and wanted to be overwhelmed by colour and variety. He didn’t last beyond that.

Sometimes we go for excitement but I think a man who is committed, humble and loyal are the best qualities. That might sound a little boring, but I think when you reach a certain age you don’t want someone unpredictable and mentally draining.

Im happily married now but id gladly swap for George Clooney if he is on tattle.

 

[LaBlonde]

i've been reading the ghosting subreddit in between tasks at work and it makes me feel better to know i'm not alone.. some people get ghosted after years of a relationship or communication with someone...... it's truly awful behaviour and it's traumatizing. i never knew how bad it could be until going through it myself and mine wasn't even a severe case; i'm just glad it wasn't worse. i swear i will never ghost someone in my entire life.

i think i also have abandonment issues which came up when i was a child (my parents weren't even neglectful i just had a lot of anxiety surrounding it) so i'm extra sensitive to feeling abandoned/rejected too

i got ghosted after 6 months in 2021 (just after having lost both remaining grandparents too) and it is BEYOND cruel. i couldn’t understand how we’d gone from making plans for christmas together to suddenly, nothing. it makes you doubt everything, be embarrassed about things you’ve shared with them…. like you say, i would never do it. i wish he had just come out and said “hey, i’m not feeling this anymore” or something. i still would have been upset but i would have appreciated the honesty.

it was my worst dating fear and the fact it happened REALLY did a number on me that i don’t think i’m over yet really. i don’t have abandonment issues as such but i suffer badly from ocd and often convince myself people are only pretending to like me or not having a good time with me etc and the fact that he did that is still something i’m trying to deal with. hence how often i bring it up on these threads

all i can say is that you’re among like minded people here and you’ve already come a long way from your initial posts about it. my offer to trip him down the steps of the royal albert hall still stands though

 

[IGiveUp22]

Maybe you are a dating expert, I’m not, that was my first date in 28 years and after the end of a marriage that was almost 25 years.
People wanted an update, there it was

Your tone was really Judgy Mcjudgerson.

Hey I know you’re pretty new here but honestly, the advice given from this thread is invaluable, no matter how “judgey” or “harsh” it might initially come across - that’s never the intention, the intention is to help people who post here!

I don’t know if you’ve posted your story previously or if the above is all you’ve shared.
The vibe I got from your previous post with your update was that for you, this was a date, for him I’m not so sure that it was. The bit that struck me the most was “I thought he was going to ghost because I’m so big”
I really think you need to take a step back from “dating” and work on yourself a bit first. The dating world is awful and a lot of men disguise “dates” when they’re actually just wanting sex…if you’re just wanting sex too then that’s absolutely fine but it can really take it’s toll emotionally.
From you saying you’re fresh out of a marriage, I think my advice to you would be to figure out what you want, what you like, what you enjoy doing, what makes you confident, spend some time
On your own where all you have to think about is you.

i know that sometimes getting an ego boost from the apps/men can make us feel better but literally from the line I’ve mentioned above, I’m not sure you’re in the head space to let this be an ego boost. Please work on yourself.

If casual sex is what you think you need right now then by all means, carry on but I just think in the long run this might make you feel worse. As La Blonde said; if you’re looking for something substantial, then a man who talks sexual early on is a huge red flag to look out for x

 

[Dogtanian]

Personally I'd boot him out and ask him to move into his new girlfriends. Change the locks and take all his stuff round hers.

 

[IGiveUp22]

I’ve finally sent the text to my guy that I was dating calling it off completely. I wasn’t feeling it already but obviously due to my poor mum having a heart attack I’ve become almost like her carer - she will eventually get better, she is doing much better over a week on now but still a lot of unknowns so I just can’t give my attention to dating right now, never mind to dating someone I wasn’t feeling.

Men come & go, I can always get back into it next year. My mum is obviously my priority right now…funny isn’t it how major life events kind of shock you into reality. It’s made me want to make some major changes myself…potentially deleting social media being one of them

 

[sleepflowers]

I think physical attraction is very important and as women we're told to not focus on it, to think about 'personality' instead like we're supposed to prove we're not shallow, but I don't care!! I'd be physically repulsed if I wasn't attracted to someone...

 

[LaBlonde]

I literally don't even know how to pick myself up after like 8 men ghosting me in the past 8 months. Either before we set a date or even once a date is planned. Nothing ever happens. Why do they do this?

When you've been in relationships before maybe it's easier but when you never get anywhere it's just non-stop negative results and it's just miserable.

the more dating has moved online, the crueller and more dismissive people have become about it all imo. treating human beings like shopping transactions, or “oh i actually i don’t really want that anymore, i’ll leave it on the shelf on my way to the till”, and just the constant game playing is a depressing state of affairs.

and i hear you. the more you get ghosted the harder it is to dust yourself off and try again. it’s even harder when you feel like everyone else is good at it. sending you xxx

 

[LaBlonde]

God I'm well fed up of being asked out on the same day.
I get that people don't want to waste time but I'm in my early 30s I have better things to do than to go to some crappy pub on a Sunday night with a bloke I've barely had a conversation with

 

[PumpkinKing]

How did I not know there was a dating thread?!
I’ve given up so many times with dating apps, come across some right creeps and c*nts.
Take this charmer for example…

I’m also now finding that 80% of the guys my age/a few years either side look 10 years older.
Going to read over these threads and see if you guys have the same issues as me

 

[LaBlonde]

Downloaded bumble again and 15 minutes in I'm already annoyed with it. So many men that just... don't put anything on their profile

and so many men where it’s impossible to judge what they actually look like!! drives me mad. how am i meant to start a conversation with you?!

oh and also:

 

[Lalla]

@triesherbest I hope your date goes exactly as you want it to, you deserve to have a lovely evening!



Has anyone else found themselves feeling really flat recently? Don't know if it's the weather or bloody hormones but I feel quite despairing today. I think hearing about 2 (recently single) people I know who are both now in new relationships having met people organically (one on a night out, one through friends) has tipped me over the edge. I'm happy for them but end up thinking why is that never going to be me? I know fine well I will never meet anyone on a night out round here because frankly local men are all thick as shit, and no chance of being introduced to anyone by friends either. And tbh online is no better - as we all know. Just feels a bit bleak that it happens so easily for other people and it won't for me. Apologies for the self pity