Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[xcyber]

1) I was thought they broke up and I wanted closure over what happened last time because it ended very weird.
2) I don’t want him back, I feel bad snitching on him because I do care about him after being part of my life for 5/6 years and he was normal and scented for 3/4 of those years

Can I ask why you keep ‘snitching on him’? Like what’s the purpose of it? You’re just causing his gf upset and really if you cared that much about her feelings you wouldn’t have engaged in the chat with him anyway. You say you don’t want him but I get the impression you want him to pick you over her and by telling his gf every time he contacts you you’re hoping she’ll end stuff and he’ll come to you. He would have done that if he really cared about you. Sorry if this all sounds harsh but I think sometimes it’s important to be very honest with yourself.

 

[al255]

I broke up with my bf tonight. I realised I don’t want a relationship, I’m happier on my own and not having to think about someone else’s happiness apart from my Daughters and my own.

I couldn’t meet his needs and wants / expectations in a relationship cos I just really love my own time once my daughter has gone to bed. I didn’t really see it working long term either and I just had the ick. He took it well and said he expected it coming

I won’t be getting on the apps at all anytime soon. I don’t want a relationship or even to date!

I’m not sad about us splitting up which tells me a lot..

 

[Bleurghgram]

After 6 months single I had a bit of a drunken fumble with a friend on Friday night… bloody hell I’d forgotten how ridiculous catching sex feelings is. He’s a lovely guy but there is absolutely no future there, yet here I am basically wondering what colour tie he’ll wear to our wedding

 

[xcyber]

@al255 Well-done for seeing the signs and for trusting yourself x

As an aside, what’s everyone’s experience with self-confessed ‘nice guys’? On the two occasions where they described themselves as a ‘nice guy’, they were anything but….

Rule number one - if a guy says ‘I’m a nice guy’ or ‘I’m a gentleman’ just leg it. He is NOT.

 

[LaBlonde]

I’m not bothered though! I feel completely different this time round compared to when I first snitched on him that’s what I’m actually posting about. I actually feel at peace and calm about it compared to last time which I’m a tad worried over but I see it as a good thing.

Just last time I had a feeling he would end up coming back even though I didn’t think he would but this time round I’ve got no feeling or thinking of that which I’m finding weird

i think i’m getting in a real muddle with this situation and i apologise

i would say there is still some element of you being bothered purely by the fact that you told his girlfriend (i think you’ve had clear advice on that so not dragging that point up again) and the fact that you are so taken by surprise by your apparently chilled feelings about it.

i truly don’t know why you would find your calmness in this situation worrying. i think, for most people, that would be a sign of growth so, reading between the lines, i think you actually don’t really want to be feeling that way because you have some degree of feelings towards him. this is why you’re using language like being worried or scared that you didn’t react the way you thought you would.

i don’t think this situation is bringing you much calmness tbh. keep him blocked, stop snitching to the girlfriend and try and move forward. there is obviously a lot of backstory here that i don’t think we’re fully getting, which made it unfair of him to contact you and have apparently deep conversations. don’t engage anymore, you know he has a girlfriend and you’re gaining nothing by being involved.

 

[DoeiBedankt]

I’ve got v limited battery so can’t scroll back to find who it was but curious to know outcome of what happened with the chat re Australia and going long distance? Hope it went well!

Hi, that was me!

I'd like to say thank you to the 2 lovely tattlers who did respond back, I completely forgot to reply back properly when I got back yesterday.

One Tattler mentioned I should just enjoy our time together while we have time left and I do agree, we had a lovely evening and we didn't chat too much about how we are feeling as it just didn't seem like the right time, he did say he is going to miss me and expressed that he likes me etc.

I am seeing him next week for the final time so I will pop back on and give you all an update.

I hope everyone on this thread is having a lovely Wednesday evening.

 

[tomato_paste]

It's not you, it's tinder.

Another great thread title contestant methinks

 

[harveydean]

Ladies, I’m in France for work and oh goodness, are the guys here fit I’m just walking down the street looking around and I see handsome, well-groomed and well-dressed men everywhere. I was shopping yesterday and the guy serving me was so hot my jaw almost dropped — he looked like an absolute dream! I know looks are not everything but I just can’t feel any attraction towards balding, poorly groomed guys with gross fingernails and yellow teeth. Why do most men in my hometown look like scarecrows?

Thank you Fledgling Psycho, I’m doing quite okay Hope you (and everyone else on this beautiful thread!) are doing fine too! I will try to catch up on the thread ASAP x

Thread title nomination

“Why do most men in my hometown look like scarecrows?”

 

[EndofInfluencers]

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone and he’s invited me round to his house this week, thing is I’m on my period. I really want to see him this week so thinking of suggesting going for a drink this week and going to his next week but how do I say this? Is it silly I don’t want to tell him I’m on my period? I know we all do it but I don’t wanna tell him

You’ve only been on a couple of dates with him, plan on sleeping with him already, but you’re too embarrassed to tell him that you’re on your period….not to sound harsh, but you’re not 15 years old- just tell him. Nothing to feel embarrassed about.

 

[tomato_paste]

WTF?!?!!

the missing “g” on spanking is also bothering me even though i know this isn’t the issue here.

it’s so concerning that ALL absolutely all of these messages that have been shared involve the man inflicting some kind of violence onto the woman.

It's the p*rn, it's rotted away their brains and any idea of women as people. They've been brainwashed by more and more hardcore p*rn to see us as horny f*ckdolls thay have no will of their own and are just eagerly waiting for their p*nis at the other end of the apps. Completely removed from reality.

 

[EddyDarling]

You lot have friends?

 

[mozzarellagirl]

I can't handle the scintillating conversation from the male species. This creature messaged me over a year ago, I didn't reply, then this today!
---
99% it won't be anyone I wanted to hear from.

They are like fucking RATS... (no offense to rats bc they are in fact v cute) men always come crawling back, whether it takes 2 months or 2 years (i've even experienced longer) It's not even a compliment because they do it when their relationships have failed, they're bored and lonely or just because they think you'll be desperate enough to entertain them again

 

[xcyber]

It is 2023, right?

View attachment 2064816

Ask him how much he earns because if he’s looking to keep you in your desired lifestyle he needs to be on at least £300K+ a year. Would love to see the response.

 

[Anne1448]

I've got some draaaaaama for you ladies.

Well, I decided to challenge myself and to pack as many dates as possible. I went to 2 in March. Ended up being ghosted by guy number 1 after the first date and I didn't went further with guy number 2. The date with guy number 3 went well, but I still met another guy today. I was on a date with guy number 4 when suddenly, I feel like I'm being watched. You know, this odd feeling when you can sense that eyes are on you? I move my head slowly (pretending to adjust my hair) and who do I see?! Guy number 1 who ghosted me after the first date! Karma is a bitch but mine is a BAD FUCKING BITCH! Now, knowing that this guy is looking at me I decided to act like my middle name, which is petty. I leaned towards guy number 4, smiled and laughed as if he was the funniest man on Earth. Now, guy number 1 changes his trajectory to walk in the aisle right next to us. I can feel his eyes on me but I refused to acknowledge his presence or even look towards him. He walked really close to us (mind you this is a massive open space) and when he reached our level, he looked towards me. He was so close to us that I could reach his hand if I just extended mine.

This is the closest I've felt to walking on the moon.

 

[Dogtanian]

Wow...back on tinder 24 hours and nothing has changed

View attachment 1993105

I don't get it, how is Simon still single? He sounds like such a catch.

 

[Anne1448]

Please, do not let those bad experiences affect you. Clearly it's not you since we all share similar experiences even though we live in completely different countries on different continents.

I strongly believe that the quality of men is bad simply because we are part of the early generation of women who are asking for better from men. Our mothers, grandmothers and prior generations had to put up with it. But because we finally have equal rights, we can FINALLY ask more from men.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

1) I add his number to WhatsApp as my insta messaging was playing up & he has a timer set on his messages???

2) barely heard from him today (not that im that bothered) but when I added him on WhatsApp he claimed his signal was bad as he was in hospital

1) this is not just a red flag, it's a red boxing glove hitting you in the face

2) surely they've worked out that after using the same excuse since 300BC, we know they're lying

Block.

 

[LaBlonde]

bringing back @Clementine suggestion from that great instagram post she shared: Dating after lockdown #28: It’s Not You, It’s Dating.

 

[Anne1448]

Why do men think that doing drugs is a positive thing?

I spoke to this guy for the first time yesterday and I am baffled by the fact that he is talking about drugs so openly.

Btw, this is a 38 yo man. My goooood the bar is so damn low

 

[Clementine]

You’re not alone, @drewydrop. It’s horrendous out there, and even the ones who come across as a decent human being can’t sustain it. Don’t allow these experiences to determine how you see yourself though

I really do think the kind of men we seek, just aren’t on the apps.

I sometimes worry that all my hope has gone, and that all my energy has been used dealing with this bs. That I’m just done now. A husk of a woman (relationship wise ).