Dating after lockdown #26 What in the bad episode of Hollyoaks is going on?

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TillyMiffin

TillyMiffin

lllwllms33 said:
Hey ladies, I’ve started dating again after having a year off the apps (felt great for it!) but just wondering, do you think it’s a bad sign if you don’t kiss at the end of a first date?
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Mmm. From my own perspective I’d say yes. If I fancied someone I’d deffo make sure we had a little kiss at the end of the night.
 
LaBlonde

LaBlonde

sofipbn said:
Hello lovely ladies. I've been lurking on the thread but have been really busy these past weeks so couldn't comment on anything.
I've met someone. He's lovely, a gentleman, we finish each other sentences, watch the same movies/series, enjoy the same things. We've been dating for almost two months but we're out in public together all the time.
The thing is, I think I fucked it up today. I've been struggling with family issues and I'm more sensitive than usual because I'm going on my period soon but today when we were having breakfast I saw that he was talking to a woman on IG. Nothing weird, but he kept talking to her through the morning. I got mad and said to him: "it's ok if you're speaking to somebody else but please don't do it in front of me". His response was that he only speaks with his friends (I know he has a female/male group of friends, I'm tottaly ok with this as I have a mixed group too) and that I don't have a reason to say something like that to him because what we're doing it's not something casual. The thing is, he's right. He's been the most attentive partner and I don't have a reason to doubt him, but I just wasn't feeling myself this morning.
Hours later I apologized and said he was right. I asked if we're ok and he said "yes, I'm ok if you're ok".
I know it's really early stages of dating but we have a connection and I wouldn't want to lose him for something like this. We've been seeing each other a lot and I care for him.
I just feel weird and I don't want to be scared.
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dating for two months? was this a crossover with the guy who lied about his age? (sorry if my memory is wrong but i remember that being in this thread?)

was the girl he was speaking to one of his friends? you mention knowing that he has a mix of male and female friends so you would have to expect that he would be talking to one of them. how frequent were the messages? i get that it makes you feel weird but if he does have a lot of female friends then this is going to happen sadly. do you trust him?
 
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Jenca01

Jenca01

Ladies. I have another date planned tomorrow! We’ve agreed a time and place. Let’s see if this one goes ahead 😂😂
 
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I

IGiveUp22

sofipbn said:
Hello lovely ladies. I've been lurking on the thread but have been really busy these past weeks so couldn't comment on anything.
I've met someone. He's lovely, a gentleman, we finish each other sentences, watch the same movies/series, enjoy the same things. We've been dating for almost two months but we're out in public together all the time.
The thing is, I think I fucked it up today. I've been struggling with family issues and I'm more sensitive than usual because I'm going on my period soon but today when we were having breakfast I saw that he was talking to a woman on IG. Nothing weird, but he kept talking to her through the morning. I got mad and said to him: "it's ok if you're speaking to somebody else but please don't do it in front of me". His response was that he only speaks with his friends (I know he has a female/male group of friends, I'm tottaly ok with this as I have a mixed group too) and that I don't have a reason to say something like that to him because what we're doing it's not something casual. The thing is, he's right. He's been the most attentive partner and I don't have a reason to doubt him, but I just wasn't feeling myself this morning.
Hours later I apologized and said he was right. I asked if we're ok and he said "yes, I'm ok if you're ok".
I know it's really early stages of dating but we have a connection and I wouldn't want to lose him for something like this. We've been seeing each other a lot and I care for him.
I just feel weird and I don't want to be scared.
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It’s tricky without knowing the full ins and outs. The guy I dated previously had a lot of female friends which I also was ok with but he did use that to pass off liking girls photos on insta which was one of my boundary’s. I believe his friendships would have likely caused issues down the line as well unless I met them.
I don’t actually think you’ve done anything wrong here. Yes he’s not done anything either if it was just a friend/he’s not made you worry and stuff but sometimes you get these niggles for a reason. The constant messages made you feel a type of way, don’t apologise for that. I’ve got male friends but I don’t message them like I would my female friends but I appreciate people have different boundaries.
 
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Clementine

Clementine

Plus it’s bloody rude to be constantly on your phone when you’re eating together, no?
 
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MsCurly

MsCurly

Clementine said:
Plus it’s bloody rude to be constantly on your phone when you’re eating together, no?
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This was my first thought too.

I've been on the other side of this, as my best friend is a guy. Every girl he's dated has questioned why we interact as much as we do, but if it's really just a friendship, he usually re-assures them and just tells the girls about me.
If the guy you're dating is not transparent with you when you are asking him about the friendship, I would consider that to be a semi-red flag. If he has nothing to hide, he should have no issue with clearing some things up. However, I can imagine it's something you do not want to bring up right now because you feel like you already messed up a bit.
 
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LaBlonde

LaBlonde

Clementine said:
Plus it’s bloody rude to be constantly on your phone when you’re eating together, no?
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it really is.

honestly, the timeline and the dates are making me think this is the same guy who lied to OP about his age because he knew she wouldn’t date him at his real age. given there is already a lack of trust there (but presumably she has forgiven the previous lie) it’s a red flag on top of a previous red flag to me. it also makes sense, as a lot of us told op at the time, that she is a little on edge around a man who has already been shady.

op - is this the same guy? it puts a different slant on his behaviour and your reaction to it if so.
 
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tomato_paste

tomato_paste

sofipbn said:
Hello lovely ladies. I've been lurking on the thread but have been really busy these past weeks so couldn't comment on anything.
I've met someone. He's lovely, a gentleman, we finish each other sentences, watch the same movies/series, enjoy the same things. We've been dating for almost two months but we're out in public together all the time.
The thing is, I think I fucked it up today. I've been struggling with family issues and I'm more sensitive than usual because I'm going on my period soon but today when we were having breakfast I saw that he was talking to a woman on IG. Nothing weird, but he kept talking to her through the morning. I got mad and said to him: "it's ok if you're speaking to somebody else but please don't do it in front of me". His response was that he only speaks with his friends (I know he has a female/male group of friends, I'm tottaly ok with this as I have a mixed group too) and that I don't have a reason to say something like that to him because what we're doing it's not something casual. The thing is, he's right. He's been the most attentive partner and I don't have a reason to doubt him, but I just wasn't feeling myself this morning.
Hours later I apologized and said he was right. I asked if we're ok and he said "yes, I'm ok if you're ok".
I know it's really early stages of dating but we have a connection and I wouldn't want to lose him for something like this. We've been seeing each other a lot and I care for him.
I just feel weird and I don't want to be scared.
Click to expand...
I think you're seeing this too black and white 🤗 nothing is fucked up at all. Conflicts happen. Sometimes we're all a bit sensitive or unreasonable. Sometimes it's also neither! You're allowed to not be OK with things that he does, even if he doesn't agree!

If you want to, you can try the following:
1. Find out what triggered you about this situation - was it because his attention was elsewhere when you needed his support? Was it because he didn't tell you who he was speaking to and what about? Was it because it's another woman he's talking to and you're scared? Dig deep, and don't just think to yourself "I'm just insecure and oversensitive", really try to find an answer.

2. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure in situations like these, from him and from yourself.

3. Bring up what you found out. Something like: "I would like to avoid these situations in the future, can you help me with (... insert needs from 1. here)?" if there is something he can do, or explain to him why you felt insecure if there is nothing you expect from him. Not as a way of apology but as a way of telling him you understood the situation. Being honest with what you're feeling and how you plan to deal with those feelings is a great step towards emotional intimacy.

4. Don't look for the problem, look for the solution. What would you like things to be like moving forward and what can you do to make that happen? What about that is down to him? And what about it is down to you? Do you need to work on your insecurities? Do you need to get to meet the other person involved? Do you just need a hug and words of assurance?

Hugs if you want them, you're going to be ok!
 
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EddyDarling

EddyDarling

Think I've just found my stalker of 2023 on hinge yet again 😭😂
All I want is a fancy hotel bar booze up and a dicking down fml
 
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Dollenganger

Dollenganger

lllwllms33 said:
Hey ladies, I’ve started dating again after having a year off the apps (felt great for it!) but just wondering, do you think it’s a bad sign if you don’t kiss at the end of a first date?
Click to expand...
I think that unless there is a lot of chemistry it’s fairly normal not to kiss on the first date. Sometimes attraction takes a bit longer to grow and that is ok.
 
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