Dating after lockdown #26 What in the bad episode of Hollyoaks is going on?

[nothanksbabes]

There's been a couple of people in this thread that have told you this - including myself.

Him paying for your dinner throughout your relationship means duck all after what he's done. This sentence alone highlights to me that you do still have him on a pedestal.

I really hope this gets better for you soon. Please lick your wounds as much as you need, I'll bleeping join it too but please stop giving him credit when he deserves duck all.

(How old are you btw? No problem if you don't want to share )

I'm 37.

I'm honestly not some fanny who sits around letting men treat me like shite and being grateful for the crumbs they throw me . I was single (by choice after a couple of average to horrific relationships in my 20s) for years and told many, many prats to sling their hooks. This one really was a 10/10 diamond and had everyone fooled, including my friends who would murder on my behalf. Until he wasn't.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

I'm 37.

I'm honestly not some fanny who sits around letting men treat me like shite and being grateful for the crumbs they throw me . I was single (by choice after a couple of average to horrific relationships in my 20s) for years and told many, many prats to sling their hooks. This one really was a 10/10 diamond and had everyone fooled, including my friends who would murder on my behalf. Until he wasn't.

i wish i could give you a cuddle! rally the women in this thread and come over (we'll cook for you but only if you buy the food first )

 

[D2them]

too

i wish i could give you a cuddle! rally the women in this thread and come over (we'll cook for you but only if you buy the food first )

This needs to the title of our next thread

 

[nothanksbabes]

I m sorry to hear today is difficult for you but I think it s because your plans got cancelled which has thrown you in to a bit of a spin.

Reading your post, the contrast from him being happy to have you in his life to deciding to let you go is extreme and so very hard to understand, however, the dude, one day consciously sat down and made the decision to leave the relationship. His reasons for leaving are difficult to understand but I really don t think they have anything to do with you, I think he is controlled by the mother of his children and is too weak to manage things when she kicks off. None of this is your fault, he is in a messy, awful, sad situation and you are now free from all the madness.

I do understand how you feel, heartbreak is truly awful but believe me when I say you will get through this, life will get better again for you but it will take time. I was deeply in love with my ex, (and he wasn t perfect) we had a good life together and were very compatible but I found out he cheated on me and also that he was very interested in a mutual friend of ours. I was heartbroken. Now I look back and I understand we are in fact very different people and that he is a complex and complicated man, at the end of the day we were just not meant to be together. Although single I am now happier than ever and life is good again.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Thank you so much.

I can cope with things fizzling out, or blowing up, I've been through both with people I loved and it's bleeping hard but you're right, it's the total U-turn here. And without his baggage I've no doubt he'd still be here, probably out of love or infatuation but at the very least convenience and codependency (which I don't want ). I'm just bleeping furious that he didn't think of this when I asked him directly a year ago. I hate that he drove this, pursued me, he was fully in until the last second, and he's thrown away the best memories of both of our lives because he's weak.

Give it five years and I'll see him and he'll look old and knackered and still be the oldest swinger in town and I'll be glad I'm not looking after some pissed-up grandad still thinking he's a mosher from 1992 . I'm just not sure I have five years of sanity left in me. Or five minutes.

 

[queenbees]

Just wanna make it clear that I did not invite a stranger into my house, the stranger invited himself and I did tell him to leave it off and he did get the block. I am aware of what the man was looking for and I am not an idiot he can buy his own food tonight or he can go to his mam’s xo

quite frankly I was more entertained that he thought I was gonna accept his offer

 

[itsnotmereally]

Thank you so much.

I can cope with things fizzling out, or blowing up, I've been through both with people I loved and it's bleeping hard but you're right, it's the total U-turn here. And without his baggage I've no doubt he'd still be here, probably out of love or infatuation but at the very least convenience and codependency (which I don't want ). I'm just bleeping furious that he didn't think of this when I asked him directly a year ago. I hate that he drove this, pursued me, he was fully in until the last second, and he's thrown away the best memories of both of our lives because he's weak.

Give it five years and I'll see him and he'll look old and knackered and still be the oldest swinger in town and I'll be glad I'm not looking after some pissed-up grandad still thinking he's a mosher from 1992 . I'm just not sure I have five years of sanity left in me. Or five minutes.

you’ve got this, lovely. Even if 5 mins at a time to get there.
It truly is the worst, I honestly get it. Sending you all the love xx

 

[unidentified]

Just wanna make it clear that I did not invite a stranger into my house, the stranger invited himself and I did tell him to leave it off and he did get the block. I am aware of what the man was looking for and I am not an idiot he can buy his own food tonight or he can go to his mam’s xo

quite frankly I was more entertained that he thought I was gonna accept his offer

These men are such a waste of space. GET IN THE BIN

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Just wanna make it clear that I did not invite a stranger into my house, the stranger invited himself and I did tell him to leave it off and he did get the block. I am aware of what the man was looking for and I am not an idiot he can buy his own food tonight or he can go to his mam’s xo

quite frankly I was more entertained that he thought I was gonna accept his offer

i'm glad you didn't invite him over but, even if you had, who are we to judge when most of us have done it at one point or another - i defo have - regretful gulp ‍

we are all glad you made the right call and told him to do one! spend the evening in the company of someone who's a bleeping catch - yourself!

 

[queenbees]

i'm glad you didn't invite him over but, even if you had, who are we to judge when most of us have done it at one point or another - i defo have - regretful gulp ‍

we are all glad you made the right call and told him to do one! spend the evening in the company of someone who's a bleeping catch - yourself!

I’m very happy with my wine and dogs

 

[Lalla]

These men are such a waste of space. GET IN THE BIN

I think we need a bigger bin.

I had a moment earlier today of thinking maybe I'm ready to think about dating again. Then I read all the crappy male behaviour experienced by the wonderful women on this thread and think no, I'm all good, I'll sit it out on the Shelf of Singledom a while longer!

 

[xcyber]

I think we need a bigger bin.

I had a moment earlier today of thinking maybe I'm ready to think about dating again. Then I read all the crappy male behaviour experienced by the wonderful women on this thread and think no, I'm all good, I'll sit it out on the Shelf of Singledom a while longer!

Ah no! There’s still some lovely ones out there! We can identify crappy men but not become completely jaded to the fact that there are some lovely ones that do exist and will worship us! However, life isn’t about finding a man and so whether you choose to have one is totally up to you!

 

[Losa53]

Hello, sorry been at work all day.
So at first I was like I dont know of I fancy this guy or its friend level. I was going to leave after dinner but my friend quite frankly said I only go after guys who treat me like tit and don't give the nice guys a chance which is true.
So I went to his we watched a movie and we had a really nice time. I did stay at his but nothing happened and he was so respectful off that. He even went out and got me a toothbrush and women shower gel in case I forgot mine which I thought was so thoughtful off him.
I did say I wanna date no pressure to become anything serious straight away and I wanna take my time before sleeping with him (if we get to that)
I just wished I could fall for the nice guys as quickly I fall for duck boys

 

[Sofie]

I think we need a bigger bin.

I had a moment earlier today of thinking maybe I'm ready to think about dating again. Then I read all the crappy male behaviour experienced by the wonderful women on this thread and think no, I'm all good, I'll sit it out on the Shelf of Singledom a while longer!

I have been single for three and a half years (very much my choice) and during this time I have come to understand who I really am. I too have recently thought about dating again which is in stark contrast to how I felt only six months ago. I have had a couple of experiences with men (both lovely guys) but they were only interested in one thing , so I moved along. I believe I was able to leave them behind before too much damage was done because I listened to my intuition and stood firm regarding what I wanted. The difference now is, I feel much more confident about handling men, when before I was far too carefree and easy going and always ended up hurt. I have built a life for myself which I really like and this gives me the strength to put my happiness at the top of the list where men are concerned. Single or in a relationship I am good either way.

 

[Thank(space)you]

So he has now said “What are you on about. I am making an effort. I told you I’d come down to you and cook for you. That’s an effort “



like these men are clueless.

My reply was “yes it would have been an effort and a good first impression if you showed up at my house with a bag of food and a bottle of wine and cooked for me but you then proceeded to tell me to get off my ass and go to Tesco to get the food. And it was only fair that I buy it if you’re cooking it.”



the original plan was bowling and dinner and it’s quite clear now why he didn’t want to do that which is fine. But like seriously.



EDIT: he has now replied “I was only messing about getting the food” - lies. He’s only saying that now because I’ve called him out on this crappy behaviour

BIB is why I think people thought you were OK with him coming over if he paid for the food

 

[queenbees]

BIB is why I think people thought you were OK with him coming over if he paid for the food

Ah okay - I did mean after eventually going on a date not him landing to my house uninvited

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’ve been chatting with someone over Christmas. He’s separated but still living with his wife atm. They have 3 children under 9 years old. She cheated on him with someone I knew earlier this year (don’t know how long for etc) they’ve been married 11 years but together longer. Anyway, he suggested meeting for a coffee but it had to be during the week during the day. I understand childcare issues on a weekend. Am I wrong to ask why it has to be during the week during the day? He said when I can get away from work we could meet, but I get an hour break and it would take me 15 mins to drive anywhere to go for a coffee!

When I say earlier this year, I meant earlier in 2022

 

[xcyber]

I’ve been chatting with someone over Christmas. He’s separated but still living with his wife atm. They have 3 children under 9 years old. She cheated on him with someone I knew earlier this year (don’t know how long for etc) they’ve been married 11 years but together longer. Anyway, he suggested meeting for a coffee but it had to be during the week during the day. I understand childcare issues on a weekend. Am I wrong to ask why it has to be during the week during the day? He said when I can get away from work we could meet, but I get an hour break and it would take me 15 mins to drive anywhere to go for a coffee!

When I say earlier this year, I meant earlier in 2022

Honestly, this already sounds like waaaaayyy to much baggage. Personally I wouldn’t even bother.

 

[IGiveUp22]

I’ve been chatting with someone over Christmas. He’s separated but still living with his wife atm. They have 3 children under 9 years old. She cheated on him with someone I knew earlier this year (don’t know how long for etc) they’ve been married 11 years but together longer. Anyway, he suggested meeting for a coffee but it had to be during the week during the day. I understand childcare issues on a weekend. Am I wrong to ask why it has to be during the week during the day? He said when I can get away from work we could meet, but I get an hour break and it would take me 15 mins to drive anywhere to go for a coffee!

When I say earlier this year, I meant earlier in 2022

Yeah I would run a mile from this situation not going to lie.
i also think he’s potentially still with the wife &would have the same suspicions you’ve raised about the whole meeting thing. Very odd.

But realistically; he’s been cheated on, married for 11 years, they’ve got young kids & he’s still living in the same house as her…even if he was telling the truth, I really don’t think he’s in a good place to be thinking about dating. You might need to ask yourself What can this man offer you?

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

@it’s not been changed?! I don’t think you’re wrong to ask. I could be completely off here, but my assumption would be that his and his wife’s lives are still very entwined, and he’s trying to avoid rocking the boat at home by having a conversation about the fact that he’s starting to date. It’s much easier (for him) just to try to fit you into his normal routine where he can.

As xcyber said, it would be far too much baggage for me, and it sounds like he wants dating to be on his terms, fitting in around his personal circumstances.

 

[queenbees]

I’ve been chatting with someone over Christmas. He’s separated but still living with his wife atm. They have 3 children under 9 years old. She cheated on him with someone I knew earlier this year (don’t know how long for etc) they’ve been married 11 years but together longer. Anyway, he suggested meeting for a coffee but it had to be during the week during the day. I understand childcare issues on a weekend. Am I wrong to ask why it has to be during the week during the day? He said when I can get away from work we could meet, but I get an hour break and it would take me 15 mins to drive anywhere to go for a coffee!

When I say earlier this year, I meant earlier in 2022

This sounds like a lot. Especially for a new year. It sounds like he wouldn’t even be in the right head space for dating. If he’s living with the ex wife, I would agree that he’s trying to do it without her noticing what’s going on