Dating after lockdown #23 Can you HTML though?

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

Ok I know this will make me look more unhinged than a broken door but we're here now so I really would love a lil advice.

Matched on Tinder last week. Spent the whole weekend messaging back and forth. Quiet during the work day, messaging again at night after work. Even messaged me while in the middle of a brothers catch up call. Busy schedules so first date set for Wednesday next week. So far, on board. All good right?

So. I found him on Facebook. He had previously mentioned an ex. Didn't mention how long he's been single, I didn't press on it. Turns out it's at least since after March because his EX FIANCEÉ tagged him in a sweet birthday message.

Of course, he doesn't know I know he was once engaged, likely until very recently. What would you do when going into this? How would you tread?

All thoughts, positive or not, welcome.

Ehh I mean it might not be a big deal if he's emotionally moved on and put the work in to do so. Although how often do men realistically do this?

 

[TheTinyHuman]

Ehh I mean it might not be a big deal if he's emotionally moved on and put the work in to do so. Although how often do men realistically do this?

Let's say not many of them and leave it there

I'm just worried it's too soon and he's not selling what I wanna buy, if you get my meaning.

 

[xcyber]

Let's say not many of them and leave it there

I'm just worried it's too soon and he's not selling what I wanna buy, if you get my meaning.

Maybe go on a first date and scope it from there? He might mention it there but if he doesn’t then I’d prob just sack it off.

 

[TheTinyHuman]

Maybe go on a first date and scope it from there? He might mention it there but if he doesn’t then I’d prob just sack it off.

So if he doesn't mention it already on date one?

 

[Kimmylookatme]

So if he doesn't mention it already on date one?

Id just ask what his most serious relationship has been. If he mentions it fine if he doesn’t bring it up it’s a bit weird

 

[Belle123]

Ok I know this will make me look more unhinged than a broken door but we're here now so I really would love a lil advice.

Matched on Tinder last week. Spent the whole weekend messaging back and forth. Quiet during the work day, messaging again at night after work. Even messaged me while in the middle of a brothers catch up call. Busy schedules so first date set for Wednesday next week. So far, on board. All good right?

So. I found him on Facebook. He had previously mentioned an ex. Didn't mention how long he's been single, I didn't press on it. Turns out it's at least since after March because his EX FIANCEÉ tagged him in a sweet birthday message.

Of course, he doesn't know I know he was once engaged, likely until very recently. What would you do when going into this? How would you tread?

All thoughts, positive or not, welcome.

Ok, you’ve a few options:

1. back out now and don’t meet
2. message him as normal and see if you can bring the conversation around to it
3. meet him as planned and bring up the topic casually - how long you’ve been single, ever been married etc?

My preference is 3. because it gives him a chance to talk to you in person and weigh it all up. You can see his reactions. Option 2. denies you that and he could say anything by text. It’s not about interrogating him, but it’s reasonable to find out how long they were together, when they split up, if they stay in touch, and whether he’s had many dates since. You do not want to be the rebound, because it will end in tears, but get your facts together first to figure out the true situation. Good luck!

 

[xcyber]

So if he doesn't mention it already on date one?

As in, see if he is honest about it in person because he might avoid mentioning it in text knowing it could put people off. Conversation etc is different in person, you might not even fancy him so then it won’t mean anything.

 

[candyland_]

Looking at my likes on Badoo is like looking at the ‘Who’s been convicted this month’ section of the local news site.

 

[itsnotmereally]

I’m on FAB as I have a sex drive but my heart is closed off. I know it’s not for everyone but to be totally crass I need to duck my pain away Haven’s done so yet, buts it’s been a distraction and a nice ego boost.

my friend swears by this app after being ducked over so much by the users of regular apps.

 

[candyland_]

Apparently not agreeing to meet someone after a 10 minute chat is stringing them along and warrants a little tantrum. Get in the bleeping bin.

 

[al255]

Ok I know this will make me look more unhinged than a broken door but we're here now so I really would love a lil advice.

Matched on Tinder last week. Spent the whole weekend messaging back and forth. Quiet during the work day, messaging again at night after work. Even messaged me while in the middle of a brothers catch up call. Busy schedules so first date set for Wednesday next week. So far, on board. All good right?

So. I found him on Facebook. He had previously mentioned an ex. Didn't mention how long he's been single, I didn't press on it. Turns out it's at least since after March because his EX FIANCEÉ tagged him in a sweet birthday message.

Of course, he doesn't know I know he was once engaged, likely until very recently. What would you do when going into this? How would you tread?

All thoughts, positive or not, welcome.

I’d stay welllllll clear of this guy. He’s just come out of a presumably long term relationship with a lady he was engaged too. NO THANKS

 

[candyland_]

I spent about an hour on the apps today and I had..

Arsey comments from idiots when you don’t rim them
‘Nobody ever wants me. I get pied every time’
‘I’ve quit my job I couldn’t cope’
‘My ex is toxic so I’m living in a b&b
Insecure freaks who boot off over small comments

Cba.

 

[Branched]

Hey guys, hope you don't mind me jumping in.

I've never used any of the apps, always been a bit nervous of them and met my ex through friends. We broke up earlier this year and tbh I have not been taking it well at all. Recently found out he's dating someone new (fair enough) and it's made me realise I've been focusing on him so much. I think I need to put myself back out there, even if it's just to remind myself that there are other options than him.

Before I do, can I ask if there are any basic tips that you wish you'd known before joining the apps? Or for dating in general, as I've never really been one to date? I'm thinking of going for Hinge as Tinder seems quite hookup focused and I don't like the idea of having to message first on Bumble. But otherwise I have no idea what to expect or what to even put on my profile.

I think I'm also going to have to take completely new pics as the only ones I have are either years old or with my ex I hate having my photo taken but any tips for what types of photos to include? Preferably ones that don't feel too awkward or forced!

Final thing - I sneaked a peek at a male friend's Hinge and all the girls on there seem completely gorgeous. I don't think I'm repulsive but I'm fairly average and I'm quite scared of having my self-esteem torn to shreds (yes I know I shouldn't base my self-esteem on what others think and I'm trying to work through such issues with a therapist). Has anyone else ever felt like this or any advice on keeping your confidence while dating?

Sorry for the fairly pathetic questions, I am really clueless at all this!

 

[xcyber]

Hey guys, hope you don't mind me jumping in.

I've never used any of the apps, always been a bit nervous of them and met my ex through friends. We broke up earlier this year and tbh I have not been taking it well at all. Recently found out he's dating someone new (fair enough) and it's made me realise I've been focusing on him so much. I think I need to put myself back out there, even if it's just to remind myself that there are other options than him.

Before I do, can I ask if there are any basic tips that you wish you'd known before joining the apps? Or for dating in general, as I've never really been one to date? I'm thinking of going for Hinge as Tinder seems quite hookup focused and I don't like the idea of having to message first on Bumble. But otherwise I have no idea what to expect or what to even put on my profile.

I think I'm also going to have to take completely new pics as the only ones I have are either years old or with my ex I hate having my photo taken but any tips for what types of photos to include? Preferably ones that don't feel too awkward or forced!

Final thing - I sneaked a peek at a male friend's Hinge and all the girls on there seem completely gorgeous. I don't think I'm repulsive but I'm fairly average and I'm quite scared of having my self-esteem torn to shreds (yes I know I shouldn't base my self-esteem on what others think and I'm trying to work through such issues with a therapist). Has anyone else ever felt like this or any advice on keeping your confidence while dating?

Sorry for the fairly pathetic questions, I am really clueless at all this!

Hello!! You’ve come to the right place lol. Sorry about your ex but glad you’ve decided to take steps to move on, that’s a great start!

Dating apps are… well pretty awful a lot of the time. Having said that almost everyone here has probably met at least several nice men on them and some even long term relationships. What I would suggest ultimately is to not take anything too personally, particularly anything that feels like a rejection, because unfortunately that’s very much common place on apps. Ghosting, slow fades, no follow through, random blocks are all a part of the process. If you don’t experience any of those then I’d be asking questions!

Take some fun natural photos of yourself out and about, nothing too filtered, write a few interesting things about yourself and just see how it goes. As for the tonne of gorgeous girls, I can tell you (from male friends on the apps/my bf) that a LOT of them are heavily filtered, not real, looking for a sugar daddy and/or escorts. So don’t let that concern you. I think men get targeted in a lot of different ways on the apps that women don’t.

Just see it as a fun adventure or a jaunt to a busy bar where there might some hot guys who you might chat to and meet up or some you never see again, some you wish to steer clear of etc etc. JUST DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING TOO PERSONALLY! And let the games begin! X

 

[al255]

SO. I’ve just got home from my date and he was really lovely and we just kissed on the cheek.. I’ve text him saying thanks (HE BROUGHT ME LINDT BALLS!!!)Anyway - he said he doesn’t think we have anything in common (wt???) we have loads in common but I think he doesn’t like going out to the pub, or for cocktails, or say .. if it’s summer he would rather go for a hike than in a beer garden. So anyway I’ve thanked him for meeting me and just said I don’t think it would work. I also don’t like that he’s not many friends round here which is hard as I need them to have a life outside of “us”.. anyway. Feee Lindt balls out of it and 2 glasss of wine onto the next one……

 

[candyland_]

*deletes dating apps*
What a shower of tit. Hounding me for nudes.. Men saying they have girlfriends. Men crying about how bad their lives are, one was ‘married and bored’. duck that.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

SO. I’ve just got home from my date and he was really lovely and we just kissed on the cheek.. I’ve text him saying thanks (HE BROUGHT ME LINDT BALLS!!!)Anyway - he said he doesn’t think we have anything in common (wt???) we have loads in common but I think he doesn’t like going out to the pub, or for cocktails, or say .. if it’s summer he would rather go for a hike than in a beer garden. So anyway I’ve thanked him for meeting me and just said I don’t think it would work. I also don’t like that he’s not many friends round here which is hard as I need them to have a life outside of “us”.. anyway. Feee Lindt balls out of it and 2 glasss of wine onto the next one……

Did going on a date the same evening the Queen died not make it more memorable for the both of you in anyway??

 

[itsnotmereally]

SO. I’ve just got home from my date and he was really lovely and we just kissed on the cheek.. I’ve text him saying thanks (HE BROUGHT ME LINDT BALLS!!!)Anyway - he said he doesn’t think we have anything in common (wt???) we have loads in common but I think he doesn’t like going out to the pub, or for cocktails, or say .. if it’s summer he would rather go for a hike than in a beer garden. So anyway I’ve thanked him for meeting me and just said I don’t think it would work. I also don’t like that he’s not many friends round here which is hard as I need them to have a life outside of “us”.. anyway. Feee Lindt balls out of it and 2 glasss of wine onto the next one……

I mean you do the pub stuff and he can walk with me no funny stuff.

 

[al255]

Did going on a date the same evening the Queen died not make it more memorable for the both of you in anyway??

yeah I guess so.. I’ll always be reminded of it I guess

 

[candyland_]

yeah I guess so.. I’ll always be reminded of it I guess

There’s always next Thursday lol