Dating after lockdown #23 Can you HTML though?

[Bianca Del Rio]

It’s a tricky one. I think we’ve all been there, where we’ve felt like things are going well with one person we’re keen on and have stopped engaging with new matches to focus more on them. It can be quite jarring when you assume they are on the same page as you, but then see them actively updating their profile, which means they are clearly still matching, chatting and possibly going on dates with others. It’s a bit “Oh.. right. ” and can make you feel quite flat. If it was me, I’d probably back off a bit and explore some other options myself. Keep dating the guy by all means, but keep him a bit more at arm’s length.

Also fantastic that he’s managed to put his family issues to one side for long enough to take a selfie at work and upload it to Hinge. Love that for him.

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

@StillLucilleBluth Absolutely. Mine include (but are not limited to):

• “Someone easy going who doesn’t take themselves too seriously”. I’ve yet to work out what the fuck that actually means.

• Any mention of the perfect Sunday being a hike in the Lakes and a cosy country pub for a roast. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to get a table in a cosy country pub in the Lakes of a Sunday, because apparently that’s where EVERY fucker in the North West is to be found.

• Lists of countries they’ve travelled to. Would you walk up to someone in the street and start shouting “Cambodia! Vietnam! Thailand!” at them as a conversation starter? Of course you wouldn’t.

• “Don’t match with me if you vote Tory / don’t like kids / are vegetarian / have had Botox or fillers / pout / use filters on your photos” - delete as appropriate, all equally annoying.

• “Not my dog / not my child” - not for me. 🥱🥱

I could go on all day.

 

[katyazamo]

I was a few dates in with a new guy, all going swimmingly. I knew he was never going to be "the one" but he was nice enough so why not date for a few months? Anyway he dropped off the grid for a bit but still active on insta, and you know that feeling you get when you're getting the slow fade? Exactly that. I gave him a ring at the weekend and you'll never guess what... his nan hasn't been well and he just hasn't had time to look at his phone! I wasn't that invested if I'm honest so just said OK cool, good luck to ya. He was all taken aback like wait what, do you not want to continue seeing each other? No no, your nan isn't well so it's best you're there for her and the family I know fine he'd have found the time to get his leg over mind you...!

Honestly. Those poor nans. You have to laugh. Another one bites the dust I suppose

 

[al255]

New thread for our dating highs and lows. What a thread #22 was….!!!

Congratulations to myself for the witty thread title, however it wouldn’t have been possible without @boomska sharing her story about that god awful human🫠

I wonder whar this thread has got in store for us. Hot gal single summer is still on the horizon for most of us, and we are still trying to find our knight in shining armour but we get twats in tinfoil (to quote @Losa53 )

Final note from me.. remember: we are enough, put yourself first and don’t lower your standards for anybody

 

[xcyber]

I had to share this profile with you all seriously!!!!

What’s the chances that this guy is balding, under 6 foot, average looks and still living with his parents? Pretty high I’d say.

 

[candyland_]

I’m taking a break from this thread but I just wanted to pop on and thank you all for your support and advice over recent months, I really have appreciated it.

 

[xcyber]

Aaaah all these screenshots are making me nostalgic for all the hilariously aggressive ones I used to get. I was so inspired that I searched through the photo library and found these gems from 2016 when I was a sprightly 28 year old on the apps. I wonder if any of these lovely gents are still single!

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

*deletes dating apps*
What a shower of shit. Hounding me for nudes.. Men saying they have girlfriends. Men crying about how bad their lives are, one was ‘married and bored’. Fuck that.

Oh Goddddd I’m off the apps at the moment because I’m up to my neck in work to the detriment of literally everything else in my life, but I know I’m going to have to go back on there at some point.

I’m dreading having to wade through this clusterfuck of desperation and sex-pestery from distinctly mediocre men who have nothing to bring to the table but a wardrobe full of snide Balenciaga t-shirts and profile pictures that were taken when David Cameron was Prime Minister. Fucking shoot me.

 

[candyland_]

Little update from me.. it’s been two weeks since we had the chat about having space - I have decided to walk away. He text me after a few days but by that point I felt peaceful and content and knew it was the best decision for me so I mulled it over for about a week before I replied. We’ve had some general chit chat but it hasn’t changed how I feel so I’m going to put an end to it tonight.

 

[Clementine]

If anyone remembers I’d posted a while ago about missing the person I’d been dating but we’d split. We got talking again and spent some lovely times together. It seems we’d reached a new level in various ways. I didn’t mention it here as I didn’t want to jinx it etc. Fast forward a bit of time and now we’re no longer together again and he blocked me yesterday. Realised this on the bus on the way to work and tried not to look like a mad sobbing crazy woman but failed

He’d been in my life since January and now he’s not and it’s fucking horrible. We’re both a bit wonky brained and sensitive - so both feel things deeply. I can see why he’s done it - he’s stated he just felt too fragile to be in a relationship. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. I was attempting to do the No Contact thing but I’m rubbish on that front and he blocked me after I’d sent him a link to an album I thought he’d like.

I wish I could just brush my shoulders off and get on with it, but I’m not built that way. He’s the first man I’ve loved in quite a while and I felt seen and understood by him. Never met anyone quite like him and don’t think I ever will. Honestly feel like a drug addict that’s having to go cold turkey (not that I’ve ever been a drug addict!).

 

[xcyber]

Hello

this is my first ever post, I hope you don’t mind me posting here? A friend told me she had read this thread and I need some advice!

I have a guy on my instagram who messages me a lot, complimenting me, chatting with me and asking me to meet him. He’s gorgeous and I would love to meet him… problem is he is married and has admitted this to me. He says I am his perfect woman and he would love to meet me. I have said no many times because I couldnt do that to his wife but I am struggling to keep saying no as I really would like him, I’ve been single and unhappy for so long that I’m tempted.

I am just looking for your views please
Thank you

To be really blunt, meeting this guy will likely still result in you being single and even more unhappy. He might be fit but what kind of guy DMs other random girls on insta when he’s married. That’s such poor show. You’re also unlikely to be the only girl he’s messaging. He’s looking for sex and he most likely won’t leave his wife for you.

Also I’d be VERY wary of someone who leads with platitudes like ‘you’re my perfect woman’ when they’ve not even met you. How could he possibly know that from a few pictures and chat lol. It’s a line.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I didn't have a bf when I turned 30 I went for a dinner with my family who are all in couples except me.
I spent my whole 20s in long term relationships people were certain I'd get married to one of them. But I found myself single and I was single for another 2 years. In that time I grew more confident put up with less shit and grew as a person.
I'm 35 now I have a bf and I have a baby. I was with him for 4 months when I got pregnant. If u had told me that night in my 30th I'd have this one day I would never have believed you

Keep the faith trust the timing of your life and enjoy the ride

Thank you, I do really appreciate it. I know I need to get out of my own head.


Also, had a bad plot twist with my dating life

Spoiler: Spoiler because I feel more comfortable

So I get STI checked after each new partner if we haven't used a condom. Had my results back from the time I slept with Mr Migraine. He's given me chlamydia ( all my tests for the last 10 years have been clean, haven't slept with anyone but him since my last test) anyway, I've done the decent thing and told him, didn't put any blame, just a text saying "this is awkward, but I've got my sti results and I've got chlamydia, I'd recommend you get checked too. Here is the link to view my results if you wish [link here]"
So he's said he was taking antibiotics for chlamydia when we slept together but didn't think it important to mention it!
I was really pissed off but responded a lot better than I could have, I kept calm didn't fly off the handle.
But I do think it's disgusting how he can do that. He then tried blaming me saying I'd given it to him because he was on the antibiotics so wouldn't have had it any more!! I said it doesn't matter where it came from, the importance is getting checked, taking the medication, and testing after to make sure the antibiotics worked.

I'm so hurt by it though.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Second comment 100% got it.

 

[gelicahah]

So me matching with older mature men is going well...that bum pic reference is me at the gym in normal gym leggings View attachment 1537168

Oh if we're exchanging screenshots of "men" who shouldn't be allowed on the apps it's my time to shine I got this yesterday afternoon from a guy not much younger than yours

 

[LaBlonde]

And more recently "get off the apps, meet men like we used to, work, hobbies, in the supermarket!" I also loathe the thing of "You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you. To attract the "right" kind of man, you have to do all this work on yourself" ...

yes! i HATE these - yes, i have lots of hobbies, but they are things that genuinely mean something to me and how i spend my free time, not a means to meet a man. and all this work on myself?! yes, i bet men are doing that too, right? right?

i hate any rhetoric that frames men as a prize you can win if you just make all this effort and do all this work. they’re not prizes. they’re participation trophies at best. urgh.

 

[Belle123]

Hi all, I hope you don’t mind me crashing, I am always just reading along. So, long story short, I am on the apps met a guy, and we have been chatting on/off the last few weeks but became a bit more intense the last few days as he is away in another country and will be back next week and we have a date planned. Phrases like move closer together, wanting me to met the family, Christmas together, deleting the apps, have all be said and I always respond along the line of let’s get the first date done and see what happens. Now this is where I am unsure, I am anxious avoidant attachment type and I don’t know if just because he is secure that I am having a hard time listening to plans like that or if they are red flags?? Normally if someone is avoidant with me I become anxious so that is why I am only going for secure but I have never experienced secure so I don’t know what to think, any thoughts?. Thanks all!

Nope, he’s not secure. He’s love bombing you and talking about the future to lure you in. A secure person goes at an appropriate pace, and wouldn’t say these things. I think it’s ridiculous to say these things before you’ve even met. I’d be very cautious about this level of intensity. He probably leans more avoidant. They rush things then bail. They like the early stages, but edge away when you expect commitment. Secure is consistency and allowing things to move at a natural, even pace.

 

[Lalla]

This thread honestly made me feel so much better, thanks for your kind responses! Us tattlers aren’t all trolls after all

I honestly think you get kinder, better intentioned advice on here than in many other corners of the internet. I have posted on many sites over the years but I feel far more at home on Tattle than in other places. I find on here there's never people trying to point score, or be goady, or make a smart comment for the sake of it. Which is refreshing!

 

[Cagp20]

I had to share this profile with you all seriously!!!!

 

[jellybelly48]

Well I’ve just had a lovely good morning message from smoking guy….
apparently he woke up thinking of me & took matters into his own hands so to speak....
I can watch the video if I want to!!!! FFS what is wrong with these men!!!!! I give up I really do
****delete*****

 

[Bagpuss7]

I would prefer not to as it’s the week before pay day and I’m skint. And I don’t want him to pay for me. We just arranged to meet for drinks.

You might be overthinking this a tad .... If its just a drink and a hello well there's no need for it to turn into a 3 hour ordeal with you clockwatching to leave plus he knows that its just a drink I'm guessing ?. But I wouldn't also make a big scene straight off the bat by saying I can't stay long! I'd feel awkward if a date started off the dare saying that to me. In my experience these kind of dates just naturally flow and as the intention is to see if you like the other person it becomes very apparent quickly if the date is going to be over quick or if you make a plan to meet properly for date 2.