@Carapop I dated a man like this.. He drove past my house a week before we were supposed to meet while asking me to come outside because he had something for me. He didn’t know my address just the area so he was driving around guessing and hit lucky. I didn’t see him that day but I was young so I did end up dating him but I lost interest and it ended with him telling me he had the urge to strangle me when I said I didn’t want to kiss him anymore. He was deadly serious about it too. I’m only a petite size 4 and he was a 6ft 4 rugby player build so I wouldn’t have stood a chance. Any hint of uncomfortable behaviour now and it’s an instant blocking for me.
Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.
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I think a better response would have been no actually we won't, I'm not here for as and when you decide to grace me with your presence! All the best!
The presumption that you will wait with baited breath for him to decide you are worthy of his time...nah sod that !
I am a bit puzzled too ...you say you've been on 6 dates with this man ?? This doesn't strike me as the behaviour of a man that's interested or invested in you ...at all ! Very odd tbh
I can’t believe them guys🫣 I agree with it being two ends of the spectrum though. Block and delete for sure!!!
My date went soooo well, he wouldn’t let me pay for anything, he was lovely and we had so much fun. I ended up back at his
I’m on the train home rough!! We’re going to see each other again, not sure when but I’ll let him make that move!
My date went soooo well, he wouldn’t let me pay for anything, he was lovely and we had so much fun. I ended up back at his
I’m on the train home rough!! We’re going to see each other again, not sure when but I’ll let him make that move!
The apps are awash with men with serious personality disorders and yet here we are trying to work them out when we need to work on ourselves clearly! And if you have children, you need to be even more vigilant. Any man is never ever better than no man.
I reckon most of these guys read all this pick up artist misogyny and think they're cool but in fact no they have a personality disorders and are no doubt porn addicts to boot. Who actually needs this in their life? Seriously!
I reckon most of these guys read all this pick up artist misogyny and think they're cool but in fact no they have a personality disorders and are no doubt porn addicts to boot. Who actually needs this in their life? Seriously!
I’m having the ‘I think we should have some space’ chat today.
We’ve both had a lot going on recently and his mental health has taken a bit of a dip so I think it would be better if we did our own thing rather than bumbling along. I don’t know if we are just fizzling out in all honesty.
We’ve both had a lot going on recently and his mental health has taken a bit of a dip so I think it would be better if we did our own thing rather than bumbling along. I don’t know if we are just fizzling out in all honesty.
Yer 6 dates, honestly he so different in person to how he is over text messages but I've deleted him now I won't be talking to him next week lol
what do you want by space - like having an actual break? Or just not seeing each other for a while but still being in a relationship etc?
I find your relationship a little confusing because it seems to be based on clearly a lot of mutual attraction, but a lack of quality communication, and contrary behaviour.
The fact that you still get so excited after (I think) 3 years for a date night is wonderful and feels like something worth preserving, but I’m not sure you’ve ever got your head round how to work together when he has bouts of depression, and that seems to take you off course.
I hope you get the outcome you want from your discussion today. If it continues with the ups and downs I could see why you might want a break. I’ve been relationships with men who have had mental health problems - addiction, anxiety, depression - and it really can take a lot of you, particularly if you feel that they won’t try to seek help.
this also sums up how I feel perfectly about the situation! There’s clearly a lot of attraction there which is something we all aspire to especially in a long term relationship, but it seems like during the ‘down’ periods there is a struggle to communicate. Like clickbait said I have also been there with men with mh issues (well still am actually). It is tough. But I guess if it’s a relationship you see heading towards marriage or whatever your benchmark of a super serious thing is then you kind of have to be there for the rough and the smooth? I don’t know, it is really draining if they won’t at least try and help themselves, but then maybe it’s better to decide how much the good bits of the relationship outweigh that or whether they don’t. Good luck with your convo
Thank you for your replies, I don’t really know what to say to be honest.
I think by taking a break it would be that we call things off until (if) we are in a position to give each other more time. We have both had a lot going on recently that it’s made it hard to keep things ticking over, usually I’m quite care free and pick up the slack but I just haven’t had it in me over the last few weeks.
It’s not something I’m suggesting because I don’t love him, we still have great times together, it’s more me giving us the opportunity to focus on the things that have been taking priority without what we have fading into nothing. I just don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or if I should just bumble along until it passes.
I think by taking a break it would be that we call things off until (if) we are in a position to give each other more time. We have both had a lot going on recently that it’s made it hard to keep things ticking over, usually I’m quite care free and pick up the slack but I just haven’t had it in me over the last few weeks.
It’s not something I’m suggesting because I don’t love him, we still have great times together, it’s more me giving us the opportunity to focus on the things that have been taking priority without what we have fading into nothing. I just don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or if I should just bumble along until it passes.
oh sweet heavens that sounds horrific. You must have been terrified. Thank you for sharing that experience. It all helps solidify that I made the right call.
the following dialogue took place last night and I’ve not heard from him since I sent my last message. I was half expecting him to turn up for our planned date today like nothing happened so im glad he’s at least not engaging. But it’s hilarious that he clearly thinks he’s the one wronged here.
Anyway, onwards!
he sounds creepy af, you definitely made the right call in my opinion
I would not ever bother to explain anything to him, unfortunately you can’t really change a grown up man. Time to move on, hope you are okay x
Hmm yeah it’s a really tricky one, I feel for you. Space could be great as it takes pressure off but also could end up maybe making you feel less close when or if you do come back together. How do you think he’d take a chat like that? I’m wary that if someone’s in a depressive mindset they’re more likely to see something like that in a way other than it’s intended
Christ. Get rid. Block.
How long have you been together?
Afternoon ladies! I was on a night out last night, got in at 4.30!
must admit apart from Al’s date yesterday we have seen some absolutely tonto behaviour from the guys on the apps! From lovebombing to outright rudeness! Enough to make us all give up!
I’m actually chatting to a few people on bumble, after a long fallow period, one seems lovely and we had a chat yesterday but he’s in London so
Another one is really my type looks wise and he’s just down the road so I’m hoping the chat continues. Lastly is a guy that lives about 80 minutes away in the car and he is also my type! feast or famine eh ladies? Xx
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I read this initially as ‘I was on a date last night got in at 4.30’ and was thinking bloody hellChrist. Get rid. Block.
How long have you been together?
Afternoon ladies! I was on a night out last night, got in at 4.30!
must admit apart from Al’s date yesterday we have seen some absolutely tonto behaviour from the guys on the apps! From lovebombing to outright rudeness! Enough to make us all give up!
I’m actually chatting to a few people on bumble, after a long fallow period, one seems lovely and we had a chat yesterday but he’s in London so
feast or famine eh ladies? Xx
So I have a current mundane probably non issue dilemma, as per usual feel free to ignore it’s largely just me thinking aloud. My partner bought a property and moved near me recently, think I’ve said this before but he’s actually settled in there now rather than it being a hypothetical. The whole thing has felt exciting but weird because it’s very much ‘his’ thing with a view to it eventually being a place we all live together, as in he purposely bought somewhere with way more space than he needs for that reason (I have children so it wouldn’t be for a long while though.) So it’s like I’ve been on the cliched property ‘journey’ with him, looking for flats (I actually found that one), going on viewings, sometimes with him not even there if he couldn’t make it etc, going furniture shopping, cleaning on move in day etc and celebrating with his family after.. so I’ve been there kind of as a support role but all the while knowing it’s not really my thing but one day I could end up there? It’s hard to explain and I’m not doing a very good job I guess I’m trying to say I’ve been equally as excited and mentally invested as him whilst trying to keep an element of detachment, which has been hard because I loooove housey stuff, I love the flat and I know I’ll probably end up living there one day.
the question is when…we always agreed we’d have a ‘trial period’ first where we keep our individual homes and I’d basically be at his all the times my children weren’t with me. We spend so much time together already but it’s a different kettle of fish actually living under one roof, having one shared space with your combined stuff isn’t it. I’m not risking upending my children’s living situation for something we haven’t kind of had a go at beforehand and he doesn’t want to either. I just feel like in the last couple of weeks he’s had a change of heart. I don’t know, it’s like 50% of the signs are very positive and the other half point the other way. Good signs… he’s asked to see more of my children/said he feels bad he hasn’t seen them more and I know he takes that side of things incredibly seriously. He supposedly told one of my friends it’d feel more settled once I moved in, but she was very drunk and I’m not sure she’s recalling that accurately he’s said he’ll get me a key cut. Bad signs… Iapologised for said drunk friend coming on a bit full on about me moving in and he totally ignored it, so I made a joky comment to try and prompt a convo about it and he completely changed the subject. I sent him a link to a flat earlier that we were going to rent at one point as it was interesting it was back on the market and he started talking about me renting it by myself, which didn’t feel great. I am just terrible at asking things outright because I’m worried about the answer. I think probably he’s just enjoying having his own place for a bit and isn’t realising it all feels a bit odd and up in the air for me.
I guess I’m trying to say I’ve been equally as excited and mentally invested as him whilst trying to keep an element of detachment, which has been hard because I loooove housey stuff, I love the flat and I know I’ll probably end up living there one day.the question is when…we always agreed we’d have a ‘trial period’ first where we keep our individual homes and I’d basically be at his all the times my children weren’t with me. We spend so much time together already but it’s a different kettle of fish actually living under one roof, having one shared space with your combined stuff isn’t it. I’m not risking upending my children’s living situation for something we haven’t kind of had a go at beforehand and he doesn’t want to either. I just feel like in the last couple of weeks he’s had a change of heart. I don’t know, it’s like 50% of the signs are very positive and the other half point the other way. Good signs… he’s asked to see more of my children/said he feels bad he hasn’t seen them more and I know he takes that side of things incredibly seriously. He supposedly told one of my friends it’d feel more settled once I moved in, but she was very drunk and I’m not sure she’s recalling that accurately
he’s said he’ll get me a key cut. Bad signs… Iapologised for said drunk friend coming on a bit full on about me moving in and he totally ignored it, so I made a joky comment to try and prompt a convo about it and he completely changed the subject. I sent him a link to a flat earlier that we were going to rent at one point as it was interesting it was back on the market and he started talking about me renting it by myself, which didn’t feel great. I am just terrible at asking things outright because I’m worried about the answer. I think probably he’s just enjoying having his own place for a bit and isn’t realising it all feels a bit odd and up in the air for me.I don’t think you should be worried, he’s just purchased a house near you to be closer to you.. green flag!!So I have a current mundane probably non issue dilemma, as per usual feel free to ignore it’s largely just me thinking aloud. My partner bought a property and moved near me recently, think I’ve said this before but he’s actually settled in there now rather than it being a hypothetical. The whole thing has felt exciting but weird because it’s very much ‘his’ thing with a view to it eventually being a place we all live together, as in he purposely bought somewhere with way more space than he needs for that reason (I have children so it wouldn’t be for a long while though.) So it’s like I’ve been on the cliched property ‘journey’ with him, looking for flats (I actually found that one), going on viewings, sometimes with him not even there if he couldn’t make it etc, going furniture shopping, cleaning on move in day etc and celebrating with his family after.. so I’ve been there kind of as a support role but all the while knowing it’s not really my thing but one day I could end up there? It’s hard to explain and I’m not doing a very good job
the question is when…we always agreed we’d have a ‘trial period’ first where we keep our individual homes and I’d basically be at his all the times my children weren’t with me. We spend so much time together already but it’s a different kettle of fish actually living under one roof, having one shared space with your combined stuff isn’t it. I’m not risking upending my children’s living situation for something we haven’t kind of had a go at beforehand and he doesn’t want to either. I just feel like in the last couple of weeks he’s had a change of heart. I don’t know, it’s like 50% of the signs are very positive and the other half point the other way. Good signs… he’s asked to see more of my children/said he feels bad he hasn’t seen them more and I know he takes that side of things incredibly seriously. He supposedly told one of my friends it’d feel more settled once I moved in, but she was very drunk and I’m not sure she’s recalling that accurately
He’s probably just settling into his home and getting used to it all, if you’re really worrying sit down with him. You’re both adults and grown up enough to have serious conversations xThanks, yeah you’re right, it should be easy enough to talk about it straight forwardly it’s just not my strong suit haha. I feel like I have to over analyse everything 75 times before I begin to actually address it with the person in questionI don’t think you should be worried, he’s just purchased a house near you to be closer to you.. green flag!!
Also I know I’ve probs come across as really pushy and overbearing haha, I’m not saying I think I should be moving in like tomorrow or anything, I’m just worried he doesn’t want it at all at any point anymore… now I’ve said it aloud I’m not sure what I’m basing that off
Put the phone down sis! He’s a grade A pig - was with the snotty reply to your other message and still is with this one. Walk away, no negotiating and no explaining because he would twist it a thousand ways to make you question yourself and your judgment. A nice guy at a bad spot in his life would be cordial and polite at rebuffing your attention - that’s not who this guy is. Rude af. Delete delete delete!
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