Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Dating Threads
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I don’t know if this would give me the ick into leaving him on read or tell him to eat his smarties and man the duck up.
So my date for tomorrow night has messaged this morning saying he has a headache and he hopes the paracetamol work .....and soo it begins !
Frustrating. See what happens but, like you, I’d have no further expectations hereSo my date for tomorrow night has messaged this morning saying he has a headache and he hopes the paracetamol work .....
Oh I'm pretty sure I know where its heading Belle, he did it before when we first met a few years ago. I was hopeful he might have changed but i had a feeling. Will see how today goes then I will let him off the hook by suggesting we postpone to another day... that will never happen !Frustrating. See what happens but, like you, I’d have no further expectations here
As long as I live I don't think I will ever fully understand how a mans mind work!
@Bagpuss7 Now begins the bullshit pantomime where you have to feign sympathy while waiting for the inevitable. Trés predictable. 🥱 Maybe enquire after his Nan’s general health too, head that one off at the pass.
You crack me up
It makes me smile, he normally answers texts within minutes even though he's working but today I'm on unread but his WhatsApp shows he's been online !
Could write a book on the predictable behaviour of some of these men !
This is why allowing people back from the past doesn’t work. They don’t change.
Don’t let him off the hook .. that tells him it’s acceptable to mess people around. Behaviour like that needs to ignored and left on read imo.
I wonder why it's men (generally) that don't change? Hand on heart, I can say that every bad or traumatic or even disappointing experience has made me reconsider or at least reflect on my behaviours. But men seem not to do this - they have an experience (whether it's resulting in hurting someone or just not great behaviour) and onwards they go, not a care in the world.
i truly just don’t think they self reflect or consider their actions like we do. the worst ones are the “nice guys” who will justify ghosting you because they “didn’t want to hurt your feelings” or “didn’t want to get your hopes up” but it’s okay because they’re telling you now, aren’t they a nice guy?! my last ex did this, after weeks of ghosting, wrote a message i’m sure he thought was very “nice” and told me he didn’t want to hurt me; i’m sure he walked away from the situation thinking he’d done the “right” thing and been kind, he probably still thinks this.
men will just do what is easiest, what suits them, and will come up with any number of excuses as to why what they did was reasonable. and then onto the next!
I think it’s because they almost always get away with doing it. Girls will generally allow them to come back time and time again showing them that it’s acceptable to be like this.
This 10000%. Before I met my bf, I was going around in circles with the same 2 guys. I knew them both from when I was 18-20 in uni.
Guy 1 ended our casual relationship with me when I was 20 because he wanted to go out with his friends on a certain day he'd made plans to see me. He did this by telling me I'm crazy and stopping him from seeing his mates even though I was a big desperado who didn't even try and stop him, I asked him to come in the night if he can't come now
cringing at myself. A week later he tried reconciling and I straight up refused to entertain him. I left things he'd left at mine in reception of my flat and told him never contact me again. Saw him on an app and let him back in 5 years later and started a casual no strings relationship again. He randomly ghosted me for a week, tried to make contact again and when he realised I'd blocked him, pulled out all the stops to win me back, which worked this time, because I thought, he's in his late 20s now, so surely he's changed. I'd say less than 3 weeks later I was ghosted again. He must think I am a right twit, not like it matters anymore 
Guy 2 was obsessed with me, overly attentive and too nice, he'd act like that and I would like it, then I'd feel smothered and push him away, we wouldn't speak for a bit and then it'd all start back up again. That happened so many times throughout my early 20s. Even though I felt like I called the shots more in that situation, it didn't help my mental health and perception of happy relationships. I was essentially forcing myself to be around someone I didn't like enough because I thought that felt like happiness and it didn't at all it was just company.
I can't think of anything more unsettling than being involved with someone knowing they're capable of dropping it like that
How long were you together? XxThank you all so much for you input and advice.
The dating app things hurts, of course it does. It’s painful to realise even this seemingly ‘good’ guy is behaving this way - like a f%#*boy - because of apps. Feels like he’s keeping it moving with me while browsing because it’s just there, isn’t it? Men can literally sit on the sofa in their pants and browse women in the land of make believe and uncomplicated, where they get to avoid their feelings and consequences. I’m not going to be a hypocrite here. I’m on dating apps and he would have seen that. Who knows what he’s thinking about the whole thing. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind, what motivates them and what their perspective is. Objectively, I can see how he needs to explore things for himself right now. He’s single, I’m single. Whether he comes back to me and whether I will accept him is impossible to know. I dare say, in time, I would not be able to abide taking him back. I can’t deal in what ifs and imaginary situations, though.
The apps thing is really an irrelevant detail - it’s open to so much interpretation, and I will only do my own head in by analysing it, including whether he is talking to anyone, whereas what I can focus on is what is (and isn’t) happening between us. Great connection and conversation? Yes. Coming towards me and opening up gradually? Yes. Pulling back from me as soon as he interacts face to face with her? Yes. Dithering? Yes. Leaving me in some imaginary waiting room while he works through things? Yes. Being so wrapped up in his own emotions he’s not seeing mine? Yes.
When we were back in touch I was in a good place, had started dating again and honestly felt I could “be there” for him when we re-established contact. Treated it like an option, if you will. Wanted to have that chat he mentioned and hoped it would happen fairly soon. We had logistical issues that prevented us meeting, and it’s not been pure avoidance from him. I’ve no idea if he does intend to talk to me. I don’t want to chase it. I feel I’m back to feeling turbulence in our connection because he’s interacted in person with her. He’s pulled me back towards him and I’m emotionally too close to it all. The trigger for the pull back yet again is the ex. I know what happened to us the last time such an interaction happened and through the benefit of this experience I know what to do - step away and not allow his emotions to dictate our interactions like this.
Maybe I am the delayed rebound. Maybe I’m not. I’ve no way of truly knowing. He’s never fully walked from me. I know what I want with him, but whether I could have that is impossible to know. I have no idea how long it would truly take for him to process his emotions and put it all in its rightful place. The older we get, the more we’re going to meet people with baggage and it’s a bit naive to think we won’t hit bumpy parts along that journey with someone. Perfect doesn’t exist. He’s got to choose me though, and be willing to step towards me and work as a team. He’s not doing that right now. Fact.
What I can control is what I do now. I want to be in a happy, healthy relationship with someone and he’s derailing that too much. I was prepared to give it time. I’m not sure I had a timescale in my head, but I have to listen to my heart now, and it’s telling me to pull back and protect myself. If he wants that chat, he can pull his finger out and deal with it. I didn’t sleep well as it all floated around my brain. I’ve had a really good think. As I’ve reflected, I realise my gut is telling me to let it drift now and not to say anything directly to him unless he asks. I don’t regret anything here and I know I tried. It’s helped to work through it here with you lovely bunch and thank you
While you are waiting to buy notebooks I’m going to kick start some manifestation tonight with a soapy tit pic to my man to attract myself some 
They are so scarily predictable. I find it weirdly comforting we have all experienced the 'headache they hope will go away'You crack me up
It makes me smile, he normally answers texts within minutes even though he's working but today I'm on unread but his WhatsApp shows he's been online !
Could write a book on the predictable behaviour of some of these men !
xThis happens so often! Why!So my date for tomorrow night has messaged this morning saying he has a headache and he hopes the paracetamol work .....
I don’t think it matters anymore tbh, but it was a few months, and been in touch more or less ever since. Short but sweet… and unfulfilled potential because of him going through a divorce and not being able to handle a relationship, yet wanting one with me
What’s the decision on Ibiza, are you going? x
I think I remember the history now you say x yes to Ibiza just sorting dates! XI don’t think it matters anymore tbh, but it was a few months, and been in touch more or less ever since. Short but sweet… and unfulfilled potential because of him going through a divorce and not being able to handle a relationship, yet wanting one with me
What’s the decision on Ibiza, are you going? x
@Belle123 I totally understand why you tried. Somethings are worth taking that risk for, especially if you’re grounded enough to see the probable outcome.I don’t think it matters anymore tbh, but it was a few months, and been in touch more or less ever since. Short but sweet… and unfulfilled potential because of him going through a divorce and not being able to handle a relationship, yet wanting one with me
What’s the decision on Ibiza, are you going? x
I think the predictability is the most frustrating thing. Because we all know what they’re doing. A duck bit by stealth is still a duck boy, etc etc. and we tell them we know they’re doing it and they don’t like it that we know. And I just think then walk away and stop doing it. If they don’t want situations where people think poorly of them, there’s such a simple solution.
I’m terrible at remembering user names but how is ‘Thursday date man/three dates man’ lady? Xx
Thank you so much! I have just felt so unsure whether I should tell him I’m done, rather than just disappear without a trace. Not because I want a crack at changing his mind
, but in order to really draw a line? Did you directly tell your guy you were done or just stop chatting? x- Status