we stayed in glasgow but did day trips to edinburgh and to loch ness and inverness. really beautiful and the people were all so friendly.Oooh where did you go?! That sounds amazingand you've come home to the sun which makes it easier x
This is something I’ve noticed a lot recently. I’ve been on dates with 4 people this year (some more than others) and out of them I would say only one showed genuine interest and asked me about my life - and these are the dates I enjoyed the most - because inherently, we like talking about ourselves!So I went on a bit of a spontaneous date today. I had downloaded hinge a few weeks back just for a gander & just to stop me feeling like I’d never find anyone again after the last guy etc.
anyway, started chatting to a guy, turns out I had him on Facebook already. We’ve been chatting for over a week, he was even messaging me whilst on a stag do over last weekend. Anyway we went for coffee today.
he was good looking, seemed lovely but the only thing was he didn’t really ask me many questions… it was more me asking him things. I did obviously mention stuff about me but for example, he told me about his family (quite large) & then after he never said “so what about your family”…I had to just start talking about mine.
as the time went on he did ask a couple of questions about things we spoke about but not many. I’m not sure if it was a nerves/awkward first meet type thing but it’s just not something I’m used to. I have quite an interesting job (on the surface) so usually get asked lots of questions around that by new people & he didn’t really ask anything despite me asking a lot of his job…
Don’t really know what to make of it really. Would this be a red flag for people? Or would you be open to potentially giving it another meet & see how it went?
i go on holiday next week for 2 weeks so won’t be able to see him again immediately (if he even suggests to meet again) so I guess I have time to think really
+1, this is something I noticed a lot too when dating. I don’t know if they’re genuinely not interested in knowing a thing about us or they’re nervous and are happy to let us do all the talking…but it’s a definite thing in modern dating. There’s loads of memes about it so we’re not aloneThis is something I’ve noticed a lot recently. I’ve been on dates with 4 people this year (some more than others) and out of them I would say only one showed genuine interest and asked me about my life - and these are the dates I enjoyed the most - because inherently, we like talking about ourselves!
2 of the guys I distinctly made an effort on our second/third dates to not just pepper them with questions about them (my go to on first dates if all else fails, ask them about themselves) and even then they still didn’t step up. I also, like you, noticed they wouldn’t even ask the basic “and what about you” in response to my questions. I ended up knowing everything about their families, jobs, interests etc and they probably couldn’t even tell you what I did for a living.
These are the ones that were then super keen to meet up again and carry on! Yes I bet you are darling, you’ve just talked about yourself and had an ego trip for the last 3 hours!
It’s disheartening isn’t it. For you, I would meet him again and see if he steps up when you purposefully don’t lead the conversation with facts about him. It’s hard because for me, I want the conversation to flow, but I’m not here to just give you an ego boost!
I know I was shocked he even messaged but why message after we haven't spoken to say I can't speak for a few weeks lol
My honest opinion? He’s got someone else on the go and has put you in a holding pattern. He sounds like an utter tosser and I hope you’re ok. Good on you for not replying.I know I was shocked he even messaged but why message after we haven't spoken to say I can't speak for a few weeks lol
Could be nerves. I’ve had better second dates with plenty of guys and I’d try and be open minded if you otherwise liked him. I’d go on a second date. If the same thing happens, I think that’s your answer.So I went on a bit of a spontaneous date today. I had downloaded hinge a few weeks back just for a gander & just to stop me feeling like I’d never find anyone again after the last guy etc.
anyway, started chatting to a guy, turns out I had him on Facebook already. We’ve been chatting for over a week, he was even messaging me whilst on a stag do over last weekend. Anyway we went for coffee today.
he was good looking, seemed lovely but the only thing was he didn’t really ask me many questions… it was more me asking him things. I did obviously mention stuff about me but for example, he told me about his family (quite large) & then after he never said “so what about your family”…I had to just start talking about mine.
as the time went on he did ask a couple of questions about things we spoke about but not many. I’m not sure if it was a nerves/awkward first meet type thing but it’s just not something I’m used to. I have quite an interesting job (on the surface) so usually get asked lots of questions around that by new people & he didn’t really ask anything despite me asking a lot of his job…
Don’t really know what to make of it really. Would this be a red flag for people? Or would you be open to potentially giving it another meet & see how it went?
i go on holiday next week for 2 weeks so won’t be able to see him again immediately (if he even suggests to meet again) so I guess I have time to think really
thank you for this. It’s just so weird isn’t it because to me it just comes naturally & it’s polite… but then I know some people can find social situations a little awkward & maybe need to feel a bit more comfortable. Let’s face it, it’s comfortable talking about yourself isn’t it. I’m like you in the fact that Iwant to conversation to flow so I would just ask stuff but maybe I’ll try take a step back next time & see if he does ask a bit more.This is something I’ve noticed a lot recently. I’ve been on dates with 4 people this year (some more than others) and out of them I would say only one showed genuine interest and asked me about my life - and these are the dates I enjoyed the most - because inherently, we like talking about ourselves!
2 of the guys I distinctly made an effort on our second/third dates to not just pepper them with questions about them (my go to on first dates if all else fails, ask them about themselves) and even then they still didn’t step up. I also, like you, noticed they wouldn’t even ask the basic “and what about you” in response to my questions. I ended up knowing everything about their families, jobs, interests etc and they probably couldn’t even tell you what I did for a living.
These are the ones that were then super keen to meet up again and carry on! Yes I bet you are darling, you’ve just talked about yourself and had an ego trip for the last 3 hours!
It’s disheartening isn’t it. For you, I would meet him again and see if he steps up when you purposefully don’t lead the conversation with facts about him. It’s hard because for me, I want the conversation to flow, but I’m not here to just give you an ego boost!
Same thing has happened to more than once, one guy used his connections in the police to get my address and show up at my house. I don’t know where they have learnt this is cute but as a woman it is terrifying.One of my worst nightmares regarding dating has just come true. A guy who had seen my profile on Bumble used the information to find me and sent me a message via Facebook. It is really creepy! He asked me for legal advice and offered to take me out in order to 'compensate' me. When I asked him how he found me he said he was scrolling through his friend list. However, we are NOT friends on Facebook, but he does live nearby. So at first I thought he could have found me through LinkedIn, but nope it was through bumble. I'm honestly a bit shaken up by it! I'm definitely removing all traceable information from dating apps, which is kind of hard because I have a very unique name which makes it super easy to find me.
yes the ex who doesn’t want anything is the same age as me… and is actually the only guy i’ve ever gone for my age. lesson learnt. going forward it’ll be bare minimum 26/27 really. this current guy is nearly 35 and i’m 24 in two weeks. this is probably the oldest i’ve ever done, precious max was 30 although i was like 20 then lol (please no one come for me cba being compared to gemma / davide)!! i’m just thinking i’m a lot more likely to have kids when i want if i go for someone older as our timelines will sync up better8.5 is a very precise attractiveness measurement and i love it
dealbreakers and things that are important to you definitely need to be brought up early, especially given how much both the things you’ve mentioned mean to you. but you are only 23 (said from my grand old age) - in my experience of early 20s guys they just aren’t thinking about this stuff yet, what age bracket are you looking at? it might be worth going a tiny bit older for the mortgage and kids point. and also maybe lowering the attractiveness gage to an 8
a nickname is a great idea - i have a fairly unique name too, especially for where i’m from, so i either use a variation of it that i don’t use anywhere else or just the first initial. i don’t want anyone trying to find me!It’s really not hard to find stuff using clues from dating apps. Do you have a nickname you could use on dating sites? I use a different variation of my name, one that others do call me but is not how I’m known anywhere online.
Only once have I answered the question about what my book is called. And even then I did say I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this, don’t go looking for me. He announced within twenty minutes of meeting me that’s exactly what he’d done. It’s my fault, I knew I shouldn’t tell him but there was a genuine shared interest where I thought oh maybe this’ll be ok.
exactly! i think we all do a sneaky facebook and instagram check if we can but there’s a difference between viewing information that person has consented to being in the public domain and actively snooping for further details. it’s absolutely trying to infiltrate or gain some kind of leverage and it makes me very uneasy.The thing is, I get it. I do do an online sanity check with men, but only if a first meeting is impending, and then not looking for anything like an address or an NI number. More making sure there’s no dodgy news stories or a partner. So I don’t begrudge men doing similar. But using it to infiltrate your life is weird as anything
Shaggy new job?! Good luck with the move.Ended things with the person I’ve been seeing since December today. Things just didn’t feel right and I could tell we were both just a bit of a standstill. No point in wasting each others time. Going to take a break whilst I shaggy my new job and move back to my home town (super exciting!!) before I get myself back out there. Hoping things are a bit easier as I know I won’t be uprooting again (I never wanted LD and knowing I was moving was causing a bit of a problem with the person I was seeing)
I think I was meant to write settle into my new jobShaggy new job?! Good luck with the move.
I think I'm completely off men now, last 3 who made a pass are awful
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