@candyland_ You shouldn't have to participate in the mind game olympics for it to work. Just explain the reason of your distance to him, and if he doesn't understand that extremely logical explanation, he is acting like a petulant child.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! I had a lovely time dreaming about Glen Powell whilst watching the new Top Gun movie.
Regarding the ghosted of ex loves past, I sort of put him on the spot in a gaslightish (?) way, but I don't feel bad about it. Let's call this ghost Brad.
Brad ghosted me after 4 dates about 1.5/2 years ago. At the time I felt pretty shitty about it. From his message yesterday I deducted that he had forgotten he ghosted me. His message was something generic 'happy b-day I miss you lets go for a drink this Friday after work bla bla'.
I wish I could share the screenshots here, but since they're in Dutch it won't make sense to anyone.
This is the conversation that followed:
Me: I am afraid that I do not recognize this number. Could you tell me who you are?
B: It's me, Brad! The guy you went out with before the pandemic? We used to go out at [location] all the time? We had some great dates at [location] as well.
Me: I am so sorry, but this still does not ring a bell. I really think you might have the wrong number.
B: *sends picture of himself*
B: MsCurly, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY TO YOU
Me: Ohhhh now I remember! You are the guy I went on four dates with at [location A, B, C, D]. You told me you wanted to take me to Paris for our next date, but when I reached out you never responded and you straight up ghosted me.
Me: Yes Brad, you were such a nice guy. Absolutely delightful.
B: .... I never intended to not follow up on that. I am sorry. I would love to make it up to you. Let's meet for drinks and you can wear that cute dress you're wearing in your profile pic.
Me: I would rather get hit by a car than go on another date with you.
B: You don't mean that, you silly girl
Me: *block* *delete conversation*
Now, regarding this whole conversation:
- We went on four dates. He said we went out all the time. He is just gaslighting me. He wants me to feel bad for not remembering who he is.
- The audacity of this man??????? Oh, to be a privileged man in a society where everyone caters to you because you're semi good looking. What a dream.
Reading all of this back I am ashamed that I even went on four dates with this guy. At the time I remember thinking that he was decent, but I wasn't super excited about him or anything. He was a bit foolish every now and then. But looking back, I have also learned a lot since then.
This is my Charlotte Lucas year and I refuse to end up with a Mr. Collins! So foolish men will no longer be tolerated. Present day me would never have given a guy like Brad the time of day. I am not sure where I am going with this monologue, but I think I'm trying to say that we all live and learn (especially on these lovely threads!) and that we all should be happy that we are not with a Mr. Collins. It is definitely better to be single than to be with a Mr. Collins.