i read this late last night but am finally able to get my thoughts together to reply to youI said I wouldn’t post in this forum but I need to help and need to talk to people in similar situations and just moan basically.
but I went on this date with this lad in February. And saw him again in March and that’s where he basically insinuated that he wasn’t looking for a relationship (which we all know that He isn’t looking for a relationship with me) But we said we would be friends. Well, hingsight that was bullshit. We didn’t talk for a bit then he messaged me and started flirting. Well I got caught up in and started flirting Back.
I then I tried to see him but here came the excuses- “I’m in a weird mood atm” “my grandads are in, my sister is in hospital” and that’s serious so you don’t want to call him a liar…but anyway. I basically started feeling like something was off and he finally came clean tonight that he was seeing someone.
And I honestly feel like such a MUG!!!! Because I give people benefit of the doubt and I get shitted on and in some way, I feel like I ask for it aswell. I don’t want to become guarded or cycnial, but Then in the past,I have done that and become too guarded/cycnical and just not me.
but I guess my moan is that I’m sick of attracting these losers, and being taken for a mug and being the one before The One and just overall, feeling hopeless and that I’m forever going to get it wrong, forever single and I’m 32 this year- never been in a relationship, never been in love (the happy way!). And I’ve put the work with my behaviour, toxic behaviour and being attached to unavailable men.
but I’ll be honest- I just want to be loved and in love. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m ranting now but thanks for listening.
i too am a thirty-something (a little older than you though!) who has never been in love and never had a “proper” relationship. this never really bothered me because i kinda understood why - i’m shy, like my own company, don’t make much of an effort to talk to men because a lot of them irritate me (
it’s really hard to deal with sometimes because, like you, most of my friends are in long-term relationships or easily and happily dating and getting loads of interest on apps and such, and it sometimes feels like i’m looking through a window into a room where everyone else is having a great time and in love and i’m outside under a raincloud or something.
on the flip side, i know that it’s a dangerous thing to start associating self-worth with romantic interest. it is also true, as @Sprottish says, that love can happen at any time, at any point in life. love can also come from anywhere, and i would rather be happy with my friends than unhappy in a relationship. self-love is the most important thing because your most important relationship is the one you will have with yourself.
however, i do also feel very bitter and why can’t that happen to me instead sometimes
i’m sorry that guy treated you like that but i am also proud (and you should be too!) of your reaction to it. you seem like an awesome person and it’s absolutely his loss. life is too short for mediocre men.