Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[al255]

EVERY WEEK?! like with a brand new person each time?! i cannot even imagine. i remember a woman on first dates though who said she’d been on a first date every friday for nine months, which sounds miserable to me

@freshhead - i’ve never tried pof! it still exists though, i’m fairly sure. the thing i find with the apps is that it’s essentially the same people everywhere, just in a different screen display, so it’s really whether the format works because the men are the same.

EVERY WEEK?! like with a brand new person each time?! i cannot even imagine. i remember a woman on first dates though who said she’d been on a first date every friday for nine months, which sounds miserable to me

@freshhead - i’ve never tried pof! it still exists though, i’m fairly sure. the thing i find with the apps is that it’s essentially the same people everywhere, just in a different screen display, so it’s really whether the format works because the men are the same.

Yeah she literally wouldn’t go on a second date with any of them, from what I heard they were all nightmares or weird. One came to meet her steaming 🫣 I honestly dunno how she did it, but she says it’s something to do

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I dodged it for ages and then gave it a go. Had success in meeting men through it, but also got the sex pests and even clearly fake profiles messaging me. Very sensitive to you paying. I paid the first time I used it and got 40 messages in a few days, I think. Most of that was nonsense/sex chat by the way Didn’t pay when I went back to it and got way under half that amount of interest in as many days. Algorithms suck! It feels like a mix between Match for how simple it is to use and finding some serious guys on it, and Tinder for the rest of the crap

I went on Instagram and saw this on stories - great timing


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Perfect timing that lol! I was on hinge 3/4 months and during that time I had one (seemingly) decent match but it didn’t come to anything he wanted a pen pal lol. The sex pests annoy me, they just need to go on the hook up apps if that’s what their looking for. It’s literally fuckboy era!

I think I’m going to stick to making eye contact with hot strangers hoping they’ll approach me

 

[Sandor]

I’ve really gone off bumble. I’ve had dates from it, but it’s painful at times to send messages and get
no response from the guys who’ve literally just matched with me

How did it go with your guy this weekend? x

Thats exactly what I found the few times I was brave enough to send a message.

I’m just about to head out to meet him. I have ten minutes to decide on what to wear, I’m trying to find something that I know will drive him a bit crazy but still looks like I’ve not made much effort. He was really communicative yesterday which was kind of nice, was like it was before. But I’ve also discovered he likes watching women in cosplay pretending to give feet jobs and I’m not sure if the ick is descending or not. I seriously hate the working together thing at this point and all the mutuals we have. After all this, we may see me defeated by a pair of feet…

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I'm on pof but haven't had many messages recently. Any I have had, I rarely answer as I don't fancy any of them plus I've had the sex pests and honestly I'd prefer a younger duck boy to a raddled old sex pest. I just don't want any of them, not for banter, chat or anything. Won't even give them a chance. Incidentally my son met his wife on pof and I have a female relative who's in a very long term relationship with a guy she met on POF.

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

I’ve met some really lovely guys on Hinge who would have definitely been relationship material but I think I’m what’s known as an “avoidant” attacher. I get to a certain point with them and then I start to look for reasons to get rid which invariably, I always find. Then once I start picking at a scab, it just gets worse and worse until everything they do makes me want to take a cheese grater to my skin.

I sometimes have reflective periods when I look back on men who I really could have made a go of it with and wish I’d tried harder because they genuinely were lovely, chivalrous, attentive and consistent. Usually immediately after I’ve wasted my time with some absolute walloper.

 

[Belle123]

Thats exactly what I found the few times I was brave enough to send a message.

I’m just about to head out to meet him. I have ten minutes to decide on what to wear, I’m trying to find something that I know will drive him a bit crazy but still looks like I’ve not made much effort. He was really communicative yesterday which was kind of nice, was like it was before. But I’ve also discovered he likes watching women in cosplay pretending to give feet jobs and I’m not sure if the ick is descending or not. I seriously hate the working together thing at this point and all the mutuals we have. After all this, we may see me defeated by a pair of feet…

I’m sure you’ll look a knock-out… but casually so Best of luck, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you… if the ick doesn’t get to you first x

 

[Django]

@LaBlonde You've just brought back a memory. It really was ages ago, 15 years maybe more. I got talking to this guy on a website. Girls Date For Free. Prior to smart phones I'm sure. Anyways I got talking to this guy called Vince. It was also prior to all the porn/sex talk. So this guy would send all these moving laughing emojis. They were all over the place. Everything he said had an emoji crying with laughter, rolling around.

It actually made me feel really stressed out and eventually I explained how it was affecting me, as I wasn't used to chatting online. The result was I was blocked instantly. I can remember feeling ever so upset and confused! Me & my son used to laugh about it a couple of years later but the blocking started early for me.

I'm sorry to jump into your conversation from afar, but I do pop in and have a look from time to time. I was very unhappily single in my forties before the arrival of apps but used to do online dating and was on Girls Date for Free and Freedating.co.uk. They both had chat rooms but I really enjoyed the Freedating one, it was a lot like Tattle with subjects and lots of debate where you could get to see someone's 'true' colours. I would never have clicked on the current Mr Django's profile on an app but we have been together for nearly 15 years now.
I also made some lovely girlfriends that I still see now.
Lots of love and best wishes to you all

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Django I met a couple of guys from the chat rooms on The Dreamcast. That's going back a bit!

 

[Django]

@Django I met a couple of guys from the chat rooms on The Dreamcast. That's going back a bit!

Did you ever go into the chat room on Girls Date for Free, there was a lovely woman called Dora the Explorer on there?

 

[Clickbait]

A date every week? Ha! I had dates 4 nights in the week and then 2 on a Saturday The barman at my local thought I was an escort

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Did you ever go into the chat room on Girls Date for Free, there was a lovely woman called Dora the Explorer on there?

I'm afraid I can't remember. Twas so long ago. Oh what I do remember was (and this was before Catfish days) my son and I as an experiment put a picture of a gorgeous actress as my profile to see what the response would be. The computer nearly blew up. Hundreds and hundreds of messages from a motley bunch of chancers. Naturally you couldn't reply to all of them so shortly there were insults coming through, like "Stuck up witch" "You really think you're great don't you?", That kind of thing. It's funny though as I never remember guys coming straight in with sex chat and droning on about BDSM. I blame The Fifty Shades bollocks for all that.

 

[LaBlonde]

I get your point but I’ve had a break from dating a few months ago before I met J and it just made me feel worse about then going on dates. I want to meet new people and see who’s right. My best friend goes on a date every week that’s exhausting!

apologies al as i realised i only responded to the last part of your post

i get that (is j this guy or thursday date man before?) - however your comments here that you just want to meet people and see who’s right comes across as someone who wants to do a bit of casual dating (which is great!) but this is at odds with your posts about the guys you’ve been dating since you started posting here where everything has been very intense very fast. if casual dating and meeting lots of new people is genuinely what you want, then that needs to calm down.

personally, you’ve mentioned having been through a hard time being very unwell very recently, and now two men who you’ve given a lot of emotion and investment to. try and take this new date at face value and at a slower pace. continuing at the speed and emotional stress you are is only going to get exhausting so look after yourself

A date every week? Ha! I had dates 4 nights in the week and then 2 on a Saturday The barman at my local thought I was an escort

i tip my hat to that tbh, fair play!

 

[Django]

I'm afraid I can't remember. Twas so long ago. Oh what I do remember was (and this was before Catfish days) my son and I as an experiment put a picture of a gorgeous actress as my profile to see what the response would be. The computer nearly blew up. Hundreds and hundreds of messages from a motley bunch of chancers. Naturally you couldn't reply to all of them so shortly there were insults coming through, like "Stuck up witch" "You really think you're great don't you?", That kind of thing. It's funny though as I never remember guys coming straight in with sex chat and droning on about BDSM. I blame The Fifty Shades bollocks for all that.

Oh my days, a friend of mine used a photo of a young Michelle Pfeiffer and was shocked by the responses. I had a really old school and not very good photo as my profile picture up but you could turn on your Webcam if you wanted whilst you were in the chat room. I used to chat to 'Dora' for ages and we were good friends until she died a few years ago. I still have some lovely male friends from those days and despair of people relying on apps where looks are all and so easy to manipulate

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I'm on pof but haven't had many messages recently. Any I have had, I rarely answer as I don't fancy any of them plus I've had the sex pests and honestly I'd prefer a younger duck boy to a raddled old sex pest. I just don't want any of them, not for banter, chat or anything. Won't even give them a chance. Incidentally my son met his wife on pof and I have a female relative who's in a very long term relationship with a guy she met on POF.

I think this is why I’m more drawn to guys slightly younger than me. Or ones my age. Older guys give off a real desperate vibe sometimes

 

[Django]

@crystaleyesd you were on Freedating.co.uk. Miss you x

 

[suzuka]

I met a nice guy, top, but I don't feel any spark. I'm just sad about it. I can't even be in the give it a try mode, because I can't handle texting each day and possible expectations when my emotions are a flat zero. I miss that feeling of falling for someone right away, and it being mutual. Is it that unrealistic? I wish I could go through with it, but I become an absolute hermit and just can't have a conversation all the while thinking how they're developing some feelings and I'm not.

I know after the initial evening of feeling lonely and sorry for myself, the next night I’ll be sat crafting or lost in a Netflix doc and will think thank duck I didn’t bother starting up a conversation with anyone, so I don’t have to spend my free time replying

God this is me. It just becomes so *invasive*, the constant texting. I really don't need to wake up to messages from someone I met a few times. I don't want to spend 2-3 hours of my limited free time each day texting. It creates this irrational attachment to people we don't even know. I feel so ill-equipped for dating today.

 

[IGiveUp22]

That phrase along with ‘it’ll happen when you stop looking’ are my pet hates, as if I wonder around from day to day hunting for a man these comments usually come from people in long term relationships who are smug n it annoys me lol

This “it will happen when you stop looking” “it will be someone you’ve known for a while”, “it will feel like it’s meant to be” this is the trap I fell into with the guy I started dating & then he sacked me off. I really started to believe these things to the point it probably clouded my judgement of red flags. The worst.

 

[freshhead]

I met a nice guy, top, but I don't feel any spark. I'm just sad about it. I can't even be in the give it a try mode, because I can't handle texting each day and possible expectations when my emotions are a flat zero. I miss that feeling of falling for someone right away, and it being mutual. Is it that unrealistic? I wish I could go through with it, but I become an absolute hermit and just can't have a conversation all the while thinking how they're developing some feelings and I'm not.

I could be wrong here, but is the falling for someone straight away, a good thing? I think I always felt like you wanting that instant spark and all the magic, but I think I would now prefer something slower paced.
Maybe my age talking here but I don’t know if I’d want that feeling straight away, I think I’d be too cautious and on guard for love bombing. I don’t even know if I could tell the difference between love bombing and someone being genuine tbh. That sucks to admit!

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

This “it will happen when you stop looking” “it will be someone you’ve known for a while”, “it will feel like it’s meant to be” this is the trap I fell into with the guy I started dating & then he sacked me off. I really started to believe these things to the point it probably clouded my judgement of red flags. The worst.

Yes it also makes people feel pressured to be in/stay in a relationship, like we have to prove something

 

[suzuka]

I could be wrong here, but is the falling for someone straight away, a good thing? I think I always felt like you wanting that instant spark and all the magic, but I think I would now prefer something slower paced.
Maybe my age talking here but I don’t know if I’d want that feeling straight away, I think I’d be too cautious and on guard for love bombing. I don’t even know if I could tell the difference between love bombing and someone being genuine tbh. That sucks to admit!

I've been convinced that's what I wanted too now in this wise old 30+ age. Praying for someone nice, consistent, something steady developing.

Yet, for one I think they just become too intense too soon for anything to develop slowly. Without that big initial spark, I need loads of space and time for the texting to not become a chore, and I just haven't had it. It kind of becomes suffocating.

Brains and logic aside, I do wish for magic and sparks and I do miss it sincerely.