Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[Belle123]

Happy new week all. I had a pretty quiet weekend after the ups and downs of last week. Had a catch-up with friends and feeling much better! Tentatively back on Bumble, simply because it feels less threatening right now… cannot be arsed to risk uninvited inappropriate chat!

Recent guy has not reached out at all. No loss there, and I just get the feeling he’ll slide back into my phone with a “hey how’s it going” type of message at some stage… like they always do when they don’t want to address their behaviour, or think you’ve forgotten about it!

@LaBlonde I often wonder how I’d live with a man too. I mean, I know I’d do it for the right guy, but it’s extremely hard to picture giving up my independence for most of these chumps online

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I'm part of the LaBlonde me too movement. Just the thought of their bathroom smells freaks me out. I honestly don't know how couples cope with the togetherness. Yet I was married once so must have coped with it all at one time. I'm a mad cat lady without a .

 

[LaBlonde]

Happy new week all. I had a pretty quiet weekend after the ups and downs of last week. Had a catch-up with friends and feeling much better! Tentatively back on Bumble, simply because it feels less threatening right now… cannot be arsed to risk uninvited inappropriate chat!

Recent guy has not reached out at all. No loss there, and I just get the feeling he’ll slide back into my phone with a “hey how’s it going” type of message at some stage… like they always do when they don’t want to address their behaviour, or think you’ve forgotten about it!

@LaBlonde I often wonder how I’d live with a man too. I mean, I know I’d do it for the right guy, but it’s extremely hard to picture giving up my independence for most of these chumps online

i’m glad you’ve had a chilled weekend belle, you deserved it

recent guy’s behaviour is still mind blowing to me after he came on so strong. i think you’re right to prepare yourself for a “what are you up to x” text though, love how short they think our memories are

after a few days break after the great me-emoji barrage, the guy i’m half-heartedly messaging has reappeared. we chatted generally about work, he mentioned something about his boss, then a pause while “typing” on whatsapp. ladies, i stared at that “typing” thinking “if he sends a me-emoji of his boss i swear i’m throwing this phone out of the window”.

currently typing this from two storeys down in my back garden

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

For the record Belle he sounds a right drip. We are not giving the benefit of the doubt today!

 

[Bagpuss7]

@Bagpuss7 Widow would equal "Must be gagging for it" to shall offer my mighty and impressively looked after sword to help this woman out, then dump, block & delete. Cynical moi?

Yes yes yes ! No sorry for your loss ..just straight to the allow me to service you ! Some men are nothing but predictable and presumptious!

 

[Sandor]

You know what really gets me? Is sometimes these men I would be happy to just have a fling with. But they make it so bloody weird with this current world where flirting and anticipation has gone out the window and they head straight to sex in this way that is so unbelievably unsexy. And they wonder why they can’t get a woman to be interested.

 

[Agent Cooper]

I often wonder how I’d live with a man too. I mean, I know I’d do it for the right guy, but it’s extremely hard to picture giving up my independence for most of these chumps online

I relate to this on a spiritual level! I guess the most I could do is a guest marriage No desire to work as a free chef/therapist/cleaning lady x

 

[Bagpuss7]

I'm part of the LaBlonde me too movement. Just the thought of their bathroom smells freaks me out. I honestly don't know how couples cope with the togetherness. Yet I was married once so must have coped with it all at one time. I'm a mad cat lady without a .

I'm a @LaBlonde groupie too ! The longer I'm single the less inclined I am to entertain having a man of the male species in my abode!

But I do have 2 rendezvous sss planned this week..both with men I've had the pleasure of in the past and who have both resurfaced recently. Guy 1 I'm supposed to be having a drink with Wednesday and Guy 2 we have a pizza and catch up planned for Saturday...I'm holding my breath with neither tbh. Both really nice guys but both flakes of the non chocolate variety so I will go along with the plans thus far but I'm not going to be surprised if neither date happens !

 

[Belle123]

i’m glad you’ve had a chilled weekend belle, you deserved it

recent guy’s behaviour is still mind blowing to me after he came on so strong. i think you’re right to prepare yourself for a “what are you up to x” text though, love how short they think our memories are

after a few days break after the great me-emoji barrage, the guy i’m half-heartedly messaging has reappeared. we chatted generally about work, he mentioned something about his boss, then a pause while “typing” on whatsapp. ladies, i stared at that “typing” thinking “if he sends a me-emoji of his boss i swear i’m throwing this phone out of the window”.

currently typing this from two storeys down in my back garden

Thank you I think he was a bit insecure and didn’t really know what he wanted. I’ll be amazed if he doesn’t try and test my memory at some point

Haha, that made me laugh. Now I like an emoji to help clarify my tone, but I definitely don’t need it to resemble a picture book of a conversation! x

@Sandor I am with you on that… real seduction has gone and it’s all about treating it like a scene from a porno where you get straight to it. A certain mainstream porn website has a lot to answer for in how we’re treated by many men these days.

How did it go yesterday? x

 

[candyland_]

i’m glad you’ve had a chilled weekend belle, you deserved it

recent guy’s behaviour is still mind blowing to me after he came on so strong. i think you’re right to prepare yourself for a “what are you up to x” text though, love how short they think our memories are

after a few days break after the great me-emoji barrage, the guy i’m half-heartedly messaging has reappeared. we chatted generally about work, he mentioned something about his boss, then a pause while “typing” on whatsapp. ladies, i stared at that “typing” thinking “if he sends a me-emoji of his boss i swear i’m throwing this phone out of the window”.

currently typing this from two storeys down in my back garden

Urgh.. I can’t cope with mundane chat like this. How does anyone think conversations like this are going to hold our attention?

I need to fancy them from the word hello and light up like a Christmas tree when I see their name on my phone or I won’t even bother.

 

[LaBlonde]

Urgh.. I can’t cope with mundane chat like this. How does anyone think conversations like this are going to hold our attention?

I need to fancy them from the word hello and light up like a Christmas tree when I see their name on my phone or I won’t even bother.

how are things going with your guy after the radio silence? okay i hope

i hate mundane chat but, realistically, it’s gonna happen. we’re not all out here leading jet-setting lifestyles and speaking to spies or millionaires. or maybe some of us are, i don’t know good on you if you are but sadly, there is going to be a fair bit of how was your day/weekend and work chat because what else would there be? we’re simple people!

i love the idea of having groupies! i’ll treat you all well i promise

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Thank you I think he was a bit insecure and didn’t really know what he wanted. I’ll be amazed if he doesn’t try and test my memory at some point

Haha, that made me laugh. Now I like an emoji to help clarify my tone, but I definitely don’t need it to resemble a picture book of a conversation! x

@Sandor I am with you on that… real seduction has gone and it’s all about treating it like a scene from a porno where you get straight to it. A certain mainstream porn website has a lot to answer for in how we’re treated by many men these days.

How did it go yesterday? x

I agree with the mainstream thing! It’s made them think it’s completely normal to ask for nudes and vulgar talk! They forget that those girls chose to do it as a job and get paid for it n they expect it for free off girls who don’t!

 

[Bagpuss7]

I agree with the mainstream thing! It’s made them think it’s completely normal to ask for nudes and vulgar talk! They forget that those girls chose to do it as a job and get paid for it n they expect it for free off girls who don’t!

I think it's also a numbers thing for some of these men ...ask 10 women and most likely 1 will be receptive so their m o can work...

Personally I just wish the creeps and pervs and time wasters would just write their true intentions on their profiles and save the genuine ones like us soo much wasted time and heart ache.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I think it's also a numbers thing for some of these men ...ask 10 women and most likely 1 will be receptive so their m o can work...

Personally I just wish the creeps and pervs and time wasters would just write their true intentions on their profiles and save the genuine ones like us soo much wasted time and heart ache.

I mean to be fair some of them (a minority lol) do give away their intentions on their profile by writing stupid stuff on it. ‘What would you like to try with me’ ‘karma sutra’ ‘What’s a green flag’ ‘big melons’ ‘what’s your greatest strength’ ‘it’s between my legs’ all comments I’ve seen on profiles. Them ones you just know are after one thing! But then you get a lot of the ones who lie about it and you have to figure it out yourself.

 

[Bagpuss7]

I mean to be fair some of them (a minority lol) do give away their intentions on their profile by writing stupid stuff on it. ‘What would you like to try with me’ ‘karma sutra’ ‘What’s a green flag’ ‘big melons’ ‘what’s your greatest strength’ ‘it’s between my legs’ all comments I’ve seen on profiles. Them ones you just know are after one thing! But then you get a lot of the ones who lie about it and you have to figure it out yourself.

A very small minority...I'm talking about the ones who deliberately write their profiles to lure women in knowing their intentions are far from honourable!

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Also they are quick enough to slag the girls off who choose that line of work and say they wouldn’t be with someone like that but then will still happily ask for pics n send sexual innuendos to practical strangers!

A very small minority...I'm talking about the ones who deliberately write their profiles to lure women in knowing their intentions are far from honourable!

Yes the ones who try and come across as mr nice guy on it!

 

[candyland_]

how are things going with your guy after the radio silence? okay i hope

i hate mundane chat but, realistically, it’s gonna happen. we’re not all out here leading jet-setting lifestyles and speaking to spies or millionaires. or maybe some of us are, i don’t know good on you if you are but sadly, there is going to be a fair bit of how was your day/weekend and work chat because what else would there be? we’re simple people!

i love the idea of having groupies! i’ll treat you all well i promise

Things are good thank you..
I have the odd whinge about him but he always reminds me that he’s a good one really. He just thought giving me space was the right thing to do when I wasn’t myself.

 

[Sandor]

Thank you I think he was a bit insecure and didn’t really know what he wanted. I’ll be amazed if he doesn’t try and test my memory at some point

Haha, that made me laugh. Now I like an emoji to help clarify my tone, but I definitely don’t need it to resemble a picture book of a conversation! x

@Sandor I am with you on that… real seduction has gone and it’s all about treating it like a scene from a porno where you get straight to it. A certain mainstream porn website has a lot to answer for in how we’re treated by many men these days.

How did it go yesterday? x

We had a really nice time. For a completely unrelated reason, I had a panic attack and was just like I need to go home. I apologised this morning for how abrupt it was etc wasn’t even looking for a conversation, I just wanted to acknowledge how weird it was. But it then descended into him ripping me apart for burdening him with my problems/asking for help. Essentially rewriting history which I didn’t even fight back on because I know that game, it’s to make me look like I’m the unhinged one. He’s turned up to help without asking, I had to involve him in the one major issue I’ve had lately which is harrassment on social media from not one but two of his exes. But I didn’t even bother to try and explain that, what’s the point? he has since apologised and taken full responsibility and said he shouldn’t have been as horrible as he was. But with what boils down to: of course I care, but I don’t want to know about these things so I don’t have to care. And the stupidest thing is, he didn’t need to offer that help, I never expected it, and all he had to do was use his big boy words when something was actually making him feel like that.

I’m exhausted and done now. To me that’s not even being reasonable about what a friendship is. To just want things light and superficial? He wants simple, he can go and discover that he’s the one that makes things complicated with someone else. At some point people have to acknowledge when they’re the common denominator. I’d have held his hand through figuring out all of this but I’m not a battering ram for him to figure it out on.

Tomorrow, I’m asking to be moved to lead a new project at work until his teams finished working with us. I want as much space between us as possible because his parting shot was about how he ‘knows we’ll keep coming back together even though we’re not and have never been together’. I seriously feel like I’ve been living in a parallel universe with this whole experience. I’m not a therapist or experiment for him.

So yeah, pretty weird and definitely over.

 

[Belle123]

We had a really nice time. For a completely unrelated reason, I had a panic attack and was just like I need to go home. I apologised this morning for how abrupt it was etc wasn’t even looking for a conversation, I just wanted to acknowledge how weird it was. But it then descended into him ripping me apart for burdening him with my problems/asking for help. Essentially rewriting history which I didn’t even fight back on because I know that game, it’s to make me look like I’m the unhinged one. He’s turned up to help without asking, I had to involve him in the one major issue I’ve had lately which is harrassment on social media from not one but two of his exes. But I didn’t even bother to try and explain that, what’s the point? he has since apologised and taken full responsibility and said he shouldn’t have been as horrible as he was. But with what boils down to: of course I care, but I don’t want to know about these things so I don’t have to care. And the stupidest thing is, he didn’t need to offer that help, I never expected it, and all he had to do was use his big boy words when something was actually making him feel like that.

I’m exhausted and done now. To me that’s not even being reasonable about what a friendship is. To just want things light and superficial? He wants simple, he can go and discover that he’s the one that makes things complicated with someone else. At some point people have to acknowledge when they’re the common denominator. I’d have held his hand through figuring out all of this but I’m not a battering ram for him to figure it out on.

Tomorrow, I’m asking to be moved to lead a new project at work until his teams finished working with us. I want as much space between us as possible because his parting shot was about how he ‘knows we’ll keep coming back together even though we’re not and have never been together’. I seriously feel like I’ve been living in a parallel universe with this whole experience. I’m not a therapist or experiment for him.

So yeah, pretty weird and definitely over.

My gosh, I’m so sorry about this! First and foremost I hope you’re ok, given the panic attack, his exes’ behaviour and his outbursts! It’s a lot to take.

What an utter hole. He’s throwing so much away but, like you said, you’re not a battering ram. I’m glad you can find a way to get away from him in work. You sound like a fabulous, level-headed, compassionate lady and someone, in time, will come along and give you all you deserve. He’s well and truly lost a diamond in you. It’s neither here nor there, but I’m sure he will realise, one day, that he was responsible for a lot of this - him and his bloody exes! You can only do so much for him.

You did all you could here, and many people would have reached a final conclusion (only you’d know what that looked and felt like) one way or another, when they are in love with someone. I hope you can move forward in time and heal. Sending you a massive hug xx

 

[Sandor]

My gosh, I’m so sorry about this! First and foremost I hope you’re ok, given the panic attack, his exes’ behaviour and his outbursts! It’s a lot to take.

What an utter hole. He’s throwing so much away but, like you said, you’re not a battering ram. I’m glad you can find a way to get away from him in work. You sound like a fabulous, level-headed, compassionate lady and someone, in time, will come along and give you all you deserve. He’s well and truly lost a diamond in you. It’s neither here nor there, but I’m sure he will realise, one day, that he was responsible for a lot of this - him and his bloody exes! You can only do so much for him.

You did all you could here, and many people would have reached a final conclusion (only you’d know what that looked and felt like) one way or another, when they are in love with someone. I hope you can move forward in time and heal. Sending you a massive hug xx

Oh Belle! Thank you. I’m honestly ok, this is more closure than I’m normally used to or would ever expect and it’s because I have no doubt I was right to walk away the first time. I feel vindicated. And I honestly know I’ve not been the drama in this one. He’s already messaged twice as if everything is normal. I can’t block him because of work, but he is archived now and I will not be reading, although from the preview he seems to be blaming his hangover. I tried, and I was kind and I’m proud of how I’ve held myself through all of this.

Actually feel excited for what comes next. It’s such a clean line this time and the way I’m wired, once that happens I just accept the happy memories, let the other stuff go, and move on. It was the not knowing that was making me question myself.