Agent Cooper was gorgeous & I so wanted to be as irresistible as Audrey
Thank youFor the most part I'm happy being single but I was watching a film called Waitress (quite old) and there was a scene where the guy was nuzzling into her neck & telling her how lovely she was. All of a sudden I imagined my special guy doing that to his wife and felt tearful for a few minutes. In the film they broke up soon after so that was a reality check!
Can I ask is Agent Cooper the poster formerly known as Raymond? I seem to remember she had a German suitor.
Sorry Belle that your guy is keeping you on an elastic but I fully get how you're prepared to coast for a while and let's face it the apps are really dire!
When I think of how it all seemed so exciting at first on the apps it seems funny. That was before I realized men had become so pornified. I was chatting to so many and getting loads of messages. Now my phone is silent for the most part but it's better than boring requests for "more pictures" and dick pix.
Anyway stay strong y'all
What do you think is making you feel he isn’t as into you as you are him?So I’m still dating the same guy that I’ve been seeing since the end of last year and we’re official now I guess but I still have a weird feeling. Like he isn’t as into me as I am him, and at any second he could just change his mind. I’ve never had this feeling in relationships before, but this is really bugging me. I also generally have a good gut instinct but nothing concrete to base it on.
This! The commitment thing is such an issue these days they just don’t want it. Back in the day men would have a goal to meet a decent woman then would court her, but now it’s a goal to live the playboy lifestyle. I think with so many apps comes so many other options.. not just dating apps but social media Facebook insta so on.. But they act like finding one special person is a bad thing. One of my male friends (he’s only 22 so I don’t call him out for it if he was my age I would lol) at one point had that many options he was taking a diff girl on a date each night! Then there’s me zero optionsI know, I’m torn between walking away because this isn’t fair, and staying in contact. He never struck me as an arsehole, but people surprise you all the time! I want to be there while he works through things. Most blokes just leave and don’t look back, and certainly don’t engage in any meaningful way like he’s doing after it’s over. So I’m confused, but I know that I can’t just walk. I will need an answer to what this all means at some point soon. I think the main way to weed him out is to message him and eventually ask to meet - then watch his reaction. There’s a fine line between giving someone a chance and try to work on something (knowing he’s got a lot going on), and being strung along, so his reaction should give me an idea of whether I have to move on, and get back on the apps again.
I’m sorry you got upset. It’s hard, and these things catch us out here and there. I can relate to it. I feel sad I lost a relationship (albeit a short one) with someone I definitely saw more happening with, and it’s placed me back at square one again. Sending you a big hug and try and stay positive
Sorry you’re upset. Good to let it out, and I’m sending you a hug
Ladies, why is it so hard?! Why is commitment so hard to find these days?
casting my mind back to our previous threads pixi i seem to recall you saying this about (i’m guessing) the same guy a few times before - what’s still making you feel like this? especially considering that things have obviously moved forward since then.So I’m still dating the same guy that I’ve been seeing since the end of last year and we’re official now I guess but I still have a weird feeling. Like he isn’t as into me as I am him, and at any second he could just change his mind. I’ve never had this feeling in relationships before, but this is really bugging me. I also generally have a good gut instinct but nothing concrete to base it on.
Yes definitely someone mentioned earlier in the threat it’s the highest rate it’s ever been of single people! The sad thing is people always think there’s a better option out there and always striving for more. Only when your older you realise genuine connections are so rare and not everyone is replaceable.casting my mind back to our previous threads pixi i seem to recall you saying this about (i’m guessing) the same guy a few times before - what’s still making you feel like this? especially considering that things have obviously moved forward since then.
@DollyDiamondxo - i blame social media for a lot of things, but i especially blame it for the state of dating atmi do read that there is a much larger living single population in the uk than there has ever been and i think what you describe in your post is exactly why.
@Agent Cooper - lovely to see you raymond! i thought it might be you
Have you had past bad experiences because sometimes your mind can play tricks on you thinking the same thing will happen again even if everything is ok! It’s crap feeling like your the one whose more into them but they are better at masking there feelings, if he hasn’t given you a reason to feel that way see how things goSo I’m still dating the same guy that I’ve been seeing since the end of last year and we’re official now I guess but I still have a weird feeling. Like he isn’t as into me as I am him, and at any second he could just change his mind. I’ve never had this feeling in relationships before, but this is really bugging me. I also generally have a good gut instinct but nothing concrete to base it on.
Honestly so true, I can get early 20s not wanting to settle down, (I settled down when I was 18 n had a child lol) we were too young and it didn’t work out. But I’d say late 20’s you’d start thinking about settling, children and building with someone. The men like you say don’t realise our chances of having a child decrease by the time their ready to settle.I couldn’t agree more. Society has changed so much with commitment. There’s the whole build a career, go travelling, be the playboy lifestyle that’s evolved for men (and some women). There’s that thought of there’s something better out there. The reality is these men usually want a family at some point (feels like that’s more late 30’s early 40’s now) but women in a typical age gap are less fertile, increasing need for IVF etc. I often say I’m sure I was born in the wrong era. I want to go to a local dance, be walked home by a boy and that was that. Social media, reality shows like MIC, TOWIE were the start of the problem I think.
fully agree on all counts!I couldn’t agree more. Society has changed so much with commitment. There’s the whole build a career, go travelling, be the playboy lifestyle that’s evolved for men (and some women). There’s that thought of there’s something better out there. The reality is these men usually want a family at some point (feels like that’s more late 30’s early 40’s now) but women in a typical age gap are less fertile, increasing need for IVF etc. I often say I’m sure I was born in the wrong era. I want to go to a local dance, be walked home by a boy and that was that. Social media, reality shows like MIC, TOWIE were the start of the problem I think.
oh my gosh exactly THIS. people are so impatient, so used to instant validation, so brought up on things like love island, towie etc that everyone is always on the look out for the next thing, a better thing. social media also makes people cruel imo, it’s so “easy” to just wipe someone from your life. no one gives anyone a full chance anymore; it’s all instant gratification and then onto the next.The other side of it all is the pressure. The pressure of the dating culture. Like the three-date rule for sex that some people pay attention to. We’ve lost all sense of getting to know someone properly, especially when these past two years have eroded our ability to meet people organically. The silly thing is, many men would benefit from a slower pace. Many don’t realise that online dating is not a one size fits all approach, but people’s ability to communicate what they need and want properly is also being lost. We live in the era of being able to have what we want now. News is a click away. Validation is a few likes away. Our food is brought to us after a few taps on an app. Don’t like something minor about this person? Don’t worry, look at your ‘options’! Come order your next one and they’ll be delivered to you! The casual culture is killing commitment, loyalty and being happy with someone who might not be ‘perfect’ but is still, actually, a good match.
Absolutely! There’s definitely a category for them! It definitely attracts the perverts and so on. I guess I’m looking more at the ones who play the ‘relationship’ card and just end up hurting you. So many of us are sharing similar stories. I firmly believe it is not all to do with whether we are good matches. I think it was @Sandor that made the point earlier in this thread - it’s that they’re afraid to ask to go slow, or ask for what they want.Adding in to all that, there will be WMBD (wanking mother's basement dwellers) who will see getting a woman as a way of finding housing. So an emotional commitment may not even be on the list.
And yes to instant gratification. I was asked for my address as a first message. I doubt he would have made the effort if I'd been stupid enough, he just wanted the power to mess me about probably.
SM has a lot to answer for, as well as reality tv. Instant gratification is exactly what it’s about!oh my gosh exactly THIS. people are so impatient, so used to instant validation, so brought up on things like love island, towie etc that everyone is always on the look out for the next thing, a better thing. social media also makes people cruel imo, it’s so “easy” to just wipe someone from your life. no one gives anyone a full chance anymore; it’s all instant gratification and then onto the next.
I think about this a lotSM has a lot to answer for, as well as reality tv. Instant gratification is exactly what it’s about!
Perfectly putI’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like this! I’m shocked by the state of play. Men genuinely think they can put off fatherhood until later, because the media perpetuates this myth that men are still very fertile into their 40s. Not at all true, of course, and it’s us women who’ve been cast as the ones who lose our fertility as we hit our late 30s/early 40s. It’s a scientific fact the same things happen to men, but funny how we don’t hear that message so loudly! Add in that they think they have a choice amongst lots of women in their late 20s/early 30s (sorry guys, not all women of 30 want a 43 year old) and it’s part of the problem.
The apps seem to be a magnet for the selfish, egoists, driven to pull as many of their options as they can for casual sex. Then you’ve got the hurt/wounded ones making a bigger mess of things for themselves through using people on the apps to get over heartbreak/stay in denial of commitment issues. The well-intentioned amongst us seem to be sitting ducks for the bullets coming at us. I’m honestly baffled by some of my exes and their commitment issues. I had an ex acknowledge how big a potential we had, was quite emotional about it all, and admitted he was struggling to commit. It was heartbreaking to watch him throw our connection away for stupid reasons that had nothing to do with ‘us’, while I was left scratching my head. Dating gets harder, not easier, as you get older, because people have their baggage and battle scars.
The other side of it all is the pressure. The pressure of the dating culture. Like the three-date rule for sex that some people pay attention to. We’ve lost all sense of getting to know someone properly, especially when these past two years have eroded our ability to meet people organically. The silly thing is, many men would benefit from a slower pace. Many don’t realise that online dating is not a one size fits all approach, but people’s ability to communicate what they need and want properly is also being lost. We live in the era of being able to have what we want now. News is a click away. Validation is a few likes away. Our food is brought to us after a few taps on an app. Don’t like something minor about this person? Don’t worry, look at your ‘options’! Come order your next one and they’ll be delivered to you! The casual culture is killing commitment, loyalty and being happy with someone who might not be ‘perfect’ but is still, actually, a good match.
The grass is greener is pervasive in it all! I love the point you made about reality tv years ago. Take Bake Off. Loved it in the early years… then you saw competitive people on there, seeing it as a career move towards a book deal and tv series, and I couldn’t watch it anymore. The purity was lost. Big Brother was a novel concept, full of real people when it started… it was a toxic mess of chancers by the time Channel 4 took it off the air.M
I think about this a lotremember in the good old days when the type of people who went on reality tv were completely normal people who just wanted to win some money and then go back to their normal job. Now everyone who goes on has the ulterior motive of fame, sponsorships, deals. It clearly isn't genuine anymore and for people watching the likes of Love Island, it normalises discarding and discounting people for no reason other than 'what if the grass is greener' its minging.
Thanks. I know it was him. I pulled myself apart, of course, thinking it was me, but I know it was him and the scars he didn’t want to talk to me about. He did have a good heart, which is why I started to fall in love with him, and while he was very unfair to me to let me get that far with my feelings, he did leave me alone afterwards. He did muddy the waters by telling me he’s always there, but I shut the door eventually because it was too painful for me to hold on to even remote hope any longer that he would sort himself out and come back. I just hope he’s happy.Perfectly putAnd about your ex, I mean atleast he didn’t try and have his cake and eat it like a lot seem too. Must be sad when you have a genuine connection with someone but can’t commit to them, but that proves this issue is them not you. It is a casual culture now, and the comparing the food apps to dating ones is so bloody true.
This is another thing I’ve found, now personally I wouldn’t I’ve known people who have, had aAdding in to all that, there will be WMBD (wanking mother's basement dwellers) who will see getting a woman as a way of finding housing. So an emotional commitment may not even be on the list.
And yes to instant gratification. I was asked for my address as a first message. I doubt he would have made the effort if I'd been stupid enough, he just wanted the power to mess me about probably.
Gosh I never even considered them ones (I usually attract the opposite, players who wouldn’t dream of living with a womanAdding in to all that, there will be WMBD (wanking mother's basement dwellers) who will see getting a woman as a way of finding housing. So an emotional commitment may not even be on the list.
And yes to instant gratification. I was asked for my address as a first message. I doubt he would have made the effort if I'd been stupid enough, he just wanted the power to mess me about probably.
There is a saying which I love, it is better to have nobody than someone who is half there. I bet when he does feel ready to settle and has healed from his issues that he’ll look back and be gutted. He may never find another you! We always think it’s us at first but as time goes on you realise it wasn’t and so do they. Once we start to fall there’s no stopping us but I think with guys if they feel themselves falling they’ll try and stop it because heaven forbid they feel vulnerable lolThe grass is greener is pervasive in it all! I love the point you made about reality tv years ago. Take Bake Off. Loved it in the early years… then you saw competitive people on there, seeing it as a career move towards a book deal and tv series, and I couldn’t watch it anymore. The purity was lost. Big Brother was a novel concept, full of real people when it started… it was a toxic mess of chancers by the time Channel 4 took it off the air.
Thanks. I know it was him. I pulled myself apart, of course, thinking it was me, but I know it was him and the scars he didn’t want to talk to me about. He did have a good heart, which is why I started to fall in love with him, and while he was very unfair to me to let me get that far with my feelings, he did leave me alone afterwards. He did muddy the waters by telling me he’s always there, but I shut the door eventually because it was too painful for me to hold on to even remote hope any longer that he would sort himself out and come back. I just hope he’s happy.
I can't bare the thought of watching something like Love Island, but we've been watching series 1 of dinner date recently on netflix, I am obsessed with it because its just really normal people going on and going on dates, I went on iplayer to see how many series are available and saw the contestants for the more recent series and they've got all reality stars doing it now mixed in with random try-hards. So annoying.The grass is greener is pervasive in it all! I love the point you made about reality tv years ago. Take Bake Off. Loved it in the early years… then you saw competitive people on there, seeing it as a career move towards a book deal and tv series, and I couldn’t watch it anymore. The purity was lost. Big Brother was a novel concept, full of real people when it started… it was a toxic mess of chancers by the time Channel 4 took it off the air.
absolutely this - and this is really what gives me the dating fear. i know that my recent ex will regret it (he was 5”3, a tiny man, and supremely awkward) and i’m just annoyed that i’m not going to be around to see that happenThere is a saying which I love, it is better to have nobody than someone who is half there. I bet when he does feel ready to settle and has healed from his issues that he’ll look back and be gutted. He may never find another you! We always think it’s us at first but as time goes on you realise it wasn’t and so do they. Once we start to fall there’s no stopping us but I think with guys if they feel themselves falling they’ll try and stop it because heaven forbid they feel vulnerable lol
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