Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Wowitsme]

Sorry tattlers, unsure where to post this & you guys were so helpful when I was heartbroken about my ex!
But I never blocked my ex on Instagram and I just noticed that he viewed my story tonight I went radio silent after he told me he had a girlfriend affer 1 month NC after I dumped him because he didn’t want a relationship!!

arghhhh I’m soconfused but happy! I know I shouldn’t be but I am!

Its a tough one. Are you over him? Do you miss him? He treated you poorly it seems and you deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them. It is easy to say from someone else when it’s not them in the middle of the situation but in time it does get better and you should focus on what makes you happy in the moment.

also it depends on whether you are friends on Instagram because I’m nosey andcheck most stories or if he searched you then looked at your story

 

[Thank(space)you]

Do you think being a single parent working from home, that my only real options to meet someone is via dating apps? I don't enjoy the apps.

 

[Wowitsme]

Do you think being a single parent working from home, that my only real options to meet someone is via dating apps? I don't enjoy the apps.

No I don’t. From your previous posts you do have an active social life. Just when you meet take it slow see who they are first and if they are good for you as I think you have BPD? I think taking things slow and accessing someone’s intentions with our emotional needs is important

 

[Boadicea1]

Do you think being a single parent working from home, that my only real options to meet someone is via dating apps? I don't enjoy the apps.

I think the answer from people is going to be no and you need to force yourself into situations to meet people.

Pub always seems to be what others recommend.

Or dog parks seem to be another where people seem to meet new people.

What happened to the guy whose eye you caught?

 

[boomska]

Its a tough one. Are you over him? Do you miss him? He treated you poorly it seems and you deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them. It is easy to say from someone else when it’s not them in the middle of the situation but in time it does get better and you should focus on what makes you happy in the moment.

also it depends on whether you are friends on Instagram because I’m nosey andcheck most stories or if he searched you then looked at your story

I’m deffo not over him & I do miss him but that’s normal so i’ve been focusing on me since it’s ended and im doing so much better compared to previous breakups and even he would see the difference after some of the stories I told him! even my friends were shocked that I didn’t message him asking why he’s viewed my story. We’re not friends so he’s had to find my profile and then view it! His profile picture is still her and him so it’s weird but I always had a gut feeling that it wasn’t truly over!

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think the answer from people is going to be no and you need to force yourself into situations to meet people.

Pub always seems to be what others recommend.

Or dog parks seem to be another where people seem to meet new people.

What happened to the guy whose eye you caught?

I just don't want to get in my head and start day dreaming and running away with myself haha

 

[nothanksbabes]

I know, I’m just clinging on because I’ll never get someone as attractive as him again But I’m sure he can smell the desperation a mile off so I’m doing myself no favours!

I have thought this many times and someone just as hot has always come along. I'm nowt special to look at either, a chubby rockabilly sort in my 30s.

I've also found if you play them at their own game and be inconsistent and not arsed they tend to come back. Fine if you just want to sleep with them but not great if you catch feelings.

I'm also shallow and tit at self restraint though, so sometimes I will drop everything to meet the hot ones but I generally but my knickers on and leave straight after .

 

[Sprottish]

I’m deffo not over him & I do miss him but that’s normal so i’ve been focusing on me since it’s ended and im doing so much better compared to previous breakups and even he would see the difference after some of the stories I told him! even my friends were shocked that I didn’t message him asking why he’s viewed my story. We’re not friends so he’s had to find my profile and then view it! His profile picture is still her and him so it’s weird but I always had a gut feeling that it wasn’t truly over!

Aw please try not to read too much into it. I don’t want to sound harsh but it’s cruel for you to be happy and hopeful of something coming of it, when he might just have been being nosey or flicking through. I get that he must have had to search you - but I often find myself done a rabbit hole looking at profiles of all sorts of people.

I don’t want to say “the guys not interested move on” because obviously I don’t know that but it sounds like you were on the right track and I’d hate for you to be derailed and back to square one again. The guy didn’t want a relationship with you and you dumped him - bloody good for you. Don’t let him weedle back into your thoughts.

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Hi everyone!

I have had a little break from “life”. Went away for a week by myself to the beach and just tried be ok with being alone… I don’t want to get back with my ex at all but I pushed myself to at least not contact him for 60 days (that whole no contact thing) and it was funny as day 60 was the day I went away to have my little break. Anyway, we are still FB friends and follow each other on Insta, I have no problems with this as I do one day hope to be civil after 10 years together… day 61 he likes my Instagram photo I posted of me away on the coast and he viewed all my stories… I think he’s probably having a little thinky about the way he treated me when the relationship ended. Anyway, haven’t been on dating apps since the situation with the last date lol but not feeling much pull at the moment so might continue to stay away for a little bit! Hope everyone’s been well.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

 

[Sprottish]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

This has happened to me twice! It’s never as bad as you anticipate. Went on a date YEARS ago and clashed into an entire team from work on a night out. Couple of years later I bumped into a colleague on a first date with the guy who became my boyfriend for a couple of years. I just said hello and said “this is my friend XYZ.”

Kind of eliminates the “oooh is it a first date” questions you’ll be nervous about, yes your date might be put out by being referred to as a “friend” but you owe them nothing more, I believe it’s quite a nice way to reference someone you’ve just met really. Would you mind if your date did the same to you? They’d probably prefer that to the awkward “this is my first date,” I know I would! Then any questions post-date you can say “it’s just a friend” or “it was a date” depending on how it goes!

I know what you mean, some people are confident and don’t care but I’d be the same as you. I overthink and worry!

 

[Sandor]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

1. remind yourself how unlikely it is to happen
2. If it did most people would figure it out and most decent folk wouldn’t come over
3. If they do, just say ‘this is Alex’ or whatever their name is - and do that first so you can then say ‘This is Mary, we work together’ etc
4. If an ex comes over while you’re on a date then they’re very weird. Do you have any ex’s that would do this? Even my ex husband who is still very present in my life wouldn’t put me in that position. He’d probably just text me and take the piss in a lighthearted way

and remember that no one is as interested in you as you think and that what other people think of you is none of your business (also have crippling social anxiety but have made huge strides by remembering no one is worrying about me as much as I’m worrying about inconveniencing then)

This is all coming from someone who had the guy they’re seeing over for the whole weekend last week and was snuggled up on the sofa when my sister, forgetting I had plans, waltzed in in her pyjamas and a face mask on. It couldn’t have been more awkward because we’re not at here’s my friends and family stage but the hilarity of the situation diffused it considerably. It’s never as bad as we fear it’s going to be!

 

[Bubble And Squeak]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

i was on a second date a few weeks ago, it was the first dinner date and I use to work with our waiter and I don’t think he realised it was basically the first date and he was pure shaking my dates hand and introducing himself and saying how he use to work with me after he walked away we both turned to each other and said he definitely thinks we are a couple, it was funny

 

[oicheliath]

Hey guys me again with another stupid question. When you’re on a date, particularly a first date how do you get over the fear of seeing someone you know? Im so scared of seeing someone I know/a colleague/an ex! How would I explain this random person I’m with. Ugh imagine having to make small talk and introduce the person to them I have social anxiety and this just makes me want to puke. Asked a couple mates but they’re much more confident than me and don’t care.

I liked sitting in dimly lit corners with my back to the room for this reason even when on my own, my social anxiety would rather I not recognise anyone when going about my day lol.

 

[Jadejones9596]

Right you lovely lot, I need some proper dating advice.

Have my first ever date with a 'stranger' I have met on tinder, he's lovely and we get on well, we are meeting next Thursday for a drink. Any first date advice for me, im so nervous already ill have to fight my natural want to pull out of it all week now

 

[Clickbait]

Right you lovely lot, I need some proper dating advice.

Have my first ever date with a 'stranger' I have met on tinder, he's lovely and we get on well, we are meeting next Thursday for a drink. Any first date advice for me, im so nervous already ill have to fight my natural want to pull out of it all week now

Basic advice would be:
* Meet in a public place. If you can go to a bar/pub you already know it’s helpful as you know where the exits are should you want to make a quick getaway (this is unlikely but not impossible!)
* Remember that he’ll be feeling similarly as you are - so shared nerves, both hoping you fancy the other person and they like you.
* Try not to heap the pressure on. It’s a drink to see if you get on in real life not a life or death activity. Try and enjoy it.
* If you’re worried about the conversation stalling think about a couple of open-ended questions you can ask about the things you have in common. Sometimes it’s helpful to note it down when it pops into your head. You could also look back at a text chat and find something you’d want to know more about I.e. you said you like x, what got you interested in that in the first place.

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Gang, gang, gang, I’ve got the date tonight. Meeting in a cool pub at 6:30. Update you later. I’m def not gonna shag him

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Gang, gang, gang, I’ve got the date tonight. Meeting in a cool pub at 6:30. Update you later. I’m def not gonna shag him

Have a brilliant time

Right you lovely lot, I need some proper dating advice.

Have my first ever date with a 'stranger' I have met on tinder, he's lovely and we get on well, we are meeting next Thursday for a drink. Any first date advice for me, im so nervous already ill have to fight my natural want to pull out of it all week now

Focus on your thoughts about him rather than his opinion of you .

Also take your time getting ready, put on your favourite music/podcast. Have a glass of wine or herbal tea and just enjoy the process or should I say the calm before the storm

Also what @Clickbait said...have questions or topics of conversation ready in case the conversation dies down. I always have little bits of news or funny things i heard ready just in case.

Best bit of advice though...just have fun

 

[Thank(space)you]

Right you lovely lot, I need some proper dating advice.

Have my first ever date with a 'stranger' I have met on tinder, he's lovely and we get on well, we are meeting next Thursday for a drink. Any first date advice for me, im so nervous already ill have to fight my natural want to pull out of it all week now

Remember it's just as much about if you like him than it is about if he likes you. Keep clear in mind your boundaries and don't accept anything that's a red flag to you.

 

[mehere]

"Thank you, I'm just taking my time to find someone worth it"

I had a cute brunch date earlier and was yet again asked how I’m still single, I used this reply and he said ’but what does that mean?’