It’s horrible and you’ve ended up getting your hopes up but the redeeming thing is he was upfront about not wanting anything serious and seeing other people so chances are he did think it was chilled and thought nothing off going quiet. To men situations like this go over their head.Hello lovely ladies; hope you don’t mind if I derail the thread with an essay for a sec - just need some other peoples opinions on my situation.
(Some of you may remember I posted in one of the earlier threads months ago about how I was an super late to my second date with this one guy and his phone had died and we couldn’t find each other and he got annoyed and left and I was devastated!)
Anyway a month or two after that we rekindled and I’ve been seeing him ever since. We went on our first date when the Eu were on - not sure what month that was though. However I don’t live in London and he does, but we’ve been hanging out pretty consistently.
He told me on our second date he was moving to the US in the new year and as a result we’ve both kind of ruled out being in a relationship (at the time I’d only been single six months - with my ex for three years and wasn’t fully over him, so having something that I knew was going to be a bit more low-key was exactly what I wanted).
I ended up going on holiday with this guy pretty early on (we’d only been on three dates!!) but he was going abroad and his friends had all pulled out one by one for different reasons and he was going to go alone. Last minute he asked if I wanted to come and I thought fuck it why not. We spent a week together and it was loads of fun and pretty romantic.
He was pretty upfront on our first couple of dates that he was seeing other people. I wasn’t because I’d had all apps deleted months before I met him, but the fact he was wasn’t a massive issue for me because of how I was feeling towards my ex etc. After our holiday I got the impression he stopped seeing other people because of how much time we spent together and things he would say - but I never outright asked.
A couple weekends ago he asked if I wanted to hang out with his friends and I spent the weekend with them. I had a great time but the one thing I felt was highlighted was that he actually liked me a lot more/was more serious about me than I thought based on things his friends would say…
We couldn’t see each other the week after that as he was really busy with work.
When he’s apologising over text for being busy, he asks me what I’m up to and I tell him my birthday is coming up and I’ve got some fun things planned for that. Now I hadn’t invited him out to celebrate with my friends and I because he’d told me prior that he was away that particular weekend watching the rugby. And I had checked with him to make sure. Anyway he reads my text mentioning my birthday and HAS NOT REPLIED SINCE.
It’s been over a week now. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I messaged him again today because he is notoriously bad with his phone and part of me was hoping maybe he’d just got distracted and needed a nudge. This time he hasn’t even read it.
I’m just shocked for him to ghost out of nowhere. We’d been having such a nice time together and the whole time it’s been very chill. He normally is quite good with expressing his feelings so I’m surprised if something was wrong he wouldn’t have just told me.
After spending however many months with this guy, going away together, meeting his friends, do I have to really just accept that he’d ghost out of nowhere one day?? Has anyone got any theories? I know ghosting is common when someone meets someone else they like better, but he had told me obviously as he’s relocating to the US in two months dating new people is a bit odd and a waste of time…so I’m just at a loss as to what has happened here
Yes! I’m meeting up with a Spanish guy I met from Bumble. Been talking for about two months, got loads in common, not sure if anything romantic will come of it as we haven’t discussed anything like that but I do fancy him after face timing etc. Nervous but notAnyone have any date plans this weekend?
My advice would be not to bother texting the first guy. He doesn’t deserve the courtesy. You clearly want someone who keeps in touch, is engaged and proactive about planning the second date - that is not unreasonable, he is not demonstrating the behaviour you find attractive. Don’t waste more time on him, move onto someone who does.I’m very new to the dating game. So far I’m finding it very stressfulIt’s so different to when I was last single. I went on a great first date with a guy last weekend, I thought it went really well and we arranged to do something this weekend. Haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. Surely that’s a no then? Would a guy really expect me to keep a precious Saturday evening free and then not bother to text me at all? I’ve actually been asked out on a bumble date instead so may just let first guy know I’m not willing to wait to be messed around. The audacity! Im a busy person!
Men that are interested text you every single day as far as I’m concerned, I wouldn’t bother texting him.I’m very new to the dating game. So far I’m finding it very stressfulIt’s so different to when I was last single. I went on a great first date with a guy last weekend, I thought it went really well and we arranged to do something this weekend. Haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. Surely that’s a no then? Would a guy really expect me to keep a precious Saturday evening free and then not bother to text me at all? I’ve actually been asked out on a bumble date instead so may just let first guy know I’m not willing to wait to be messed around. The audacity! Im a busy person!
As usual, @Clickbait is on the money. Interesting point about the voice notes, I didn't know that. Very true about the WhatsApp messages, I know myself that sometimes I don't open a message until I'm ready to reply, so that I don't read it and forget! Sometimes after a busy day working I'll have multiple unread messages even though I've been online.It was the start of July that you had your aborted date so guessing if it was a couple of months afterwards you met up again it was September. That means a good 10 weeks with a holiday away and meeting friends - relationship-type stuff without the label.
I think you absolutely deserve an explanation for the silence. I can’t see you not inviting him to your birthday would have given him the hump as you’ve not said he was super sensitive and you’d confirmed he already had plans.
His being busy with work doesn’t cut it either as we all know sending a text message takes two minutes!
I don’t think anything you’ve done has freaked him out either so it might be he’s decided he doesn’t know how to wind things down and/or realised he likes you more than he thought and that complicates things. Or he’s just a total shit and has ghosted you.
The problem with texts and WhatsApp messages is that you can read them on the screen without having to commit to opening them, so in theory you can pretend they’ve not been read even though the other person has seen you online.
The same is not true for voicenotes though. If I were you I’d gather your thoughts about all of this, write some notes and leave a voicenote. That allows you to get it off your chest and ask the questions and you’ll know if he listens and doesn’t respond that it’s time to consign him to the bin.
Personally my points would be - your behaviour is out of character, I’d be worried that something is wrong but you’ve been online just not replying to me. I think given the time we’ve spent together I deserve an explanation or the courtesy if you don’t want to see each other anymore. Please let me know what’s going on.
Hope you get your answers, being in limbo is so infuriating!
I’d leave it.. I think he’s treating you as a low priority and he won’t change that. Asking him to hang out would be like asking for scraps.So he did reply this morning. Literally acted like everything was normal. Literally, ALL he said was hey !!!!wtf. I asked him if everything was good on his end because he’d been quiet and a bit off. He just said he’d been away (so I guess he went to the rugby after all) and he was busy entertaining his sister as she came down to visit (which I do remember him mentioning). Also said he’d been busy with work. That was all. Didn’t ask how I was or anything lol.
Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also don’t want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I don’t). I don’t want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought he’d just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I don’t think it’s my place to now be like …sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? It’s just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
Perfectly said.@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - familybusy with work been away/spent time with friends If he’d have just said his nan was ill you’d have got this week’s star prize!
This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (can’t find the time to send you a text message) it’s going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, I’m not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise he’s not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I don’t think that’s what you want.
Darling, believe me it took me years and many mistakes to get my shit together! I wish I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have wasted years of my life on men who did not deserve it. Some of the crap and nonsense I put up with is sickening.
He is your boyfriend so you would expect this level of contact.I’m not for one second bragging here but none of those excuses wash with me. My boyfriend will text while he’s away for the weekend, during his spare couple of minutes at work or as he gets home if it’s been a manic one and when his grandad was ill it was me he text for comfort.
Every time we read those excuses on this thread it’s followed by them vanishing.
Always so spot on.@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - familybusy with work been away/spent time with friends If he’d have just said his nan was ill you’d have got this week’s star prize!
This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (can’t find the time to send you a text message) it’s going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, I’m not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise he’s not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I don’t think that’s what you want.
I'm so excited for you!The person who was drunk texting me and sending me voice notes whilst away with the lads has asked me on a date on Sunday! Think we’re going bowling as I went earlier in the week with work and he’s been bragging about beating mewe live quite far away but he’s said he’s happy to travel to me which is nice.
He also said there’s a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he won’t send it to megona say if I win at bowling he has to show me hahah he’s promised it wasn’t anything bad
It’s nice to be looking forward to a first date!
Brilliant. This sounds like so much fun. I like the sound of himThe person who was drunk texting me and sending me voice notes whilst away with the lads has asked me on a date on Sunday! Think we’re going bowling as I went earlier in the week with work and he’s been bragging about beating mewe live quite far away but he’s said he’s happy to travel to me which is nice.
He also said there’s a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he won’t send it to megona say if I win at bowling he has to show me hah he’s promised it wasn’t anything bad
It’s nice to be looking forward to a first date!
Ugh. I guess at this point, what could he have ever really said though. The damage is kind of done when he left you hanging for a week! If he’d apologised profusely it would have been for all the same reasons, I’m not sure what’s worse actually that he didn’t bother with anything other than “hey” or if he’d tried to dress it up with excuses.So he did reply this morning. Literally acted like everything was normal. Literally, ALL he said was hey !!!!wtf. I asked him if everything was good on his end because he’d been quiet and a bit off. He just said he’d been away (so I guess he went to the rugby after all) and he was busy entertaining his sister as she came down to visit (which I do remember him mentioning). Also said he’d been busy with work. That was all. Didn’t ask how I was or anything lol.
Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also don’t want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I don’t). I don’t want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought he’d just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I don’t think it’s my place to now be like …sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? It’s just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
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