Wonder how interested she will be once he's gone.... my guess is not very!!Thank you guys, you've made me feel a little better! 17 days and he's leaving. I'm going to miss him because I enjoyed the banter we have but at least I won't see them both together! He did message me the other night, It wasn't anything exciting but I hate how happy I got when I saw his name!
Seems a bit rushed.Do people think asking to meet up on the second message is a lot? Do you usually say anything back?
Yeah that’s what I think… the convo went like this:Seems a bit rushed.
I was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say you’re busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if they’re asking because they genuinely like you they’ll rearrange a date, if they’re just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.Couple of things on but otherwise not too bad. How is your weekend shaping up? Fancy a drink in the city tonight or Saturday night?”
That’s a great tip, thank you for sharing! We love setting a good boundaryI was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say you’re busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if they’re asking because they genuinely like you they’ll rearrange a date, if they’re just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.
It came up when we were discussing how over accomodating I have been being
This is taken from a famous self help book from the early 90s called ‘The Rules’. Showing my age that I even know thatI was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say you’re busy.
Hahahah yes it is! She said most of the book is so dated but that's a really good tipThis is taken from a famous self help book from the early 90s called ‘The Rules’. Showing my age that I even know that
But isn't that part of the issue we all struggle with, with online dating ..the head games? If you are genuinely busy on the weekend say so but if it's for another reason such as its too soon etc , why not just say that? I don't understand starting relationships off on a lie ! I get what the councellor was suggesting , but why pretend to be something you are not ? Especially if he then goes onto ask you how was your weekend and you either have to make up a lie or tell the real truth that you had no plans and were sat watching strictly !I was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say you’re busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if they’re asking because they genuinely like you they’ll rearrange a date, if they’re just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.
It came up when we were discussing how over accomodating I have been being
But isn't that part of the issue we all struggle with, with online dating ..the head games? If you are genuinely busy on the weekend say so but if it's for another reason such as its too soon etc , why not just say that? I don't understand starting relationships off on a lie ! I get what the councellor was suggesting , but why pretend to be something you are not ? Especially if he then goes onto ask you how was your weekend and you either have to make up a lie or tell the real truth that you had no plans and were sat watching strictly !
But that isn't what the councellor was suggesting? I took her advice as being pretend you are busy even if you aren't in order to ' test ' how interested the man was ?I guess with context, I am constantly busy, and if I have no plans on the rare occasion, I am busy being at home on my own relaxingI was asked out by someone this weekend and declined and said I am busy this weekend. I am busy, I could make the time but I don't want to and if he really wants to see me, and isn't overbearing he'll be fine with that and we can reschedule.
Would you find it a head game if someone you'd never met said they were busy one weekend? I guess we all have different things we find acceptable but if someone was annoyed at me for sitting at home when I wanted to that'd be such a red flag
I’d unmatch. I need the message stage to at least cover the basics and ensure I’m not going to be wasting a weekend nightDo people think asking to meet up on the second message is a lot? Do you usually say anything back?
I think you’re missing the point @Bagpuss7 is making on this which is that advice from The Rules is encouraging the game playing behaviour we all find frustrating rather than just being honest about what works for you/what your expectations are.I guess with context, I am constantly busy, and if I have no plans on the rare occasion, I am busy being at home on my own relaxingI was asked out by someone this weekend and declined and said I am busy this weekend. I am busy, I could make the time but I don't want to and if he really wants to see me, and isn't overbearing he'll be fine with that and we can reschedule.
Would you find it a head game if someone you'd never met said they were busy one weekend? I guess we all have different things we find acceptable but if someone was annoyed at me for sitting at home when I wanted to that'd be such a red flag
Thank you @ClickbaitI think you’re missing the point @Bagpuss7 is making on this which is that advice from The Rules is encouraging the game playing behaviour we all find frustrating rather than just being honest about what works for you/what your expectations are.
You could reply with, “thanks for the offer, it’s too short notice for me but maybe some other time” unless of course you are busy because you want some down time, in which case you’re not following the advice of the counsellor who suggests to routinely say you’re busy if asked after a Wednesday for a Saturday date whether you are or not because you should set a boundary that it isn’t showing sufficient thought/interest/planning by doing so.
I completely agree that a weekend doing nothing is actually a weekend doing something - looking after your own health and well-being is important.
I think you’re missing the point @Bagpuss7 is making on this which is that advice from The Rules is encouraging the game playing behaviour we all find frustrating rather than just being honest about what works for you/what your expectations are.
You could reply with, “thanks for the offer, it’s too short notice for me but maybe some other time” unless of course you are busy because you want some down time, in which case you’re not following the advice of the counsellor who suggests to routinely say you’re busy if asked after a Wednesday for a Saturday date whether you are or not because you should set a boundary that it isn’t showing sufficient thought/interest/planning by doing so.
I completely agree that a weekend doing nothing is actually a weekend doing something - looking after your own health and well-being is important.
I said to this guy that I usually don’t meet up with people I haven’t really spoken to for firstly safety reasons and two to see if there is good conversation first before meeting and he replies “fair enough” haha.When you refuse to accept less than you’re happy/comfortable with or feel you’re worth you signal your expectations - the men who don’t care or are not interested enough to meet those expectations will be weeded out very quickly which saves a lot of issues further down the line.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst I’d had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub I’d never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didn’t have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exitI then ran down the street and hid in the local Tesco until I thought the coast was clear.
Smells like he was hoping for a leg over this weekend then! LolI said to this guy that I usually don’t meet up with people I haven’t really spoken to for firstly safety reasons and two to see if there is good conversation first before meeting and he replies “fair enough” haha.
When you refuse to accept less than you’re happy/comfortable with or feel you’re worth you signal your expectations - the men who don’t care or are not interested enough to meet those expectations will be weeded out very quickly which saves a lot of issues further down the line.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst I’d had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub I’d never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didn’t have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exitI then ran down the street and hid in the local Tesco until I thought the coast was clear.
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