It’s fine. I don’t expect anyone to say anything earthshaking. It helped talking about it abd also realising that my worries are far more rooted in the experience and it isn’t dealt with at all. Once I started writing about it, I thought I’d put it all down.
I agree with you. I think a lot of us are quick vilify some of guys we discuss. But all of us have been on both ends of the situation.
That seems like a major over reaction and lucky escape. Who behaves like that
🪃 I too liked some of the advice (can’t lie it was sometimes brutal) given to me by @LaurieLaurie because she was right about 
he wasn’t right for me. I’ve been left on blue ticks for a month now after I said he hurt my feelings so that’s nice. Although he watched my Snapchat story this weekend 
School boy error on my part lol and I sound like a school girl.
I am a dinner sugar baby/ food who’re. and I’m poor 
Wow. That’s a bit tit to be so unpleasant, especially as you were honest with him.
No judgement- just curious.I’m not dating this month but payday is still a week away, so I wouldn’t mind a man asking me to go get dressed up to go out for dinner soon
Yes I can take myself out but I love the texting excitement before meeting someone new and getting dolled up then picked up or meeting them inside and sitting at dinner having a conversation. I love the first date/ initial aspect of dating. Basically I’ve decided I need a platonic sugar daddy / friendship situation
I think his feelings/pride were a bit hurt and he just didn’t handle it well. From the chats we’d had it seemed he’s not had much luck with women and this probably just added to that. Still, even though I swear a bit I absolutely hate when men swear at me
I swear a lot. But yeah hate men shouting and swearing at me. I’m with the other poster, I think it was a lucky escape myself.I think his feelings/pride were a bit hurt and he just didn’t handle it well. From the chats we’d had it seemed he’s not had much luck with women and this probably just added to that. Still, even though I swear a bit I absolutely hate when men swear at me
Don't delete them, it's important to discuss your issues. Everything goes on this thread
Well done for staying strong with the Narc.Don't delete them, it's important to discuss your issues. Everything goes on this thread
An update on my head, it feels much better today and the swelling is going down. My ex narc messaged again begging to see me and i deleted the messages. My brain is still intact
Doesn’t sound terrible. It sounds nice!This is going to sound terrible.. I don’t mind splitting but generally men I’ve come across have paid for the first date (or others) it’s also a bit weird here. Men literally want to flash their cash and their cars.. and if they’ve asked usually they pay. I might not make it past the first date but
I’m also a bit bored/ trying to escape from life / reality so someone asking to go out would be amazing. Change of surroundings scenery and a conversation with someone who’s life is completely different to mine would be fabulous. I’m not picky or fussy at all (which is also my downfall)
I'm feeling great now, thank you.
In regards to your other post lol I honestly wouldn’t say I’m “hot” whatsoever. But I would consider myself some what funny (to myself I’m a joke lol) and a bit of a chatterbox
before you realise you hate them or don’t fancy them or they don’t fancy you. The anticipation of whether it’ll be a block or ghost or end up being the one is also a bit exciting.It's good you called him to let him know. If he swore it just validates your position tbh.
I read your past post and I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope if you do revisit therapy for it then it helps youTW:sexual assault
I’m so sorry. This is what I mean. I think I’d end up having sex in that situation (before his tantrum) because I’d feel awkward about not doing it.
My boundaries are definitely getting better but after I posted about this I was thinking about it and I realised that every time I have had sex with someone new, I’ve felt it was too early but it’s been because I’ve been too awkward or worried about the reaction asking to wait. It’s never been my suggestion, always something I’ve gone along with. It’s never been coerced and I’ve never communicated it, so it’smy fault, but I’ve been too intimidated (by my anxiety) to stick to my boundary.
I’m thinking now that I actually need to revisit this in therapy and it isn’t processed properly at all. I didn’t even realise it was rape for ages. I just said it was something that went too far. And if pushed I would called it an assault but felt guilty saying it was. Like I was being dramatic. It was when the whole #metoo thing came out that I started properly looking at it. He knew I didn’t want to have sex because when I said afterwards why did you do that you know I didn’t want to, he didn’t act suprised just said that he did (want to), so he did it. I’d been clear before and during and said I didn’t and was obviously not participating but I felt so guilty that I’d started fooling around with him in the first place and as though that meant it wasn’t really anything serious. Even though I knew, rationally it was. Emotionally I felt like it wasn’t and felt so ashamed and stupid. Just afterwards, I told him he hadn’t broken me. I got up and was trying to be full of bravado but didn’t feel it at all. He told me I was already broken in a thousand pieces, like a China doll smashed on a floor. Which sounds lame written like that but at the time it really upset me and made me think again it was my failing. He said I was a tit lay too and clumsy and awkward. That got to me as well which is so ridiculous. It’s like he knew all the stuff to say to me to duck me up more. I was in such shock I didn’t tell anyone and just denied it to myself and I stayed there a few more days and was just quiet and not doing anything. I think it was actual shock. Then he started locking the house afterward when he left it - told his housemates he was worried about security. The house had steel security doors back and front with deadlocks so I was stuck in there and I couldn’t get out. One of his housemates came home at lunchtime after about three days into this, unlocked the house and told me to leave and not come back. He said that he thought this man (man?…he was only about 22) was a really unpleasant and controlling person and he thought he was dangerous. So I left. Went to a youth hostel and was thoroughly fucked up and agitated and anxious. I left the area after a week. I was meant to be looking for work.
I had loads of one night stands in the couple of years after the rape. (Then two long relationships, the second of which was my ex husband. I didn’t tell him any of this. Don’t know why). The shagging about was a combination of trying to show myself I was ok with sex and also if I agreed to sex with anyone who was interested, in my mind I couldn’t be raped again. It was very skewed logic and it didn’t help me feel better at all but it made sense to me at the timeI didn’t enjoy any of them either. I was too worried about what they might do.
I definitely need to go back to therapy.
Maybe that’s why the universe hasn’t thrown anyone my way yet. I’m just not ready for them.
Sorry for such a serious post. It’s really helped to actually tell people about it in a safe anonymous place. I’ve never been able to talk about it like that.
Hey baby, I’m good and have been so well behaved I’m positively boring. I even watched the BBC Blair Brown documentary alone tonight and loved it. Therapy is working.
I just sat and read 17 pages this evening
I’m surprised we had a return!
But I can’t deal with meanness
Anyway I am just parking myself here. Nothing to offer about dating but thank you to some of the posters who have shared their stories.
I’m not dating this month but payday is still a week away, so I wouldn’t mind a man asking me to go get dressed up to go out for dinner soon
Yes I can take myself out but I love the texting excitement before meeting someone new and getting dolled up then picked up or meeting them inside and sitting at dinner having a conversation. I love the first date/ initial aspect of dating. Basically I’ve decided I need a platonic sugar daddy / friendship situation
@Bagpuss7 you home yet?! So glad you’re having a good time.
@BunnyLebowski have you been behaving?
also to preface the below - obviously there are situations when one person might earn significantly more than the other, or when someone might be in a difficult place financially. But assuming it's a standard date...
