Cleaning with Mario #85 Shartin’ Martin and the nightmare before Croc-mas

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Completely off the topic of festivities, I had no sleep last night due to a poorly pup requiring attention so mind wandered on random topics and much tattle was caught up on. Taking the pup out to the garden for a wee, I settled him down and washed my hands using my pump dispenser hand wash.
My train of thought wandered along this track.

Mario purchased Jo Malone hand wash and was muchly displeased or indeed fumming when Derek used it with abandon to wash his hands, as it was for 'Guests Only'
If he was a tightwad it would be the 250ml size, and if it was on klarna it might be the 500ml size.
I googled the volume of the average 'squirt' from a soap pump dispenser - I had all night - and it varies from 1.5 ml to 2.0 ml

Bare with me here ... if in a year he had his niece to visit once, and every two years had the 6 'instafriends' round to taste some bucky and have a cupboard rummage, that averages 4 guests a year. Allowing for them to visit the bijou bog twice each then that is 8 washing of hands or 8 squirts per annum.

Assuming each guest dispenses a generous 2ml squirt from the bottle, that equates to 16ml used per year so he was expecting a 250ml bottle to last 15 years 7 months and a 500ml bottle to last 31 years 3 months. No much wonder he was fumming when Derek used half a bottle - that is at least a 7 year supply.
This is amazing 😂😂

(Hope pup is feeling better)
 
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It’s under “Suprise” oan her highlights ma lovelei. Be prepared, she was about 8 stone slimmer in these stories. So aye

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Just watched this clip about 5 times over, clutching ma beak this is hilarious. Comedy gold is oor Marion's face! Took me about 50 years to find it on his highlights though, so much comedy content I've got tae get tae know.
 
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Aw give it a break Martin, she doesn’t even like you
See Marion, it's possible to do cosy vibes without utter plastic tat.

Just watched this clip about 5 times over, clutching ma beak this is hilarious. Comedy gold is oor Marion's face! Took me about 50 years to find it on his highlights though, so much comedy content I've got tae get tae know.
Take a wee bespoke annual leave day, get aw cosy wi criss and joos, wee hoat chocolate fae yer station and get tae ken his highlights ma lovelei. Tena lady mebbe required though, ah learnt that the hard way. 🤣
 
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He’s so bleeping strange. I bet everyone on his street has a name for him, like wee Jimmy Saville or something. Every town has one don’t they, a weird creature that everyone crosses the road from.
A work in his neck a the woods and folk in Paisley call him “Bruno”. 🤣🤣🤣
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It’s under “Suprise” oan her highlights ma lovelei. Be prepared, she was about 8 stone slimmer in these stories. So aye

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Thanks lovely

If ys don't want to let him know ya watching him then view here.

Good idea ma lovely. This app isnae ma job - ave not had a chance to watch it yet
 
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See that wee globe he had something exact same back 2019 when had pink tress. I reckon MarioN made a private story trying to make out he's maw bought him a gift but it's actually 3 years ago tat.
Why are the candy canes like J's
MarioN your no going get any clientele if you Cannae put up Christmas decorations properly in your own FLAT never mind someone else's HOUSE.
I, Mario's business card fir 2023. ❤🥰

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I wonder what Marion is doing to support the care charities listed at the end of the John Lewis advert if it “broke him” so much.
 
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I wonder what Marion is doing to support the care charities listed at the end of the John Lewis advert if it “broke him” so much.
Heehaw as per, not his battle 😭 imagine the kids all that utter dross could make happy? Some kids will genuinely have duck all for Xmas but here's hole 1 + hole 2 with Xmas eve boxes and cat stockings.

He rips ma knitting
 
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I wonder what Marion is doing to support the care charities listed at the end of the John Lewis advert if it “broke him” so much.
I assume nothing. The amount of money he has spent on unnecessary seasonal tat for the gram could have provided 50 kids with a gift at Christmas. Kids who will not receive any gifts at Christmas. That goes for all these show off insta huns too. I have experience of the care systems and there are kids now still going without the essentials they need in life
 
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I wonder what Marion is doing to support the care charities listed at the end of the John Lewis advert if it “broke him” so much.
Will he duck. He could donate those Xmas eve boxes to weans who’ll get nothing for xmas but nah, him and Deek NEED them.
 
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Ma loveliees are you all ok? Am fiiiinnne having a wee read on ma way tae work and I had tae take a double look I thought oor MarioN had a wee column in cosmopolitan but it was just ma Kerry katonas, why is everyone stealing his patter. Snakes everywhere 🐍
 

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10th November and we are on 13 Christmas grid posts. L O bleeping L! 😂
Give it another week and he will be over Christmas and into his Easter journey hens, but he doesn’t do it for you or anyone else. It’s all for him.
 
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