Cleaning with Mario #85 Shartin’ Martin and the nightmare before Croc-mas

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Completely off the topic of festivities, I had no sleep last night due to a poorly pup requiring attention so mind wandered on random topics and much tattle was caught up on. Taking the pup out to the garden for a wee, I settled him down and washed my hands using my pump dispenser hand wash.
My train of thought wandered along this track.

Mario purchased Jo Malone hand wash and was muchly displeased or indeed fumming when Derek used it with abandon to wash his hands, as it was for 'Guests Only'
If he was a tightwad it would be the 250ml size, and if it was on klarna it might be the 500ml size.
I googled the volume of the average 'squirt' from a soap pump dispenser - I had all night - and it varies from 1.5 ml to 2.0 ml

Bare with me here ... if in a year he had his niece to visit once, and every two years had the 6 'instafriends' round to taste some bucky and have a cupboard rummage, that averages 4 guests a year. Allowing for them to visit the bijou bog twice each then that is 8 washing of hands or 8 squirts per annum.

Assuming each guest dispenses a generous 2ml squirt from the bottle, that equates to 16ml used per year so he was expecting a 250ml bottle to last 15 years 7 months and a 500ml bottle to last 31 years 3 months. No much wonder he was fumming when Derek used half a bottle - that is at least a 7 year supply.
 
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Never going to happen. As much as I would LOVE to see the absolute state of him out, it will never happen.
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Completely off the topic of festivities, I had no sleep last night due to a poorly pup requiring attention so mind wandered on random topics and much tattle was caught up on. Taking the pup out to the garden for a wee, I settled him down and washed my hands using my pump dispenser hand wash.
My train of thought wandered along this track.

Mario purchased Jo Malone hand wash and was muchly displeased or indeed fumming when Derek used it with abandon to wash his hands, as it was for 'Guests Only'
If he was a tightwad it would be the 250ml size, and if it was on klarna it might be the 500ml size.
I googled the volume of the average 'squirt' from a soap pump dispenser - I had all night - and it varies from 1.5 ml to 2.0 ml

Bare with me here ... if in a year he had his niece to visit once, and every two years had the 6 'instafriends' round to taste some bucky and have a cupboard rummage, that averages 4 guests a year. Allowing for them to visit the bijou bog twice each then that is 8 washing of hands or 8 squirts per annum.

Assuming each guest dispenses a generous 2ml squirt from the bottle, that equates to 16ml used per year so he was expecting a 250ml bottle to last 15 years 7 months and a 500ml bottle to last 31 years 3 months. No much wonder he was fumming when Derek used half a bottle - that is at least a 7 year supply.
This has bleeping ended me! 🤣🤣
 
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Ffs, how pathetic is he to write that 🙄
Hey Mario, you need some friends to go out with first mate, something you lack. Derek's obviously a boring fart as well or you'd do it.

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Completely off the topic of festivities, I had no sleep last night due to a poorly pup requiring attention so mind wandered on random topics and much tattle was caught up on. Taking the pup out to the garden for a wee, I settled him down and washed my hands using my pump dispenser hand wash.
My train of thought wandered along this track.

Mario purchased Jo Malone hand wash and was muchly displeased or indeed fumming when Derek used it with abandon to wash his hands, as it was for 'Guests Only'
If he was a tightwad it would be the 250ml size, and if it was on klarna it might be the 500ml size.
I googled the volume of the average 'squirt' from a soap pump dispenser - I had all night - and it varies from 1.5 ml to 2.0 ml

Bare with me here ... if in a year he had his niece to visit once, and every two years had the 6 'instafriends' round to taste some bucky and have a cupboard rummage, that averages 4 guests a year. Allowing for them to visit the bijou bog twice each then that is 8 washing of hands or 8 squirts per annum.

Assuming each guest dispenses a generous 2ml squirt from the bottle, that equates to 16ml used per year so he was expecting a 250ml bottle to last 15 years 7 months and a 500ml bottle to last 31 years 3 months. No much wonder he was fumming when Derek used half a bottle - that is at least a 7 year supply.

Ye furgoat the crapet Kerr blokes ma lovelei plus the polis ramming his door (no his back door ya dirty bugger) so ah assume they huv tripled his regular guest count and so forth.
 
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Ye furgoat the crapet Kerr blokes ma lovelei plus the polis ramming his door (no his back door ya dirty bugger) so ah assume they huv tripled his regular guest count and so forth.
Whut aboot wee Hannah turning up after he’d just dropped an atomic bomb in his loo ma lovelei and there was that handyman that hung the bespoke bedroom lights and fitted his telly on the wall 👌 pure craftsmanship. I bet the wee robin washed its hands after a visit to crack towers as well 💋
 
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Whut aboot wee Hannah turning up after he’d just dropped an atomic bomb in his loo ma lovelei and there was that handyman that hung the bespoke bedroom lights and fitted his telly on the wall 👌 pure craftsmanship. I bet the wee robin washed its hands after a visit to crack towers as well 💋
Ah think ah learned of I 'Marion' round about the bespoke Marion bed reveal so didni ken, but ah've goat tae ken noo ma lovelei, tonsa luv M 🥔❤ x

Ma first Marion Christmas tae, hope it's everything ah've dreamed of 😆
 
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Whut aboot wee Hannah turning up after he’d just dropped an atomic bomb in his loo ma lovelei and there was that handyman that hung the bespoke bedroom lights and fitted his telly on the wall 👌 pure craftsmanship. I bet the wee robin washed its hands after a visit to crack towers as well 💋
That is still my favourite Monzo video of all time. The look on his face when he saw it was Hannah at the door, right after he’d just pebble dashed the pan
 
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That is still my favourite Monzo video of all time. The look on his face when he saw it was Hannah at the door, right after he’d just pebble dashed the pan
Is this wan in a highlight ma loveli? Think I need to rewatch it on this dayn of dawn and so forth.
 
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