He is clearly desperate for a good night out and a hard shag
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Ma lovelies its 9.48pm and instead a bein up the toon pre bevvies for the sav (if ye don't know, git tae know) he's away back tae the bumming fort to greet himsel to sleep about his birthday kia ora
Aren't we all ma lovelie. Sigh.
Specially aff that absolute ride Derek. Delish
I really think that Marion thinks, he's too famous to go to the bar. He's probably sat there in a pair of dark sunglasses, asking for a vip booth. Little prick. Poor Deek. Marion gets hotels and bars, Deek gets bingo, WKD and even then, he has to get it himself.
Och ma lovelies I actually feel really sorry for wee Deek, he deserves a lot more than some joos at the bingo for his birthday as he puts up wae a lot of tit from oor Marion. Hope he’s had a nice day and wee happy ending in the bumming fort, so aye.
*edited to say puts up with Marios tit literally and figuratively
*edited to say puts up with Marios tit literally and figuratively
Oh Derek you're so bloody lovely. Could pop you in ma pocket and then sneak you away fae that monzo the clown. Hope you had a bespoke wee birthday ma hen, now lift that phone and live your best life 
HOUSE!
And why is Derek buying the drinks on his birthday?
Lmao but remember hen he did buy derek labels for his washing liquid
lucky guy
Mario is going to be amnowell tomorrow. Why can't Derek have a bit of fuss in his birthday, a hotel etc. 
Mazda will be gutting that place before bed the night, making sure any traces of Dereks birthday huv gone.
Imagine they were his birthday present, makes me want to greet fsLmao but remember hen he did buy derek labels for his washing liquid
"Here Derek happy birthday n that mind I've goat wan coming an all, I goat you labels aff Stacey's sister n were gawn doon bingo but ma klarnas due oot so you'll need to piy, so aye, happy birthday n that"
I really hope they weren’t his gift! Mazda probably counts himself as the gift. Wrapped up in a big bow
The bow on the front of his hoosecoat he's too freezin fur nudity so ayeI really hope they weren’t his gift! Mazda probably counts himself as the gift. Wrapped up in a big bow
Ma bleeping dug drinks this baby hoose hen so ayeBlue wicked, that’s basically a fruit shoot
Don’t mention that word, hen!
Marion lives in a wee boujee bedsit and he’s absolutely fine with it! He doesny need any front and back doors to keep him happy….he’s plenty of doors leading off the high footfall vestibule!!!! 
to you Magreet xx
50 dots of doom the morra on the topic of trolls ruining Derks birthday
“This app isny real life!!”
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