Cleaning With Mario #5 So aye.....

[Exhausted Pigeon]

Meanwhile back on the thread.....

So aye, nothin much tae tell Youse....

 

[Be More Pacific]

Why is he goose steppping down the stairs at Debenhams?

He literally cannot remember what he has said one minute to the next

Mario: "I will NOT post photos of ma family ma lovelies. They are private people and it's just no fair"

One week later....

Posts photo of Dad in his hospital bed wearing PJ's.

 

[Be More Pacific]

I need to catch up ma lovelies, as my day yesterday was spent solely debating the new member of Mario's family ( Schofield) but ah fucking TOLD youse all where his new gifted wallpaper would be coming from!

As far as I’m aware he cuts it himself. I mean, he has so many talents so butchering hair must be a walk in the park to him.

I often think of the day he was showing us his wee trolley where he keeps everything and there was a pair of straighteners. Straighteners to use on the ten hairs he has on his head.

The council cut his hair, same time as they do the grass outside.

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

Anyone else hope rain gets killed in the muddle ?!? My bad

Erm no

 

[Badaboom]

He treats Derek appallingly! In bed, tv on, lights on, talking shit into his phone “Derek is asleep “ Watch the tv in the other room then! Also when he was talking about the bedroom, my vanity, my chair, my ring light. Is it not Dereks room too? He is like a cuckoo, moved into Dereks flat and is now forcing him out with all his tat!! There is nothing personal to Derek in that flat, it is all just a Mario showcase.

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

Don't make me furious all over again about the knocker chair! I will lose every cubic centimetre of my shit if he sells that chair. If he does I am buying it and giving it to my one true love @cleaningupthecrap to sit on and rule over us all here. She will make us worship at the altar of Melvin by touching the hem of the ring lamp and polishing the mirrored vanity

I'm looking out of my window as I type, looking for the glow from your love waggon as you drive up to my door making potato hands gestures to me as Britney pounds out "Toxic".
I, of course, will act so surprised at my gift, and make sure I story my surprise, but also make it very clear how deserving I am of your kindness, and so much more, for at least 75 dots. Because you hand delivered it to me (so I don't have to go medieval on Herms arse) I will even get a little head wobble on as I lip sync on my knees to Whitney's "I didn't know my own strength" just to remind you all how shamazing I am. (who even says shamazing anymore?)
We can eat your homemade hommus with some crisps in bed, of course, with the tv on full blast in the background.
Before you leave I'll let you stroke my tattered letterbox and sprinkle some vajazzle in your hair to remember me by.

@Kikini Bamalam seriously, I actually want this chair now #MiserableMelvinsmonstrosities

 

[Sb4829]

Christ on a bike....you’d think his poor dad’s health issues would have given Melv a bit of a reality check but no

Also when he said ‘it just looks fucking rotten in here’....we could have told you that a long time ago Melv. Poor Derek had his homely wee flat before you came in with all your basic bitch grey tat #prayforderek

I swear he’s a cross between a Limmy creation and Gary Tank Commander

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

I'm surprised some instatwat hasn't designed him a 'bespoke' paper with 'hello my lovelies' repeated floor to ceiling

 

[menopausalmargrit]

Tbf the carpets are of a decent quality, I’ll give him that, however the forty dots to tell us the same shit over and over again was not necessary. And the best of it is that you can’t see the carpets coz he’s got so much shite in his flat that it’s covered them all up.

But, did you see how quiet and nervy Derek looked sat on that chair? #FreeDerek

 

[menopausalmargrit]

Auch, I’m glad we all like Derek. He’s not as good looking in real life, and he’s about 4 foot 11 tall, that aside he has a heart of gold. How on earth does he put up with Mario? I really really really can’t fandom it out tbh.

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

He'll start off miming to Wonderwall whilst head bobbing and making half heart/potato hands. The camera pans round to the big reveal......

Spoiler: Ta-dah!

 

[Badaboom]

He makes the guy that hung his wallpaper sound like a gangster Is he not a real decorator? What with the quotation marks?

Imagine getting a free sofa, but selling your existing one. Why not give it to a charity, spread the love. It is not as if he needs the money to put towards his new one? He is so out for all he can get.

 

[lauramars]

He’s now slating the underlay derek had got for those carpets and had never seen anything as cheap in his life.. he was a single lad doing it on his own! And if it was that bad he’d know just walking on it and could have changed it before now.

 

[irishbelle Thnak]

So aye let's go forth.

I wouldn't feel safe with that "wall art" above my bed. A bit too much jiggy jiggy and you'd end up crowned by it.

 

[Flozora]

Erm... that ain’t no bespoke bed, you utter fucktard. Just because they had to screw the fucker together to get it into your rabbit hutch of a flat; doesn’t make it bespoke.
His grasp of language really is quite amusing.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I feel so sorry for Derek. He is good looking and could do so much better than oor Melvin. I am a gay man and I find Derek attractive...maybe I should go and rescue him.

I shall accompany you and will chaperone your dates (I will also be happy to accept him if it doesn't work out with you. I am not a geigh man but I am willing to try)

 

[Wheretonext]

I h

Interesting, because when that ‘highlight’ (it’s hardly a fucking highlight is it, few sheets of tin foil lobbed on his wall and a shitty carpet being flung down!) first appeared, it still included all of his rants, steamy windows and Dezza bashing.

ope he includes the pic of the appalling paint job around the door handles.... you know Mario.... likes to keep it real.

I have had to totally restrain myself and not message him because we are NOT bullies. We point out his shitty behaviours, his lack of personality and yes there might be a few derogatory comments from some people but we don’t bully him. Bullying or trolling him would be harassing him and his inbox with all of our thoughts, not taking it to a completely different site to do it. How is this site any different to a news site or paper? Also the only thing I’m jealous of MELV, is how little tax you’ve probably payed this year because you won’t have declared all your gifted shite. #byefelicia

Well the tax he pays will be rectified swiftly. Let’s just say a friend of a friend that works for HMRC will be looking into Mario’s carry on. And is now aware of all the companies he’s “working with” and all that should be mirrored in his tax return.

 

[Divinechat]

1.... WHO THE FUCK ARE HERMS ? ITS HERMES YOU BOBBLEHEADED BASTARD
2 ..... YESTERDAY YOUR FAKE IBS WAS PLAYING UP AND TODAY YOUR EATING FRIED PIZZA ... FUCK RIGHT OFF

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

"our cat" why the speech marks? and why the lies, what did you do with her when you went to Blackpool for 5 days that caused her to do a dirty protest when you walked in the door? Was that because you left her on her own, you utter twat?

It's called a cattery Melvin, or a pet sitter, both are easily found on google, along with reviews. Or, now here's a novel idea, you ask a friend or family member who likes cats. Simples, just like you.

 

[Jeaniepeanie]

He’s now slating the underlay derek had got for those carpets and had never seen anything as cheap in his life.. he was a single lad doing it on his own! And if it was that bad he’d know just walking on it and could have changed it before now.

Exactly! You can tell a cheap underlay as soon as you walk over the top of it, there's no bounce to it. Derek done his best on his budget and was happy with it. Derek will never hear the end of Marion moving the furniture and pulling the carpet up, it'll be cast up for years to come. And the amount of his shite in that living room for someone that wears the same 4 t-shirts he has a lot of crap!