This thread has had me in stitches today... you guys are hilarious!
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I'm imagining Derek at the meeting now. Melvin will be back at his palatial hoose small flat with the traumatised letterbox basking under the glow of his halo ring lamp. Rather than let Derek deal with the life-changing catastrophe minor inconvenience he will be frantically typing out nonsense messages ordering Derek what to do and say. Poor Derek, I bet living in the loft with the rats seems a more attractive proposition at the moment.
Though to be fair, if he forgets to put on the socks with the individual toe spaces he won’t be able to count higher than 10. Well....11.
Who? Who is asking? I want names. I’m calling b*llsh*t!!
Where's his body shop code so his menopausal mothers can get an eye roller ball? (If you've missed this then you'll have to wait for the next gripping installment of 'my skincare routine')
Does anyone else think he's had some sort of skin reaction, over and above his debilitating ex-zeeeema dry skin? Is this why we are not seeing him on camera?
Have the gases from the overabundance of chemicals in his flat wreaked havoc on his five head? Or could it be his most sensitive skin in the world has reacted to something from the Marks and Spencer beauty advent calendar he refused to share? Or has he had some back street botox? He's being remarkably camera shy
Have the gases from the overabundance of chemicals in his flat wreaked havoc on his five head? Or could it be his most sensitive skin in the world has reacted to something from the Marks and Spencer beauty advent calendar he refused to share? Or has he had some back street botox? He's being remarkably camera shy
is it just me that gets so annoyed at the fact he’s not got any curtains?Hes just been tidying his hoose ready for tonights rant about Dereks visit to the cooncilPanic over
Dunno.... Bad hair day? 
Did anyone catch the igtv that Miss Ava May posted? She named her 3 personal favourite wax melts. Seychelles, Earl Gray & Black Orchid. Black Orchid. Melvin's collab and he didn't get a name check (rightly as we all know the talent is that of Tom Ford).
But I bet his wee bottom lip was pouty about not getting a mention
But I bet his wee bottom lip was pouty about not getting a mention
Derek: yoos smashed me door in. I want compo.
Cooncil: (loudly and slowly) WE DRILLED THE LOCK, REPLACED IT IMMEDIATELY. HERE'S YOUR BUS FARE HOME DEAR.
Cooncil: (loudly and slowly) WE DRILLED THE LOCK, REPLACED IT IMMEDIATELY. HERE'S YOUR BUS FARE HOME DEAR.
Meanwhile back at Mozza Mansions...
Bus fare, that all? Ya useless wee gobshite, well ya no having any meer Aero and dinnae think aboot using mah Jo Malone handsoap. *snarky face*
I hear ya. I'm sure we'll get an update in due course, so until then we'll just have to have fun with some silly speculation.
Scenario 1
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley too afraid to go home to the diva bitchfest that awaits him there.
Scenario 2
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley trying to decide how many chicken mcnuggets will constitute an apology in a destined-to-fail attempt at averting a full on diva bitchfest.
Scenario 3
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has gone home, smothered himself in peanut butter and went up the loft as an act of self flagellation/attrition.
All perfectly plausible don't you think?
Had to prat about with my last post. Got sausages for fingers tonight
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At the cooncil, I wonder if Dezza had an earpiece in, with Martin shouting instructions in his ear.
His blinds are the ones you get from B&M that you cut yourself...but they do match the rest of his tiny flat ...cheap tacky and soulless...just like him !!!!!!!
A personalized name sticker for his food jars! Percy Pasta, Sammy Spaghetti, Cursty CornFlakes. I think you’d call them name stickers Mario. 
Or possibly even more likely...I hear ya. I'm sure we'll get an update in due course, so until then we'll just have to have fun with some silly speculation.
Scenario 1
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley too afraid to go home to the diva bitchfest that awaits him there.
Scenario 2
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley trying to decide how many chicken mcnuggets will constitute an apology in a destined-to-fail attempt at averting a full on diva bitchfest.
Scenario 3
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has gone home, smothered himself in peanut butter and went up the loft as an act of self flagellation/attrition.
All perfectly plausible don't you think?
Had to prat about with my last post. Got sausages for fingers tonight
Scenario 4
Derek, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley because he forgot the way home.
Exactly what i was thinkingA personalized name sticker for his food jars! Percy Pasta, Sammy Spaghetti, Cursty CornFlakes. I think you’d call them name stickers Mario.
They are bleeping name stickers My guess is Del has been sent away from the cooncil with a flea in his ear and Melvin is now lying low hoping we will all forget about his rants and threats to sue Apparently him and Del are having some much needed time together relaxing this weekend .... A .... They are always together , they dont socialise with other people and B .... Relax and wind down from what ? He spends most of his time wobbling his 5head at the camera ranting , hardly hard work.I'm surprised she didn't send him 10 stickers saying 'Beige Food'A personalized name sticker for his food jars! Percy Pasta, Sammy Spaghetti, Cursty CornFlakes. I think you’d call them name stickers Mario.
I was thinking about this overnight - but Saint Mario though a total chatterbox whingebag actually only knows about 20 words 
. - Get te duck, Aye, Raynnnnn, ex-eema, pure dead brilliant, Ava May, journey, Sophie, Fummmin.
. - Get te duck, Aye, Raynnnnn, ex-eema, pure dead brilliant, Ava May, journey, Sophie, Fummmin. - Status