And its not even bespoke, cos it's a copy of the one hanging in the blisters care home. Couldnae see green cheese go by him.
Cleaning with Mario #35 Panelling whilst paying full rent, in the scent ‘money well spent’
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Wasn’t he just in Primark like one or two days ago?! What’s he doing back there today 
stupid turnip and his spending addiction is out of control.
stupid turnip and his spending addiction is out of control.
I don’t think we actually know if he was in the army or just cadets. There are a couple of photos of him in camouflage and he obviously supports the army going by his facebook but no proof he actually served in a regiment as far as I remember
Despite shopping like a lunatic in Primark and his Shein loungewear waaaaaaafle haul, he still keeps wearing that goddam pink t-shirt. Put it in the bin Melv (then jump in yoursel, ta)Wasn’t he just in Primark like one or two days ago?! What’s he doing back there today
I have never heard anyone use the word ‘nice’ as much in my life. I was going to count but then managed to stay in ma ain lane and screwed the nut. The jeans were nice, SSSSHHHAAkit was nice, socks were nice, atmosphere was nice, queue in primark was nice, so,so nice. Just nice.
This is genius!! Absolutely brilliant
I still cannot get over this hair. The Dyson hair dryer, the straighteners (!) and the opalex
and do not get me started on the style. We all know he cuts his own hair but the style is one of great mysteries of life. Such as what what happened to maddie mccan 
What canvas do you speak of ma lovelie??
Mornin ma luvlees how ur ye aw....the cooncil has been roon tae collect fuhl rent and moira had a council haircut at same time then moira has finished it aff wae his protractor giving that bespoke finish ...back intae ma ain lain on this new day of dawn...so aye mwah mwah
His teeth are on the way out 
he’s constantly swallowing and trying to sook them in. “Sponge clossshhh, cannae beat em”
I hope we don’t get a selfie or god forbid a video of the button mushroom in his new super skinny jeans
he’s constantly swallowing and trying to sook them in. “Sponge clossshhh, cannae beat em”I hope we don’t get a selfie or god forbid a video of the button mushroom in his new super skinny jeans
"Stoap banging on that storage container Derek, I've telt ye, ye're no getting oot till the decoratin is finished!"
Thank you it was definitely worth the wait ..not only is it bespoke it’s bloody hideous it matches his polly pocket bed sit perfectly
Poor KennyThank you it was definitely worth the wait ..not only is it bespoke it’s bloody hideous it matches his polly pocket bed sit perfectly
The way his voice went so screechy and nasally when he was talking about the canvas was so annoying! “Ah jist LUUUV it! Eeee! Kennnnny ah hope you see this”
Shut up Maz you prunified scrotum
I judge Derek for being able to find Mario attractive when he wears an old woman's hoosecoat.
Can we STOP talking about the button mushroom. Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey FFS.His teeth are on the way out
I hope we don’t get a selfie or god forbid a video of the button mushroom in his new super skinny jeans
You mean ta tell us that the image of Maz seductively stepping oot that hoosecoat does not stir your loins ma lovelie? When the empty hula hoop packets are cleared off the bed awe Deek knows he is in fae a treat!
The thought of that makes my loins deed ma lovelie. DEED.You mean ta tell us that the image of Maz seductively stepping oot that hoosecoat does not stir your loins ma lovelie? When the empty hula hoop packets are cleared off the bed awe Deek knows he is in fae a treat!
Aw ma lovelies...it’s a new dawn, a new day and Marion is STILL GOING ON ABOUT THESE PREMIER INN PILLOWS
The one with the pantomime dames costume sketches on it that is super sentimental cos they're his brothers panto outfits - he's an actor case you didn't know, he acts and produces in the theatre n acts in the arts n that (!) - and as soon as he saw it hanging at his sister's house he had to have one too, so his brother, who's an actor, commissioned the doop from the costume designer so wee Melv's blister doesn't have something unique anymore.
It's been laying in wait for him doon the Shire since Christmas. I'd love to know when he saw it first at his sister's house, and then how come his bro, who's an actor in the arts and lives in Edinburgh, got it delivered to the Shire and not to Paisley?
I think somebody played fast and loose with the don't travel/stay local guidelines, OH YES HE DID
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