I completely agree. I have been on holidays without the kids, where weāve paid for seats, and I wouldnāt be happy if I was expected to move, but then I also understand kids needing to be with the parents. I donāt understand why the airlines get away with it and people are then pitted against each other?The airlines are pretty much taking the money and taking nothing else to do with it and hoping people will have good will which isnt right.
What would happen if noone would move to accommodate? Even those who havent prebooked I mean not the prebookers. The plane doesnt go?
They know what passengers are on board, they know who has prebooked. How does it even get to that point?!? It bamboozles me.
fully agree with all of this and i also have always thought (in amongst the two extreme viewpoints) the people who are childfree not by choice (be it by circumstance, timing, fertility issues etc) are always forgotten. i have a friend who always gets lumped into the childfree conversation with me, but she is very much not childfree by choice. she just never met a man to settle down with and could not afford to go it alone. i always feel awful when people try and engage with her on the same level that they do with me because our circumstances are very much not the same even if they look like they are.That's what I mean though! It is hard to avoid the extreme views because that's mostly what people tend to share online. Not many people will go online and talk about them having a good balanced day with their child. They will go on to either moan about or talk about how much they love their child
Also all this is such a controversial topic for people that it brings a lot of clicks and comments. I've noticed so many articles recently about related things, e.g.:
- about people refusing to give up their plane seat for a child
- about rebel Wilson going to a party a week after her child was born
- women going back to work quickly or never going back to work after having a child
Etc. Etc. It all works even more to divide everyone and sounds like everyone has an opinion about what people do regarding children. So much pressure from everywhere
This kind of confirms why I don't use twitter
the thread on here is very differentI just wanted to say CF that you always state what I'm thinking in a much more eloquent way. Your words of wisdom are very much appreciated.Im not childfree, I have 2 children and it is by far the hardest part of my life. I dont regret having them, I'd not change the fact I had them. The older they get the more I enjoy being a parent. I love that they are little people/young adults now and we can enjoy things together. I really struggled with babyhood.
I am crushed by the weight of others expectations though, that my children should just 'behave' and that their behaviour is a direct correlation to my input as a parent.
If you have time on your side and youre undecided them definitely take the time to try and decide.
I can completely see why people would choose to stay childfree. Looks fab to me, despite the fact I wouldnt change my decision.
I do keep my kids separate from my childfree friends. I wouldnt dream of them tagging along for a lunch out or whatever.absolutely not.
Edit - just saw the disability discussion. I have one neuro diverse child and it is challenging every single day. Very stressful.
If Iāve paid for an exit seat or extra leg room then no Iām not swapping seats with you cause you didnāt book your child a seat. If youāre just sat in basic Row 14 seat A with no view then yes please it would be nice if I could sit by my child.
Thereās a phrase āa bad mum doesnāt worry about being a bad mumā. While that obviously doesnāt mean you should definitely have children, I think thereās something to be said for the fact that at least people who are on the fence about it are actually considering and weighing up the realities of having a child which probably does make you much more prepared than a lot of parents!this is a beautiful postand i fully agree with it.
iāve done a lot of soul searching as to whether my personality and my lifestyle will suit a child as (like you say) they are actually little beings (who donāt come with a returns receipt) who arenāt going to act the way you want them to a lot of time. asides from my ocd, as mentioned above, i donāt cope well with people being in my space all the time, being fully responsible for someone elseā¦. i think i know in my heart i wouldnāt be a good parent and a child wouldnāt have a good time with me (in the most basic of terms!)
This is so lovely
I appreciate it. 
this is a very kind and empathetic post - thank youThereās a phrase āa bad mum doesnāt worry about being a bad mumā. While that obviously doesnāt mean you should definitely have children, I think thereās something to be said for the fact that at least people who are on the fence about it are actually considering and weighing up the realities of having a child which probably does make you much more prepared than a lot of parents!
It is a massive life change, it tests your relationships and itās full on (we donāt have family around us and Iāve quit my job to be a SAHM which I do feel very fortunate to have been able to do).
However I love my little boy a ridiculous amount and could not ever envisage a world without him now, Iāve always been an impatient person but itās amazing the patience and love you suddenly develop. Itās a real privilege seeing him grow up and how quickly heās learning new things. Heās so happy and developing such a sense of humour heās such fun to be around and I genuinely love hanging out with him and taking him to new places. Itās cheesy but he really is my best friend.
This isnāt to convince anyone by any means, I absolutely support the reasons for being childfree. I just wanted to share some positivity as itās not always mums moaning, I think a lot of times our thread is actually quite funny and you can tell how much everyone loves their little ones
i wish i could say this was true but, in my real life, i have had (and continue to have) a huge amount of comments about it. thankfully getting less as i get older!
this is very kind of you! iām so sorry to hear that you suffer too - it is truly the thief of joy sometimes! but amazing work on therapy, you should be extremely proud of yourself for thatIāve just been downstairs to make a brew after a big teams meeting. I was met with my husband and daughter painting me a Motherās Day card and Iāve come back upstairs with paint on my face that wonāt come off and it is about to continue in 10 minutes.
Feel free to add this to the list of cons
@LaBlonde sorry to see youāre also a sufferer of OCD, itās a huge invisible struggle and I wouldnāt wish it upon anyone. However, donāt do a disservice to yourself, youāll be surprised what you can do when faced with things (and I mean that even without children).
I was in therapy for 13 months, still struggling but hell Iāve come a long way
People comment regardless though honestly, you can never get it right. No kids, too many kids, keep trying for a boy, keep trying for a girl, nursery, no nursery, BF or bottle etc. If not this then everything else in your life. Itās your life and your choice, you who would have to be pregnant, give birth and care for the child, so no one elseās opinion matters (other than your partner obvs lol). Donāt worry yourself with what anyone else has to say because even if they agreed, youād just do something else they scorned at, itās human nature.this is a very kind and empathetic post - thank you
i think iāve made my peace with it a little: there are aspects of having children that seem wonderful (like you say!) and there is, i guess, sadness that i will never have that but i think i also know it maybe wouldnāt be like that for me. if that makes sense! i would hate to have one in the hope i would surprise myself and then to realise it was going exactly as i thought it would.
iāve genuinely enjoyed reading you ladiesā posts here! like i said upthread, i think we can offer value to each other (if from polar opposite sides) and i appreciate the gentleness of your response to me. i know it hasnāt always been earnt!
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i wish i could say this was true but, in my real life, i have had (and continue to have) a huge amount of comments about it. thankfully getting less as i get older!
This was literally me. I was not broody at all and it made me doubt if I wanted them or not. I was waiting for that longing to kick in and it didnāt happen. My husband and I had discussed children before getting married and heād made it clear he wanted them but he wanted me more and was happy to get married knowing I may not change my mind. Years past and a pregnant colleague made me ask him if he was waiting for me to get broody because it wasnāt going to happen. Again, it prompted us to sit down and discuss our feelings honestly. We agreed to not try to prevent it and see what happens.
.Couldnāt agree moreHonestly I was never sure if I wanted kids until one day something just clicked and then suddenly it was like that was all I wanted.
Yes itās bloody tough. The journey to get there wasnāt easy, we had a rough start and then when you are suddenly allowed to take a tiny baby home itās the most terrifying thing in the world. Yes, some days are tit and I sit and cry but other days Iām on top of the world. But thenā¦ this isnāt really new for me? I always had good and bad days, itās just in a different way.
That being said, being a mum is honestly the best thing Iāve ever done, seeing her smile when I walk into the room beats it all. My life hasnāt stopped, itās just changed for the better.
Oh and I still have a cheeky wine on an evening
exactly: and the first part of your post is so right. i think you can never āwinā any which way, someone will always comment on something. i just need to get that into my head most of the time
In my experience though people with kids tend to act like you just donāt understand life at all if youāve not got your own and itās very condescending.
