Children or No Children?

[Jellybean093]

- about people refusing to give up their plane seat for a child
- about rebel Wilson going to a party a week after her child was born
- women going back to work quickly or never going back to work after having a child

Just a couple of comments from me. Not to be mardy, by my personal take

- people refusing to give up a seat - honestly, if someone wants to sit with my child on a 4 hour journey, that’s fine but children should rightly be sitting with parents (sorry if I’ve misunderstood your point)
- I went out 2 weeks after my first and hated every minute of it, but I know some people are fine, so whatever on that point. Each to their own
- I have been back to work when my eldest was 8 months, 2nd was 5 weeks, 3rd 4 weeks and 4th 3 months. No one has ever commented about how early I have gone back, as maternity pay is so shockingly shite and I have been very lucky that with 2&4 I’ve worked from home and number 3 I got made redundant during covid

 

[Sky Sports Main Event]

Honestly when I was child free I found a huge pressure from society to be doing more with my time. Why wasn't I travelling the world, why wasn't I doing further education, why wasn't I more involved in clubs.... I think no matter what age or stage you are at, societal pressures will always be there. You just gotta live your own life. Nobody has lived a life where they have done everything perfectly at the perfect age.

 

[Smca53]

- people refusing to give up a seat - honestly, if someone wants to sit with my child on a 4 hour journey, that’s fine but children should rightly be sitting with parents (sorry if I’ve misunderstood your point)

No, the articles are always about people paying to prebook their own seats and then parents who haven’t wanted to spend the money prebooking seats, expecting those people to move to accommodate their kids/family.

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This thread had potential but just spends its time slating the CFBC thread.

 

[LaBlonde]

Honestly when I was child free I found a huge pressure from society to be doing more with my time. Why wasn't I travelling the world, why wasn't I doing further education, why wasn't I more involved in clubs.... I think no matter what age or stage you are at, societal pressures will always be there. You just gotta live your own life. Nobody has lived a life where they have done everything perfectly at the perfect age.

this! your BiB is really the final point i think. we can only live our lives in a way that fulfils us and makes us happy, no one else.

i do find it annoying when childfree articles are sometimes like “i used all my free time to paint watercolours and rescue elephants in thailand” or whatever - i just want a quiet life

 

[Polythene Pam]

My 2-cents on this as someone who didn't know they wanted kids until they had one!

I'm in my 30s, the vast majority of my friends do not have children (yet or have decided not)

I was toying with this children or no children thing for years in my head. I didn't know if I was too selfish to have them, I hated the typical mother that is described on the Child Free by Choice page and did not want to become a person who couldn't talk about anything other than my children.

A while ago I found out I was pregnant, partner was immediately ecstatic about it, and after a few days I realised I was too! I loved being pregnant (although don't miss it) and I love being a mother. I still have a "good life" as I have a good support network for child minding whenever we want to do things. My child is less than a year old and we've done weekends away, nights out, weddings, hens/stags. I don't feel like I've compromised much of my before child life, other than things require a slight bit more planning. (I appreciate that wouldn't be the case for everyone). ETA here obviously at least 95% of my time is spent with my child

I was adamant I wanted to still be a woman and not transform into a mother that had no sense of self, if that makes sense. There are obviously very hard days but I had those days pre-child too!

I second everything you've said here. I was never sure until I hit my 30s and some of my friends started having kids. Its true what they say about it being different when it's your baby and there really is nothing like it.
It is draining but its also so joyful. We still go for date nights and weekends away but we do have a great support system. It's hard for people that don't have that.
I think it's also important to remember that kids are young for such a short time in the grand scheme of things. The mad days don't last forever and I am so excited to watch my baby grow. Makes the thought of growing older less daunting for me.

 

[Mamacita]

Just a couple of comments from me. Not to be mardy, by my personal take

- people refusing to give up a seat - honestly, if someone wants to sit with my child on a 4 hour journey, that’s fine but children should rightly be sitting with parents (sorry if I’ve misunderstood your point)
- I went out 2 weeks after my first and hated every minute of it, but I know some people are fine, so whatever on that point. Each to their own
- I have been back to work when my eldest was 8 months, 2nd was 5 weeks, 3rd 4 weeks and 4th 3 months. No one has ever commented about how early I have gone back, as maternity pay is so shockingly shite and I have been very lucky that with 2&4 I’ve worked from home and number 3 I got made redundant during covid

It wasn't really a point.It's just examples of articles I keep seeing posted by various outlets.

I think a child have the right to sit with the parent if the parent booked their seats. Not if someone paid for theirs and they're trying to get them to move, duck that lol

 

[Jellybean093]

No, the articles are always about people paying to prebook their own seats and then parents who haven’t wanted to spend the money prebooking seats, expecting those people to move to accommodate their kids/family.

—

This thread had potential but just spends its time slating the CFBC thread.

Oh, I see. I don’t know why the airlines allow it to happen? I also don’t see why everyone isn’t allocated a seat on a plane before to stop this from happening.
I will always pay the extra and make sure we are sitting together, but I know that’s not always the option for some people

 

[Smca53]

but I know that’s not always the option for some people

Why wouldn’t it be?

 

[Jellybean093]

Why wouldn’t it be?

Because not all people can pay extra for the seat.

 

[Smca53]

Because not all people can pay extra for the seat.

Sorry, but if someone can afford to go on holiday, they can afford to prebook the seat if they really can’t afford that extra then maybe they need to reevaluate whether they should be going at all. Or alternatively, just stay quiet and take the seats that they have? They should never expect other people who have spent money to prebook to move for them.

That’s utterly mental and so unreasonable, but sadly not uncommon and I suppose exactly the reason why people get wound up and write articles on this very topic.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Another thing to add as a parent who is in therapy for childhood trauma.

A baby doesnt ask to be born, a child deserves the same respect as an adult. If you expect a child to just fit in to your life, do as they are told and be quiet its probably not the right decision for you.

A child deserves free will and body autonomy as much as an adult does. They are not little robots that cannot be programmed to do exactly what we say when we say it (outwith instructions for their immediate safety)

The way I see some people treat their kids is horrible.

I will never shy away from the fact that being a parent is by far the hardest thing Ive ever embarked upon but it doesnt make me God in their life. I am the least assertive person ever as an adult and alot of it stems from childhood.

 

[Jellybean093]

Sorry, but if someone can afford to go on holiday, they can afford to prebook the seat if they really can’t afford that extra then maybe they need to reevaluate whether they should be going at all. Or alternatively, just stay quiet and take the seats that they have? They should never expect other people who have spent money to prebook to move for them.

That’s utterly mental and so unreasonable, but sadly not uncommon and I suppose exactly the reason why people get wound up and write articles on this very topic.

Me pre booking seats cost an extra £100, but ok. Doesn’t mean everyone else has money to spend.
It might not even be a holiday but someone having to go to their home country and having minimal spends
I might not prebook next time, and leave a random to look after my kids

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

The booking thing is a bit of foolish decision on airlines part. Kids under a certain age MUST be sat with an adult who is willing to be responsible for them.

Seat booking should either be free for all or compulsory for everyone

If guidance states kids under a certain age need to be with a parent. If the airline dont enforce the pre booking knowing there is a 2 year old then more fool them.

I also dont agree someone who has paid should be forced to move. Thats up to the airline to juggle the folk who havent paid

 

[Smca53]

Me pre booking seats cost an extra £100, but ok. Doesn’t mean everyone else has money to spend.
It might not even be a holiday but someone having to go to their home country and having minimal spends
I might not prebook next time, and leave a random to look after my kids

This terrible attitude is exactly the reason people cba with certain types of parents the entitlement is astounding. Why should someone else pay £100 but then move somewhere they don’t want to sit, all because you didn’t want to pay it? Wild.

 

[Elle]

I was always very on the fence about whether on not I wanted to have children, verging on the side of not.

After years of struggling with eating disorders I was also worried about the damage that I'd done to my body and secretly suspected I might struggle to get pregnant.

I didn't plan to get pregnant and I recognise that many would consider 'accidentally' becoming pregnant lucky and I would like to acknowledge that. In some ways I'm glad the decision was 'made' for me (for a myriad of personal reasons abortion wasn't an option for me) as I love my child more than anything.

However, being a parent (and particularly a mother, I think) is NO JOKE. Pregnancy did a number on me mentally and physically and I really struggled with the transition from being admittedly selfish and completely free to having a child.

Each stage of parenting comes with its own unique set of challenges and just when you think you might have mastered it there is an unexpected sharp turn and more chaos!

I love being a mum but I'd be lying if I said I didn't sometimes miss aspects of my 'old' life.

I really want to again acknowledge my privilege in becoming pregnant and my heart goes out to anyone here struggling with fertility issues or other struggles.

I explicitly want to say that I hope nothing I've written here offends anyone. That is certainly not my intention. I just wanted to share my personal experience. I think it's a really interesting topic.

Of course, concerns regarding having children with disabilities and the struggles they may encounter are completely valid. I worked with a lady who had her first child at 40 and second at 41. They were both completely healthy but, boy, she must have been exhausted.

It does seem like the tide is perhaps changing and 'typical', outdated expectations for women - marriage, children, get in the kitchen are being challenged more and more. People should be able to have complete autonomy over their own bodies and the decision of whether or not to have children. Sadly, this is not always the case. Familial and societal pressures can be really toxic and the decision can be challenging enough without those external pressures.

Ps kids are super annoying.

Pps peace and love.

 

[Jellybean093]

The booking thing is a bit of foolish decision on airlines part. Kids under a certain age MUST be sat with an adult who is willing to be responsible for them.

Seat booking should either be free for all or compulsory for everyone

If guidance states kids under a certain age need to be with a parent. If the airline dont enforce the pre booking knowing there is a 2 year old then more fool them.

I also dont agree someone who has paid should be forced to move. Thats up to the airline to juggle the folk who havent paid

It’s such a stupid argument, and falls completely on the shoulders of airline companies to put CF and people with kids against each other. BUT they know they will get the money from people booking so will never offer free seats.
I also don’t agree people who have paid should have to move seats. Compete agreement with you
---

This terrible attitude is exactly the reason people cba with certain types of parents the entitlement is astounding. Why should someone else pay £100 but then move somewhere they don’t want to sit, all because you didn’t want to pay it? Wild.

Certain types of parents? Please! Someone else wouldn’t be paying £100 for the seat. Less than £20 a seat when we go next month. A family of 5/6 would be paying the £100 to pre book seats.

 

[Smca53]

Certain types of parents? Please! Someone else wouldn’t be paying £100 for the seat. Less than £20 a seat when we go next month. A family of 5/6 would be paying the £100 to pre book seats.

I don’t see why your decision to have children should affect other people, but judging by your response that you also agree that people who have paid shouldn’t have to move, you seem to be trying to create an argument for no reason, so let’s move on

 

[LaBlonde]

Another thing to add as a parent who is in therapy for childhood trauma.

A baby doesnt ask to be born, a child deserves the same respect as an adult. If you expect a child to just fit in to your life, do as they are told and be quiet its probably not the right decision for you.

A child deserves free will and body autonomy as much as an adult does. They are not little robots that cannot be programmed to do exactly what we say when we say it (outwith instructions for their immediate safety)

The way I see some people treat their kids is horrible.

I will never shy away from the fact that being a parent is by far the hardest thing Ive ever embarked upon but it doesnt make me God in their life. I am the least assertive person ever as an adult and alot of it stems from childhood.

this is a beautiful post and i fully agree with it.

i’ve done a lot of soul searching as to whether my personality and my lifestyle will suit a child as (like you say) they are actually little beings (who don’t come with a returns receipt) who aren’t going to act the way you want them to a lot of time. asides from my ocd, as mentioned above, i don’t cope well with people being in my space all the time, being fully responsible for someone else…. i think i know in my heart i wouldn’t be a good parent and a child wouldn’t have a good time with me (in the most basic of terms!)

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It’s such a stupid argument, and falls completely on the shoulders of airline companies to put CF and people with kids against each other. BUT they know they will get the money from people booking so will never offer free seats.
I also don’t agree people who have paid should have to move seats. Compete agreement with you

The airlines are pretty much taking the money and taking nothing else to do with it and hoping people will have good will which isnt right.

What would happen if noone would move to accommodate? Even those who havent prebooked I mean not the prebookers. The plane doesnt go?

They know what passengers are on board, they know who has prebooked. How does it even get to that point?!? It bamboozles me.

 

[Jellybean093]

I don’t see why your decision to have children should affect other people, but judging by your response that you also agree that people who have paid shouldn’t have to move, you seem to be trying to create an argument for no reason, so let’s move on

No. I said children should sit with parents, but it is the airlines fault for allowing this to happen?? I also said it may not be financially possible for people to pay the extra to pick a seat. I don’t know where you think I am trying to make an argument with this?