Childfree

[Tricham]

I'm child-free.

Not because I don't plan to have any though. We just haven't felt it's time yet. This year may be the year though.

 

[bubbletea123]

I'm child-free.

Not because I don't plan to have any though. We just haven't felt it's time yet. This year may be the year though.

You're more like a fence sitter then? There's so much to think about isn't there? I guess I should clarify that when I titled it "childfree" I meant it as the term used for those who definitely have decided not to have children. That being said, I am enjoying reading all people's experiences and opinions. Everyones welcome to comment.

 

[QueenKJ]

My mum had be at 18 and had no other children. She is doing very well now and did an amazing job of raising me. I can't imagine how difficult it was so young.

I was lucky I had everyone round me but to be honest this is going to sound terrible but I didn’t want a child I wasn’t ready I was going to go abroad and live life young free and single and I had to stop and become a adult it was so hard and it took me a few year to realise that he was here forever and now I can’t imagine not having had them all now but I now carry guilt of feeling how I did when I was pregnant and had him when he was first here... he’s becoming an amazing clever young man he’s 17 now and I am proud of him and love him so much now

 

[Tricham]

You're more like a fence sitter then? There's so much to think about isn't there? I guess I should clarify that when I titled it "childfree" I meant it as the term used for those who definitely have decided not to have children. That being said, I am enjoying reading all people's experiences and opinions. Everyones welcome to comment.

Oh right, sorry. Yeah I get both sides. As we have the freedom now, I can certainly see why people choose not to have any. It looks blooming hard, and I guess that's why we're trying to wait for the 'right time' (if there is one! ). I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews so I see the struggles aswell as the highs from my siblings!

 

[Serious_Susan]

I’m NOT child free I have 4 and although I adore the bones of them all I had my first at 17 and haven’t really experienced life without them. I would love to of seen what my life would of been like if I hadn’t had any....I don’t judge I really think it’s a personal choice and it’s your life to do what you want to. And I never ask about it either as it’s a subject that can hurt the people who can’t have children. I also don’t throw my kids in people’s faces either like some people do life’s for living it your own way

This. I don’t know who I am without being a mum. I question whether if I had got to this age without having kids whether I’d want them...

This. I don’t know who I am without being a mum. I question whether if I had got to this age without having kids whether I’d want them...

More context... I was 19. I have two. I worked my a off to buy a house, go to uni etc. And all anyone ever asks me is ‘when will you have a 3rd’ ... all I can think is I love my job too much to think about taking another year off

 

[Greed-Futures]

For the curious, youtuber Mallory1712 is childfree and did a video about it with her husband about a year back going through their decision process, reasoning, etc. Found it interesting, even though it's not my lifestyle choice.

Power to you ladies and gents who decided against kiddos!

 

[QueenKJ]

This. I don’t know who I am without being a mum. I question whether if I had got to this age without having kids whether I’d want them...

Yeah I don’t know who I am either altho I did like the time my sons teacher told him that a parent and not a older sibling should be attending parents evening ....it is hard tho I get asked will I have another....I’m just getting my life back to having time thru the day for my when I’m not working and being the housemaid.


More context... I was 19. I have two. I worked my a off to buy a house, go to uni etc. And all anyone ever asks me is ‘when will you have a 3rd’ ... all I can think is I love my job too much to think about taking another year off

 

[Youcantsitwithus]

I’m 31 married for 5 years and am 150% sure I do not want children.
It’s a completely personal choice and something that nobody should question.
Yes I might regret it when I’m older but I can’t do something I don’t want to do now just in case in 20 years I wish I had.. that is not how I live my life.

 

[Downtoearth]

I never wanted kids. I wanted to be a big shot in the military, travel the world alone and live my life.

I've ended up with 3 little buggers - 2 through IVF! I have to say now I'm no longer a naive 20 something (in fact I'm a long way from it) that the first one (total whoopsie, was too scared to get an abortion) is the best mistake I ever made (and they know it). I've sacrificed a lot because of them but honestly, now I can't imagine what I'd have done otherwise.

I would never, ever judge someone else for their choice though. Because really, I don't care the only thing I wonder is what happens when you're older, especially as an only child. Our family gatherings are wonderful because we've got very very old relatives (a couple are over 100) who celebrate with us. One was widowed 50 years ago but we still rally round (all her friends have died too).

How would gatherings like that pan out without your kids/grandkids/great grandkids?

I think it's such a hugely personal choice it's really no one's business. I never ever ask my friends if they're having kids or not, unless they volunteer the information.

 

[bubbletea123]

I’m 31 married for 5 years and am 150% sure I do not want children.
It’s a completely personal choice and something that nobody should question.
Yes I might regret it when I’m older but I can’t do something I don’t want to do now just in case in 20 years I wish I had.. that is not how I live my life.

I have read comments on the childfree reddit page and most older people that are in their 50s or 60s with no children have zero regret. And many people with children do regret it but won't admit it publicly out of shame.

If I had a child and hated being a parent, I couldn't just return the child to the store. I wouldn't want to have a child and resent it because of a choice I made. Therefore, being CF is the better option for me.

I never wanted kids. I wanted to be a big shot in the military, travel the world alone and live my life.

I've ended up with 3 little buggers - 2 through IVF! I have to say now I'm no longer a naive 20 something (in fact I'm a long way from it) that the first one (total whoopsie, was too scared to get an abortion) is the best mistake I ever made (and they know it). I've sacrificed a lot because of them but honestly, now I can't imagine what I'd have done otherwise.

I would never, ever judge someone else for their choice though. Because really, I don't care the only thing I wonder is what happens when you're older, especially as an only child. Our family gatherings are wonderful because we've got very very old relatives (a couple are over 100) who celebrate with us. One was widowed 50 years ago but we still rally round (all her friends have died too).

How would gatherings like that pan out without your kids/grandkids/great grandkids?

I think it's such a hugely personal choice it's really no one's business. I never ever ask my friends if they're having kids or not, unless they volunteer the information.

I've always had a small family so that doesn't even bother me? I have one cousin on my mums side and my dad I am estranged from, although I speak to my grandparents and aunts from his side. My fiance has a very small family too. Our families are very spread out, one side in a different country and the other on the opposite side of North America. We don't spend a lot of time with them and always have Christmas just us and our dog which we love. Getting older, I don't think anything would change. We do have a niece and nephew so if they had kids, we would have those members too. But neither of us grew up in bustling family households so it is not something missing from our lives.

 

[Leahcar2019]

For the curious, youtuber Mallory1712 is childfree and did a video about it with her husband about a year back going through their decision process, reasoning, etc. Found it interesting, even though it's not my lifestyle choice.

Power to you ladies and gents who decided against kiddos!

Thanks - I’ve never heard of this you tuber - watched the video (although I found her a little annoying talking over the partner etc) - I wonder if there are any other videos like this?

 

[bexgreen1983]

I have 2 and can 100% see why people choose not to have children. I have friends like this but it's their life and their decision (noone else's). Also who is to say that they can even have children.

 

[Lynseyp]

I do have children, it was something both my husband and I wanted and we are blessed with 3 healthy children.
I do however feel there is so much pressure on those who let's say have got married as the next question will be "when are you having kids"?? Its not a necessity.
There are many people who don't have children, for various reasons and if thats what they decide then that decision needs to be respected and not questioned.

 

[101d]

I'm 26 and child-free. For now. I do want children, but I don't feel like me and my partner are in that headspace yet. We are dog pawrents though

 

[Dizzy]

I have 2 children and can confirm that being a parent is in equal parts joyous, wonderful, incredibly rewarding, incomparable, relentless, heartbreaking, rage inducing and bleeping expensive. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and you never know worry, anger or tiredness like you do when you have kids. I’ve a few friends who are child free (all by choice) and I always think ‘good for you’. Children are amazing but so is freedom to travel, a rewarding successful career and a lie in every Sunday

 

[SassyShetland]

Ever since I was a teenager I've always held the stance that I don't want kids. I'm not maternal and love living my life how I do (Selfishly), I was lucky to find my husband to be who holds exactly the same opinion as me.

All that said we are at an age where a lot of our friends are starting to pop out crotch goblins so we're increasingly getting more and more questions about when we'll have them. It's beyond annoying and I'm getting to a point now where it makes me so furious that I respond with 'Karen are you really asking when I'm going to start having unprotected sex' it's normally enough to embarrass people out of asking and gives me a little laugh.

I have a friend who can't have children due to medical issues, she got married four years ago and is constantly getting questioned. She has begrudgingly got a point where she says she can't due to medical issues, which always gets the response 'oh I didn't realise' she now responds with 'no you wouldn't because it's none of your business, but never mind you've scratched your itch now haven't you'.

As much as I don't understand it I'm happy for anyone who has kids who wanted them, we should all just try to be a bit more polite about it all!

 

[Silly Sausage]

We are childfree and love it. We recently had our 16th wedding anniversary and I'm so grateful that it is just the two of us. It's one of the best decisions we ever made. No regrets

 

[bubbletea123]

We are childfree and love it. We recently had our 16th wedding anniversary and I'm so grateful that it is just the two of us. It's one of the best decisions we ever made. No regrets

Lovely! We have lots of friends with young children and whenever we go to their house, often our heads end up buzzing from the noise. We are always grateful to come home to a peaceful house. Haha.

 

[Silly Sausage]

Lovely! We have lots of friends with young children and whenever we go to their house, often our heads end up buzzing from the noise. We are always grateful to come home to a peaceful house. Haha.

Oh yes I completely agree. I can only describe the difference as utter chaos I love my niece and my friend's kids but it's just not for us.

None of my friends has encouraged me to have children. For them i am the friend that they can talk to about other things and they know I see how much they have struggled to get through the day. For them it's nice to have a friend that reminds them of who they are as a person and not just as a mom. I am the only one of my friends that has chosen this path and it can be quite isolating. It's also hard to meet other women my age during this stage in life. I often think it would be easier to make friends if I had children. We've lived in 4 different countries during our marriage and it was a lot easier to make friends when I was around women that were deciding when and/or just beginning that part of their lives.

I often wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant but raising a child isn't something that interests me.

I'm happy you made this thread Even though the majority of the comments have been from mothers who are very supportive of the childfree choice, it's really nice to see that there are others like myself commenting.

 

[bubbletea123]

Oh yes I completely agree. I can only describe the difference as utter chaos I love my niece and my friend's kids but it's just not for us.

None of my friends has encouraged me to have children. For them i am the friend that they can talk to about other things and they know I see how much they have struggled to get through the day. For them it's nice to have a friend that reminds them of who they are as a person and not just as a mom. I am the only one of my friends that has chosen this path and it can be quite isolating. It's also hard to meet other women my age during this stage in life. I often think it would be easier to make friends if I had children. We've lived in 4 different countries during our marriage and it was a lot easier to make friends when I was around women that were deciding when and/or just beginning that part of their lives.

I often wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant but raising a child isn't something that interests me.

I'm happy you made this thread Even though the majority of the comments have been from mothers who are very supportive of the childfree choice, it's really nice to see that there are others like myself commenting.

The idea of pregnancy scares me and giving birth.

I agree making friends as an adult without kids is hard. I noticed this when we moved country as most adults meet friends through kids, whether dropping them at school or at a hobby, etc.