There's a brilliant book called, "Motherhood: is it for me?" It was really gentle in its guidance, 12 chapters to read over 12 weeks.
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Lily is the greatest IG example of someone that I think had a kid just for the sake of it. I have known since I was quite young that I never wanted children.
A little different but
I am lucky to have two children, much loved and much wanted. Me and my husband planned to have them young, & travel once they were at uni/older. It didn’t turn out that way. My youngest is severely disabled and will require my care for the rest of her life - she will never fly the nest so to speak. All our previous future plans we had now won’t materialise; I say this because my sister is childfree, she is being questioned more & more about having a family and people can’t seem to accept her decision. I fully support her, and think it’s brilliant that she’s sticking to what’s true for her, I encourage her to have all the life experiences/travel/dreams etc that she could want and not feel pressured into what family/society think she should do with her life! I admire her and all the ladies that have chosen this path so much, it’s just so ridiculous that in 2020 people can’t accept that women can choose what to do what they want with their own bodies and lives!
I am lucky to have two children, much loved and much wanted. Me and my husband planned to have them young, & travel once they were at uni/older. It didn’t turn out that way. My youngest is severely disabled and will require my care for the rest of her life - she will never fly the nest so to speak. All our previous future plans we had now won’t materialise; I say this because my sister is childfree, she is being questioned more & more about having a family and people can’t seem to accept her decision. I fully support her, and think it’s brilliant that she’s sticking to what’s true for her, I encourage her to have all the life experiences/travel/dreams etc that she could want and not feel pressured into what family/society think she should do with her life! I admire her and all the ladies that have chosen this path so much, it’s just so ridiculous that in 2020 people can’t accept that women can choose what to do what they want with their own bodies and lives!
I am a mum to one teenager. While I am still young enough to have more children, I do not want them. I am constantly asked about “giving” my child a sibling. It’s rude and infuriating. My son and I are happy and content. What I do with my uterus, is my own business.
Thanks for the suggestion - I have looked it up and whilst I don't think it's for me I have found another book that someone recommended on the review for this one.. thank you.
What book are you getting? I love that we have this thread for discussion on this topic. It is nice to see people's opinions.
I'm sorry to hear your story - thanks for sharing it xx
Me too. Two actually - The baby decision was the one recommended and then childfree and loving it - they both have good reviews.
Childfree currently and my reasons at the moment are because I am too selfish to give up my time and also to do my bit for the environment cos damn the carbon footprint on those little people is hefty! 
Children are one of the biggest contributors to carbon footprint so you're not wrong there! https://www.sciencemag.org/news/201...tprint-one-government-isn-t-telling-you-aboutChildfree currently and my reasons at the moment are because I am too selfish to give up my time and also to do my bit for the environment cos damn the carbon footprint on those little people is hefty!
I am admittedly selfish too in that I like my own space and silence. I am a huge introvert and the thought of having to deal with a toddler, more so than a baby, gives me the fear. We have friends with children and they seem like so much work and the toddlers are so needy.
Funny thing is, we have a dog and we adore him and dogs are like perpetual toddlers, always dependent on you. The difference is, he doesn't talk back, and if I want space, I can shut him in another room or go out for hours and leave him alone. We also don't have to save for university, etc, for him.
We are considering buying a holiday home in one of our favourite cities and we wouldn't be able to afford that luxury with a child.
I think my biggest annoyance is people saying "but who will take care of you when you're old?" There is no guarantee a child would look after you. Many old people end up in homes without their children even visiting
We currently don't have children, but I've been diagnosed with PCOS so I'm not sure if I can have kids.
I initially wanted children and my OH was indifferent. Now he wants kids and I'm... Well, let's say indifferent. I'm not very maternal or caring, never have been. I'm also scared of PND.
I initially wanted children and my OH was indifferent. Now he wants kids and I'm... Well, let's say indifferent. I'm not very maternal or caring, never have been. I'm also scared of PND.
Me too. Never have been maternal and I don't have siblings so was never around kids growing up, I also never babysat. As a child, I barely liked children...hahaha.
I also have endometriosis and am on birth control to manage the pain. I couldn't imagine coming off it and being in pain trying to conceive. Sometimes having a baby makes endo worse too.
I would also be scared of PND or our baby having a disability or defect. I know that there are tests for those but you just never know. And I mean, because children are already hard work and if they had a severe disability, it could be more difficult.
I have 1 little boy who is my absolute world but what drives me insane is people keep going on about having a second. Whilst I would love another im also happy not to have anymore. I want to be able to let my son experience things I never had growing up and to show him the world. Whilst we have a good income I don't think we could afford the lifestyle we have with another child. Everyone calls us selfish for only having one. Wether you have kids or not people always comment and interfere
I have a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'm married and have been with my husband for 10 years now. I can still have children if we were to be lucky enough to conceive however I don't know if I do. I like the thought of it but then I remember how hard it was and how horrible teenager are and honestly I don't think mentally I could do it. My daughter doesn't like being an only child and never has but that's life
I guess I'm one of those people - my mom had such a wonderful relationship with my nan and i have with my parents I know that I will be here for them when they are old, and it scares me to think I won't have anyone there for me.. it's heightened I guess because of DH being 14 years older than me. I know life doesn't always go to plan but if it does being lonely and alone when I'm old and possibly vulnerable worries me.Children are one of the biggest contributors to carbon footprint so you're not wrong there! https://www.sciencemag.org/news/201...tprint-one-government-isn-t-telling-you-about
I am admittedly selfish too in that I like my own space and silence. I am a huge introvert and the thought of having to deal with a toddler, more so than a baby, gives me the fear. We have friends with children and they seem like so much work and the toddlers are so needy.
Funny thing is, we have a dog and we adore him and dogs are like perpetual toddlers, always dependent on you. The difference is, he doesn't talk back, and if I want space, I can shut him in another room or go out for hours and leave him alone. We also don't have to save for university, etc, for him.
We are considering buying a holiday home in one of our favourite cities and we wouldn't be able to afford that luxury with a child.
I think my biggest annoyance is people saying "but who will take care of you when you're old?" There is no guarantee a child would look after you. Many old people end up in homes without their children even visiting
It is no one else's business.
I am an only child and was perfectly happy. My mum was able to give me her time and nurture my needs.
Over Christmas, we were at my inlaws and my FIL said: "will your son play *insert sport*?" We don't have children, he just makes assumptions that we will have two children, a girl, and a boy... And I said, " I don't think *insert dog's name* will be able to play that." I was just being cheeky as I hate that people assume we will have children.
My fiance overheard that and said "What are you asking Dad?" and his dad says "will your son play this sport?" and my fiance says "we don't have a son" and his dad says "are you not having children?" and my fiance says "no."
An hour later, we are having dinner and his mum says "so you don't want children?" and I ignore her and my fiance says "no" and she is like "oh."
You know she was DYING to ask us. I was so proud of my fiance shutting that tit down though. We both agree that it is no one else's concern about what we are doing.
If someone asks me if we are having kids and I say no and then they question it, my fav question to them is "are you in this relationship? / are you my gynecologist?" in which they answer no, and I say: "well then, it is not your business." - that is only if they keep pushing it though.
My fiance is 12 years older than me so I know exactly that fear you are talking about. But at the same time, I know I would likely be unhappy with a child.
Yes this breaks my heart. Sometimes kids just don’t happen, and there is lots of heartbreak on the way to accepting this. Wish people would not be so judgemental and presumptious.
It is so wrong to assume people can even HAVE children. I just think it is terribly rude to ask as you never know if someone is trying and having trouble or could have just miscarried. It is a very sensitive topic that some people feel entitled to know about.
Mariella’s advice here is insensitive IMO. Particularly the assumption a life without children is therefore “unfettered”. Good to see empathy for the OP in the comments.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...s-too-late-to-have-children-mariella-frostrup
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...s-too-late-to-have-children-mariella-frostrup
I’m NOT child free I have 4 and although I adore the bones of them all I had my first at 17 and haven’t really experienced life without them. I would love to of seen what my life would of been like if I hadn’t had any....I don’t judge I really think it’s a personal choice and it’s your life to do what you want to. And I never ask about it either as it’s a subject that can hurt the people who can’t have children. I also don’t throw my kids in people’s faces either like some people do life’s for living it your own way
My mum had be at 18 and had no other children. She is doing very well now and did an amazing job of raising me. I can't imagine how difficult it was so young.
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