It is the "life script" people are brainwashed to follow. Marriage and then kids. We got asked if we will have kids and I said our dog is our kid. Hahahah. I also hate when people ask "are you going to have a family?" People without kids are family too.
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I've been a member for a while but never posted until I saw this thread.
I'm 33 (nearly 34) and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years. We have chosen not to get married (I have issues with marriage due to my childhood) and not to have children.
We have been told we are selfish for not wanting children which I really don't understand.
We love our life together. We are financially stable and free to travel wherever and whenever we like.
I have a 2 year old nephew who I absolutely adore and I am always available to look after him.
The only thing that I have noticed through choosing this lifestyle is that my very close friends mostly have children now and I feel that we are seeing each other less often. But I know we all just need to make more effort to make sure we meet up.
I'm 33 (nearly 34) and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years. We have chosen not to get married (I have issues with marriage due to my childhood) and not to have children.
We have been told we are selfish for not wanting children which I really don't understand.
We love our life together. We are financially stable and free to travel wherever and whenever we like.
I have a 2 year old nephew who I absolutely adore and I am always available to look after him.
The only thing that I have noticed through choosing this lifestyle is that my very close friends mostly have children now and I feel that we are seeing each other less often. But I know we all just need to make more effort to make sure we meet up.
I do have kids but have friends who have chosen not to. What strikes me is this.
There are many life experiences I could have. With many people saying to me oh you should, you have no idea how much it changes your life, you’ll regret it when you’re older, etc.
But no one does. Coz it’s not kids.
How can you regret something you never wanted in the first place? I don’t want to bungee jump, but I think I can safely say I’ll never regret not doing it. Why do people not believe the same of those who are childfree by choice?
There are many life experiences I could have. With many people saying to me oh you should, you have no idea how much it changes your life, you’ll regret it when you’re older, etc.
But no one does. Coz it’s not kids.
How can you regret something you never wanted in the first place? I don’t want to bungee jump, but I think I can safely say I’ll never regret not doing it. Why do people not believe the same of those who are childfree by choice?
I'm childfree: I've known for a long time I had no maternal instincts nor desires to raise children. I think it's good that I was able to recognise that and not force myself into a life I would have hated and a "job" I would have resented. The idea that all women automatically will make great mothers is such utter nonsense that it drives me up the wall. I'd rather only the people who genuinely want children procreate.
I have argued about this for the last 10 years and I've been called a lot of names but it's never swayed me.
I have argued about this for the last 10 years and I've been called a lot of names but it's never swayed me.
Yes I feel "fortunate" that I could go my way on this, I think women of previous eras and generations who maybe didn't have that maternal drive just had children because that was the path. It's probably made for some less than happy childhoods as well as unhappy mothers.
I've never been challenged on it - beyond a couple of comments from baby mad cousins but that was literally twice. I imagine my Mum thinks I will regret my decision but she manages to keep it to herself, that's really the only negative feeling I have about not sprogging, my lovely folks would have made the best grandparents.
I've never been challenged on it - beyond a couple of comments from baby mad cousins but that was literally twice. I imagine my Mum thinks I will regret my decision but she manages to keep it to herself, that's really the only negative feeling I have about not sprogging, my lovely folks would have made the best grandparents.
I have one child who is very much loved & wanted. It’s a persons choice if they want children or not. What’s gets me is people’s rude comments, I was always getting comments from people saying when are you going to have another or you’re not just going to stick with one are you?? My friend who is 40 and chosen to not have children is constantly asked why, or told to get a move on and have a baby otherwise it will be too late and you will regret it! I think a persons choice should be respected not criticised or questioned because it is not considered ‘the norm’
I think the worst thing I heard was: Who is going to take care of you when you’re old?
If that’s the reason that person had children, imagine what kind of parent they would be!
If that’s the reason that person had children, imagine what kind of parent they would be!
I’m childfree. I’m 28 years old, single and working my way up the career ladder. Unfortunately anyone who doesn’t follow the social norm (of find a partner > buy a house > get married > have kids > work a miserable job > die) is seen as weird or not normal or something?! I don’t want kids, I’m not interested in a relationship either. I want a good job and enough spare time and money to experience different cultures, be spontaneous (to a degree) and be a bit selfish by doing what I want when I want to. I rent my flat because I can’t get a big enough mortgage in the south west where I am from (someone suggested I move somewhere cheaper up north for the sole purpose of buying a home. Why would I do that when my family, friends and job are here?!) and that seems to baffle people too! I also make the decision to not accrue any debts so if I can’t afford something I don’t have it, not having material possessions on finance all over the place seems to baffle some too...
Every time you don't conform to others' expectations, it offends them because they feel like you're invalidating their life choices by making different ones. People are weird
I’m not childfree,I have 1 who will be 18 next year and was very much wanted even though I was young and not in the ideal circumstances to have a baby. I loved every minute of it BUT,I honestly don’t believe having kids is the be all and end all and can totally see why someone would be fine with not having any by choice.
This is exactly like my relationship with my parents! My parents wanted me to move out, , get married, get a mortgage, start saving up for pension, pay my NI contribution every month. Be very much part of the system. The song by Linkin Park 'numb' is very much how it is between my parents and me.Every time you don't conform to others' expectations, it offends them because they feel like you're invalidating their life choices by making different ones. People are weird
I hope in time they can accept you for who you are instead of obsessing over who they think you should be.
Thank you but as they get older I don't see it changing. They kind of set in their way now.
I understand that. I was lucky with my parents but honestly I think it's because they themselves may have done things differently if they had another shot
I have 4 children, but I know many women who have chosen to be childfree.
What really pisses me off is that my childfree friends constantly get asked by friends and relatives what reasons they have for deciding not to have children.
I mean, no one has EVER asked me why I chose to have children! The "you're selfish for not having kids" is such a stupid and ignorant comment.
Ask everyone you know why they decided to have children. "I just knew I wanted to be a mum", "I wanted a little mini me", "I wanted to create a person half me and half my partner" etc etc You will find that every single reason given is self-indulgent and selfish.
It's also infuriating that it's only ever childfree WOMEN who are questioned as to why they don't have children.
What really pisses me off is that my childfree friends constantly get asked by friends and relatives what reasons they have for deciding not to have children.
I mean, no one has EVER asked me why I chose to have children! The "you're selfish for not having kids" is such a stupid and ignorant comment.
Ask everyone you know why they decided to have children. "I just knew I wanted to be a mum", "I wanted a little mini me", "I wanted to create a person half me and half my partner" etc etc You will find that every single reason given is self-indulgent and selfish.
It's also infuriating that it's only ever childfree WOMEN who are questioned as to why they don't have children.
Not childfree myself. I have three.
I used to not understand why people didn’t want children. Children was all I knew I wanted, from being a child myself.
Since having children though I 100% understand why people don’t want them
They’re terrors and being a Mum is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Also hate people asking people anything in regards to babies. It’s insensitive as you don’t know what their story is and it’s none of their business anyway.
The questions I got after having my daughter (my second) hurt the most because my four year old had died only a few months before and people, mainly strangers, assumed she was our first. At only a few months old someone told me I should have another just so I can have a boy and have one of each. I ended up just pretending to people that she was my first just to avoid the look people gave me when I told them about my son but then I felt guilty like I was letting him down. It’s easier to talk about now but it was really raw then. I can easily tell people about him now and it makes me happy to share him even though I think it makes some people feel awkward.
Long story short, people should stay out of other peoples business. Your life is your life and nobody else’s.
I used to not understand why people didn’t want children. Children was all I knew I wanted, from being a child myself.
Since having children though I 100% understand why people don’t want them
They’re terrors and being a Mum is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.Also hate people asking people anything in regards to babies. It’s insensitive as you don’t know what their story is and it’s none of their business anyway.
The questions I got after having my daughter (my second) hurt the most because my four year old had died only a few months before and people, mainly strangers, assumed she was our first. At only a few months old someone told me I should have another just so I can have a boy and have one of each. I ended up just pretending to people that she was my first just to avoid the look people gave me when I told them about my son but then I felt guilty like I was letting him down. It’s easier to talk about now but it was really raw then. I can easily tell people about him now and it makes me happy to share him even though I think it makes some people feel awkward.
Long story short, people should stay out of other peoples business. Your life is your life and nobody else’s.
Boy am I glad someone has a thread about this as there's very little outlets for me to share my strong feelings on this. I remember being different as a child/ early teen and I'd venture to say that I knew I didn't want kids since I was around 12-13. I would have to be around them sometimes in church as a nursery helper and I was extremely awkward and had to ask my parents how to play with and relate to the kids ( most of that might be because I'm an only child though) but I just remember feeling really weird. As my friends would talk about wanting x number of kids when we got older, it's never something I wanted and as I got older I only experienced this feeling more and more.
I'm 28 now and it's literally been a decision that didn't even really have to be one if that makes sense because my mind has been so made up for years, knowing that it just was NOT me and that I don't have a maternal instinct ( but dogs are another story!) and I just don't know how or what people see in children that makes them want it so so badly ( no offense to anyone at all) these are my own opinions and feelings ( which are probably pretty weird to some). A lot of that is also because I had a horrible relationship with my own mom and she started being emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and that's the only way I've known her for the past 10 years.
All of this to say, you can be ANYONE from any background and just not have the need to have kids and know that you just don't want them. The other posts here have showed that, it's just a feeling one gets and a choice one makes that's completely fair and should be respected by all instead of questioned and frowned upon. IMO if someone knows they DON'T want kids, I think that's super responsible and shows a lot about you as a person because you didn't just do what's the societal norm. I know far too many people who I know've just had kids because they think it's just what they need to do, but they end up being horrible parents. Why do something if your heart's not in it?
Some of the best mothers I know and respect are those that waited a good long time before having one as they wanted to make sure their lives were the most stable and ready, and as such, they're raising really respectful and kind kids which is rare to see this day and age.
I'm just sick of the questions, and people like " soooo.... when are you having kids".. OH PISS OFF. It's just not your business; why does it make a difference to you if I'M having a baby or not? It's just so rude for multiple reasons. It's a very personal thing and it can really hurt people who are trying but can't, but it just ticks me off and makes me want to tell them that it's fine to not want them and that I'm living my own life that I really enjoy without them.
I completely agree that no one has the right to ask the reasons why you don't want them,but it's something I've had to explain so many times in my life and they just nod and act understanding and then go " well.. you're young, you have all the time in the world to change your mind". Righty-o, Susan, I'm sure I will!!
I'm 28 now and it's literally been a decision that didn't even really have to be one if that makes sense because my mind has been so made up for years, knowing that it just was NOT me and that I don't have a maternal instinct ( but dogs are another story!) and I just don't know how or what people see in children that makes them want it so so badly ( no offense to anyone at all) these are my own opinions and feelings ( which are probably pretty weird to some). A lot of that is also because I had a horrible relationship with my own mom and she started being emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and that's the only way I've known her for the past 10 years.
All of this to say, you can be ANYONE from any background and just not have the need to have kids and know that you just don't want them. The other posts here have showed that, it's just a feeling one gets and a choice one makes that's completely fair and should be respected by all instead of questioned and frowned upon. IMO if someone knows they DON'T want kids, I think that's super responsible and shows a lot about you as a person because you didn't just do what's the societal norm. I know far too many people who I know've just had kids because they think it's just what they need to do, but they end up being horrible parents. Why do something if your heart's not in it?
Some of the best mothers I know and respect are those that waited a good long time before having one as they wanted to make sure their lives were the most stable and ready, and as such, they're raising really respectful and kind kids which is rare to see this day and age.
I'm just sick of the questions, and people like " soooo.... when are you having kids".. OH PISS OFF. It's just not your business; why does it make a difference to you if I'M having a baby or not? It's just so rude for multiple reasons. It's a very personal thing and it can really hurt people who are trying but can't, but it just ticks me off and makes me want to tell them that it's fine to not want them and that I'm living my own life that I really enjoy without them.
I completely agree that no one has the right to ask the reasons why you don't want them,but it's something I've had to explain so many times in my life and they just nod and act understanding and then go " well.. you're young, you have all the time in the world to change your mind". Righty-o, Susan, I'm sure I will!!
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Bumping up this thread as we've finally made the decision that children will not be part of our future and the sheer relief I felt after making this decision was immense.
I've been lucky enough to swerve a lot of the friends/family questions because I always thought I wanted to have children, rather than outwardly saying I didn't. I'm now in my mid-30s and people in my life are sensible enough not to ask why a woman at this age doesn't have children.
Instaparents also did a brilliant job in putting me off. RVK Loves - from pejorative comments about mothers to the whimsical mummy on IG. She's not convincing anyone. And Lily Pebbles - didn't think it was possible for the ambassador of misery to be even more miserable, but...
I've been lucky enough to swerve a lot of the friends/family questions because I always thought I wanted to have children, rather than outwardly saying I didn't. I'm now in my mid-30s and people in my life are sensible enough not to ask why a woman at this age doesn't have children.
Instaparents also did a brilliant job in putting me off. RVK Loves - from pejorative comments about mothers to the whimsical mummy on IG. She's not convincing anyone. And Lily Pebbles - didn't think it was possible for the ambassador of misery to be even more miserable, but...
It's so weird that this has cropped up... I'm 35, 36 this year and my DH is 50 this Eysenck and I'm not sure if it's that milestone but I'm questioning our decision to be childfree. We made the decision 5 years who after a miscarriage, afield my IVF and after exploring adoption... but I'm wobbling big time. I don't want to get to another 5 years down the line and for it to be too late, but I also don't want to have a child and wish we had our old life back. Glad I found tattle, I'm quite new here but will be watching any further comments with interest...
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