Childfree

[Lanavalentine]

Another childfree woman here and very happy with my choice.

I am not one of those who was adamant they didn’t want kids from a young age - I just assumed I did, assumed I would have children and love being a mum. It’s what we’re told, isn’t it? Directly from family, covertly from the media, the idea that women’s main role in life is to breed (and that it will make us “complete”) is irritatingly rife.

Health issues in my late 20s/early 30s are what made me actually sit down and think about having children, and discuss it with my partner, and we both came to the conclusion that we didn’t really want them. It was strangely easy to decide - like not eating a food you dislike - and from that day we realised we’re very much childfree by choice!

When I look back now, I realise it wasn’t something I ever gave much thought to, and it could have been very easy to sleepwalk into a situation that I didn’t particularly want. I’m sure I would have coped, but god I’m glad I did stop to pause and explore my options. I am sad to say I think a fair few women I know did sleepwalk into motherhood.

I really appreciate the mums posting here that they support childfree people, but I think even the most supportive mums do not realise how they can sometimes come off to childfree people... for example, going on about how difficult their lives are and that we have it easy. There is a subtext there that really pisses me off, to be honest, often a hint of matyrdom that pits mums as selfless hard workers and childfree women as lazy layabouts.

I will also say I get really sick of the idea that childfree people must live amazing, glam lifestyles because that’s what parents assume they’d be doing if they didn’t spend all their time and money on their children. No I don’t want to retire early and travel the world, I don’t want to learn to scuba dive or do trapeze or train lions or whatever else it is that sounds fun and exotic... why can’t I just have a normal life of work, home, some socialising, nice annual holidays, just like you? Just without the kids, obviously! Clearly some childfree people do have amazingly adventurous lifestyles, and that’s awesome, but it doesn’t mean we all want to go backpacking at age 50 (I can’t imagine anything worse to be honest).

 

[ElectricDreams]

I'm childfree, by choice. When I was younger I suppose I assumed I would get married and have kids like you're supposed to, but as I got older I realised that actually, I didn't want that. I like my freedom, I'm far too selfish to have kids. A few years ago, I found out that there's a chance that I have inherited a life limiting genetic condition, which I could then pass on to any children I had, and that made up my mind for me. While I don't know if I have got this condition yet, it's not a risk I'm willing to take. People who know about this have stopped asking if me and my partner are having kids, though I haven't explicitly said this is why I'm staying child free.Those who don't know, do occasionally still ask, but I just say that I don't want them, end of!

I work with kids, and have done for the last 17 years which I'm sure has helped me decide that kids are not for me! I can't imagine having them 24/7. I have a nephew who's 2½ who I adore, but I like to give him back at the end of the day

 

[hehehe]

I am one of 8 siblings and I absolutely do not want kids. I am very close with my nephews and nieces (10 in total) whom I love to pieces but having my space all to myself everyday = happiness.

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

I'm childless for medical reason could have help getting pregnant if I have right partner etc the partner I'm leaving has three kids already so can't get help.
But I must say I'm quite happy to be childfree to be able to travel with the right partner.

 

[Saddlesoap]

I'm childfree, by choice. When I was younger I suppose I assumed I would get married and have kids like you're supposed to, but as I got older I realised that actually, I didn't want that. I like my freedom, I'm far too selfish to have kids. A few years ago, I found out that there's a chance that I have inherited a life limiting genetic condition, which I could then pass on to any children I had, and that made up my mind for me. While I don't know if I have got this condition yet, it's not a risk I'm willing to take. People who know about this have stopped asking if me and my partner are having kids, though I haven't explicitly said this is why I'm staying child free.Those who don't know, do occasionally still ask, but I just say that I don't want them, end of!

I work with kids, and have done for the last 17 years which I'm sure has helped me decide that kids are not for me! I can't imagine having them 24/7. I have a nephew who's 2½ who I adore, but I like to give him back at the end of the day

I'd say the complete opposite. You're not selfish if part of your choice is due to a life limiting genetic disease

*This is not meant to be offensive to anyone with disabled children, it is just my observation*

It would terrify me to have a child with a disability, either physical or mental. My husband is in a wheelchair, so I am aware how limiting it can be. I see elderly parents on cruises with their disabled adult children and wonder about the implications of their death on that child who is reliant on them. *Another disclaimer, I appreciate this is a risk at any point, old age isn't promised, but as you get older it becomes more realistic

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I think I've posted here before but I'll say it again, I'm happily childfree. I'm 41, in a longterm relationship and financially stable. I've known since I was in my early 20s that I didn't want children and thankfully my partner feels the same way. I love children and babies but never felt any desire to have my own, I may, occasionally, feel slightly broody when I see a newborn but then I remember that I don't want that level of responsibility or hard work. Some may say that's selfish but I know plenty of people whose parents weren't willing to do the work involved but had children anyway and I think that's far worse and shows they put no thought into it, they just had children because that's what society expects.

 

[marisa9]

This thread has made me feel so much better. I am 28, childfree by choice and never intend to have kids and I feel very alone in this decision in my peer group.

I didn't always feel like this, but over the past couple of years I have done a total u-turn from wanting a kids to not wanting any. A lot of my friends have had babies recently and it really cemented my decision that having my own was just never going to be something I wanted. I value my career, being able to travel, make spontaneous plans and being able to spend the money I earn on enjoying myself and the things that I like. I will happily admit that I am too 'selfish' to have a child because I enjoy my life the way it is.
I am also quite an anxious person and the idea of having to worry about another human being who's needs and wellbeing are solely my responsibility is unbearable. My parents keeps telling me I will change my mind and how much they want grandchildren, which is really getting me down. I have achieved so much in my life that I am very proud of, and yet I feel like to them, nothing would be as good as if I were to have kids.

Another thing I have found, and I am quite curious if anyone else has experienced this, is that if you are childfree, it is also assumed that you can't stand children?! For me, this is not the case at all, and I absolutely love spending time with and spoiling my friends' children. I just love being able to hand them back to their parents!!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Another thing I have found, and I am quite curious if anyone else has experienced this, is that if you are childfree, it is also assumed that you can't stand children?! For me, this is not the case at all, and I absolutely love spending time with and spoiling my friends' children. I just love being able to hand them back to their parents!!

I do get this sometimes, but I always find that it’s just assumed I want kids because I’m actually really good with kids and they usually like me, I get comments like “you’d make such a good mum, it’s such a shame”. Yes because you can tell what sort of mother I’d be just from watching me play with your kid for 10 minutes

 

[marisa9]

I do get this sometimes, but I always find that it’s just assumed I want kids because I’m actually really good with kids and they usually like me, I get comments like “you’d make such a good mum, it’s such a shame”. Yes because you can tell what sort of mother I’d be just from watching me play with your kid for 10 minutes

Exactly!! I get this a lot too! I can assure you when they start screaming and disappear out of sight you would change your mind on how good a mother I would be!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Exactly!! I get this a lot too! I can assure you when they start screaming and disappear out of sight you would change your mind on how good a mother I would be!

Yep! Also I can be great fun around kids because I have the energy to do it... because I don’t have kids! If I was a mum I’d 100% just stick them in front of the TV for hours or something because I cba

 

[under the ivy]

I think I’ve posted on here before. I’m childfree and I feel like this is going to be for the foreseeable.

I’ve had 2 serious relationships (I’m 28 now). My last relationship ended last April & I thought I would be marrying/having children with them. But no.

I’m very focused on my career (academia) & it’s relentlessly competitive/stressful. I want to buy a house, travel more & remain single. I haven’t got it in me to start dating & go through heartbreak again.

However I am very maternal. I have a 12 year old brother & because of the big age gap between us, I often feel like a second mother figure to him.

Never say never I guess.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Maybe if I had found the right man when I was younger, I may have had children. But I am not the emotionaly strongest person in the world, I would have needed a lot of support. My current partner would have made an excellent Father, but the timing was wrong.
I don't feel a gaping void in my life, because I don't have children, I can be self centred, and at times it is enough to be looking after the needs of my partner, and myself.
I'm quite capable of looking after a cat though! They are free spirited creatures, who live life on their own terms.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

This thread has made me feel so much better. I am 28, childfree by choice and never intend to have kids and I feel very alone in this decision in my peer group.

I didn't always feel like this, but over the past couple of years I have done a total u-turn from wanting a kids to not wanting any. A lot of my friends have had babies recently and it really cemented my decision that having my own was just never going to be something I wanted. I value my career, being able to travel, make spontaneous plans and being able to spend the money I earn on enjoying myself and the things that I like. I will happily admit that I am too 'selfish' to have a child because I enjoy my life the way it is.
I am also quite an anxious person and the idea of having to worry about another human being who's needs and wellbeing are solely my responsibility is unbearable. My parents keeps telling me I will change my mind and how much they want grandchildren, which is really getting me down. I have achieved so much in my life that I am very proud of, and yet I feel like to them, nothing would be as good as if I were to have kids.

Another thing I have found, and I am quite curious if anyone else has experienced this, is that if you are childfree, it is also assumed that you can't stand children?! For me, this is not the case at all, and I absolutely love spending time with and spoiling my friends' children. I just love being able to hand them back to their parents!!

This is so true, people always think that child free women can't stand children but I think it's very rarely the case. I have a friend who also doesn't want children and she always makes out it's because she doesn't like them (she shudders when people mention babies) but she is playing up to a stereotype because she actually loves children so it gets on my nerves. Women can love children and still decide not to have them.

 

[BoujeeBabe]

My boyfriend and I are childless by choice. We have 2 beautiful dogs and are more than happy with those.

 

[Secretadmirer]

I don’t have children. I always find myself questioning myself like ‘Do I actually want them?’ Then I’m somehow made to feel bad for that but it’s just me making myself feel bad for thinking that if that makes sense? It’s almost like as woman ive been made to think it’s not normal for questioning whether I want them, like I’m automatically expected to want and have them.
I love kids, love spending time with my niece and friends little ones but there’s so many reasons why I just think I might not end up having my own. Never say never but I do feel like it shouldn’t be a thing, women who don’t shouldn’t be questioned constantly and when or why they don’t!

 

[GeorgeP123]

I need to rant on here....most mothers o know on Facebook always share this type of thing...like why do parents choose to have kids then complain about how hard it is and then expect everyone else to give/pay for them. No doubt the job is hard and this is why I have chosen not to have them bit if I did choose I wouldn't then put it on everyone else and play the victim does anyone else feel this way? Or am I just being stupid lol.

 

[blackmasque]

A a question for couples on here. When you met your current partner, did you tell them straight away you didn’t want children? When do you bring it up?

My husband and I started dating at 18 with the understanding that neither of us wanted kids. 16 years later, we are still happily going strong and adamantly childfree.

 

[SassyShetland]

I need to rant on here....most mothers o know on Facebook always share this type of thing...like why do parents choose to have kids then complain about how hard it is and then expect everyone else to give/pay for them. No doubt the job is hard and this is why I have chosen not to have them bit if I did choose I wouldn't then put it on everyone else and play the victim does anyone else feel this way? Or am I just being stupid lol.

Hope this is legible as my eyes are still rolled into the back of my head. Few things make me angrier than entitled parents, in fact the only thing that makes me angrier is there judgment of the child free I don’t know how so many people go through life not realising that having children is a choice, not a right or a must do. As you say undoubtedly hard at times and we all love a good moan but children are a choice.

 

[HoGi]

Hope this is legible as my eyes are still rolled into the back of my head. Few things make me angrier than entitled parents, in fact the only thing that makes me angrier is there judgment of the child free I don’t know how so many people go through life not realising that having children is a choice, not a right or a must do. As you say undoubtedly hard at times and we all love a good moan but children are a choice.

I get really wound up by parents resenting the fact that as a child free couple who both work we can afford nice things!

The amount of times we get it thrown in our face about the fact we have nice cars, holidays (pre-covid), meals out, new clothes etc. And we are always being told "well we last went out 7 years ago" "we haven't had a proper holiday in 9 years" "I haven't had new trainers in 5 years because the kids need xyz"...yawn. that's why I have chosen not to have kids. Noone forced you to get pregnant

 

[GeorgeP123]

I get really wound up by parents resenting the fact that as a child free couple who both work we can afford nice things!

The amount of times we get it thrown in our face about the fact we have nice cars, holidays (pre-covid), meals out, new clothes etc. And we are always being told "well we last went out 7 years ago" "we haven't had a proper holiday in 9 years" "I haven't had new trainers in 5 years because the kids need xyz"...yawn. that's why I have chosen not to have kids. Noone forced you to get pregnant

Exactly this. A lot of parents sort of guilt trip others from their childfree life. Because I'm also single I also get the "oh it will happen one day, when you least expect it" when I haven't even complained about being single. I get pity looks and talks from married people. I get the "oh you're only 33, time hasn't run out yet" meaning I can still have kids. Life isn't over yet! In reality I own my own house, have a secure stable job, friends, hobbies. My life isn't bad! But a lot of people think it is lol