I find the opposite my friends who don’t want children, want to talk about my kids and see them. plus they don’t judge my parenting, ones with kids are all oh I’d never let mine do that or you need to do thisThis thread has made me feel so much better. I am 28, childfree by choice and never intend to have kids and I feel very alone in this decision in my peer group.
I didn't always feel like this, but over the past couple of years I have done a total u-turn from wanting a kids to not wanting any. A lot of my friends have had babies recently and it really cemented my decision that having my own was just never going to be something I wanted. I value my career, being able to travel, make spontaneous plans and being able to spend the money I earn on enjoying myself and the things that I like. I will happily admit that I am too 'selfish' to have a child because I enjoy my life the way it is.
I am also quite an anxious person and the idea of having to worry about another human being who's needs and wellbeing are solely my responsibility is unbearable. My parents keeps telling me I will change my mind and how much they want grandchildren, which is really getting me down. I have achieved so much in my life that I am very proud of, and yet I feel like to them, nothing would be as good as if I were to have kids.
Another thing I have found, and I am quite curious if anyone else has experienced this, is that if you are childfree, it is also assumed that you can't stand children?! For me, this is not the case at all, and I absolutely love spending time with and spoiling my friends' children. I just love being able to hand them back to their parents!!
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couldn’t agree more! They’ve decided to spend there disposable income on crotch goblins, I decide to spend it on espresso martinis, handbags and whatever the heck takes my fancy
Quoting myself here, but I ask this because if i ever meet anyone once bars etc are open again and I start dating, do I need to bring it up straight away? I’m going to be in my mid-late 30s this year and I don’t want to waste my time. Or theirs!! I’ve been single for 3 years now after a long term relationship and he wanted kids in the future (that wasn’t why we broke up).
No I think that's a discussion for later. I hope If someone really loves someone they'd compromise? You could just casually drop it in lol but not early on.
I do have children, 2 of them. Completely unplanned as was always sure I didn't want kids from a very young age. Fell pregnant at 17 while on the pill and to say motherhood was a shock to me was a complete understatement.
Through choice, I became a single mother which I as had no desire to be in any long term relationship ever. Plus, the guy was too immature to handle being a parent.
However, my family couldn't understand why I didn't want to settle down and have more kids. My sister even stated that by staying single I was doing my child a dis-service by not "becoming a family" and giving my child a sibling. In my eyes, me and my daughter were our own little family.
Anyway, I ended up in a relationship that I kind of knew I didn't want. It was physically and mentally abusive and again, I ended up pregnant. Was a complete and utter shock and my partner at the time said I was selfish because I didn't want any more kids.
Took me a further 2 years after giving birth to finally get out of that relationship, but I had that guy stuck in my life for a further 10 years, still mentally abusing me the entire time if something didn't go his way.
My kids are older now, 22 and 16. And of course I love them, but do wonder what my life might have been if I hadn't become a mother, so completely understand people's decisions not to have children. Kids are hard work, they push you to your absolute limits and more, and I hate this whole bull nonsense that I'm supposed to say but they are absolutely worth every bit of the guilt, worry and anxiety that having kids causes, because you know what? Sometimes it isn't worth it.
I haven't lied to my kids and made up some bull story about them being planned. I've told them they were accidents and that being a mother is hard work, doesn't mean I dont love them. I just dealt with the hand I was given. Both my daughters are adamant that they don’t want kids and I fully support their decision without question.
No one has the right to question any woman on whether she does or doesn't want kids. As someone mentioned earlier, a woman can never win. If you don't have kids, you're seen as weird or selfish. If you have kids you're constantly asked when you're having another.
Sorry for the long post, which BTW, took me about 30 minutes to write because one of my daughters kept interrupting me. (Just pointing out that even when kids are older, I still don't get a minute to myself.)
Through choice, I became a single mother which I as had no desire to be in any long term relationship ever. Plus, the guy was too immature to handle being a parent.
However, my family couldn't understand why I didn't want to settle down and have more kids. My sister even stated that by staying single I was doing my child a dis-service by not "becoming a family" and giving my child a sibling. In my eyes, me and my daughter were our own little family.
Anyway, I ended up in a relationship that I kind of knew I didn't want. It was physically and mentally abusive and again, I ended up pregnant. Was a complete and utter shock and my partner at the time said I was selfish because I didn't want any more kids.
Took me a further 2 years after giving birth to finally get out of that relationship, but I had that guy stuck in my life for a further 10 years, still mentally abusing me the entire time if something didn't go his way.
My kids are older now, 22 and 16. And of course I love them, but do wonder what my life might have been if I hadn't become a mother, so completely understand people's decisions not to have children. Kids are hard work, they push you to your absolute limits and more, and I hate this whole bull nonsense that I'm supposed to say but they are absolutely worth every bit of the guilt, worry and anxiety that having kids causes, because you know what? Sometimes it isn't worth it.
I haven't lied to my kids and made up some bull story about them being planned. I've told them they were accidents and that being a mother is hard work, doesn't mean I dont love them. I just dealt with the hand I was given. Both my daughters are adamant that they don’t want kids and I fully support their decision without question.
No one has the right to question any woman on whether she does or doesn't want kids. As someone mentioned earlier, a woman can never win. If you don't have kids, you're seen as weird or selfish. If you have kids you're constantly asked when you're having another.
Sorry for the long post, which BTW, took me about 30 minutes to write because one of my daughters kept interrupting me. (Just pointing out that even when kids are older, I still don't get a minute to myself.)
Imo, this is something that should be talked about early on before any heavy feelings develop. Maybe not on a first date, but definitely pretty soon. That way no one can get hurt.
Having children is often a deeply rooted desire and too big a thing to compromise on. Honesty early on is the best and most respectful thing to do and saves you a lot heartache.
Oh right..I suppose I've never had this deep rooted desire so I wouldn't really know what it's like. But what if you give up the love of your life for a difference on wanting children? For example if I found the absolute love of my life, soulmate, and he was desperate for kids then I might compromise and have children. I have no desire to but I wouldn't want to deny my absolute love.
That’s what scares me!!
I agree. People always ask me when my and my fella are getting married. Like why does it affect your life. You don’t need to know
I’m childfree and 32 this year... if one more person says to me about my ticking clock... 
or asks about us having babies after we get married in June(
)
At the moment neither of us has an over whelming desire to have children, I’m not maternal and I’m far to selfish! We love travel and nice things
My friends have children (we are godparents to a couple) and we always take gifts have a “lovely” timego home and say thankgod we don’t have children. They are always moaning how they don’t have money and how we are always on holiday (oh post Covid life!)
But it’s the questioning I can’t stand, and my OH never gets asked, I don’t get why people can ask women such a personal question! We had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in April 2019, and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and I’ve not really told anyone... mostly because I didn’t want the sympathy and secondly as I didn’t really know how to feel about it, as terrible as that sounds, I think it took me by surprise as I hadn’t realised how common it was, but it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever gone through, the thought of that happening again petrifies me. In November 2019 we got a puppy, and I suppose I treat him as my baby (I know people hate that!).
The only time I have felt broody was this at Christmas (mostly because it was just the 2 of us due to Tier 4) and i turned to my other half and said “don’t you think Christmas would be better with a child” he looked at me in horror and asked if the bubbles had gone to my head
so who knows, I’m happy being childfree and the thought of bringing a child into this current mess of a world doesn’t appeal!
or asks about us having babies after we get married in June() At the moment neither of us has an over whelming desire to have children, I’m not maternal and I’m far to selfish! We love travel and nice things
My friends have children (we are godparents to a couple) and we always take gifts have a “lovely” timego home and say thankgod we don’t have children. They are always moaning how they don’t have money and how we are always on holiday (oh post Covid life!)But it’s the questioning I can’t stand, and my OH never gets asked, I don’t get why people can ask women such a personal question! We had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in April 2019, and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and I’ve not really told anyone... mostly because I didn’t want the sympathy and secondly as I didn’t really know how to feel about it, as terrible as that sounds, I think it took me by surprise as I hadn’t realised how common it was, but it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever gone through, the thought of that happening again petrifies me. In November 2019 we got a puppy, and I suppose I treat him as my baby (I know people hate that!).
The only time I have felt broody was this at Christmas (mostly because it was just the 2 of us due to Tier 4) and i turned to my other half and said “don’t you think Christmas would be better with a child” he looked at me in horror and asked if the bubbles had gone to my head
so who knows, I’m happy being childfree and the thought of bringing a child into this current mess of a world doesn’t appeal!
I understand what you’re saying but when it comes to kids that’s not really something were you can compromise? If you see what I mean. People always seem to think the other partner would change their mind “if they really loved them” and I don’t really think that’s very realistic. I do agree that it’s not something for a first date but definitely something to get out in the open before the relationship becomes serious.
It’s great that you’re thinking like this! Because it’s such a big deal and a make or break for a relationship, but I’d honestly not over think it too much. It’s quite easy for this kind of discussion to come up naturally from asking about friends, siblings, nieces, nephews etc. And from that the conversation can go quite naturally! I wouldn’t worry on a first date and to a lot of people being out and out I don’t want kids over a Nando’s and a Bev might be seen as a bit weird! Let the conversation flow and it’ll come up naturally
I'm a bloke who's pushing 30 and is still childless.
When making my decision to not have children the one thing I knew for sure was I could not and would not care for a child 24/7. So while my friends with kids are moaning on Facebook, I’m sitting here with no regrets 
It really surprised me that they weren't ok with having their children with them especially since most of them don't work.
It really surprised me that they weren't ok with having their children with them especially since most of them don't work.
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I think it's totally ok to be up front about it after a few dates and want to take it further and become exclusive, you're getting to find out if you share the same values and ultimately there are dealbreakers, and the kids thing is one of them.
Children cannot be compromised on, it's not like you can have one and return it to the store. A family friend married a guy who didn't want children (he was up front about it). He 'compromised' and they had one (she wanted more but he refused). This guy hates being a parent, doesn't want much to do in terms of family activities at all. Her FB profile pic is of one and her son, his is him alone. She's essentially a single parent living with her husband and no doubt it will have an effect on this child's emotional development.
Chelsea from The Financial Diet, who is childfree herself, uploaded a YT video today about being childfree. Lots of great conversations in the comments.
Happy to have found this thread! I’m 41, have been with my partner for 11 years, married for 3. I always assumed that one day I’d wake up with this huge urge to have a baby...but it never came. To be honest I’ve never been particularly interested in children, I have much older siblings so became an Aunt when I was 11 years old and even then I remember thinking that this may not be for me....
I think as me and my husband didn’t get together until our early 30s we felt like we had other things we wanted to do before we thought about kids...travel, buy a house etc. It was something we put off and put off until we both admitted we weren’t that fussed.
I definitely feel isolated from some friends who became parents but at the same time I do find that my feelings/problems aren’t seen as important...it’s kind of like a secret club you can’t be a member of!
I do have worries about being old and lonely but I still feel we’ve made the right choice.
I think as me and my husband didn’t get together until our early 30s we felt like we had other things we wanted to do before we thought about kids...travel, buy a house etc. It was something we put off and put off until we both admitted we weren’t that fussed.
I definitely feel isolated from some friends who became parents but at the same time I do find that my feelings/problems aren’t seen as important...it’s kind of like a secret club you can’t be a member of!
I do have worries about being old and lonely but I still feel we’ve made the right choice.
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